natsume sakasaki (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
crystallomancy) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
yogen2021-07-01 11:29 am
crystallomancy) wrote in yogen2021-07-01 11:29 am
( closed-ish ) ad astera per aspera
Who: Natsume Sakasaki & various
What: July catch-all
When: 07/01 onwards
Where: looks off into the distance...
Warnings: you know what....... i bet we're gonna need some. will edit later.
a little catch-all for natsume, for outside-of-event-logs-and-etc threads. you can toss your own starters for him in here too, but i appreciate being given a heads up first! we can talk at ![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
coordination or on my plotting comment here!
What: July catch-all
When: 07/01 onwards
Where: looks off into the distance...
Warnings: you know what....... i bet we're gonna need some. will edit later.
ana-bolism:
Paramore was right. Hard times.
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but--]
So there's people who aren't humans here too?
[non human friends...? yes??? yes???????]
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Natsumeeeee c'moooon you're so stingyyyyy...
[he was getting so excited... robots? cyborgs? (aren't those the same?) elves.... ghosts... spirits? ((aren't those the same thing????))
and a talking
a talking?!?]
I've got no reason to be a bad boy, so tell meeeeeee!
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You're being ill-behaved right now — how many times do I have to tell you not to cling to ME? Especially since this school's so WARM... ( ugggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh he wants air conditioning so bad how much does he have to pay for it.
anyway get off.... get offff..... )
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[so he says, but he does want to hear what is talking that is normally not talking, so subaru will. very reluctantly. let go]
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he should allow him that much — but not right now. where was he... natsume runs his hand through his hair, trying to figure out the words. )
Moving aLONG... You should be prepared to defend yourSELF. Don't think for a second you aren't a potential tarGET. ( actually, unfortunately, depending on the level of "fuck you natsume" he may have incidentally made subaru a target.
...they wouldn't be any better than him if they did that though. but there's some people who don't care about that either, he guesses. ) And if you have to kill someONE...
( ... )
Wait for them to attack you FIRST. It'll make it easier for people to forgive YOU.
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natsume knows that. natsume knows why, too. it's plain on his face, and then he puffs his cheeks and turns away, leaning against the wall beside the door.]
Isn't it possible to like... not..? Do that?
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and maybe this is him assuming things of people again, like nanami had scolded him about at the meeting, but natsume has always overthought things, has always jumped the gun, has always gotten too wrapped up in his own self to see the forest for the trees. it isn't something that's easy to break out of — it's almost second-nature, given the nature of his still daily work of reading people and picking at how they work.
natsume glances sideways at him. )
Then figure out how to incapacitate THEM, but your will to live has to be stronger than their will to take you OUT.
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so it's just natsume to worry about, right now. that's manageable, since natsume doesn't really like to get into trouble anyway.]
... 'Kay. I can do that. [... ... ...] Anything else I need to know?
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he didn't have that much trouble confessing it to shuichi and the circumstances behind them, did he? ...no, he did: he just knew he had to explain himself. explain the gun. he'd had difficulty at the meeting too, all eyes on him, hot on the tail of the reveal of komaeda murdering the old student council president. natsume purses his lips, and he knows he's been too quiet for too long. )
You're going to hear about this at some POINT, especially with the number of people I hurt and angered with my acTIONS. ( steady, steady, but he isn't looking at subaru. he looks at the floor, at the piano, anywhere but him. ) There are certain items in this school that house spiRITS, so I'd be careful with anything you find that might have initials or something indicating they belong to someone ELSE. If you don't handle them correctLY, and they break or the seal on them is otherwise comproMISED, the spirit will esCAPE.
When that hapPENS... ( easy, easy. ) Depending on the nature of the SEAL, or maybe the type of spirit it WAS, you might find yourself possessed and no longer in possession of your own acTIONS. You only feel fear — you only feel as if everyone around you is out to get YOU. ( natsume pauses, pressing his lips together, and then says: ) This is what happened to ME.
Last month ( he continues, voice level but not in an okay way, more in a "i have to say this without betraying weakness" way, ) I killed four peoPLE. Three of them were because of that — possesSION. One of those people was Sena-senpai.
1/2
that sort of stuff only happens in movies.
subaru stares at natsume, trying to put his friend to the same level as any criminal on the bigger news, and he
can't
really, he can't, because natsume strives towards the happiness of others, and even if he might do it in a roundabout way, or in a way that'd make people assume he's up to no good, natsume– natsume would never kill someone, even if he'd threaten them that way in a second.
but there's no reason for natsume to lie to him. just like before, just like with this whole conversation, there's no reason. if natsume lost control of himself, if says he got possessed, then he did. simple as that. subaru feels more struck that sena-senpai'd been a victim than anything else, but the sentence rubs at him weirdly.
three of them were because of possession, so–
what was the fourth's reason?]
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... What about the last one?
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( look, he's being nice and not even naming names, even though he should. but he knows subaru, and he doesn't want subaru to... to get unnecessarily poisoned with hate. he'll let him bump their shoulders; he leans a little bit back, in that instance, but he squeezes his arms as if to hug himself. )
I had reason to believe that if she discovered it was me — and with the group we HAVE, I wouldn't have put it past them to either tell her to test our hopes or just because they're a complete and total assHOLE. ( or they're mad and don't believe him about possession. izumi and rika were close, weren't they? ) Rather than waiting around to find out if that were TRUE, I... thought it would be better to take the initiaTIVE.
( natsume stares across the room. this still isn't easy; he wonders if it ever gets easier. he kind of hopes it doesn't. )
I killed HER. It, and my reasons for doing SO, weren't very popular... to put it lightLY. ( a lot of it was probably reactionary; a lot of it is still probably hurt, though. like subaru thinks, natsume isn't the type of person who seems like he would murder anyone. hurt anyone. that's the image he's cultivated here, because it's how he tries to be, but when he thinks about dying, about not seeing his way out of this school, he... ) You can think less of me if you want — you wouldn't be the first — but I thought I should be the one to tell YOU.
( instead of someone else. anyone else. )
It wasn't right of ME, and I recognize THAT. I've been scolded for assuming people's feelings recentLY, though I'm not usually one to misjudge characTER. ( but— but people here don't know that; they don't really know anything about him, even though they're on friendly enough terms, or could be considered friends.
they don't know anything about one another, not really. natsume's the worst about it. how much has he actually told anyone, when people have told him plenty? his confession at the meeting is probably the most he's spoken to any of them about anything.
natsume closes his eyes. ) I didn't like killing HER, but if I had to do it aGAIN, then I WOULD. Even if it's putting me and everyone else who liked me for even a second through all of this aGAIN, I would still do IT. I don't want to trample on other people's happinesses just to ensure my OWN, but I don't want to give my life up eiTHER.
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[that's all he gets at first, subaru fiddling with his hands as he processes it, as he makes himself think through it because it's natsume, who's been his friend since first year. his first friend, and the person who led him to the happiness he has now.
like, how is he supposed to feel?
he doesn't know. he really, really doesn't know, so–
well, his brain decides for him and tucks it away, pushes it aside like he does everything else, to deal with some other time. or not at all. his feelings, that is, because the reality it's still hanging in the air, waiting for an answer, and subaru takes in a breath.]
I don't think less of you, Natsume. 'Cause you were scared, and you're just human, too. It wasn't right, but... But you didn't do it because you wanted to, or because you thought it'd be fun, or anything like that. So it's okay.
[well. not "okay". but subaru's always struggled with heavy stuff, so he hopes. it gets across.]
... But don't do it again, okay? Even if you feel that way a second time, Natsume, you should tell someone how you feel. There's gotta be at least one person you trust here, right? I mean, besides me. So tell them. Tell me, if it happens again. You don't have to deal with stuff like that on your own.
[...]
Um. Thanks for telling me though? Even though it's 'cause someone else would anyway, I'm glad I heard it from you.
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he doesn't know how to feel when the first person who comes to mind is shuichi. he doesn't know how to feel, again, when clamor and lucifer follow after, thoughts much more tentative than his initial one. natsume slowly opens his eyes and glances at subaru, judging if he's lying — he isn't, and he knows this because subaru wears his heart on his sleeve, doesn't let a single emotion not pass his face by. it's his best and worst quality. )
...I'll think about IT, ( which is probably as close to "i will" as subaru can get, considering it's natsume. ) Don't thank me for this THOUGH. I'm aware it's a lot to take in on your first DAY.
( ... )
All of this IS.
( not just the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh murder thing. )
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time to rubber band back!]
Yup, it'll probably sort itself out! So so, tell me about the people here! What's talking that shouldn't be talking, huh? Are the clubs any good? Can we go to karaoke? Got anyone you liiiiike?
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We have a talking DOG, the clubs are FINE, we can't leave the campus GROUNDS, and I'm not telling if I do or DON'T.
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What, that sucks! The campus part, not the talking dog, that's awesome. And c'mon, if you didn't you'd just say straight out, so you do have someone you like! What're they like? Are they cute? Point 'em out to me if you can~☆
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( bye, )
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Naaatsume~ I wanna know who you're friends with so I can be friends with 'em too~! If you don't tell me now, I'll just find out myself! And you won't like that as much, I promise~. ☆
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natsume wiggles his arm away, but he isn't leaving. )
...There's a pair of twins here I enjoy the company of — Maya and Hiro Arisu. I wouldn't cross either of them if I were YOU, so be on your best behaVIOR. Hiro-kun is easier to get along WITH, so I'd start there if you're interested in making FRIENDS.
( sorry hiro )
Maya-chan is more difficult — business-minDED, but she's a very kind perSON. Don't tell her I said THAT, because I'm not interested in having her foot on mine aGAIN.
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[immediate. that means they'll get along just fine.]
Hiro and Maya, huh..? Got it! I'll keep an eye out for them~. Anyone else?
[please tell him you have more than two friends]
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...I hurt a lot of peoPLE, Baru-kun. ( firmer. ) But if you take a library book out and don't return IT, you'll meet the ghost of a young girl who will try to take your fingernail as payMENT. You can also perform a séanCE, but I doubt you know how to do one properLY. Her name is Haruka, and she is absolutely adoraBLE.
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[of course natsume would befriend a fingernail taking ghost girl]
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( ??????? maybe she does. )
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