yogen | npc contact.2

[how far back is way, waaaay back? he wants to ask, but the reverse uno of a question comes first. at the very least, he can tell it's been a good While from the vowel stretches.]

Well, now you've got me thinking of home too. Before I was just wondering if I weirded you out by saying you smelled good, Natsume gets onto me about that, too.

[smelling people... just saying how he feels.... yeah]

Was it really that far back? Way, waaaaay back. [...] I'll trade a story with you, of when things were "normal" for me in exchange for your "happy".

[he knows a few, like the shadow game they used to play with their older brother. the songs they were taught. how the rocks they sell belonged to their brother, and the "happiness" those simple stones contain. someone had to give them that thought, be it an aside or directly told, and it blossomed over time.]

aren't we making study guides and notes to be part of your get rich scheme?

( also slide? they are not playing that loud ass game in this not as silent library anymore, and there's even a little frown that appears on komaeda's face. he's... very serious about the library. )

do books bore you that much? i didn't take you for the type...
i'll reward you the game if you finish two pages on anglerfish.

( because by then he should be able to have most of the literature done, to his standards anyway, and then they can go outside the library doors and play slide. )

[ It's a hug that's a desperate hold than it is a hug, one that's maybe a little painful, one that npckun doesn't loosen their grip on after a moment. ]

Aniki said that too. That he loves me, and that he'll never leave me.

[ And then he went ahead and died. It was an accident, dad said, it was nobody's fault. But they know better. ]

He was always taking care of me, and I wouldn't leave him alone, and he didn't have any time to play or do the things he liked. Sometimes he'd go on a walk, and tell me he'd be right back, and one day he— he didn't come back, he got sick of being responsible for me and feeling like he always had to be there for me and not getting to live his own life because I couldn't— I couldn't take care of myself or do anything without being watched and I would cry when he wasn't there and I— and he left— because I was selfish and needed him and didn't want— I don't want you to feel that obligation—-

[ The pressure. The shackles that being an older brother is, even while they're doing everything they can to grow up and be self-sufficient so they wouldn't be such a burden, but it's so hard to build yourself up when one little thing happens and you crumble like sand. ]

[ sighs... their scheme to stop working and go play instead, failed... ]

I like reading, but writing is hard. I'm not good at reports, because all the information is in the book and I'm just repeating it.

[ what's the point of reports!! just read the book

Persuasive essays, though, they can do. If this were a "Convince me why the anglerfish is the coolest animal in the world" essay then they would've gotten it down pat. ]

[ Opens up the bonus page to see if anybody's bought suncatchers lately... Subaru did... Maybe they were too busy deciding on a suncatcher just for him and missed the answers, they'll get it the next time somebody buys a suncatcher, contingent on if I remember.

also don't call it a scam ]

Hehe... everybody's so noisy and funny. I'd like to go again if there's one in a couple months.

[ ... ]

Yes
Seeing as I didn't come to school the next morning

Oh, yeah it was weird.

[ Not weird enough to be a deterrent, but still weird. ]

But okay. You go first.

[ They're actually going to pull out of the hug and scoot back a little, because they like looking somebody in the face when they tell stories, so they can see the other person's expressions and gestures that paint a more vibrant picture than words do alone. ]

plagarism is no good, but you can use it as a reference.
first you start off as to what type of fish is the anglerfish, and why does it live several depths below... how it helps the ecosystem.

( he smiles, looking at what the other has already written on their paper about anglerfish, and he looks npckun in the eyes after. closing his own book and pushing away his own history and literature, he focuses on what npckun has instead. )

tell me about them, and we can make two pages out the first couple of sentences you say.
then we'll be able to play.

( sighs, thinking how their suncatchers are so cute... please they need to sell more, i just like to click them and think how cute they are. i'm crying. next time... they'll get their answers, and then they can show sara how smart they are. )

They are noisy... but they work well together, and it makes every horrible moment worth it, but they wouldn't understand...

( to see them hang with each other and have fun, play like nothing in the world is wrong... before it all comes crashing down — he loves to see it, because then they'll make it over the hill placed before them. )

Amami-kun will invite you, I'm sure... so you won't miss one at all, oh.. and Akehoshi-kun, he seems to really like you.

i'd say aren't you curious why i know, but you're probably thinking in your head that i came to see you, and learned you were gone.
...that wasn't the case at all.
someone died that day, and we found a body floating in the water... legless, unfortunately.

[ ... ]

Are you insinuating something, Nagito?

[ Like he was involved and is feigning a headache until the commotion dies down ]

nope, everything isn't about you.
do you know what happens when blood touches the school?

( "are you insinuating" "stfu this ain't about you" )

[ Why isn't everything about him? ]

The janitor gets mad

( when he becomes an ultimate. )

are you serious? do you not know?
i guess... it'd make sense, you did confirm what i wasn't sure of.
though, you have a bad habit.

( with lying. )

is it that simple, arata-kun?

Is that what you think happened?

( he's quiet for a moment, letting them cling to him with a vice grip, and all the while rubbing the same slow circles against their back.

it's only when he makes his decision that he slowly pauses the motion, voice quieter when he speaks up again, but close enough for them to hear with ease. it's story time... )

I must've mentioned it before... but I have a little sister too. She'd be around your age now, maybe a little bit older. ( hard to pin it when he's guessing at theirs. )

Anyway, when I was a kid, my whole family took a trip to another country on a boat. We got there and I— I wanted to explore, y'know? I thought I could sneak off the boat for a little while, look around, but... I didn't realize that she'd followed me. I didn't even notice. And then... somehow, she must have gotten separated from me, because she never... she never came back, after that. I...

( he bites his tongue, trailing off there. instead he takes a deep breath. in, and then a little shakily, out again. )

You asked why I'm away from home so often... The truth is, the reason I go to so many places, and I'm always traveling — it's to find her.

Sometimes I worry that— I worry that she might be thinking the same thing as you are right now. That she might think I left her behind on purpose, that I didn't want to look after her. That she might think watching her was an obligation, or that she won't forgive me when I finally do find her, for leaving her alone all that time.

( ... )

But I'll never stop looking. I'll search every inch of every country if I have to.

I'm sure... it must be the same for your brother. That no matter what, he'd do everything in his power to get home to you.

( sorry, rokkun, but he's projecting here. and maybe he should have spoken to rokkun himself, rather than trusting komaeda with that, if this was how it was going to end up. if this was how keigo felt about what happened, but... no matter what rokkun feels, amami's going to decide that for him right now. because he knows what it's like, to be an older brother. he knows what it's like to leave your little sibling behind — to fail them like this. and keigo... it's not their fault that they don't know, but somebody needs to tell them, so amami will. )

When you're a big brother, that's what you do for your younger siblings. You're there for them, and you come back for them — not because you have to, not because you feel responsible, but because you want to. You want to take care of them because they're precious to you.

[struck!!!! called weird... that's fine actually he's used to it.

but a "normal" story... subaru gets himself comfy, picking at a stray thread off his pants. the sort you get from moving around too much. he's still smiling, and while it's not forced it's definitely not beaming. more fond, like dappled sunlight.]

Dad was always a busy guy. [he thinks he's mentioned that, or at least alluded.] He was an idol, someone who shined and sparkled for so many people on a stage bigger than you could ever imagine. But when he came home, he was just... Dad. It wasn't often, [he gets why now, he does remember saying that,] so I was always super, super stoked.

[the way only a kid who doesn't get to see their busy parent often does, never resenting the busyness and simply being happy they came home at all.]

We didn't have much of a yard, but it was the perfect size for a kid, a dog, and a dad to play catch in. Daikichi, [he grins, biting back a laugh,] kept trying to jump for the ball, but was always a little short. It was fun playing puppy in the middle, and Mom'd join us from time to time, too.

[when she had free time, when she wasn't working into the night to make ends meet. he remembers the hidakas had helped, or seiya mentioned something like that, but all he remembers is sitting in front of the television, waiting with dinner from the fridge, for the familiar click and sigh of his mother, tired but happy to be off. not at home, because you can't call someplace you stay for a month or three if you're lucky home, but a shelter nonetheless.

... normal, when it was four and not three.

subaru rests forward on his knees, cupping his cheeks in his hands to keep the smile up and not from falling away. there's no tears, because he's long since dried them due to necessity, but a yearning for those days once more despite his easy-going and light tone as he sighs.]

Maaan, I miss playing baseball~. It's so fun, chasing the ball around. ☆

[He straightens just a little when Rokuro puts his hands on him, but not enough to look up, so Hinata gets to see him crouch down - and it's such a brotherly gesture, one he can picture Rokuro doing to Kogamo so clearly, that it punches him in the gut. That and the words he hears only make him cry harder.

Hinata cries like the time he can no longer remember.]

How... After everything, how can you still remember what you said...?

[Even as the tears are falling, the realization comes as Hinata speaks. It's because of the thing he said - it's clearer to him than it's ever been, now.]

...No. It's like what I told Komaeda. [Hinata twists his hands, just a little - just enough to lightly grasp Rokkun's arms and squeeze back.] The emotions and feelings matter, even if the memory isn't real or isn't there. So even if you don't know who I am... it's okay.

[It shakes at the corners, but even through the tears - Hinata smiles.]

Even if you don't remember... my heart will still grieve you. Even if you don't remember... you'll still be someone important to me that I'll do anything to help, no matter how big or small.

[ Hmmmmmm... okay. They pull a sheet of paper in front of them to start writing, still bubble letters but small, because the report is supposed to be typed and one page typed is like two pages handwritten or something. They write about deep sea fish, where it lives, how it can survive all the way down there, its role in the food chain, how cool its lure is... A lot of it is by memory from what they've just read, but they do have to look back at the book to be able to spell more complicated words like "Lophiiformes" and "bathypelagic" and also include a paragraph on anglerfish recipes.

...

It's very informative. Just not very coherent, written in that "it's like this and then like that and then—-" sort of excitable rambling way of a child talking about their favorite things and moving from topic to topic without finishing their previous thought. ]

[ oh? oh?? ]

Did he say something?!

[ Tell them...!! this is peak high school experience "I think he likes you" "really? what did he say!!" or however it goes ]

[ They're on the public forum, stop itttt ]

You tell me, [ "Nagito" ...backspaces. "Komaeda-kun" ...backspaces ] Nagito
What does bleeding have to do with anything?
Are you bleeding?

Edited 2021-09-26 22:48 (UTC)

( rokkun started it? )

why don't you come and see me right now to figure it out?
you can sneak back home afterwards...

( what's he supposed to prove here? well... well... )

...Hm?

( not the teenage romance, but it's a shame, komaeda doesn't have anything that was said directly, it's just from what he's seen. )

He's affection starved, and you happen to feed into everything that he likes... If only I had my PDA, I could show you.

[ It's what happened, or he wouldn't have gone so far or been gone for so long. If he truly loved them, or at least as much as they loved him, he would have come back— crawling on his hands and feet and dragging his bloody and broken body behind him if that's what it took.

But he died, and he's dead, and they will never know. He won't ever come back. Can't, even if he wanted to.

...

They miss him every day. ]

Your sister's lucky, to have a brother like you. [ Somebody alive, first of all, but also...

... ]

...I'm lucky too.

Wow!

( he's shocked, literally, his voice audible within the library as he reads what npckun has written for him, and it's one sentence after the other that explains the uses of an anglerfish. there's even some stuff he didn't know, which is like a majority, but he files half of this information as he looks back at npckun after skimming. he blinks once, then twice, and dhe sets the paper onto the table as he gives a final grade. )

This is the worst essay I've ever read.

( that's because it's not a very coherent write up, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't work, and have what's needed to be a proper essay. ) We can definitely use this!

( talking in the library because it surprised him that much. )

[ It's... pretty normal, yeah. Relatable, in having a father a lot of people looked up to but only getting to see him once in a while, never resenting him— at least at the time— but being happy with the time they did have together. Playing catch... having a pet, having a mother, those are less familiar things, but easy enough to imagine; it's a happy family in their mind, with all the characters based off of the person in front of them, even the dog. ]

...That sounds nice.

[ Normal. Mundane. The sort of life they yearn for. It makes them smile, a little nostalgic, a little jealous. ]

Were you bad at catch? Since you had to chase the ball so much.

npc contact.2

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sorry for the full-length novel

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bro I don't have enough crying icons for this

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