who: Helena and others! what: March catchall log when: All month where: Across campus warnings: Potential gore, body horror, psychological horror in dreamscapes.
[ he claps his hands together suddenly before pushing his palms against the rocks, moving to stand up. ]
I don't die. And you don't have what it takes to kill me. So I'm here, and you shouldn't be here. It kinda sucks, cuz I don't think either of us wanna be here, yeah?
[ he rolls his eyes, moving his hands toward his waist — there's no spear there, even though there should be. that's his role, after all.
what good is he otherwise, in this position and this environment.
still, he's all too aware of where he is. ]
You should leave. Unless you want her to do whatever with your body. I don't care.
[he's...too calm, she thinks. lacking a certain edge, as if someone filed it down off him. it's unsettling, unnerves her more than sitting and wearing her own blood.]
How can you be so sure I shouldn't be here when I'm not even certain where here is?
[it's a little irritated, cracking through that acceptance that death brings to her, but if they're going to talk circles, then do that - don't suddenly take a right angle.]
[ his tone almost irritated himself in the next second, like he's snapping out of whatever trance he's in. dito rolls his eyes as he shrugs his arms. ]
It's the friggin' Land of Seas. Duh. Ruled by Five? She's either gonna gut you or fuck you.
[ a beat, as he considers that particular scenario. ]
— Nah, she'll gut you either way. She doesn't have any kind of thought up here [ he says, tapping at his own temple with an index finger for accentuation ], but she'll sure as shit get you. Wish she'd drop dead already.
[ he mumbles, eyes scanning up and down helena before he finally laughs. ]
Wish she looked like you! God, what a sight! Fucking drenched in blood like that... You really look great, you know? I want her dead, I want you dead, I want everyone dead— It really doesn't get better than that!
[there's the Dito she knows. there's the edge back on him, as if her questioning broke off the dullness, renewed his passion to kill everything around him. but his words don't entirely make sense - this is not a place she knows, and it's a place he knows, which lends more security to the idea that she's crossed a few paths for the moment. it'll sort itself out, but how vexing, to be here.
dead, there's a safety in that. even if his twisted compliment rings wrong, a key out of tune, and her head turns back towards the sea - she doesn't need to hold it there to have a conversation, it's just a sighted courtesy. someone unknown out for her blood, she can handle that, take that information in stride.]
...Why did you fail to kill her?
[because of course he's tried to kill her. that's the sort of person Dito is - him failing is always due to circumstance, even though it doesn't dull the desire in his heart. maybe she ran away, like Helena has - maybe she's strong enough to fight back. maybe something intervened, and his plans got thrown awry.]
[ helena can't see the way his eyes dilate — the way they widen slightly as his expression falls flat. his nose wrinkles slightly at the question, but that's all he does insomuch as a reaction, his shoulders slackening slightly as he thinks about it.
not that he needs to, since he knows why, and it only makes him angry.
he wishes he had a weapon right now. something, something to tear into any nearby flesh and formulate the current feelings welling up so strongly within his chest.
ah, he hates this.
he turns his head to the side, spitting toward the ground as if to eradicate a repulsive taste in his mouth.
or just to be a prick. either, or. it suits him.
for a second, it's like a haze in his head. then he remembers — this isn't real. she's not alive. he's not actually here. and most importantly— ]
She's dead, she's dead, she's dead!
[ he sounds excited, crossing his arms to grab each of his shoulders as he laughs. ]
This isn't real! I totally already killed her, and it was great—
[ his heart beats faster, and he sounds a little too excited as it all rushes back to him.
yes, of course. this isn't real. he's already far past this bullshit. ]
I went over it, again and again and again... How I'd kill her, how I'd rip her disgusting flesh off her bones, how I'd pull her throat out and make her moan for me like that— Hahaha, can you imagine? Someone moaning with their damn throat pulled out of them? I though of it. A lot.
[ he's almost getting a little too excited, turning more flushed and speaking faster and faster as he goes over all of this to helena. it's almost like she isn't even there at this point, but like he's snapping himself out of this dream itself.
but still, he seems excessively excited about knowing how everything turned out. like he's proud to repeat it. ]
I had to deal with her shit for so long. She's like a goddess, y'know? I can't do shit except what she told me to.
[ he snickers suddenly. ]
— But she didn't tell me to slice her ridiculous fun-bags in half, that's for sure! She's a sack of meat now, all thanks to me... Isn't that great? Ah-hahaha...
[the disconnect is jarring, from Dito's elation at the fact that that woman is dead - that he did it, eventually, she assumes - into the odd response. like something has a foothold in his mind, and doesn't want to let him free. that would explain his behavior, if that's really so, affecting his memory enough to make someone dead but living. someone living but dead.
still, she can pull the pieces out, and line them up. if he was being told what to do, then that explains why he couldn't kill her - because she probably told him not to, and thus he was thwarted. whether it was actually terrible enough to warrant her death or whether it was Dito chafing at any bonds put on him, she doesn't know. and yet, Helena knows herself, knows she'll want to believe that him getting his freedom even through such means would be for the best. knows there will be some doubt there on if he's a full fledged monster, or one goaded on. bad things get worse under the right circumstances.
the air oppresses, as if it wants to keep one docile. maybe...maybe he has to snap out of it again. maybe she has to keep pushing, putting her hand in an old wound, to remove what's amiss. maybe that's why she was sent to wait here, if you believe in things like fate.]
If she's dead, then there's nothing to keep you here, if you'd rather be gone. You have your own will to abide by.
[reason says only his own wishes bind him to this land. if his master's dead, then that makes him a free man - not bound to her commands not obliged to be anywhere or do anything he didn't want. of course, one could argue a Dito that took orders was better for everyone else around him, but she's trying to have that amount of sympathy. he deserves that much.]
[ helena's presence really bothers him in a way he doesn't expect. he thinks about her words for a second, face blank again like he's processing everything like a doll. like he's stuck between his own volition and a certain emptiness that excudes throughout him — whether or not five is dead, he realizes.
there's really only one thing that makes him feel invigorated. ]
Haaaah...
[ he laughs, in a drawn out, unhinged manner. ]
I'm sick of it, y'know? This thick, smothering air. The way it sticks onto your skin, all sticky and salty and...ugh.
[ he shudders ]
If I had it my way—
[ yeah, he would rather be gone.
he looks down at his gloved hands for a moment, wondering if it's that easy to just leave. of course, if she's dead, he doesn't have anyone controlling him. he can just up and do whatever. it's what he wants. he wants to do whatever, and he wants to do a lot of carnage to satisfy himself.
— this is confusing.
he runs a hand through his hair, annoyed at how his fringe has been slightly clinging to his forehead in this environment. it makes his glare more apparent as he stares down helena. ]
Where'd you come from? All drenched like that? I wanna go there.
[ hell, he wants to add to the blood. he has the ability to do so, and of course he wants to make the most of it. he's got so much anger and bloodlust to make up for, after all. ]
[her words are automatic, sharper than intended. but he doesn't know, and it's not the paradise he would think - that is, of course, if he's not a hunter. but even hunters fall victim to the cycle. it's the same path, and surely, that can't hold too much joy, after enough circles]
If I don't belong here, you definitely don't belong there. Not unless you want to get killed.
[because if the dice didn't roll in his favor, he'd be like the rest of them. where all you could do was run. most of this blood is her own - and he's too obvious a choice. a control group, really.]
[ he doesn't have his spear on him right now, but even so... he shrugs. ]
I'm not gonna die that easy. Unlike you.
[ his eyes widen slightly as he looks up and down helena again, and he's honestly far too curious about how she became so adorned in his favorite color ever. ]
— Or not, since you're still around.
[ he crosses his arms, taking a step forward. ]
What's got you looking like that, anyway? I know you didn't kill someone...
[it's a simple answer, if he bothers to follow all his thoughts to a conclusion. it's an answer she doesn't mind sharing, since the evidence clings to her, sticky and grotesque and drying in a way that means she'll have to scrub at her skin to get rid of it.
it's already happened. what use in hiding it? her cane rests across her lap, loosely held, and the air makes her own hair cling a little, heavier now.]
You had it right the first time. I've gone and died yet again. Me being here is just temporary, until I'm called back to life in that place.
he tilts his head inquisitively, unable to take his eyes off helena. it's almost unfair, considering that she can't even see him in turn.
a scoff. ]
I already know you're too resilient for your own good. You just won't fuckin' die. But you're not exactly suited for survival, either. So what's the deal?
[ dito takes another step toward helena, arms uncrossing as he moves to throw them behind his head in an egregiously fake show of indifference. ]
What is it you're even here for?
[ even his previous mistresses could tell him as much.
even if the answers were stupid to him.
except zero's, but... hers was always a fool's errand, regardless.
not that his own isn't either, but considering where he's ended up for the past year...he doesn't think he's doing too badly. he's still alive, after all. he's still seeing blood, and ugliness, and guts, and...everything!
so he can't complain.
or at least he shouldn't. but then people like helena come around, and he can't help but get like this. ]
[she turns her head back his direction, so he can see her expressions again, particularly how her eyebrows raise at this question. she's still sitting, though, unwilling to give up her spot while he sorts out whatever thoughts he's having. hasn't he ever heard of things just happening in dreams? does there need to be something more?
(her standing there in that other school, asking him Is "because I wished to" so unsatisfactory?)
clearly, she's not here for her own sake. there's a thousand places she could be sent to wait while her body is repaired, while time ticks over. clearly, he won't accept a coincidence, wavering path overlapping with his own for a little while. that leaves really only one solid answer, doesn't it?]
Maybe I'm here for you.
[strange as that idea is.]
Because you wanted to talk to someone. Because you needed to remember that all of this isn't real, that you're free, and you couldn't do it on your own.
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no subject
[ he claps his hands together suddenly before pushing his palms against the rocks, moving to stand up. ]
I don't die. And you don't have what it takes to kill me. So I'm here, and you shouldn't be here. It kinda sucks, cuz I don't think either of us wanna be here, yeah?
[ he rolls his eyes, moving his hands toward his waist — there's no spear there, even though there should be. that's his role, after all.
what good is he otherwise, in this position and this environment.
still, he's all too aware of where he is. ]
You should leave. Unless you want her to do whatever with your body. I don't care.
no subject
[he's...too calm, she thinks. lacking a certain edge, as if someone filed it down off him. it's unsettling, unnerves her more than sitting and wearing her own blood.]
How can you be so sure I shouldn't be here when I'm not even certain where here is?
[it's a little irritated, cracking through that acceptance that death brings to her, but if they're going to talk circles, then do that - don't suddenly take a right angle.]
no subject
It's the friggin' Land of Seas. Duh. Ruled by Five? She's either gonna gut you or fuck you.
[ a beat, as he considers that particular scenario. ]
— Nah, she'll gut you either way. She doesn't have any kind of thought up here [ he says, tapping at his own temple with an index finger for accentuation ], but she'll sure as shit get you. Wish she'd drop dead already.
[ he mumbles, eyes scanning up and down helena before he finally laughs. ]
Wish she looked like you! God, what a sight! Fucking drenched in blood like that... You really look great, you know? I want her dead, I want you dead, I want everyone dead— It really doesn't get better than that!
no subject
dead, there's a safety in that. even if his twisted compliment rings wrong, a key out of tune, and her head turns back towards the sea - she doesn't need to hold it there to have a conversation, it's just a sighted courtesy. someone unknown out for her blood, she can handle that, take that information in stride.]
...Why did you fail to kill her?
[because of course he's tried to kill her. that's the sort of person Dito is - him failing is always due to circumstance, even though it doesn't dull the desire in his heart. maybe she ran away, like Helena has - maybe she's strong enough to fight back. maybe something intervened, and his plans got thrown awry.]
1/2 christ
not that he needs to, since he knows why, and it only makes him angry.
he wishes he had a weapon right now. something, something to tear into any nearby flesh and formulate the current feelings welling up so strongly within his chest.
ah, he hates this.
he turns his head to the side, spitting toward the ground as if to eradicate a repulsive taste in his mouth.
or just to be a prick. either, or. it suits him.
for a second, it's like a haze in his head. then he remembers — this isn't real. she's not alive. he's not actually here. and most importantly— ]
She's dead, she's dead, she's dead!
[ he sounds excited, crossing his arms to grab each of his shoulders as he laughs. ]
This isn't real! I totally already killed her, and it was great—
[ his heart beats faster, and he sounds a little too excited as it all rushes back to him.
yes, of course. this isn't real. he's already far past this bullshit. ]
I went over it, again and again and again... How I'd kill her, how I'd rip her disgusting flesh off her bones, how I'd pull her throat out and make her moan for me like that— Hahaha, can you imagine? Someone moaning with their damn throat pulled out of them? I though of it. A lot.
[ he's almost getting a little too excited, turning more flushed and speaking faster and faster as he goes over all of this to helena. it's almost like she isn't even there at this point, but like he's snapping himself out of this dream itself.
but still, he seems excessively excited about knowing how everything turned out. like he's proud to repeat it. ]
I had to deal with her shit for so long. She's like a goddess, y'know? I can't do shit except what she told me to.
[ he snickers suddenly. ]
— But she didn't tell me to slice her ridiculous fun-bags in half, that's for sure! She's a sack of meat now, all thanks to me... Isn't that great? Ah-hahaha...
2/2
— dito straightens up slightly, face turning more puzzled. ]
I guess... I couldn't kill her for a while.
[ this fog is annoying. ]
no subject
still, she can pull the pieces out, and line them up. if he was being told what to do, then that explains why he couldn't kill her - because she probably told him not to, and thus he was thwarted. whether it was actually terrible enough to warrant her death or whether it was Dito chafing at any bonds put on him, she doesn't know. and yet, Helena knows herself, knows she'll want to believe that him getting his freedom even through such means would be for the best. knows there will be some doubt there on if he's a full fledged monster, or one goaded on. bad things get worse under the right circumstances.
the air oppresses, as if it wants to keep one docile. maybe...maybe he has to snap out of it again. maybe she has to keep pushing, putting her hand in an old wound, to remove what's amiss. maybe that's why she was sent to wait here, if you believe in things like fate.]
If she's dead, then there's nothing to keep you here, if you'd rather be gone. You have your own will to abide by.
[reason says only his own wishes bind him to this land. if his master's dead, then that makes him a free man - not bound to her commands not obliged to be anywhere or do anything he didn't want. of course, one could argue a Dito that took orders was better for everyone else around him, but she's trying to have that amount of sympathy. he deserves that much.]
no subject
there's really only one thing that makes him feel invigorated. ]
Haaaah...
[ he laughs, in a drawn out, unhinged manner. ]
I'm sick of it, y'know? This thick, smothering air. The way it sticks onto your skin, all sticky and salty and...ugh.
[ he shudders ]
If I had it my way—
[ yeah, he would rather be gone.
he looks down at his gloved hands for a moment, wondering if it's that easy to just leave. of course, if she's dead, he doesn't have anyone controlling him. he can just up and do whatever. it's what he wants. he wants to do whatever, and he wants to do a lot of carnage to satisfy himself.
— this is confusing.
he runs a hand through his hair, annoyed at how his fringe has been slightly clinging to his forehead in this environment. it makes his glare more apparent as he stares down helena. ]
Where'd you come from? All drenched like that? I wanna go there.
[ hell, he wants to add to the blood. he has the ability to do so, and of course he wants to make the most of it. he's got so much anger and bloodlust to make up for, after all. ]
no subject
[her words are automatic, sharper than intended. but he doesn't know, and it's not the paradise he would think - that is, of course, if he's not a hunter. but even hunters fall victim to the cycle. it's the same path, and surely, that can't hold too much joy, after enough circles]
If I don't belong here, you definitely don't belong there. Not unless you want to get killed.
[because if the dice didn't roll in his favor, he'd be like the rest of them. where all you could do was run. most of this blood is her own - and he's too obvious a choice. a control group, really.]
no subject
[ he doesn't have his spear on him right now, but even so... he shrugs. ]
I'm not gonna die that easy. Unlike you.
[ his eyes widen slightly as he looks up and down helena again, and he's honestly far too curious about how she became so adorned in his favorite color ever. ]
— Or not, since you're still around.
[ he crosses his arms, taking a step forward. ]
What's got you looking like that, anyway? I know you didn't kill someone...
no subject
it's already happened. what use in hiding it? her cane rests across her lap, loosely held, and the air makes her own hair cling a little, heavier now.]
You had it right the first time. I've gone and died yet again. Me being here is just temporary, until I'm called back to life in that place.
[not a walking corpse, but not alive either.]
no subject
[ dito mutters, his voice even for once.
he tilts his head inquisitively, unable to take his eyes off helena. it's almost unfair, considering that she can't even see him in turn.
a scoff. ]
I already know you're too resilient for your own good. You just won't fuckin' die. But you're not exactly suited for survival, either. So what's the deal?
[ dito takes another step toward helena, arms uncrossing as he moves to throw them behind his head in an egregiously fake show of indifference. ]
What is it you're even here for?
[ even his previous mistresses could tell him as much.
even if the answers were stupid to him.
except zero's, but... hers was always a fool's errand, regardless.
not that his own isn't either, but considering where he's ended up for the past year...he doesn't think he's doing too badly. he's still alive, after all. he's still seeing blood, and ugliness, and guts, and...everything!
so he can't complain.
or at least he shouldn't. but then people like helena come around, and he can't help but get like this. ]
no subject
(her standing there in that other school, asking him Is "because I wished to" so unsatisfactory?)
clearly, she's not here for her own sake. there's a thousand places she could be sent to wait while her body is repaired, while time ticks over. clearly, he won't accept a coincidence, wavering path overlapping with his own for a little while. that leaves really only one solid answer, doesn't it?]
Maybe I'm here for you.
[strange as that idea is.]
Because you wanted to talk to someone. Because you needed to remember that all of this isn't real, that you're free, and you couldn't do it on your own.