[it's comforting, this smell, and she breathes it in deep as she enters the unfamiliar room. it feels like it settles well on the nerves, and maybe tea will be good for her, since earlier today she had managed toast without prompting. maybe lunch will be fine today, if she can secretly retrieve something from the kitchen.]
Yes...though in their eyes, it's not cruel at all, because they're unaware of how they sound.
[when she has her cup, she holds it in her hands for a few seconds, to warm them.]
Do you have much experience with things like that?
( she's not a human after all—some people, no matter how real her feelings may be, would never see her as a real person. so of course their words would cut; something she needed to build a resilience to, and eventually, a slow but steady acceptance of. this, however, feels somewhat different from that. maple sets down the teapot, taking her own seat across from helena and settling herself in comfortably before she continues. )
But I still don't think it's any excuse. It isn't hard to see the way your words affect others. Once they do, I think it's only right that someone should apologize.
[she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to in any part of her body. but if she was in the wrong, she trusts Maple to say it to her directly, and not shield her from the truth.]
( it's an answer that comes as naturally as anything. maple certainly doesn't make a habit of apologizing to others when they act out in ways that hurt her—not unless she's in the midst of crying already. why would she? when she hasn't done anything wrong, and that's the only thing that warrants an apology in the first place. )
It's the person who hurt you who should apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, Helena.
( maple shakes her head, glancing up to meet helena's eyes with a smile. )
Of course not. ( again, as easily as if it's the only answer there is. ) There's no shame in your feelings. They're there to guide you, you know, and you truly cared for those two. I can tell.
( in part, because of that very loss of control. setting her teacup down momentarily, maple tilts her head with an expectant look to her. )
Do you regret standing up for yourself and for them?
( though it seems as though she wishes she could have. maple takes a sip of her own tea in turn, sweet on her tongue, before she continues. )
Even if you could help it, I don't think there's any point in covering those things up. If you're sad, you should cry. If you're happy, you should laugh. If you're angry, you should be angry. That's how people will understand how you're feeling. It's how you can come to understand one another, don't you think?
( it's a simple way of thinking, perhaps, but it's what hiyori had taught her all the same. as an ai who's defined by her emotions, there's no other view she could possibly have. )
[...she doesn't know Maple like she does Shin. can't crack open her heart and pull out the words in there that want to corrode her, that hold her as tightly as an embrace. but she can try to frame it nicely, to see what the other girl thinks - to put it in a framework where they can understand each other.]
Sometimes...it's better if you do cover it, though. Sometimes you can't cry if you want to, you can't be angry even if you're full of it. Because there's something more that's needed at the moment. Like that meeting...it would have been better, maybe, if I hadn't let my anger out, because other people besides me need to grieve. I'm not the only person who misses them, after all.
[this much, she can borrow from the past. it's still true.]
Sometimes it's better to smile for the sake of others. You can still understand them, by knowing what they need from you.
But what about you, Helena...? It's good to get along with others, but your feelings are just as important as theirs.
( arguably more so, being someone who maple has taken an interest in. in any case, maple asserts this much with certainty; she truly believes in the importance of one's own feelings.
...
she can try another approach. )
Ranger was also quite upset about what happened.
( and he makes a perfect example to maple, as someone who arguably lashed out much more sharply than helena herself. )
[because Ranger isn't someone she has control over. and as far as she knows, he hasn't built up her same reputation. he doesn't have to be quiet, and sensible, and patient with people if he doesn't want to.]
But Mr. Ranger and I are different people. I can't compare us in the same way.
It's true that you're different, but you're both people.
( at their hearts they are, even if one is a human and the other a doll. they both have feelings, and ways they navigate the world in the wake of their loss and grief. her questions aren't necessarily rhetorical though, and there's genuine curiosity as she continues. )
Do you think that Ranger getting upset took away from your opportunity to grieve?
No. He had every right to speak his mind, actually - and on some points, I agree with him. '
[it was why she intended to find him, to thank him later for his arguments and to let him know he has support.
she can see where Maple is going, and it makes her uncomfortable, because there's a gap she can't reconcile, other than to say this is me, that is them. it twists, even as she sips the tea. it makes her feel more hollow. like something is wrong, only she can't name it.]
Even though Sara and the others didn't listen to him. They thought he was being cruel, but it must have been reassuring to hear someone else who understood your feelings. Am I wrong?
( because there were only so many people there who were willing to understand the lengths that their friend had gone to. while maple finds the whole ordeal quite sad... she has faith in ranger and his judgements. she understands how cruel sara can be. she believes in helena too, and how she wanted better for her friends—a better path, and kinder considerations of why they did what they did. that's why maple is on her side. why she wants to reassure her somehow that her actions were correct. )
The two of you, and Nagito... You wanted to believe in your friend. To hear the others saying such terrible things about them, I wonder if your anger might have been reassuring for Nagito or Ranger in the same way.
[reassuring? there's a word she hadn't thought to ascribe to her actions. her face shows her pause, her consideration, because it's true - she had found his anger a comfort. his words, Nagito's pushing people to see the hope in the situation - they had been bracing, even if people weren't entirely agreeing with them at the moment.]
There's no way to know that, unless I asked them.
[but she could. she knows the both of them well enough for that.]
...It's just...not expected, if I'm upset like that in front of everyone. I don't want to apologize for what I said, but another part of me feels terrible that they saw it. That's where I am.
If others are being cruel, then they should expect you to get upset. Your emotions are one way to show that you care about something.
( for the people, too. maple knows that she wouldn't stand for the slander of hiyori, or ranger, but perhaps her bias is here, because she knows exactly what to expect from those who were arguing against the three of them. they're mean and cruel people... underhanded and selfish. helena, on the other hand, has been nothing but kind—that's why her feelings are valid, and she has every right to express them if she so chooses. )
Your friends should believe in you even if they don't understand at first, and listen to you when you're upset so that they can. Even you want to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong, Helena, so if they can't apologize for saying hurtful things that made you feel that way, then they must not be very good friends. Don't you agree?
[sipping her tea again, she wishes she understood this feeling, this mismatched wrongness in her chest. if what Maple's saying is true, why can't she accept it? why is it difficult to think that there's more logic in expressing one's emotions, when she would certainly tell anyone else they can do the same?
she probably looks vaguely sorrowful, or thinking far too hard.]
Miss Furude isn't my friend.
[a gentle correction, instead of answering the question.]
Miss Furude isn't the only one who was saying hurtful things.
( echoing miss furude because maple doesn't know her name, actually. )
If others don't want to hear how you feel, it isn't your fault for feeling it. Just like you worry about the emotions of the people around you, I think that they should be aware of how their words affect others as well. Isn't that too big of a responsibility for you to bear alone?
honestly, she doesn't know how she feels about hearing that said so plainly. that candid statement, and she closes her eyes, her signal that she wants to conceal her emotions a little more from someone. how to extract herself from this without saying the wrong thing. the wheels in her head can practically be heard, they're spinning so loud, and she wishes Maple had asked her something easier.
of course it's big. but she's used to it, she has been for so long.]
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no subject
Yes...though in their eyes, it's not cruel at all, because they're unaware of how they sound.
[when she has her cup, she holds it in her hands for a few seconds, to warm them.]
Do you have much experience with things like that?
no subject
( she's not a human after all—some people, no matter how real her feelings may be, would never see her as a real person. so of course their words would cut; something she needed to build a resilience to, and eventually, a slow but steady acceptance of. this, however, feels somewhat different from that. maple sets down the teapot, taking her own seat across from helena and settling herself in comfortably before she continues. )
But I still don't think it's any excuse. It isn't hard to see the way your words affect others. Once they do, I think it's only right that someone should apologize.
no subject
[she doesn't want to. she doesn't want to in any part of her body. but if she was in the wrong, she trusts Maple to say it to her directly, and not shield her from the truth.]
no subject
( it's an answer that comes as naturally as anything. maple certainly doesn't make a habit of apologizing to others when they act out in ways that hurt her—not unless she's in the midst of crying already. why would she? when she hasn't done anything wrong, and that's the only thing that warrants an apology in the first place. )
It's the person who hurt you who should apologize. You didn't do anything wrong, Helena.
no subject
Didn't I, though? I acted quite harshly...shamefully. I lost control in front of everyone.
[isn't that bad and wrong? what does she do, if no apology is needed?]
no subject
Of course not. ( again, as easily as if it's the only answer there is. ) There's no shame in your feelings. They're there to guide you, you know, and you truly cared for those two. I can tell.
( in part, because of that very loss of control. setting her teacup down momentarily, maple tilts her head with an expectant look to her. )
Do you regret standing up for yourself and for them?
no subject
[she sips at the brew - it's warm, and it feels like it wants to go down, fill the empty space in her chest.]
There are ways to do that without raising my voice. Without harsh words.
no subject
( though it seems as though she wishes she could have. maple takes a sip of her own tea in turn, sweet on her tongue, before she continues. )
Even if you could help it, I don't think there's any point in covering those things up. If you're sad, you should cry. If you're happy, you should laugh. If you're angry, you should be angry. That's how people will understand how you're feeling. It's how you can come to understand one another, don't you think?
( it's a simple way of thinking, perhaps, but it's what hiyori had taught her all the same. as an ai who's defined by her emotions, there's no other view she could possibly have. )
no subject
Sometimes...it's better if you do cover it, though. Sometimes you can't cry if you want to, you can't be angry even if you're full of it. Because there's something more that's needed at the moment. Like that meeting...it would have been better, maybe, if I hadn't let my anger out, because other people besides me need to grieve. I'm not the only person who misses them, after all.
[this much, she can borrow from the past. it's still true.]
Sometimes it's better to smile for the sake of others. You can still understand them, by knowing what they need from you.
no subject
( arguably more so, being someone who maple has taken an interest in. in any case, maple asserts this much with certainty; she truly believes in the importance of one's own feelings.
...
she can try another approach. )
Ranger was also quite upset about what happened.
( and he makes a perfect example to maple, as someone who arguably lashed out much more sharply than helena herself. )
Do you blame him for that?
no subject
[because Ranger isn't someone she has control over. and as far as she knows, he hasn't built up her same reputation. he doesn't have to be quiet, and sensible, and patient with people if he doesn't want to.]
But Mr. Ranger and I are different people. I can't compare us in the same way.
no subject
( at their hearts they are, even if one is a human and the other a doll. they both have feelings, and ways they navigate the world in the wake of their loss and grief. her questions aren't necessarily rhetorical though, and there's genuine curiosity as she continues. )
Do you think that Ranger getting upset took away from your opportunity to grieve?
no subject
[it was why she intended to find him, to thank him later for his arguments and to let him know he has support.
she can see where Maple is going, and it makes her uncomfortable, because there's a gap she can't reconcile, other than to say this is me, that is them. it twists, even as she sips the tea. it makes her feel more hollow. like something is wrong, only she can't name it.]
no subject
( because there were only so many people there who were willing to understand the lengths that their friend had gone to. while maple finds the whole ordeal quite sad... she has faith in ranger and his judgements. she understands how cruel sara can be. she believes in helena too, and how she wanted better for her friends—a better path, and kinder considerations of why they did what they did. that's why maple is on her side. why she wants to reassure her somehow that her actions were correct. )
The two of you, and Nagito... You wanted to believe in your friend. To hear the others saying such terrible things about them, I wonder if your anger might have been reassuring for Nagito or Ranger in the same way.
no subject
There's no way to know that, unless I asked them.
[but she could. she knows the both of them well enough for that.]
...It's just...not expected, if I'm upset like that in front of everyone. I don't want to apologize for what I said, but another part of me feels terrible that they saw it. That's where I am.
no subject
( for the people, too. maple knows that she wouldn't stand for the slander of hiyori, or ranger, but perhaps her bias is here, because she knows exactly what to expect from those who were arguing against the three of them. they're mean and cruel people... underhanded and selfish. helena, on the other hand, has been nothing but kind—that's why her feelings are valid, and she has every right to express them if she so chooses. )
Your friends should believe in you even if they don't understand at first, and listen to you when you're upset so that they can. Even you want to apologize when you didn't do anything wrong, Helena, so if they can't apologize for saying hurtful things that made you feel that way, then they must not be very good friends. Don't you agree?
no subject
she probably looks vaguely sorrowful, or thinking far too hard.]
Miss Furude isn't my friend.
[a gentle correction, instead of answering the question.]
no subject
( echoing miss furude because maple doesn't know her name, actually. )
If others don't want to hear how you feel, it isn't your fault for feeling it. Just like you worry about the emotions of the people around you, I think that they should be aware of how their words affect others as well. Isn't that too big of a responsibility for you to bear alone?
no subject
honestly, she doesn't know how she feels about hearing that said so plainly. that candid statement, and she closes her eyes, her signal that she wants to conceal her emotions a little more from someone. how to extract herself from this without saying the wrong thing. the wheels in her head can practically be heard, they're spinning so loud, and she wishes Maple had asked her something easier.
of course it's big. but she's used to it, she has been for so long.]