yogen | [semi-open] second truth bullet: hinata's memory

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[semi-open] second truth bullet: hinata's memory

Who: Hajime Hinata and YOU
What: A catch-all log for Hinata throughout the month! Closed things will added by request, open things for stuff outside of event top-levels
Where: Various
When: Mostly June, at least one or two things backdated to late May
Warnings: SPOILERS for chapter 4 of Super Dangan Ronpa 2, after the Final Dead Room Discussion

Notes: Hinata will be undergoing a canon update that will have taken place on the 4th! He will be approaching things considerably more depressed and/or apathetic after this takes place, so you're welcome to tag him between the 1st and 3rd if you'd rather have normal Hinata! However, the threads that take place after the canon update are very important. It's something I've detailed more on plurk, but essentially there's something of a "game" that I have going. Hinata now has a "trust" level that's been reset to 0 - if his points are positive enough, he will be updated to either chapter 5 or the end of the game, and if his points fall too far, he will be "reverted" to one of two earlier canon points (chapter 1 or pre-game) and lose all of his Yogen memories. Close CR has more weight at first, but anyone has the power to affect him, so feel free to take a shot at raising or lowering those points!

If you have any questions or would like to plot things, feel free to reach me at

Yamadori! (You're also welcome to write starters for me as well, just give me a heads up first!)

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[Hinata can't sleep anymore.

Ever since the day of the student council election, he can barely get through the night without seeing that gruesome scene of the students fighting each other, of Ishimaru having to-

...

Sometimes, in the dreams, Ishimaru is killing him instead, or he's in Ishimaru's place. A few times it's him, killing his surviving friends that are probably still on Jabberwock Island. Other times it's his dead friends, killing Hinata so they can live.

He sleeps through the night fitfully, thinking he can smell blood before he restlessly falls back asleep.

On the night of the 3rd, Hinata really can't get back to sleep, the dream just a little too vivid, and now he's wide awake. It's the worst time of day, too - late, too late for them to make any noise, so Hinata's resolving himself to being trapped with his own thoughts at the worst possible time as he begrudgingly rolls to his feet.

It's eerie, hearing absolutely nothing as he exits his classroom and begins to wander through a few others, but he holds out hope that maybe the muscle memory of taking a walk will somehow be enough of a distraction.

He doesn't keep track of the rooms he's entering, but it's in one in particular that he opens the door - and a figure is there. It takes a moment to figure out in the moonlight, but-

Komaeda, he tries to say, automatically, and can't. Can feel his lips forming the name, but it can't be heard and it leave Hinata somehow feeling... bereft.]

I know this is a little bit random, but... Is anybody good at taking care of plants?

A little potted plant showed up randomly in my locker about a month ago, and I've been trying to water it a little day with some water when I remember, but... The only thing I've ever taken care of are hermit crabs, I really don't know if I'm doing this right.

( he's grown used to the silence, the emptiness that comes from everything when he walks around or stays in one area — it's all lackluster, but he guesses this is his life. he's heard sound during the night once, and ever since then, things have remained the same. he's vulnerable like everyone else around him, the silence adding an element of surprise, but he's too overjoyed to really think about it now. the fight between ishimaru and madison went excellently well to the point he can't stop thinking about it, and the itch in his heart won't leave.

with his hands hidden in his pockets, his finger idly brushes against the ring that was gifted to him — playing with that too makes him happy, it's because it's something that means a lot. from the meaning behind it to who it came from, and as much as komaeda tries not to show any attachment to him or to anything he does — it's hard given who he is, who he will be, and the fact that once again he's been forced to reside in the body of a mere reserve course. there's many feelings that goes through his head every time he touches the ring, thinking, wondering until...

he sighs, not even audible, but hinata can see the way komaeda's shoulders fall slack as he stares outside — could there be something bothering him? he goes through a flurry of emotions himself, but given his health, it's normal, and so while his mind bounces back and forth between ishimaru and hinata, his eyes glance at the floor in thought. leaving himself open to being bothered, besides, he couldn't even hear when the other came in.

actually, when has komaeda ever been left out in the open with the light kissed along his frame, and even his hair glows from the moon's rays. )

( at first, he'd thought hinata seemed like a good guy. someone reliable, with an optimistic outlook to things, you know? imagine amami's surprise after seeing him act like he's just body-kun after being dragged into the club meeting. there's a bit of concern there too, though... he's not about to interrogate the guy in the middle of the meeting, in front of everyone. as he usually does when he intends to pester someone, amami will instead make his way over to the class next-door after the final bell rings for the end of the day. assuming this depressed ass doesn't have anywhere he's hurrying to, amami will peek into the classroom as it's just about emptied out, )

Hinata-kun, there you are.

Edited (date...!) 2021-06-06 07:12 (UTC)

[He stays and watches just a moment longer. Even if he shouldn't. He feels a little bad doing it, but... Hinata never catches Komaeda like this, quiet and lost in thought. Gentle, if he lets the light frame him just right.

But that'll make him thinks of things he shouldn't, so he decides not to linger on that any longer. He doesn't know what makes him move further into the classroom - but he'd feel embarrassed if someone just stared at him without saying anything, so he moves forward.

It feels just as weird for Komaeda to not know that he's approaching - sharp, always mindful Komaeda. But he keeps going until he's in Komaeda's range of vision. Hopefully that's less startling then reaching out to touch him.

Hinata goes this far... but he can't say anything, still. Even if he doesn't know what he would say if he could speak...]

[Hinata doesn't make a move that's quite a flinch, but it's probably something close to it. He does his best to school his face into something more neutral, but he really only pulls off a tired look.]

...Amami. I don't normally see you in here.

[His voice is worn, whittled down to a shell of the Hinata Hajime that Amami met last month. The light in his eyes, the fire underlying his voice ready to warm or burn, is less than embers.]

Did you need me for something? I'm all done for the day.

Well, I figured we'd usually see each other at the club meetings.

( still, what a way to say it — "i'm all done for the day," as if they can just check out of the building and go home like the rest of their classes once classes have come to an end. wouldn't that be nice? unfortunately for the both of them, it's not the case; hinata's stuck here, which means he's stuck here with amami, who's currently figuring out how to approach this. his movements are a bit stiff, looking a bit uncomfortable as he makes his way into the room. )

Speaking of which... did something happen? You seemed pretty quiet, last time.

( he supposes there's nothing preventing him from being straightforward about it. )

...Sorry. I haven't really felt up for much since a few days ago.

[Hinata can kind of bring himself to go, a sense of obligation more than any of the enjoyment it might've brought him before. But it's hard, it's so hard, when he has to bite his lip every time Komaeda speaks up. When the anger still runs red hot under his veins.

...It makes him feel something, if nothing else, so that's probably something good.]

It's nothing really that important. Just... [Hinata wonders, briefly, if he should even bring it up. Isn't that a lot to dump on someone he just met a little while ago? But maybe he doesn't have to share anything especially detailed.] ...I woke up one morning and remembered something bad from home.

You remembered...?

( when he makes it up to where hinata is, he'll take a seat himself — wincing and biting down on his tongue hard to suppress a hiss of pain that threatens to sneak past his lips, and he's successful enough. either way, it's not as if rantarou amami doesn't understand the weight that memories can have to someone; the look in his eyes is serious, with a sense of concern underlying. )

I don't know, it seems like it must have been pretty important if it made this much of a difference.

( he's not going to push too hard about it, but who knows — if hinata wants to get it off his (very large) chest, amami will leave it up to him. )

( luckily for him, he adjusts as quick as he's found, and once he notices hinata is by him — his personality becomes vibrant, though a little cool as he knows to keep his distance. what gives away his excitement is the way his eyes widen at seeing him, wondering where he's come from, and what he can do. he's used to not talking, so his lips remain sealed shut as he slowly pushes himself off the desk to stare at the other for a moment.

he blinks slow, curious in his silence as if the other is supposed to answer why he's here or, hand something over to komaeda so he can leave. but he doesn't? )

...?

( walking up to him, komaeda places one hand on hinata's hip, patting around in search of something specific like his pda. he's unable to communicate with him, and komaeda recalls giving it to him when he took the brunette's to give to rokkun — he isn't sure if he gave them back or not, but he knows that the other wouldn't lose things that don't belong to him. it takes a bit of patting, his right hand a little slow because of how it heals compared to his prosthetic left. without much care in the world, he even goes to pat hinata on his chest in search of his pda... wondering if he hid it there.

he did forget to pat hinata's pockets, so he opts out by pinching one of the youth's nipples just to request that he hurries it up. )

[Komaeda is lucky, probably, that there's no sound right now, or he'd have to endure all of the yelling and expletives that would be thrown his way. He's glad, at least, that his more embarrassing yelps and - God forbid - squeaks are lost to nothingness. As it is, Hinata flails against him, face completely red, as he tries and fails to knock Komaeda's hands away. He knocks his hand away from his chest with a vicious scowl, but it's spoiled by how flustered Hinata is.

He... hopes Komaeda isn't just feeling him up for no good reason. There must be a reason for it, right...? So he takes a step back and digs into his pockets; the only thing there is his PDA, tho- oh.

Unnecessary. What a pain. All of that for Hinata to give it back when he could've just done that during the day. He snorts, because it's such a Komaeda thing to do, but it's lost to late-night silence. Arching an eyebrow questioningly, he waves the PDA in front of him. This what you're looking for?]

[Something flickers on Hinata's face - not necessarily because of Amami's words, but because of the look in his eyes.

Concern... It has to be. But why?

He hasn't known me that long, so why... waste concern on someone like me...?

Regardless of the reason, it's enough to make Hinata's voice come out a little softer.]

I just remembered... that I'm not anybody important. That's all.

[Hinata's tone is a little softer, but it doesn't make the words any less painful.]

( the moment the pda is shown to him is when he reaches out to take it, he plucks the device from hinata's hands, and he proceeds to check if it's still on properly. it is, having never really cut off so the other could use it as much as he wants — komaeda checks a few things first, looking through some things until he taps his fingers along the screen. he uses his prosthetic for quicker movement, and once he finally has something typed out, he turns the screen towards hinata to see. )

what are you doing here?

( he quirks a brow himself, curious as to what reason hinata has visiting him so late — they can't talk, they're not on the best of terms, and komaeda doesn't think hinata should even be near him. it's just that komaeda making things complicated, but it seems every time hinata tries to take a step forward to better their relationship. it's hard to accept it, when he thinks about it, and he wonders if right now is another one of those times. )

are you lost? i can walk you back if you're scared.

( they are in a world where ghosts exists, and a place where people can die — who knows, if he takes komaeda with him, maybe the lucky student will die himself. )

[Hinata makes a face as he yanks the PDA back, but even he has to admit that this is pretty clever of Komaeda.]

I'm not lost! And not anymore scared than normal, not really.

[Hinata wonders if he should tell him... if it's okay, if he should. But then he thinks of Komaeda framed with light, sighing where nobody could hear him- and his fingers are moving before he has a chance to think about it.]

I keep. Having nightmares about the day of the student council election. I was walking around because I couldn't sleep, but... I didn't expect you or anybody else to still be awake.

( if komaeda could talk, he'd be silent as of now taking in his fears, his concerns, and his worried about the student council election. to komaeda, he had the time of his life knowing that before, ishimaru's chance was taken from him just like that, so he was blessed with a second chance. one that they should be happy about given the circumstances, and yet, hinata doesn't know that does he? would he have seen it differently if he knew about the life ishimaru had previously lost? would his dreams really plague him had he known the truth behind his story? )

walking around to get it off your mind? that's pretty lonely hinata-kun!
don't you have friends here?

( numerous by now? the type of person he is, it'd be shocking if he didn't have a few people he was close to by now. komaeda only says this as a warning that he shouldn't be alone, because who knows what could happen to him? komaeda isn't worried for him, but one would think that hinata would be more smart about walking around by himself considering what's been happening as of late. )

i'll leave you to your thoughts, but it's alright hinata-kun, ishimaru-kun did win after all.

( and he says that with a smile. )

[Hinata takes the PDA back, motion a little bit slower this time as he thinks.

He's already revealed so much of his thoughts when Komaeda actually could hear him... It doesn't matter much if he does it on text that they'll most likely delete afterwards anyway.]

I wouldn't wake up a friend after midnight. But... I found you, so I guess it's fine.

[Some redness returns to his face, but he's more preoccupied by the way his whole stomach clenches up at the thought of being alone right now. Maybe it really is a good thing he found Komaeda.]

And I know... I know that he won, that he's okay. But it doesn't make my brain stop showing me nightmares of him killing me instead, or me killing our friends.

( as he takes back the pda, his sickly, pale green eyes read over what's typed to him, and his breathing remains the same. maybe others would be alarmed if they say something like this, but killing is a familiar concept to them considering where they all come from. the thing about it is when he looks at hinata, he doesn't know if he has it in him to be a killer — but others thought the same of ishimaru. it's the hinata now that he has trouble envisioning, but perhaps when he's older, and his eyes are two different shades than the thought would never bother him.

he taps on the board, hearing not one click of his prosthetic as he does so. he can only imagine it at this rate, mentally playing off every sound cue that he can while the other is near him. they haven't been close to one another at night, so this is different for them, and outside their norm. )

do you think you should die, hinata-kun?

( that's probably too straightforward, and others would hate him for going that far, but what if? what are the chances hinata wants to give up again, and unfortunately komaeda can't allow that. )

you already told me that you can't die because people are counting on you.
as for killing others... you could be a cute murderer...
is that your true motive?

( he only says that to lighten the mood, to relieve any stress he may have. besides it's komaeda who says these things, and no one ever believes komaeda. )

[Hinata almost drops the PDA, eyes wide, as he reads the words written there.

What a question.

He can feel frustration bubbling to the surface - Hinata's drawn to him, this person that can't stop saying terrible things, and how is he supposed to endure that when everything else is so awful-

But.

Hinata forcibly pulls himself away from that train of thought. He can still hear Nanami's words from the slumber party, like she's gently putting a hand on his arm to hold him back, even now.

"His words always say what he means deep down, and I rarely hear him lie about himself... But that's why he needs a friend like you, someone to really remind him about the world around him and not the world he wants to see."

He breathes in. It'd be shaky if they could hear.]

No. I don't want to die anymore. That still hasn't changed.

And I don't want to kill. That's why I said they're nightmares, I hate them more than anything... When I wake up from those dreams, I feel sick to my stomach. It makes me not want to sleep anymore, because I'm always afraid I'll see them again.

( similarly, amami keeps a sharp eye for hinata's reactions to his words — though the elaboration he receives in return is enough that his head tilts, only just slightly, to the side as he considers it.

well he's sure as hell not saying anything that could even indirectly confirm an idea like that. at the same time, it's... well, amami himself, he has his own fears surrounding what his memories could be hiding about him as a person. he can't entirely brush aside hinata's feelings either in a situation like that, so he'll take a different approach, his own voice softening to match. )

Definitions like that are pretty subjective, you know. Can something you've forgotten really decide that?

( ... asking for a friend. )

OH i do!!! i garden!!

i can swing by to have a look!!!! ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

( holding the pda in his hand to read over the response, he does the action a few more times before he proceeds to type in his own reply. it's a little slow at first as he thinks on it, and he wonders if there's something he should do. komaeda at times can be kind, but there are others when he's capable of being cruel. he takes his time into this reply, thinking on hinata's fears and concerns, and what they mean to him — he hums, though it isn't audible, but he pretends he can feel the subtle vibration around his lips.

what should he say? is this the other's way of confiding in him? it makes komaeda wonder if the other is searching for someone to stop him, as if he's going to do something he regrets. )

i'll do it.

( he shows the screen to hinata, making sure he reads the first part of the text before he types the rest of his thoughts. at this part of komaeda's life, he has mixed feelings, some he doesn't understand, and others he wonders why does he have them. luckily, his morality is low, and he doesn't mind doing horrible things as long as it's for the sake of hope. hinata may not know, but even though komaeda attempts to put him at arm's length — there's always something that guides him back. )

i'll kill for you, and that way you can fall asleep.
would that get rid of the nightmares... and allow you to sleep peacefully...?

( it's because no matter what is between them, komaeda still cares about him — even now, he still doesn't understand why he's this way. )

[Hinata feels his stomach drop out as he reads that message. Everything he's worried about and dreaded, everything he's tried to avoid - condensed in that one message. The apprehension that floods him is intense enough that he almost doesn't want to read whatever Komaeda will type next.

But he does, because not looking at it won't make it cease to exist. He expects to feel - anger, because that's what he always feels when Komaeda talks about killing. Anger, or perhaps frustration, maybe with a dash of helplessness.

However, those aren't the things he feels. It's something that he can't quite put a name to, but... He almost feels a little sad, as he opens his hand for the PDA.]

Please don't.

[He's never tried asking, before. Not really.]

I'm sure that if you did that... I'd never be able to sleep again. I'd have dreams of you being killed, or being killed by you instead.

I think... that if you really wanted to help me. Knowing you're not hurting anyone, and knowing nobody's hurting you... Having that reassurance is the best thing you could ever do for me.

[He's quiet for a long stretch, mulling over how much he should say, before finally deciding that it doesn't matter. However Amami might respond, if he keeps it in he'll feel like he's been lying, and that's... still a worse feeling.]

I think... only if you let what's forgotten define who you are.

[Like he did. Piling all of his self-worth on a pedestal without the foundation to keep it upright.]

I know some people here don't know of it, but... I'm a student at Hope's Peak Academy, a place full of Ultimates. I had gone all this time waiting to remember the talent that made me someone. [His mouth curves into a humorless smile.] Or... so I thought. The long and short of it is that for... months, now that we've been here, I've thought I had amnesia making me forget my talent, but the truth is that I had none to begin with. I was... never really anybody that important.

( as he takes back his pda, he slowly begins to read the contents of it, and there's points that he disagrees with. he doesn't believe anything he does effects hinata anymore, that komaeda could do anything, and the other could leave peacefully. have a semblance of it, at least. it would be better if hinata's sanity didn't ride on those sort of things, and so komaeda taps slowly to respond back. there's a few moments where he backspaces his words because he's trying to figure out how he should convey his message. )

you'll grow out of it.

( he doesn't expand on that, and instead changes the subject. )

what will you do hinata-kun?
you can't remain awake forever.

( as he offers the device back, he raises his prosthetic to rest his palm on hinata's cheek, but it's more like he's examining something. his thumb swipes gently under the youth's eyes, checking to see if he has any heavy, dark bags underneath from the lack of sleep. what makes it worse is that komaeda's leaned in despite having the light from the pda he could use. )

( to say that this confession comes as a surprise is probably an understatement — can't really, fully capture how much this actually catches amami off-guard. even so, his eyes only widen for a moment. rather than lingering on the unexpectedness, there's an earnest interest in hinata's words, a surprising degree of intensity underlying his gaze. )

It's rough, huh? I mean, being surrounded by all these others with talents, and it really shows. They've dedicated their lives to these things, yknow? Maybe they're a little eccentric, sure, but they're amazing, too. Surrounded by all of them, you can't help but wonder, "What about me?"

( there's a moment where he pauses, a wry smile forming on his own lips, but he carries on conversationally with absent, open gestures as he speaks. )

It's kind of exciting, actually — thinking that there's something out there you're that passionate about, right? And kind of frustrating too, not knowing what it might be... I'm sure you had already considered if it could have all just been a mistake, right? Or, even worse, what if it was a talent you didn't want?

I think I might get it — where you're coming from.

( why it matters to him so much, but... he doesn't want to go too into it until he hears a little more from hinata's perspective. )

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Page 1 of 5

[semi-open] second truth bullet: hinata's memory

[closed to komaeda] 6/3-6/4, eventually sdr2 spoilers

[open] backdated to 5/20, network

SIGHS

june 5~7ish, probably? some time after survival club's key meeting

sighs with u

\o/

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sighs its gunna be ok fat tits

oh i'm crying it's spreading to our subject lines now

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im tearing ip please sumn aint right w this

closes my eyes again

i just want to stop seeing thinkin how the tag would have been diff im sobbing

cursed... who lets me keep getting near the keyboard

the way i fell asleep midtag you already know sleep is winning

crying I can feel it winning too... I keep dozing off I think I have to throw in the towel

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un: n.yashiro

how we're both awake now and for what

for me to become sleepy again... zzzz

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get some sleep fat tits

i havn't stopped thinking about this since i got it at 5am.........