(closed) this ain't build a bitch

[commences]

Who: Nagito Komaeda & anyone who hits me up
What: October Catch-all
When: 10/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA

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i'm filled with flaws and attitude,
so if you need perfect, i'm not built for you.

This post serves as a place for me to gather all of Komaeda's closed threads, starters, miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at sakasaki

Comments

[mermaidcursed]

( nene almost stops to tell him about the mokke- little kleptomaniacs who nearly killed her, begged for her help to change their rumors, and found peace... mostly, they were trying so hard to take a seat as a mystery, after all. but they're already a little off track, and she doesn't want to diverge too much.

at the question, nene simply smiles. )

Am I supposed to take the word of a jailor at face value? Accept that a prison in the middle of construction is airtight without any cracks? ... I will not kill. Not to escape, or anything else. There's another way- there always will be.

( of course, that sounds rather silly when one remembers her making amane bike her around the city for hours trying to find a crack in the walls. )

Kou-kun went with Mitsuba-kun... I didn't ever get the chance to ask him what happened while we were separated. But Hanako-kun's double- I asked him for help looking around the city. But no matter how far from the tower we went, Shijima-san was there, waiting and watching.

Eventually, well into the night, a paintbrush approached and told me there was another way. ( here, she frowns. ) Hanako-kun's double... he broke the brush in half and knocked me out before it could finish writing the message out. After a while, I woke up while he was carrying me, so I thought I'd pretend to still be asleep and see if he'd say anything.

Kou-kun and him got into an argument, while I was like that. Once he got back to the school, I mean. Because it was really Hanako-kun all along, pretending, just for a little while, to be one of us. And that's when I learned... as of that night, I had less than a year to live.

( she'd thought the words would feel heavier when she finally said them- she had told clamor, and that was it. even natsume- who she'd told almost everything else- didn't truly know. amami was given hints, but... amami ultimately lives in his own world, devoted only to the ones he loves. what hints a girl he barely knows drops don't really matter until she matters too. )

I don't know if Hanako-kun asked Shijima-san to make that world, or if he just took advantage of it. But in order to save my life, he was going to keep me there in a paradise. He'd let Mitsuba-kun regain his life there, too. Let Kou-kun be with him. ... But he was going to leave, and Shijima-san would have to watch over a gilded cage. For as long as they could sustain me. If Hanako-kun left the world behind, I don't know if his double would have remained, either.

( not because killing him was an option- despite the knife being thrust into her hands, she wouldn't consider it then and it doesn't cross her mind now. but the question lingers. and it does for a reason. )

He brought me to the tower after that, and locked me in a little prison. Once the painting was finished, I would lose my memories of the real world, he'd said. A paradise would be all I'd ever known.

[commences]

How unfortunate, a world where it would become your norm... a world where you'd live forever — such a concept is only illustrated to be your downfall.

( but it could have been her gain, something she would have been able to hold onto until she died, or if she ever died in that set up built for her. though, she would still lose considering she was unsure if her friend would remain, but that doesn't matter. once her memory was rewritten, she wouldn't know anything was out of place, but maybe she would feel it, an inkling of something wrong. as komaeda threw away hope, he didn't know the feeling, until the end, until there was something wrong in his simulation that gave him the chance to break free.

would there be anyone like that for her? though, it'd be up to her to break from that shell, to move forward to escape such a trapped world, it's all the stuff one would see in a movie as komaeda listens attentively. )

A gilded cage, you were his bird... with the opportunity to fly away because of your short life span, but there... you would be protected, you would have everything... you'd forgo freedom.

( and that is an easy end, that isn't hope at all, what hope is made out of that when she didn't do anything, but this isn't about his thoughts, this is about hers. )

What did you do, Yashiro-san? Obviously you're here with your memories...

[mermaidcursed]

Mmm... I talked with Shijima-san, and I got to learn her wish. ... She was born from the desire of a sickly girl named Shijima Mei. All she wanted was to keep drawing, but she was hospitalized... the Shijima-san I knew was an idealized version of her, healthy and able to draw forever. But she wished she could bring back the living Shijima Mei and take her place, to protect her from rumors surrounding her death...

She and I were the same. We both wanted to live. We both wanted to outrun our fate...

( and they both failed. kazuki had said that not everyone remembered their deaths- that the last things they remember didn't mean that they died around that time... but she has a certain feeling that things went wrong. she remembers the hospital though, she remembers shijima trying to kill her living counterpart before she could have been wished into existence, and shijima quietly encouraging her after everything.

she remembers that anguished smile hanako gave her. )

We came to an understanding. But Hanako-kun is the strongest of the supernaturals in our school. Even if we wanted to, we could never fight him. And the paintbrush was the remains of one of Shijima-san's copies that oversaw the painted world- she'd survived, and when Kou-kun and Mitsuba-kun rejoined us, we decided to find the 'backdoor' to the world, hidden in a place neither Hanako-kun nor Mitsuba-kun, as the main characters of the dream, could reach.

The moon.

We had to climb to the very top of the tower, and Shijima-san and Kou-kun distracted Hanako-kun while Mitsuba-kun and I tried to go around them. But we still needed to get to the moon... so... we got a bike and cart. I was gonna ride it to the moon, and you know, I really did get us into the sky! Past the clouds even! ( and if she sounds a little excited here, who could blame her? ) ... Hanako-kun tried to stop us, and I fell off though- he caught me. ... And...

Then we talked. Really talked. Because as nice as paradise is... I want to live. I want to live my life as best as I can, regardless of what the world throws at me. Locking me up, handing me a fake happiness.... who could live like that? And... ultimately, despite everything. He did too. ... It's why he tried that to begin with. And I really don't think it was his first option.

( but desperation drives people to terrible things, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. ...of course she wants mitsuba to get to live. of course she wants a real chance at a life with hanako. the painted owlrd was beautiful and wonderful, but paintings aren't meant to be experienced so literally.

but then nene goes quiet, looking away as she sets the mug down. )

The last thing I remember is leaving Shijima's boundary, returning to the world of the living. A few days later, exam dates were posted. And then...

And then I woke up here.