Hinata Hajime (日向創) (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
futurebullets) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yogen2021-06-05 09:21 pm
futurebullets) wrote in yogen2021-06-05 09:21 pm
[semi-open] second truth bullet: hinata's memory
Who: Hajime Hinata and YOU
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Mostly June, at least one or two things backdated to late May
Warnings: SPOILERS for chapter 4 of Super Dangan Ronpa 2, after the Final Dead Room Discussion
Notes: Hinata will be undergoing a canon update that will have taken place on the 4th! He will be approaching things considerably more depressed and/or apathetic after this takes place, so you're welcome to tag him between the 1st and 3rd if you'd rather have normal Hinata! However, the threads that take place after the canon update are very important. It's something I've detailed more on plurk, but essentially there's something of a "game" that I have going. Hinata now has a "trust" level that's been reset to 0 - if his points are positive enough, he will be updated to either chapter 5 or the end of the game, and if his points fall too far, he will be "reverted" to one of two earlier canon points (chapter 1 or pre-game) and lose all of his Yogen memories. Close CR has more weight at first, but anyone has the power to affect him, so feel free to take a shot at raising or lowering those points!
If you have any questions or would like to plot things, feel free to reach me at![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
Yamadori! (You're also welcome to write starters for me as well, just give me a heads up first!)
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Mostly June, at least one or two things backdated to late May
Warnings: SPOILERS for chapter 4 of Super Dangan Ronpa 2, after the Final Dead Room Discussion
Notes: Hinata will be undergoing a canon update that will have taken place on the 4th! He will be approaching things considerably more depressed and/or apathetic after this takes place, so you're welcome to tag him between the 1st and 3rd if you'd rather have normal Hinata! However, the threads that take place after the canon update are very important. It's something I've detailed more on plurk, but essentially there's something of a "game" that I have going. Hinata now has a "trust" level that's been reset to 0 - if his points are positive enough, he will be updated to either chapter 5 or the end of the game, and if his points fall too far, he will be "reverted" to one of two earlier canon points (chapter 1 or pre-game) and lose all of his Yogen memories. Close CR has more weight at first, but anyone has the power to affect him, so feel free to take a shot at raising or lowering those points!
If you have any questions or would like to plot things, feel free to reach me at
shuts my eyes again
He starts to figure it out by the time the white hair is mentioned.
He's certain by the time "their puzzle" is brought up.
But... maybe he's known even longer.
Maybe, deep down, he knew when Saihara started saying he needed Hinata to know.
Maybe he could feel something wrong when Saihara called him in the first place.
Or maybe... he'd known, all that time ago, when he felt something off around Komaeda.
"I'm not going to let you die."]
That... That can't... be right...
[Face as pale as a sheet, Hinata stumbles back, back - back until he hits a desk, barely catches himself from falling down. He's sick, he feels so sick, he-
That's not right? That can't be right. Can't can't can't.]
How did he... How could he...
[His eyes race over the paper, again and again, as if that will change the outcome written there.
Komaeda hates him, wants nothing to do with him. Hinata has no more reason to care about him or what he does.
So why are Hinata's eyes blurring with tears? Why does his heart feel like it's breaking again?
He thinks of those two months, wasted, thinking he was protecting Komaeda and protecting everyone from him.
But Hinata has no talent. Hinata is worthless. And he has never, ever, been able to save anyone at all.]
Saihara...
[He looks up very, very slowly.
Something runs through Hinata's veins, red-hot and thoughtless - something he should never feel about Saihara, but he can't stop himself from feeling it.]
How long... has it been since you figured this out?
[His voice is choked. Tortured. Wounded.]
sighs.........
[ The word breaks a little, drowned in surprise at the back of his throat. It catches Saihara mid-motion, through searching his pocket for something else, and for a moment he only stands there, frozen with his hand half-concealed behind fabric. Something about this... feels off. There's a different sort of worry that takes over -- like that from a premonition you can't quite place, a promise of bad things about to happen. His chest feels too tight... like he can't breathe for a second, and his heart beats too fast to control.
Why is...? That's not quite the question he'd expected to have to answer. Not first. ]
Maybe... ah... a-about a month.
[ But he answers it anyway, soft resignation laced through the words. He owes Hinata that much. ]
The pieces came together when Ouma-kun told me, but even I had trouble believing it at first. I needed to research a little more... so I suppose if I had to name it... the end of May. Right before Ishimaru-kun's...
[ Thing that took place, because he can't rightfully call that a student council election. That drew attention for a while, and it just wasn't a good time anymore until later. As if thinking about the timeline returns him a semblance of order again, he remembers to draw his hand from his pocket. It comes out with a thin white object -- a tissue he kept for himself... but Hinata's tear-streaked face makes it obvious he could use it more at this time.
So he offers it... softly, with a cautious hand. ]
covers ur eyes too
He doesn't use it. Instead he balls it into a fist, material making sharp creases from the strength put into it.]
A month. [He repeats it, very quietly.] You went for a whole month without telling me, even though you knew, even though it's obvious in passing to anybody in club, that Komaeda and I were close.
[Hinata doesn't know if it's better or worse, hearing it now.
Right before the student council incident, the last days that he allowed himself to care about Komaeda. It would've destroyed him back then to hear it, but it's not like what happened after that didn't destroy him anyway.
Would he have been free of this cloying, tar-like feeling in his chest that makes him sick to his stomach? He'll never really know.]
Even if I was angry at him, or felt hurt... Did you really think I'd do something that low, to claim the merit points?
[Hinata knows- deep down he knows, he isn't being fair, probably. He's being more careless with his words than he should be, and if he isn't more careful he could end up breaking something precious.
But it's hard, feeling hurt by the one person who should never hurt him.]
it's fine..... (narrator voice: it was not fine)
Huh? N-No, that's not...
[ The merit points? It's true they're the reason he hadn't come clean right away, or what kept him from telling the group as a whole. But it's not like he thought about them in conjunction with Hinata, specifically, or that those are the reason he didn't tell him. But now that he hears it... it's true that he waited a lot. That much at least, he's unable to deny, so he only closes his eyes and accepts it.
... ]
It's not like I thought if I told you, you'd claim them, but I... there was a lot going on.
[ He wanted to be fair. To everyone, not just to Hinata. Even the fact that he's telling him now, before everyone else, feels a bit... like favoritism. And it is. But he supposes from Hinata's side... it looks more like he didn't care enough about him, to do it earlier... to trust him, and to rely on him. And a part of Saihara can't really deny... that it is how it comes across. It's another perspective on things. ]
...Hinata-kun. Please, calm down. We're both a bit agitated right now, so we're not... thinking clearly.
it really was not fine boy howdy
He hates himself, a little bit, for still being angry - because what Saihara's saying makes sense, who could have thought about anything else but what was going on with the Student Council? Hinata himself had been plagued with nightmares for days until-
Until that day he woke up and everything was wrong.
Hinata lets himself be ruled by logic for most things, or at least he tries to. But that only works until his emotions boil over, like right now, how can he feel it threatening to burst out of him as he listens to Saihara and-]
Calm down...? How could I ever calm down... when everything I did was for nothing?!
[He smacks the back of his fist against the desk behind him - hard enough to hurt. He needs it to, just to think straight. Tears finally pour from his closed eyes, but it's not from physical pain.]
All that time... I thought I could stop him... I thought I could save someone, but I...!
[Couldn't save anyone.
Especially not Komaeda Nagito.]
i hate myself for this one
[ It bubbles out of him before he wills it -- not with anger, but with protest and maybe panic, somewhere in the back of his mind. The slam of the desk when Hinata strikes it makes him jump, but it doesn't deter him; it isn't enough to silence him, only to give him a moment to process the torrent of thoughts in his mind. It's a visible pause, though... but that isn't the point. If Hinata's going to get emotional to the level where it bursts out, Saihara knows, it's up to him to stay calm and composed.
But in the end, he fails that too. ]
Maybe if you hadn't been here, he would have done worse. Or maybe if none of us were here, he'd have done nothing at all.
[ ... ]
...If you're going to blame yourself about it, then how do you think *I* feel?
[ As much as he wishes he were, he's not just a messenger in this.
Hinata's read the write-up, hasn't he? Or did his eyes just glaze over at the last parts? From the message in the murder... it's almost like it was committed for Saihara himself, as some twisted sort of "service" to him -- no, not even to him as a person, but to his talent -- from the killer's part. That's what Komaeda thought when he did it; and yes, there's no telling he wouldn't have done it in general for the other Ultimates too, but that's just a what-if. An uncertainty that he'll have to live with. There's a part of his mind, somewhere out there, that knows they shouldn't be arguing about this, and yet...
How does Hinata think he feels, when maybe Okane Aiko's life would have never been lost at all if Saihara Shuichi didn't exist? ]
i'm still in pain
[Hinata's hand drops away from the desk. He might still feel hurt and betrayed and sick - but something in him still cries out to protest that.
He hadn't thought about the end of the statement until this moment - that Saihara might blame himself because of it. Something that he'd ordinarily be more sensitive to, but his mind is so clouded by all of it that it's hard to think straight.
Maybe he can offer this one thing, though.]
Even if Komaeda still cared about me, it wouldn't have changed. Even if you were the only one he cared about... it wouldn't change. Because "hope" is what he cares about above all else. [When he says the word, his voice is bitter.] If that's what he wanted out of this murder, he would never have stopped for anyone else's sake. He would make it happen, no matter the cost.
[Just like with Togami and Hanamura.]
I knew that about him from the beginning, better than anyone. And yet, I still wasn't careful enough.
[Is that as bad as killing her himself? Hinata can't even muster the strength to think about it.]