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(closed) this ain't build a bitch
Who: Nagito Komaeda & anyone who hits me up
What: October Catch-all
When: 10/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA
What: October Catch-all
When: 10/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA
i'm filled with flaws and attitude,
so if you need perfect, i'm not built for you.
This post serves as a place for me to gather all of Komaeda's closed threads, starters, miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at ![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
sakasaki
October 1st, After the Presentation
nene doesn't expect anyone to truly sleep easy tonight. but it's a surprise that she doesn't seem to run into anyone on her way to the kitchen. maybe people just... want to be alone after all that? she can understand. she'll want to return to noah or hanako's side soon. but for right now? it's time to revisit the past, a little.
she remembers being a child, standing beneath the counter while her mom or dad gets her favorite mug- the stir of a spoon scraping against ceramic as it stirs inside, the smell of cinnamon and honey, clutching her blanket to her chest. it was something that an american friend of her dad had told them- warm milk with honey and a bit of cinnamon will soothe any night problem and put you to sleep.
so there she is in the kitchen, mixing up a simple comfort, when she hears someone walk in. ... ah. )
Komaeda-san. I thought you'd be checking on the others.
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( natsume left and was one of the people komaeda wanted to check on, so following him to the student council office — he decided to turn around. it wasn't a shocking sight considering their previous conversations, so he came back to the dorms, back to the presentation, and then escorted helena outside for a breath of fresh air. he guesses that's what nene means by komaeda checking up on others, but it's not like she's wrong. )
...Hm, you haven't retreated back to your room?
( not that's where cowards hide, but the tension was so high in the room that no one really wanted to deal with others. considering his room has quite the set of people, he doesn't find going back there immediately to be the answer, and so he's come to make him something to drink as well. he opens the refrigerator, pulling out the carton of milk as he looks for a simple bowl to pour it in. )
Considering the mood, I thought it'd become unbearable for someone as positive as you. ( he stares at the bowl as he pours, making sure not to reach the rim of it before he stops. that'll be enough. )
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( sprinkle a little cinnamon into the milk... stir stir stir stir. ... wait, komaeda, are you drinking out of a bowl... fucking superb, you funky danganronpa. )
It's not that. I wanted to stay. But I wasn't needed there as much, so I went where I was. I think I was able to say what I needed to, at least, and if I've missed anything, I can always ask someone.
( she inhales, exhales, takes a taste sip of the milk... yeah, that's a good mix. but in a way, komaeada and nene have something in common: they want to support others. so if he's made his rounds already... has anyone checked on him? )
How are you feeling?
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She must be alright then... if she allowed you to leave her to sleep.
( perhaps that's what he's hoping for anyway, she's a strong child, but there are still some parts of the conversation that placed between a few people. ) Hmm... if I shouldn't say this, forgive me, but thank you for watching over her. I spoke with her for a bit, but I can tell I did nothing but become irritable.
( he's turning around now so that he can put the milk back where he found it, and his eyes scan what else is inside to see if there's any food leftover from lucifer's cooking or... just something that's simple, maybe turkey that's been cut into slices, or ham. his attention derails at her question, slightly confused because... yeah, no one asks him that aside from hinata, and so to hear someone else... he's hesitant. )
...Oh, I thought it was a nice gathering, pretty loud.
( he doesn't know what to say, but he closes the fridge as he turns towards her. ) Are you okay?
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( so many people tried to get through to stephanie, stephanie tried to get through to them. emotions were high, and a lot of people learned a very terrible truth. accusations were made... ... things were going to boil over, and no one knew how to truly handle it. maybe amami had it best, but even then... something still seemed off. )
Nice, huh? I don't think a lot of people would agree, since everyone was so upset. But that's not what I was asking. ... You don't have to answer, though.
( with the question turned on her, nene holds the hot mug close, like she's absorbing it's warmth. )
... It was a relief, kind of. I'd just learned that- that we're all dead, just a week or so earlier. I didn't know what to do with that- who to tell, or how. But... Senpai had it covered, I guess.
( but that's only for the meeting, really. there's still the heartbreak that comes from learning she and hanako had failed, that she doesn't even know how it happened. with her luck, she probably fell on the stairs or something. hah. )
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( drowning it to the point it was dying, and so people went against her, and she against them. komaeda's not a a gardener, but he knows the basics when it comes to offering hope to others to use as a way of growing — but at the end of the day, graduation wasn't the piece that was meant to be brought up. it was accepting their position of how they were dead. he doesn't blame stephanie though, it's not like she was wrong for her ways, but that doesn't mean anyone else was. at being thanked, he shakes his head. )
Amami-kun did more when reasoning, there's no need to thank me.
( the way he was trying to explain to her, but it seems even then it was difficult, and so to know that nene managed with her is a good thing. that stephanie didn't block them all out. )
Are you upset that we're dead? ( komaeda had known for awhile, he exchanged thoughts with natsume, but these place did feel like purgatory to him — the reason why there's no animals is probably because they all go to heaven or something, or why there's lackthereof. ) Some people are allowing this to get to them, cripple their efforts of moving forward, and then there are some who can take it in stride.
( komaeda's killed himself before, so death doesn't mean much to him. )
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( and sometimes, that's all you can do. in terms of gardening- and this has come up with them before- nene's the gentler of them. if komaeda plucks away the dying leaves, nene coaxes them back to health. komaeda sees the drowning seed, nene diverts the water. or, she's learning to, anyways.
it's simply who they both are. and yet, nene digs in her heels for things that can't be fixed, and komaeda doesn't see the difference between damaged and repairable and dead.
... is she upset that they're dead? yes. of course she is. she was 15, and just getting started. there was so many things she wanted to do, not as some next life but as her. nene looks away, before looking back up at komaeda. )
The last thing I remember... ( she grips the mug a bit tighter, sighing. ) Can I tell you a story?
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10/18 — subaru, amami
( he reaches out, gripping at the sleeve of his shirt to pull him along towards the art room, and he can hear the light tapping of amami behind him. komaeda glances back to make sure he's still there, his eyes remain brief on the ultimate before he turns away. ) ...you're cordially invited to Survival Club as long as you can pass the initiation.
( normally they'd go outside for this, but instead, they'll all be pulled into the club room with other members, and the first thing komaeda does is make sure that rokkun isn't exactly here. the last thing he probably wants is subaru and amami in the same space, and it's not like komaeda's considerate to that, but it's something to think about at times. his brain shuts off however, and he releases subaru's sleeve as they make their way to the center of the room. )
You've been to the beach before, haven't you? ( there's a hand on his hip, as he takes a step back, and looks at them both one after the other as he ignores the other students inside. this is club time, but this is there club time. ) What's the most dangerous animal there? 10... 7... 4...
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Um, the humans?
[what he's learned in murder school is,
that. he'll... look at amami too, what's his answer. subaru doesn't know if he wants to join the survival club, but he was cordially invited so he's hard pressed to say no at the same time. besides, it's komaeda asking, and komaeda is a name on the astronomy club's list. and also he was reached out for, from someone who doesn't seem to like physical contact that much, so. there are a lot of reasons.]
guess who just found this thread bc i didn't track it
uh, well, okay. let's see... )
Even if it's technically correct... I'm not sure if humans would normally be counted as animals.
( it feels like a cheat answer? like the kind of trick question that you're asked before the nature guide launches into their spiel about making sure you take nothing but pictures, and leave nothing but footprints. though, it feels kind of off to just call out subaru's answer when he hasn't put forth one of his own. giving it some thought, he'll point at nothing in particular as he decides on his. )
It'd normally be jellyfish, right? The ones you'll find in Australia can be pretty scary.
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( he crosses his arms, with a smile that's the same as always, always excited to give ultimates the extra mileage no matter what they say. it's for a moment though until it dies down, he shouldn't be this happy, not after the things he's done, and so he looks away. it's been a long week, and it seems that subaru and amami are both very chummy considering the fact subaru looked at amami. )
...Um.
( he clears his throat before turning back towards the two, an arm on his hip as he points to the back corner. )
Box Jellyfish, Sea Wasp, and even the Irukandji can be dangerous if you come into contact with them, one sting and your life is over... ahahaha! Pretty neat that lives can be taken by one touch... ( he sighs, but turning away, he runs to the back, and he brings out something fitting for the conversation — a little example. ) So to become acquainted with the dangers of the sea, obviously you have to craft them! They're also loved by people who are interested in the concept!
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wait no he doesn't. they can stay away.]
Oh, that's actually pretty cute looking! Didja make it yourself, Maddy~? I guess even someone like you can have a delicate touch once in a while. ♪
[subaru's excited though... he likes crafting things. doing things with his hands. he wants to do it.]
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( they're cute little lanterns, that's for sure. actually...
... )
Are we allowed to keep the ones we make?
( this could go real well with the nature theme he and kamo-kun are gonna have going in their room, and some additional light sources for overnight could go over real well with them. )
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10/12 — hinata
there's only so many left, and the thought pains komaeda as he looks towards hinata, at times wondering if he'll be just a memory too, the next set of rocks that build a gorinto, and the stepping stone for others.
...
it's going to be a long night, he thinks, with his back pressed against the door. )
You should sleep, Hinata-kun...
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How the hell am I supposed to sleep, knowing he's out there? [The fists at his sides are so tight that his nails almost draw blood.] Are you really going to keep me trapped in here like this all night?
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( it rolls off his tongue, no name attached to whoever that mystery person is, and it makes him feel even more entitled to his actions. he remains in front of the door, arms crossed while accepting the way hinata looks at him, and it's almost painful — it's been awhile, but komaeda prepared him for him, for when he'll betray hinata. )
Don't look at me like that Hinata-kun... especially when you're not the only one who has lost someone.
( komaeda lost hinata, too, in a way, so the irony of this directed at him is quite hilarious, but he seems to forgotten how to laugh. )
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[It almost makes him see red, just to say it. Just to know that he's out there and Komaeda is keeping him pinned in here in the meantime.
"I guess I might only be imagining it, but... it almost feels like you've been working even harder this year."
Hinata's eyes burn.]
Do... Do you actually think I don't know that? I know there's a whole life here I forgot, but- do you seriously think I went to club with my eyes closed, that I didn't see you with Saihara or Amami with Kawai-?!
[He doesn't realize his voice has even raised to a shout until his fist is striking the bed behind him.]
Of course I know, I know what he took from us! God damn it, Komaeda, why the hell do you think I'm angry in the first place?!
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Stop seeing me.
( if this is how it works, if hinata's eyes didn't perceive things like that then maybe he could base this around just his emotions. don't be angry for him too, there's no need to overcomplicate it, it's not the first time someone has been taken from komaeda, and it sure won't be the last, and if he can help it — if he can beat his own luck, he won't let that same person take hinata too. )
You're weak, you have nothing that can combat against him. ( he sizes hinata up, but doesn't move from his location against the door. ) All you're doing is making a fool of yourself, run out there, and he'll drive that same spear through you as well.
( his words draw to a flat line, tired, no longer wearing that calming smile of his as a hand lifts up to run through his hair, he pushes back a few backs behind his ear — they slip from under, his one tickling against the bridge of his nose as it falls back into place. )
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[It comes out sharp, but it doesn't last. Hinata's expression flickers, more wounded now than raw. The words hit him where it hurts.]
Look, I... I know I'm not strong like Nidai or Owari. I don't even know what my talent is, right? [The words burrow into his chest, feel like a poison burning his veins.] But... You can't just expect me to sit here and do nothing when that bastard is wandering around out there free as a bird. Even if I'd be useless against him... there's no way I can just accept that.
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10/20 — joshua
komaeda doesn't actually have a home, he's hardly wanted in the first place, let alone thinking he has a place to call his own. komaeda's silent at first as he rests in the pillows, laying flat on his back, bangs fell over so his forehead visible and free, and his eyes watch joshua freely. )
How are you holding up, Kiryuu-kun?
( he asks because in that week, the other was a presence who had been missing — him and add, those two are a certainty in his life, and close enough to where komaeda doesn't feel brushed off, and that's that's brings komaeda to inquire, to pick at joshua's brain, but also to have his company alone again. )
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going home was almost pointless.
he still remembers how he got back here, even though he doesn't. the same way as when he'd crossed over to the UG...which stirred up memories he'd thought he'd gotten over. he came back to deal with Dito, probably a little bit more aggressively than he normally would, and now...here he was.
alone with his thoughts, and Komaeda.
at least Komaeda is almost a comforting presence in a way, because the other doesn't pry. he doesn't pry, and he's not bloodthirsty like Dito...so the energy he has to use is so much less than the other students here.
but the question brings him back to reality, blinking a little as he registers what the other had said. how was he holding up?
well.]
You could call me Josh, or Joshua you know.
[he's not going to answer at all, leaning back slightly in his bed as he glances over at Komaeda.]
I think it's about time you've started calling me that instead.
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( it's an idea to call someone by their first name, it makes things all the more authentic. he knows how hinata calls people by their last name, rude without honorifics, and he knows others who would say first names to make it more affectionate than it is — as for komaeda, he keeps a special, but distant relationship by these means, and if he's irritated, he'll drop the honorifics to show that. he respect joshua enough, and that's why he calls to him like he does.
he respects his rights to not be an overly annoying presence in his vicinity, he respects it enough so that he doesn't look more than anything because it doesn't seem like a place for him.
arms cross along his stomach, and he responds: )
But I won't.
( who knows if this is all about comfort values, the though terrifies him actually, the undertones that calling someone by their first name has — it rings bells, people notice, they start to inquire the nature of their relationship. he didn't take joshua to be the type, but he's a rather free kindred spirit like komaeda, but the ultimate dislikes the notion of someone using his first name, and that's because there's a reason he put up that glass wall.
he can't want it, or something bad will happen, even if it's something that sounds nice in theory, to be close to someone that they can equally use their first names, to be friendly... it sounds like a dream, a fantasy he's never known... but in practice that's just...
he blinks, and when he opens his eyes, he can hear the sound of a thump on the floor, joshua's head rolling along the pillows, and then his body falling over. he blinks again, and things are normal, and so he finds himself smiling despite the brief break in reality.
he likes the reality how it is. )
You didn't answer what I asked.
( he knows joshua does that, he knows he normally asks the questions, and he listens to people's answers. )
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[he knows that there are the types in Japan that live-or-die by honorifics and courtesy. he never really cared too much about that sort of thing, but he didn't know if he ever respected anyone enough to care in the first place.
but then Komaeda comes back around to the question again, while Joshua had thought that he'd brushed it off. there were some things that the other would pry into and some that he wouldn't -- but he'd noticed that he was very eerily perceptive. sometimes when Komaeda looks at him, he thinks that the other can see right through him, read his thoughts maybe, even though he wasn't a Player or a Reaper. it sort of disarms him sometimes, and it reminds him of Hanekoma, always able to tell when Joshua was upset or thinking too much about something.
he kind of hates it. Neku had been perceptive about some things, but at times Joshua had been able to redirect his thinking and distract him. he'd wanted to know Joshua well enough to read his thoughts without using his abilities, but that was an ability Joshua didn't want to extend further than Hanekoma.
somehow, though, Komaeda had slipped through.
Joshua pushes through his thoughts enough to make himself relax, leaning forward over his bent legs now to put a more serene, but fake smile on his face.]
I'm fine. [fuckin liar] Why would I be anything but that?
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Don't think that way, Kiryuu-kun, it's for the best...
( the concept of it does make him nervous that he had to make sure "kiryuu" left from his mouth first and foremost, it stayed at the front of his mind when speaking, too. he doesn't deserve to be close in any shape or form... )
You're thinking too much. ( about what, komaeda doesn't care to learn at the moment, and instead he goes back to his original question. )
Too many possibilities, too many formulas... I think you can be selfish, so tell me... how are you?
( is he fine in the way of saying he's fine with how he is around others? that's the general consensus around komaeda, but it's not about that at all. )
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[but then Komaeda's just so goddamn persistent, and his facade almost cracks. but that's what the other wants, so as difficult as it is, he's trying to keep that mask up.
even though when things get too personal, he can't help it.]
I believe you're seeing things that aren't there, Komaeda. [time to try to brush it under the rug.] Perhaps a little tired from dealing with my dog, but I wouldn't tell the average person that.
[weariness is weakness, no matter what form it's in.]
Other than that, my month has been going perfectly fine.
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