may event log

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05/07 - 05/20

The atmosphere grows heavier by the day. There is blood smeared around the school by students with injuries, and each time a character sees it they're struck by a sense of vertigo and unreality. The world seems to blur and spin at times, and at times they can see flickers of the other school in front of them before it disappears.

Patches of shadows will begin to appear around the entire right wing of all floors, including the locker area including the rooftop. Throughout the month the areas in which they appear will continue to expand, beginning to encompass pieces of the left wing. They appear at random at times, suddenly below ones feet, and those who can see that the floor has disappeared will find themselves falling - further and further until it suddenly stops, and they find themselves right back where they started.

Curiously, those who cannot see do not suffer from these effects. Instead, they may notice the biting cold more prominently, or hear and feel the loud sound of rotten and and broken floorboards beneath their feet in the school and barren landscaping outside. The school supplies they hold might seem to have fallen apart, the walls feel as though a fire has burnt them up and rotted them out. But it always disappears within moments - a few seconds, a trace of their hand.

In the forest, stairs appear here and there. If one chooses to walk up them, they seem to go to no where, and if they continue on long enough they'll find themselves somewhere else entirely - most off in the Mirror Room or Summoning room, but occasionally it might be a classroom or somewhere else entirely. The void will have an inverse effect, showing bits and pieces of the normal school, and if characters aren't careful they wall onto what they think is solid ground only to start falling into the true void.

Mirrors show different scenes from time to time. They may see empty scenery from back home, an older version of the school, or otherwise of the other school. If one turns their back on a mirror, they may find that something will reach out and try to grab them. These are easily shaken off, but they will be pulled against the mirror until it shatters or their body is crushed otherwise. It's as though reality itself were being eroded at by some unknown force.

Nagito Komaeda is more susceptible to the above effects, and they are more likely to occur in his presence. It's probably just his luck.

Nene Yashiro will be less susceptible to the above effects, and find that the shadow students tend to avoid her. However, she may find herself feeling ill, or struggling to recall things. At times it seems as though something is eating away at her memory, replaced by a strong enter the void. This effect is temporary.

05/10

Hinata Hajime's body will be found in the mirror room resting in front of the mirror. He looks peaceful, as though he were merely sleeping. The mirror in front of him has shattered. There is blood on the glass fragments. There are no signs of malpractice, but until the body anyone with supernatural sight will be able to see a group of shadow figures in a loose circle around him. Passing through one will leave them cold and numb, but they will not intervene with efforts to take the body. Those who visit the void on or after this date may think they see him int he void, but the sight flickers out to reveal it to be one of the shadow figures. The closer one was to Hinata, the more likely this is to occur.

There are additional messages left scattered across the clock tower:

".ɘɿoʇɘd ɘɿɘʜ ƚ'nƨɒw yɒwllɒʜ ƨiʜT"
".owƚ ƚɘǫ bnɒ ,ɘnin oƚ ɘviʇ bbɒ I"
".oɿɘz ,ɘvlɘwƚ ,ɿuoʇ yƚnɘwT"

Chiaki Nanami will find a note placed on her pillow:

"Take care of him."

Nagito Komaeda will find a copy of Confessions sitting on his desk at the student store. In one of the pages toward the back a note has been tucked inside:

"Take care of her."

Both notes match Hinata's handwriting.

05/20 00:00

The sound of turning cogs and the ticking of the clock grows louder, then comes to an abrupt stop. The hands continue to move with the time, but no sound will be heard. It will no longer chime on the hour.

At some point during the day, twelve students will go missing.

OOC

✽ Desecration of the body will not be allowed. Hinata's player was kind enough to allow use of their character to progress the plot, so please be respectful.
✽ The shadowy figures will appear more frequently where there is blood, fresh or otherwise, and/or mirrors.
✽ As with last month, characters who are isolated will find that they are more susceptible to being followed by the figures, and it may take longer interactions to dispel them completely.
✽ Items from the student shop that ward off supernatural creatures will aide in keeping the shadows from getting too close at first, but their effectiveness will wear off the longer a character is followed. They have a stacking effect.
✽ The counselor is only available to discuss contracts and possible deals this month. He seems to be in deep thought about something during discussions.
✽ Students will notice rumors are spreading more frequently, both about the school and player characters.
✽ Please stay tuned for additional updates toward the end of the month.

Comments

[rearranger]

[ Those words should make him happy, but his heart sinks with each other. He traces thoughts that leave his limbs heavy. In those restless dreams he had thrown away this place for one where form didn't matter, whether it was a vast expanse or a single school in the middle of a forest, so long as it was one where his body wasn't weighed down by the strife and sadness formed by misunderstanding and conflicting beliefs. He should be willing to throw away everything he's built for that world, and he would to crush every potential future under his heel to clear a pathway for its existence.

But such a world can only exist in the dreams of humans. It's a place one can visit for but a few hours before being returned to reality, and so his shoulders sink down as hands are placed upon them. He could have spared Komaeda from the pain of living and loving alike would have been to modify the code of the Neo World Program in such a way that his dream could last for eternity, but his selfishness allowed that opportunity to slip away.

He might apologize if the recepient would undersstand it, but humans must lie to themselves in order to cope with the unforgiving reality waiting for them at the end of their dreams by pretending that it's something more than a happiness created via artificial means. It's a warm blanket in the cold winter winds that blow through the holes and shattered windows of their house. It's only those of ASUNARO who understand that it's all the same when emotions are nothing more than chemicals. ]

You can't throw everything away for a place that doesn't exist... But we both came back, so it's fine.

[ They can agree on those points. Rio returned from his delusions, Komaeda from his dreams, and reality greeted each of them in turn. The weight on his shoulder and subtle shifts in expression reassure him, but it's the words that promise him the person before him is real. He would understand that Nagito Komaeda isn't one who wishes to build up a world with him, and he would never make him apologize for his actions when it would mean acknowledging the poisonous jealousy that fester beneath the surface. He knows better than to expect one.

He draws in a deep breath instead, unable to find the right words when presented with such a tempting yet frightening offer. It'll never be the world either of them wish for, but it could be one built up by them, and Rio could find comfort in that. It might be as close as he can come to dreaming. His fingers curl at his side, and his head dips before lifting back up. He remains still as he imagines one possible future after another - some happy, some sad, but all containing both of them. They're all futures that are better than the present. ]

... Is that really what you want?

[ It's his belief in those words that leads to that uncertain question. It's giving him the opportunity to take it back. ]

[commences]

( what does komaeda want?

he wants a lot of things that are unspoken, and he can never tangibly have. those desires hardly exist, and sometimes he can make them up in his head like a tune, or even a story if he's left to his own thoughts. these bits and pieces of creativity frighten him to no end, because once they become real, what should he do? he has to protect them from himself and despair, anything that might threaten to impose on what he can finally say is his, and take it away. his hand searches for the other's, fingers slipping through the gaps so he can hold onto rio firmly; that way he can't go anywhere.

how many times can he hold him so that he stays without worrying that just the slightest movement will send him turning away. his grasp tightens a little more as he finally remembers the touch of fabric beneath his fingers, his thumb brushes against the inside of his palm, and there's a small frown. it's been awhile, and yet, rio's as warm as he's always been. )

...I missed you.

( his dreams aren't reality, that happiness is there but that isn't meant for him. that's not what he wants (a lie), but what he would rather have that he can touch, that he can embrace happens to be... )

I wanted to see you again, Riokun. I didn't want you to lose this place.

( because rio ranger is so used to being a lightening rod, and he doesn't have to be. he can be part of the people, he can enjoy what he made, and smile around the people that he cares for. there's no need to throw him out for the happiness of others, komaeda has done it already without that being his role... building up their distrust and frustration on him, where it feeds into rio intravenous is something komaeda's willing to cut; yank it out if he must.

rio doesn't bleed, so nothing but unknown fluid will pour on the floor... but that's fine, he'll find a different lifeline for him— one that doesn't hurt him anymore. there's a brief moment where he pulls at the ai's arm, wanting him closer as komaeda's voice lower so it's only spoken between them.

so much happened in his sleep, so much could have been different had he been awake, and he left rio to this all alone. his partner who worked with what he had left, and it was unfair knowing that theres nothing they should do alone. he can trace a finger against the other's ring finger to search for if the accessory is there, or he can look towards rio's chest for a fragment... is it still there, did he cast it away, did he...?

if he did, some things stay the same... stagnant as ever as komaeda settles his forehead against rio's. something wedges in his heart, a fear, a concern... something that always comes up when he's in conversation with the other. it terrifies him, but because he feels this way must mean he feels strongly about it. komaeda swallows down the taste of blood, clearing his throat as a small smile briefly settles onto his face.

if this fear is so overwhelming that he feels that his heart may stop, then he'd be happy with the outcome. )

I want you to know... ( he carries on, keeping his hand in rio's to squeeze just a bit. it's him finding his words this time, repeating himself because he's sure of this. ) I want you to know I'm sorry.

( he sounds apologetic even though he can smile when saying this, for going off on his own, for leaving his fate ambiguous... for leaving rio alone. things like what he wants... he wonders if this is asking for too much, if such courage is reckless at this very moment. )

...And that I want us to have something together because... I love you.

( he has someone to say those words to, a string of letters that he never thought leave from his lips. he would do anything else to keep a person safe than to confess his feelings. it's that same feeling as to why he did what he had before to keep rio alive, and... maybe because he wants this to be requited. even if it's not, it's a love he knows well and is comfortable with unlike the other.

he doesn't lose in the end, all he does is love, and he'll love rio ranger for as long as he can. )

[rearranger]

[ There's a pendant that hangs from his neck that sparkles in the sunlight and a ring hidden by the gloves that he wears, unspoken promises and care crystalized and stored within material objects, and fingers laced through his own that hold him steady even now. He's pulled forward now, close enough for their foreheads to touch and his heart to skip a beat as he stares into jade green eyes. They're empty and dull, but nonetheless a mesmerizing sight, like gemstones whose shine and sparkle have eroded.

It's cruel of him to keep him so close while offering up promises and apologies that are at once dulcet and painful. He is a masterwork and a doll with a heart, at once an irreplaceable creation and a tool to be freely disposed of. Komaeda left him just not for lack of options but of his own accord, and wore a smile despite the hole in his throat. It was an answer to his wishes. Deep down Rio has always known what he was looking for, but he had turned a blind eye to it until the light was shined in his eyes and left them burning with is brightness.

His eyes burn now too, heat collecting behind the with each sickening reminder of everything that had occurred and how easily it might have been avoided, and of how little it all matters. He doesn't want an apology now, that can only allow dehiscence to tear open the wounds that had just been stitched up. His organs will spill out, his entrails pulled out bit by bit before being stuffed full of sweet dreams, his heart dropped into a box and set in his lap for the other to find wrapped up with cute ribbon.

He hates it, hates this, hates the person who he blames for all this, and he hates himself most of all. He couldn't prevent it from occurring, nor keep him from waking up. He couldn't bring himself to lock him away in a cage where he could only tweet behind the bars, nor drop him into a little slice of the ocean that he could mistake for being the entire world. It would have been better to tie him up with a blood red string than to leave him to feel pain and joy alike - what he thinks he wants doesn't matter when those of ASUNARO know better.

He would have accepted any consequences for this actions. This place is also the village of Omelas, after all, and he would even accepted the resentment of the person before him in turn. It would have been far less frightening for one who was coded with everything but happiness and love. The words of those days had been sharper than any blade, weighing upon him as much as the jacket on his shoulders, one which still faintly carries his boyfriend's scent.

He blinks several times to clear his vision as the world starts to blur before him. His mind clouds, his teeth clench, and his grip grows tight enough to be uncomfortable but not quite painful. Those words of love are sweet confections that stick in his throat and chokes out all his words until all that escapes is an almost inaudible whimper. But the words were always on the tip of his tongue, and he should have said them before the end despite there being no one to say them to. After some seconds that lasts for an eternity, he finally finds his voice, ]

I love you too... I love you, so I wanted to share it with you...

[ It might have been love or paradise, hope or despair, but in the end it was none of those things. It was what all humans seek, what ASUNARO would strive to make a reality. Something cracks, and he's not quite aware of the way his body trembles. His cheeks warm, then cool as a hot liquid trails down them. ]

But change and and happiness aren't free, you know. You have to take it, you have to be willing to do anything to get it! But there's not a single person who will, so it's always just the same worthless holding pattern. So what was I supposed to do?

[ Those old familiar feelings spill out one by one as the wound reopens. It's not enough to wish or even to act, a person has to be willing to throw every other future and part of their being in order to secure the one they wish for. That's what he had done, but it was too little and too late.

He loves him, and he can never forget that feeling, so he couldn't accept that. ]

[commences]

( if rio didn't love komaeda then it wouldn't hurt as much or no, even komaeda can't rely on that because they're partners. pain would still emerge just like when rio felt betrayed by safalin, hurt that she must've killed him, and komaeda could see as time progressed that he both hurt and missed her despite everything that had happened. they were close, and komaeda's just as close if not closer to the doll before him that he apologizes to. to avoid this, komaeda would have had to walk away the moment they met, run off when rio's words were laced with anger, a bright red irritation or passionate fire arose inside of him.

but he didn't.

komaeda didn't, back then he wouldn't give up and that's why people find him so annoying, he's more motivated than many when it comes to learning a person, trying to understand them, and that's why he knows that leaving rio like he did weighed heavy. they're partners, they were never meant to be separated to that degree, and komaeda should have exposed his location, or at least gave a head's up. something to reassure him, and yet, he played selfishly. rio's feelings and his tears, they shed due to not being happy with komaeda's choices, and he knows.

that led rio to find something to keep him going, a happiness that he understood in the same vein as komaeda's actions— they both wanted something, and would do anything to see it through. he inhales, eyes closed while brushing his thumb across rio's cheeks with the wetness coating the pad of his finger. it's unfortunate that he's crying at the moment as the sun makes them look like pearls, but they aren't meant to be good things. he brushes his thumb against his index, smoothing the liquid against his skin to check the substance. oil? water? is it salty? there's so many questions that come to his mind all because he's never seen rio do this before. )

You wanted me to come with you, and made a bet that I'd wake up... that means you did everything that you needed to do. Ahaha... are you satisfied with this outcome?

( rio always mentions being satisfied as if that's how he decides whether he's happy with it or not, as for komaeda who saved add from dying by his own double— komaeda was the one to pull out his heart and swallow it, and that's what kept him alive in the end. he's not disappointed in the least, because if he shows any signs of depression, regret, then... then he'll hear a mouthful. he leans to one side where nothing will ground them but a fall, and the collision with the ground, but he doesn't think to push them over, yet. )

Love is... painful isn't it? You'll do anything for what you love. Acting out of love... that was the only thing you could do. I know! I've killed myself once for what I love and believed, and I said I'd do it again... and again... and again.

( that's the type of person he is who would go that far in order to have what he wants, and it's always for someone else and never himself. living is miserable despite having people in his life, but it's terrifying when they'll go away, and when they'll get angry at him because they can't understand his methods. he thinks his head hurts a little bit watching someone cry, and he realizes that it hurts his chest— it's tight and uncomfortable seeing rio cry in front of him over this. )

Mm... now you can do other things out of love, unless... you can't take it anymore. Love is terrifying, but I'll always love you even if you've had your fill.

[rearranger]

[ The methods don't matter any more than the consequences so long as a person is satisfied with their actions. It's better to confront a cruel truth than to remain in the embrace of a comforting lie. Those are truths he holds firm even now, however much he may long for the latter.

The truth is that love is painful. It's the instrument that broke him open and caused hot tears, made up with layers of water and mucus and oils just as a humans should be, to spill out and soak his face. There's no reason for his eyes to be moist and for his breath to hitch when there are none who would do the same for him. But he thinks it might have been easier to have a claw sink through synthetic skin and bone, wires and mechanics, than to hear those words. That pain would only last for a moment.

ASUNARO's creation was never meant to live a life in which he was lifted up and dropped down over and over. He was born into a closed circle, and no matter how much time might pass that place and those within it would always be his anchor. It was a complete circle that had been broken by coming to a place where people come and go in the blink of an eye, and that must be why those foolish sobs escaped him now as they had as he laid on the floor with a bag over his head.

He closes his eyes, and his hand reaches up to brush his fingertips over the back of Komaeda's hand before resting over it and letting his cheek lean into that touch. It's hard to say how he feels. It's heartache without a distinct source, but he knows that he could have ignored all of it if not for the words spoken to him. It's how unfair it all is even if he can't pin down why that might be before settling on that it must be the feeling in and of itself.

It takes a few tries for him to speak before he can steady his breathing and murmur an answer to his question, ]

I'm satisfied... You would have solved it, right? You would have figured it out...

[ He would have understood why in the end. It was to be a bouquet of flowers placed upon his lover's coffin, an offering of his heart in the form of red decorations and delightful treats. It was he one and only time that he could offer his life for that feeling. ]

I did everything because I love you, so I could be loved by you, because I want to be with you when things come together and even when they fall apart... Nothing's changed since then.

[ There were other reasons mixed in, but it had been built upon such a simple wish, and what a terrifying wish it is. It was no doubt the same for Komaeda. He takes in a deep, steadying breath and finally adds, ]

I believe you... I want us to build up a world together, one where we can be together.

[commences]

( he doesn't know what to do.

it's the tears. komaeda doesn't deal with them much, but it seems to be a constant reaction in his life. he's seen so many people cry for their loved ones, for themselves, just to do so, and that means these tears aren't unfamiliar, but they are. he's never seen rio cry face to face, the sobbing in the burlack sack was one he didn't get to visually see, but those sobs were hysteric mixed with fear.

these tears are sad, they're from an angle that he's not use to with him. rio ranger has always kept his composure, but this place has weighed on him— every death, every murder, every time there's something that goes wrong... this must not have happened back home. it makes komaeda wonder if he had not woke up, if he had allowed it to happen, would rio be happy.

he thinks these things at the moment because maybe wherever he went, he wouldn't cry. he's heard what the sea is like when people wait in the tree— lonely, silent, waiting. is it, really? when there's so many people around waiting too? maybe rio could have came back in a different timeline where it wasn't a problem, he could find his village and more.

now... )

I would have. I don't doubt myself to figure out mysteries... Nanami-san told me I was in the Neo World Program for a bit, and that I was moved... she'd have no reason to, but you would.

( if he was left in that dream would he have woke up? what would he be able to stop then? he doesn't think about it as he removes his hand from rio's face and eyes the residue leftover, his fingers rubbing it into his own skin. it's just like a human's. )

To myself I would think you deserve better, Riokun. That day with the laptop... I told you that bad things happen around me. If I could have saved you from all of this, then I would have. Good luck, bad luck... no one really thinks about how love affects that.

( komaeda sure didn't and that's why he gave rio the option to let this romance of theirs go. to be happy with someone else, to have an option that's better than komaeda. he won't do it though, and why does that make komaeda smile in this conversation. maybe tsumiki was right, things are different when you have someone to love.

is this love? he's afraid of that title for him, but he holds it out on a silver platter wondering if rio will keep it, and he did. )

...I want to do right by you. My will to live isn't the best, but I know my heart is full of you. Some days, it counters that pathetic side of me, and gives me hope to at least see the final days with you.

( maybe that's why he's still here now. )

ari wisdom: n bbbbbbbbbnjnm ./; n bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb;'///////////////////////////////////////klooo

[rearranger]

[ Whodunnit, howdunnit, whydunnit. He doesn't doubt Komaeda's ability to solve mysteries, but the latter is the most difficult to reach the correct conclusion on. In mystery novels it's necessary for the culprit to offer their confession once the detective uncovers them, or in the absence of such to leave their confession in some form or another. If they fail to do so, then their motive is left a mystery for all time. But no one thinks about how love effects anything, and so he believes that his partner would uncover a motive that Rio himself couldn't fully understand.

It was to show him what he desired most of all, a hope that would wash away despair; it was resentment and spite, hurt and confusion that could be washed away with a flick of his wrist; it was to wake up those around them to the reality that their own inaction was the poison killing them, and no one would ever argue with him and call it a worthless effort ever again. Most of all it was a love letter to be read and understood by him alone.

He hadn't thought about how love would effect it either. It had torn apart his fragile heart, it had anchored him in place as much as it had encouraged his motions, forced him to wait just long enough to be rewarded. It made him want to share the same poison with him, to die by the same gun, and it left him unable to do so. He wants to talk to him about that dream he'd watched, a place where he could live and love without the fear of pain, but it would be cruel to do so. Neither can live in the world of their dreams.

He scrubs his face with the back off his sleeve, sniffling as the tears slow, then slips both arms around Komaeda's arm instead, locking their elbows with one and placing the opposite hand on it, taking care as he leans against him and rests his head on his shoulder. He looks at the red blooming below. There's no such thing as sending a person to heaven. ]

I read once that heaven has everything but happiness... If it doesn't have happiness, it must not have love either.

[ Because one can't have love without all of those feelings that spurred him on. It's difficult for him to understand now, but he knows what's built up in his heart - a happiness and hope that leaves him full to burst, a deep sorrow and fear that grab it and squeeze it painfully, petty frustration and so much more. People say it's the pinnacle of the human experience, and that seems right when it encompasses every single emotion at once. He angles his head so that he turn his gaze up to see his expression. Good luck, bad luck, but it must have been love that spared both of them.

If he can give and receive that emotion, would he finally qualify as human? It's close enough for him to be able to be close to another person like this, to touch them and care for them. Rio searches for the right words, the right language to use to put his feelings into words. What is it that humans say...? ]

... You save me every day. From the very first day that I met you, you've always found ways to keep me from making mistakes... Guess it hasn't always felt that way, but sometimes you gotta make a small mistake to avoid making a bigger one down the line... I made a couple smaller ones so I could learn to trust you.

[ He tugs one glove off as he speaks, removing his hand for a moment to tuck it into his pocket before placing it back on Komaeda's arm. His skin is soft, and when he slides it down to touch his hand, he finds it comforting rather than frightening. His vision blurs as a few more tears slip out, and he blinks them away... Even though he's so happy to hear those words. ]

Sorry... I didn't done the same.

[ That must be why there's this sinking feeling mixed in, something painful that eats away at his heart. In the end, he had done nothing to stop it from happening. It's completely illogical, nothing about it makes sense when he was always so sensitive to small things (and nothing occurring then could be called a small thing,) but maybe there was already a glitch in the system by then. But he hadn't after either. He could have locked Komaeda in a coffin and crawled in with him, he could have kept him safe for the rest of time, or he could have made every effort to wake him up. He could have done anything other than committing to nothing at all. What had that accomplished save harming him further?

He hates all of them, but himself most of all. ]