Entry tags:
[OPEN+CLOSED] don't you let go
Who: Add & others
When: March
What: yogen divorce arc aka catch-all for the month
Warnings: depression!! possibly some suicidal ideation at some point. will update if needed!
((Open/closed prompts will be marked appropriately in the comments, format (prose/brackets) doesn't matter to me so I'll match with w/e. If you'd like to thread something out that isn't covered here, feel free to hit me up on plurk at
BlueFlewFedUQueen, ping me through the game discord, or send me a PM!
For dream event stuff, please see my toplevel here yonder!))
When: March
What: yogen divorce arc aka catch-all for the month
Warnings: depression!! possibly some suicidal ideation at some point. will update if needed!
((Open/closed prompts will be marked appropriately in the comments, format (prose/brackets) doesn't matter to me so I'll match with w/e. If you'd like to thread something out that isn't covered here, feel free to hit me up on plurk at
For dream event stuff, please see my toplevel here yonder!))
closed to CR/plotting, March 5th
He doesn't want to show his face, so going back to his room is out of the question... the workshop is also too obvious. Not this soon. So instead he picks a place he's sure no one will bother looking, which turns out to be the side of the school roof that's inaccessible from the stairs. He sits with his back to the clock tower, knees pulled up to his chest along with a small pot of dirt in his arms, a few sprouts just barely starting to poke out of it again.
and... waits? for this to blow over? for the annoying tightness in his chest to go away? he's not sure, so maybe he'll just wait until he forgets what he was so mad about.]
ay
of course kaede would.
it's the last place she decides to try, since nothing had shown on the more accessible side of the roof... to some, climbing while wearing a skirt would be the definition of a bad idea, but to her, it's actually quite convenient! it's also very dangerous for her to be doing this! her upper body strength? shit! her finger grip? absolutely insane! it's fine! she's making her way up, pulling herself clumsily onto the roof with a grunt of exertion.
...
okay.
she brushes herself off as she stands, looking around to spot where add is, and seeing at least something sitting against the clock tower is enough for her to tread closer. ah, that's him alright.]
... Add-kun. [it's not a pitying tone, it's not an angry one. it's more of a curious, questioning sort.] Is this seat taken?
yo
He stares, but by the time she addresses him he's looking away again, gaze firmly locked on his knees.]
It was her fault for getting in the way... she'll be fine, a distortion like that is hardly anything at all. I'm not going to apologize.
[it's not at all what she asked, but it's what he assumes she's here for. he doesn't feel guilty at all, or worried, of course not.]
u come here often
[since she doesn't know who else would, and sara's her roommate. kaede takes it as no one else is sitting here though and slants her legs aside as she takes a seat a few feet in front of him, brushing her skirt down.]
She was more worried about you than herself, you know.
[though it'd been a shock to see for sure.]
looks up, well it is my catch all so yeah actually
he scoffs, burying that unpleasant thought away. no, that's not important, Sara is usually that stubborn... she probably was worried about him. that's just the kind of person she is.]
... you can tell her I'm fine. It's not like I'm the one who got hurt.
no subject
[because apparently she isn't leaving.]
... I don't know what happened, [what was said, who's at fault in the end,] but you didn't mean to hurt her. That much I'm sure of. So I don't think you're the one that needs to apologize at all, Add-kun.
no subject
logically, he should just accept her words, but... it doesn't sit right. he lifts his head again, feeling like he's walking into some kind of trap but he's at least going to do so with confidence.]
It wasn't meant for her, but I still meant it. I meant everything I said. [that Komaeda should kill himself and get shoved into the void, that meeting him was a mistake, also the part about Amami being a selfish jerk... he's not taking any of it back.]
Shouldn't apologize... tch, if you don't know what happened, then stay out of it. This has nothing to do with you.
no subject
[it doesn't have anything to do with her, but sara asked-- so it has that much to do with her. if it involves her friend, then she's going to involve herself.]
no subject
[he sighs, putting his head down again. if he has to explain it... he'll sound stupid, childish. "I told Komaeda to die because he called me selfish"? "I attacked him because I was mad he wanted the last word"? he knows what his actions must look like, he knows, because he knows he's not a good person. he's selfish, he's violent, he hates being told what to do...
if she agreed with him, he still wouldn't be happy. he wants her to tell him he's wrong, Komaeda's right, so he can get mad again and push everyone away. he wants everyone to turn against him. only when everyone agrees that he's wrong can he call himself right, his actions correctβbad people do bad things, just tell him he's bad so he can stop feeling anxious about it and move on. why does everyone have to make this so difficult?
he's not afraid, he's not lonely. it's supposed to be this way. he was wrong for trying to change, to think he could.]
Keke... he said something annoying, so I did it to shut him up. That's all there is to say about it.
no subject
Would you still have come up here if you'd shut him up? Or is it just because you hurt someone that wasn't involved?
[does he feel bad about it? which part? the lashing out, or who he ended up hurting in it?]
no subject
he hugs the flower pot a little tighter, digging his fingers into the clay until they start to hurt.]
Who says they're related? Noisy... I was leaving anyway. It's not like anyone wanted me to stay.
no subject
[save komaeda, maybe, but it didn't seem like a lot of people minded add there. there'd been more of an explosion with rika, bonnie, and helena. it had been a quiet affair otherwise, with minimal explosives and a lot of smoldering fuses threatening to be relit. the fact that some of them had been, in their own ways, was just frustrations and grief on either ends.]
Are you and Sara friends?
no subject
[... but she's not wrong, either. really... he'd been quiet most of the meeting, up until Komaeda said something annoying. but it's not everyone else's opinions that he cares about. only the few that matter.
friends, though... just when he'd been starting to warm up to the word, ugh.]
I don't dislike her. Tch, if she's that type of person... she'd probably answer yes, even after all that. Loyal pawns have their uses...
no subject
And what were you using her for, exactly?
no subject
["I'm such a master manipulator, I told her my only weakness and she promised to only kill me with it once"? ... well, she did give him some blackmail in return for that... but he doesn't really want to say that, because then Kaede might ask what it is or tell Sara he mentioned it and even if he doesn't say what her secret is...
it's so unconvincing, even Add knows he's lying out his ass. what was he using her for, huh? what has she really done for him that can be quantified? why does he enjoy her company when it provides no tangible benefits to him? why not get close to someone more useful, more powerful?
he already knows the answer... he just hates admitting to it. it sounds so lame and pathetic. he's not saying that out loud.]
What does it matter? I'll use her when I feel like it... if that's a problem for you, tell her to pick her friends more carefully.
no subject
[sara'd probably tell her the same thing. but the pause before tells her more than what add says himself, and her sheepish smile remains.]
I think she'd be very happy to hear you say friends, though. Will you come by and see how she's doing later?
no subject
... or maybe useful. Add seems to relax, just a little, even if the topic is still an uncomfortable one.]
I... don't want to see her. [what would he even say? she might've already forgiven him, but that doesn't make it any easier to face her... so instead of addressing any of That, he looks up to face Kaede with a serious expression.] Do you think he was acting selfishly? Or selflessly?
[obviously, he's talking about Amami.]
no subject
They're not mutually exclusive, Add-kun. It was selfish what he did, but he did it for a selfless reason. I've been in something of a similar position before, so I get it. Though it wasn't... exact.
[mmmmaybe worse. maybe.]
no subject
They have opposite meanings, you can't say both. Tch...
"Selfless" is a lack of something and "selfish" is an abundance... the average of one and zero values is still a positive number, so that means "selfish" takes precedence since there's still an amount of selfish action taken. If we consider "selfless" a negative value, then the two cancel each other out... so it's either "selfish" or neither.