yogen | (catchall) when you opened the gate

( somehow that last date had set the standards too high, now she probably believes he eats actual food. due to his dementia, he doesn't have the taste for much, and if he does it has to have a certain texture. it's why he only eats toast with an egg on top while forgoing the side rice that would make it a fulfilling meal. )

Hm...

( with a hum, he glosses over his memory, and he thinks to teruteru's cooking recently finding that he misses that— the various aroma of different foods. a large block of meat with the clean, white bone sticking out that's avoided any grease stains, or the elbow noodles mixed with a clear substance that adds a tangy, but extravagant taste on his tongue that seemed almost mouth watering. knowing the assortment of food would be too heavy on his stomach that would probably result in a stomach ache, it isn't hard for him to revert back to wanting a taste of home. he's never had that thought before, because it pictures weakness, and a time that he's unable to have back, or truly have.

trash like him ask for that when he's unwanted?

should he ask for something like that? he knows helena can't make an assortment of rich food packing with flavor like an ultimate, so maybe he should start off with something basic. )

Pork chops and gravy...?

( ... )

[she nods, then, satisfied with the answer. it's a meal that sounds like home, and while she's not an expert when it comes to meats, she remembers enough of what she's been told - timing, thickness, smells, sounds, that something should click. as long as she's careful, something good can come of it. and if Nagito enjoys it, all the better - this is the real reason behind her ambition. he deserves someone doing something nice for him, just because he's there.]

That, I can try my best to make for you. When you close up, then, I'll make you dinner.

There's no need to wait.

( he waves off the idea with his prosthetic hand that whirrs, letting her know he used that one than the other in his response. )

We can go... What Hiyori-kun doesn't know won't hurt him, and he won't come too early... the less of me he sees, then the better, right?

( that's probably a slogan in yogen by now, but that doesn't hurt komaeda much as he looks towards helena while reaching for the door to open. ) Ready?

Edited (WHOOPS) 2022-04-08 18:07 (UTC)

He does like seeing you, you know. The more of you he sees, the more he knows you're not dead.

[if he'd rather not stay in the shop, she can't stop him, but she can gently try and boost up his self esteem from below the earth's mantle where it lies.]

Sounds about right — the death thing — the less death, the less stress. Hm... how has his hope been? There's been many changes.

( was that a wave of doubt in komaeda's voice? no, never... shin is just that sort of person. )

I feel as you of all people would be able to notice.

( he's waiting by the door, rocking on the balls of his feet. )

His hope...

[she gives a thoughtful sound, considering his current state, and tap-taps out the door to follow Nagito for the time being.]

It's taken a few hits, but it's still there. Growing, healing from what happened to it. He's finding new things to draw on, and it's still alive. But I wouldn't say it's self sustaining just yet.

[it still has to be nurtured, loved, encouraged. he needs to bloom a little more.]

A helping hand isn't too bad now and again, but he's a mess without guidance... he gets far too into his own head.

( then he becomes reckless, and if he can't control himself then no one else can. he'll ride that high, and he will crash, and his life may not belong to him anymore. )

Riokun is upset with him, do you believe it's their bond that must have been a hit for him, or are they still caught up in Amami-kun's actions?

It's not Rantaro's actions. Something else must have taken place. But as to what that is...it's not my story to tell.

[she has an idea, a guess. but it's only as thin as spider silk, and not her words to speculate on.]

Give them time, I think. Their bond will recover, stronger for the hardships.

...The story is already written out, visible for us all. I noticed it from Riokun's end one day... alas!

( he laughs, aware enough, but the actions with amami only nailed in even deeper, hitting a sore spot beneath the skin between them. can they continue to build a life that way, though...? )

All we have is time here. The need for them to grow, learn from their mistakes, and to move on... it's hard for some who are haunted by their past. Seeing their life play on loop, it must be tedious...! I want them to know hope more than anything, if they lose that, then they're left to desperation.

That's why they have us!

[to be supports, to be friends. to be there for them, when they hurt, and to share in their joys.]

We are capable of reminding them how important their hope is, when they falter - if you stumble, don't you want someone you trust to reach out and steady you? Wouldn't you do the same for them?

...

( he remembers at a point that helena wasn't high in her spirits, that she spent her every waking night in fear, or worried about them all killing each other. now she speaks of hope, makes him think one way when he looks at the other. it's a bit inspiring if it wasn't for how the days have been so far, and what's been taken, lost, adrift at sea because some days... it feels like he's drowning, choking.

he exhales to reassure his body he's not underwater, and that nothing's lodged in his throat to the point he can't breathe. it'd be sad to leave the world like that. )

Last time I did that, Chidouin-san was in excruciating pain... you didn't see it, but I did.

( he's not saying she's wrong, though. )

Edited 2022-04-11 01:45 (UTC)

I heard about that...and does she blame you for it?

[of course she had the details. but she doesn't hold it against him - it was Sara's choice to intervene, and that, Helena views with a calm head. it was her choice, and Nagito was preserved, and all is well in the end that someone is still alive.

if he is adrift at sea, then as his friend, his pupil, his fellow, she'll row the boat out and throw him a lifeline to bring him back on board. all of these things she says, they apply to him as well.]

You have to tell yourself over and over you made the right choice, it might be one of those scenarios.

( might be, but he doesn't want it not to be. he doesn't want her hurt as he glances off to the side thinking on the issue, she got hurt because he hurt add. he's irritating a bruise, making it bleed over and over again until it's a nasty scab rather than healed skin. he's a scab on the world even out in sea, it doesn't make him feel any better until he's covered up by the tropical storm, swept up in the waves, and disappear.

yet, helena always throws something out to remind him he still exists. it hurts to exist as is. )

I don't regret what I said, I could never. Something good will come from it, but why... did they have to interact with me, had they not...

( had they not... )

Then something else would have happened.

[he cannot take sole blame for what someone else did. not unless he wants her to call him Nagito aloud and take his flesh and blood hand.]

If you keep saying things like that, if you doubt it...are you doubting the hope that could come from it?

I would never doubt hope! If I doubt it then who am I really?

( doubting hope is the last thing he'd do, but there's something that stands out about it. add, sara, and whoever else was involved. )

Do you think they'll learn anything, if they start to regret everything then it's a step back.

Of course they will. You'll see what grows up from this with a little more time.

[she says it with every ounce of conviction in her voice - they always learn from every experience in life.]

It's just not going to be exactly what was expected.

I'm a little depressing, huh? That's lame for someone like me...

( he rolls his shoulders into a shrug, tilts his head left to right, and then he tries to smile, but it's slightly strained. )

What was expected is never what's important, it's if they ever get there... if they don't then... they lost. I need to believe in them a bit more, though.

If they're lost, then we can gently guide them back. Spring is the season of growth, new beginnings...of warmth coming back into the world. Let the ice melt into dew, and the water will clear their view.

[slipping up beside him, she puts her hand on his mechanical arm, as if he was a gentleman escorting her.]

You just have winter clinging to you a little longer than it should. It happens.

Is it that noticeable?

( the ice that clings to his body, the cold that's always been there since he was born... that winter which clings to his body, but it never matches up well with his smile; warm and gentle. that's what manages to pull across his face as he walks with the female like so, happily because of the subtle pick-me-up. )

You're right... it's been cold lately, so I should warm up.

( his mechanical arm is cold, his entire body is cold, and he lifts his organic one to hover over the hand that rests on him. hesitant for a moment before cold digits rest over helena's hand, patting gently. )

You found Spring before me... it must be nice. I'll come and visit it soon.

[pausing in her stride, she shifts her cane to the crook of her arm, bringing her other hand to join the group and lay over his. she's warm, for how much she looks to keep herself that way, and if she can give him a little of that, she'd like to. warmth is made to be shared, not hoarded, after all.]

If you take too long, or you get lost, I'll come find you and bring you to it. It's waiting for you, after all.

Do you remember last year in the storm? ...Was it last year? Around that time...

( he can't remember the exact date, but he does recall the temperature dropping, and how they were lost in a storm in a pure and blissful white. it covered their tracks, and even their warmth, and the chill remained wrapped around them like a jacket, and depending on how long they ventured then it could become warm— how the cold can become so warm, but painful at the same time.

it was the winter's bite, and one of helena's colder moments— perhaps that's when spring hit for her, ever since then. she could see the flowers bloom in the recesses of her mind, and how she tends them, she's tasted despair for a moment and reacted in a way that komaeda had hoped for. )

Ahaha... I think Riokun is caught in that storm. I willingly stand, but... you know personalities like his can adjust far too easily. I don't want him in that place, I want him to move out the snow too.

Around Christmas.

[of course she remembers. when he had painlessly slid a metaphorical knife in her, and everything that hurt, burned, destroyed her from the inside - it had been able to bleed out, and the snow had washed the injury clean, so it might heal. it was his doing, and she could never be grateful enough for it.]

...Might I try to show him spring? I know he might not be used to it, since he told me he grew up in a place without windows. Maybe we can bring spring to him, if he isn't sure of his footing - then he'll see the path.

You have to show him more than Spring... that season is better with people, and so how will he see other perspectives! That's why I want to try and mend what's been broken... and if I can't, then I can entrust it to you.

( it's not their job to fix what happened, but it is their job, as friends, to try and workshop their problems so that they can engage. their group is too small for arguments to break out like this, and it would spit on everything that's been done— how much work, effort and the precautions took to see it through. all the way from start to finish, even during komaeda's first murder. )

Being there for one another helps the soul... don't you think bright hope will come with the beautiful new growth. I want to see what flowers bloom from you and him.

Then you'll have to tell me all about what you see, when we bloom - and we'll tell you what's grown from you.

[she pauses, and then laughs a little, her hands still trying to warm his. she'd like to feel that he's taken on a little warmth.]

He told me that he grew up indoors...that he didn't get to experience things like the snow, like sun. So I promised myself, whenever new things come - when things change, and the world does, I'll look for him, and bring him out to see it for himself. I think you do that for him too, without realizing it. You give him chances to enjoy himself.

I think we all do... he was only with so many people, but now he has individuals like us.

( all sorts of people to watch, new interactions that he would have never made in the facility. they are the new exotic plants brought to his attention, how he has to tend them for the best results.

it makes enjoying the sun, and what the world has to offer even more exciting. what new discovery will he find? )

You showing him anything without actually seeing makes it all more beautiful.

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