![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
(closed) this ain't build a bitch
Who: Nagito Komaeda & anyone who hits me up
What: October Catch-all
When: 10/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA
What: October Catch-all
When: 10/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA
i'm filled with flaws and attitude,
so if you need perfect, i'm not built for you.
This post serves as a place for me to gather all of Komaeda's closed threads, starters, miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at ![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
sakasaki
no subject
( but the tower wasn't the truly important thing, not at the moment. )
The boy who looked like Hanako-kun- he was just like him but taller, living- I could touch him without phasing through. He had the same interests, the same favorite food- ( the same interest in her legs. ) -everything. And as far as the class was concerned, he'd always been there.
( he put up with her tests so well, even if it was kind of bullying on her end- and he still asked her out on a date. it would have been nice... but. that was the point of everything, wasn't it? )
We did normal class things- he read from the lessons perfectly, we cleaned the class together, and we all cleaned the outdoor pool together too. Mitsuba-kun fit in just right, too. But at one point, when taking a break... Kou-kun and I saw a girl wearing a different school uniform. Aoi-chan and Akane-kun thought she might have been one of the local legends: Shijima of the Art Room. But as they were telling us her story, they crumbled apart like they were made of stone and plaster...
And everyone thought that was normal, too. That they'd be back soon.
( how many times has she seen aoi die in front of her now? finding her as a ball-jointed doll, now that... nene closes her eyes for a moment, before sighing. )
Mitsuba-kun let it slip that he knew something was up, first. He'd tried to distract me and Kou-kun from- from having watched my best friend and her childhood friend just crumbling apart like that, and when he pushed too much, Kou-kun snapped at him. And he said, "What can you do, anyway? This world isn't even real." Me and Kou-kun had to chase him down, after that.
... So... What do you think that world was, Komaeda-kun?
no subject
( for someone who lives in a world with ghosts and seeing spirits, one where everything is different from the excitable norm — nene wasn't meant to live in a world where her friends were alive, or hanako was even... a literal human with an actual life. it all sounds made up, a dream that people wish for that shouldn't come true, or they'll become sinners for making such a world true. her story is not too far off from rokkun's dream, every person that he reached out to crumbled into dust, and he listens a little closer, taking ever piece of her story to see if it's anything connected to his.
luckily this is her story and not his, so that's a book he'll open for another day. )
From what you told me, the answer is locked away in all your words... I should use context clues.
( he leans up, looking towards the light above. )
It's like a story, something out of a game... what isn't real, but mirrors reality down to every miniscule aspect, but can be warped to your liking. Since you said it was like a "story" or something out of a "game"... it's neither of those, you would have used other means to compare it. ( he looks over to nene now, reading her expression to know if he's right or not. ) Next you mentioned legends, and then art... legends are normally crafted after what happened in the past, and I believe you're capable enough to figure those out... they never change.
( he sighs, clearing his throat for a moment which makes his next guess one he'll shoot in the dark with. ) You also mention art, it reminds me Okane-san's painting, the one that was depicted after the wisteria. It's the same, but can be different depending on the artist... everything was the same, but almost like it was catered to you and your friend's liking. The world on a canvas isn't truly real, after all... in a way, it was a hopeless world to me, considering everything was catered enough that you could accept it as real, if you wanted...
no subject
Oh, but they do change. That's part of my job. ... Supernaturals, back home anyways, need to be remembered. Spoken about. But they also have to act in accordance to the stories about them- if their stories are forgotten, or if they act out of line of it, they fade away or worse. I set stories back to right, or change them from something less harmful. Words have power... mangling a legend can do more than you may think.
( but he's got it. so she takes another sip of her drink before continuing her tale. )
The painted world... was beautiful. The clouds were perfectly fluffy. The sky, the bluest blues. Even though we live in a city, the stars were so crisp and clear. ... I don't think it's existence was a bad thing- a sort of paradise that exists in art. But... that doesn't mean I wanted to stay there.
Shijima-san told me and Kou-kun, when we went to her tower, that to escape we had to kill the "main characters" of the world- the people who it truly catered to. The living brought back, allowed another chance. If we wanted to escape, we had to kill Mitsuba-kun and Hanako-kun's double.
no subject
( change them from something harmful seems a tad unfair, especially if they were made that way, but supernatural entities are not komaeda's forte, rather, the only supernatural aspect about him is his luck — aside from that he's all human, well, if they count the despair that rests inside of him. though, that's not a legend, but a disease that runs through the synapse of his body. )
...It's existence isn't bad at a glance, but would you want someone to live in a world where... everything's perfect, nothing is worked for... nothing gained, just given. A world like that which isn't created by your own brand of hope isn't a world living in, no matter how beautiful.
( a painted world would be the world komaeda lived in after his death, the shock his mind went through because he was alone, because he knew the love of no one — to emit himself into a location far and deep within the recesses of data where no one could save him, and he lives a world where... he was meant to technically be happy, where he had friends, people he supported, and others depended on him back.
...
he disliked that world. )
...Really?
( he lifts his head to look up at her — the protagonists — it's familiar, and why is that? because to leave that state of existence that was catered to him, he willingly killed himself, and that brought an end to the simulation. but for them, the people that meant to live in that world, he wonders. )
It must sound silly to ask them to kill themselves, but... ( he pauses, watching her. ) what was your choice?
no subject
at the question, nene simply smiles. )
Am I supposed to take the word of a jailor at face value? Accept that a prison in the middle of construction is airtight without any cracks? ... I will not kill. Not to escape, or anything else. There's another way- there always will be.
( of course, that sounds rather silly when one remembers her making amane bike her around the city for hours trying to find a crack in the walls. )
Kou-kun went with Mitsuba-kun... I didn't ever get the chance to ask him what happened while we were separated. But Hanako-kun's double- I asked him for help looking around the city. But no matter how far from the tower we went, Shijima-san was there, waiting and watching.
Eventually, well into the night, a paintbrush approached and told me there was another way. ( here, she frowns. ) Hanako-kun's double... he broke the brush in half and knocked me out before it could finish writing the message out. After a while, I woke up while he was carrying me, so I thought I'd pretend to still be asleep and see if he'd say anything.
Kou-kun and him got into an argument, while I was like that. Once he got back to the school, I mean. Because it was really Hanako-kun all along, pretending, just for a little while, to be one of us. And that's when I learned... as of that night, I had less than a year to live.
( she'd thought the words would feel heavier when she finally said them- she had told clamor, and that was it. even natsume- who she'd told almost everything else- didn't truly know. amami was given hints, but... amami ultimately lives in his own world, devoted only to the ones he loves. what hints a girl he barely knows drops don't really matter until she matters too. )
I don't know if Hanako-kun asked Shijima-san to make that world, or if he just took advantage of it. But in order to save my life, he was going to keep me there in a paradise. He'd let Mitsuba-kun regain his life there, too. Let Kou-kun be with him. ... But he was going to leave, and Shijima-san would have to watch over a gilded cage. For as long as they could sustain me. If Hanako-kun left the world behind, I don't know if his double would have remained, either.
( not because killing him was an option- despite the knife being thrust into her hands, she wouldn't consider it then and it doesn't cross her mind now. but the question lingers. and it does for a reason. )
He brought me to the tower after that, and locked me in a little prison. Once the painting was finished, I would lose my memories of the real world, he'd said. A paradise would be all I'd ever known.
no subject
( but it could have been her gain, something she would have been able to hold onto until she died, or if she ever died in that set up built for her. though, she would still lose considering she was unsure if her friend would remain, but that doesn't matter. once her memory was rewritten, she wouldn't know anything was out of place, but maybe she would feel it, an inkling of something wrong. as komaeda threw away hope, he didn't know the feeling, until the end, until there was something wrong in his simulation that gave him the chance to break free.
would there be anyone like that for her? though, it'd be up to her to break from that shell, to move forward to escape such a trapped world, it's all the stuff one would see in a movie as komaeda listens attentively. )
A gilded cage, you were his bird... with the opportunity to fly away because of your short life span, but there... you would be protected, you would have everything... you'd forgo freedom.
( and that is an easy end, that isn't hope at all, what hope is made out of that when she didn't do anything, but this isn't about his thoughts, this is about hers. )
What did you do, Yashiro-san? Obviously you're here with your memories...
no subject
She and I were the same. We both wanted to live. We both wanted to outrun our fate...
( and they both failed. kazuki had said that not everyone remembered their deaths- that the last things they remember didn't mean that they died around that time... but she has a certain feeling that things went wrong. she remembers the hospital though, she remembers shijima trying to kill her living counterpart before she could have been wished into existence, and shijima quietly encouraging her after everything.
she remembers that anguished smile hanako gave her. )
We came to an understanding. But Hanako-kun is the strongest of the supernaturals in our school. Even if we wanted to, we could never fight him. And the paintbrush was the remains of one of Shijima-san's copies that oversaw the painted world- she'd survived, and when Kou-kun and Mitsuba-kun rejoined us, we decided to find the 'backdoor' to the world, hidden in a place neither Hanako-kun nor Mitsuba-kun, as the main characters of the dream, could reach.
The moon.
We had to climb to the very top of the tower, and Shijima-san and Kou-kun distracted Hanako-kun while Mitsuba-kun and I tried to go around them. But we still needed to get to the moon... so... we got a bike and cart. I was gonna ride it to the moon, and you know, I really did get us into the sky! Past the clouds even! ( and if she sounds a little excited here, who could blame her? ) ... Hanako-kun tried to stop us, and I fell off though- he caught me. ... And...
Then we talked. Really talked. Because as nice as paradise is... I want to live. I want to live my life as best as I can, regardless of what the world throws at me. Locking me up, handing me a fake happiness.... who could live like that? And... ultimately, despite everything. He did too. ... It's why he tried that to begin with. And I really don't think it was his first option.
( but desperation drives people to terrible things, and the road to hell is paved with good intentions. ...of course she wants mitsuba to get to live. of course she wants a real chance at a life with hanako. the painted owlrd was beautiful and wonderful, but paintings aren't meant to be experienced so literally.
but then nene goes quiet, looking away as she sets the mug down. )
The last thing I remember is leaving Shijima's boundary, returning to the world of the living. A few days later, exam dates were posted. And then...
And then I woke up here.