yogen | i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

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i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

Who: Whoever's in the dormitories
When: Friday, October 1st
What: It's time for a little lecture. And a genuine information meeting. But mostly a lecture.
Warnings: N/A please don't make me change this.

( Early in the morning, a curious text gets posted. )

N.Sakasaki

DRM-STDYHLL
1800HRS

( ...In less coded news, the dormitory's study hall will have a note taped to it:

Yogen and You: A Quick Summary
Held by Natsume Sakasaki

For those who need a summary of events, whether because our meetings rarely get anything done in terms of information sharing or because you're freshly awakened. Come around dinner time for food, enlightenment, and the opportunity to share your troubles with those going through the same thing.

The room will be locked all day until about half an hour before six, at which point it will become unlocked... this is primarily for Natsume to set up a table of food, but people can come sit in early if they like. There's an overhead projector that's been wheeled into the study hall all the way from school, and the curtains are drawn over the windows. It isn't dark though, since he still has the lights turned on...

Several tables have been pushed together to make at least three groups, chairs around them like they've been readied for a dinner party, while a few more are pushed a little further back and have absolutely no chairs whatsoever; those are for the food. There's also a chair by the overhead projector.

Your food and drink for tonight: lemon and rosemary roasted shrimp, white rice, rosemary and thyme chicken, a make-your-own-salad area with all kinds of salad-making ingredients, three types of eggrolls (seafood, vegetable, and pork), and various drinks from the vending machine because some of us can afford to spend a bunch of merit points on things like that.

When a sufficient amount of people have come in, or the clock hits 6:05, Natsume shuts the door, turns off the lights, and moves to the overhead projector. To stand on the chair, so he's the tallest person in here, and claps his hands to get people's attention. )

Save all questions and outbursts until the END, ( he says, and then kneels down on the chair and flicks the projector on.

All of the slides are pre-written on some transparent sheets that project onto a wall without windows, which he reads one by one without rushing! But for ease of reading OOCly, you can find the entire thing here. There's also photocopied handouts for people on all of the tables, stapled of course, so people who aren't blind (sorry Helena) can follow along at home!

He lets the last sheet stay up, his face half-illuminated by the overhead projector, then sits down in the chair and leans forward the back of it like some kind of delinquent. )

Alright, you can speak NOW.

( ooc notes: go ahead and treat this like one of our meetings, aka mingle, jump around, actually get a chance to share information that hasn't been talked about yet, etc. thank you plenty to enh and peace too for reviewing and suggesting things for the presentation \o/ )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Now you're all equally up to date with the same information, it's pretty amazing.

( but the reactions, everyone has their own time accepting, and so it's best to be patience until everyone can find the answers that they're looking for. )

...When he died there originally, he came here, just like the rest of us.

Yes. That much, I've figured out. And I've also determined that perhaps it wasn't a memory we touched at all, but more like a dream. Something where what we see and what we are happen to be quite mutable.

[shaking her head a little, she taps her stylus on the paper.]

I'm a writer and a poet, Komaeda. Such a world is where one pulls inspiration from.

It was both.

( he shrugs, looking off to the side. ) Both a memory, and a dream that haunts him, but I believe he told me... during that time, he...

( he chuckles, shaking his head with a smile despite helena not being able to see it. )

I'm glad you've got quite the insight! Learning from what was shown to us, I find it pretty grateful we can use his hopes to apply to ours... I'd say thank him, but he wanted me to tell you that he remembers what happened to him, and that he's fine.

Strange, isn't it. That I would not know him even if he walked right beside me, but he knows enough probably to fear me.

[slowly, she takes the slate out of her notebook, flipping the page to check her last sentence.]

Just because he says he's fine doesn't mean he is. If he doesn't fear you, then please, keep an eye on him. I think he's gone through enough.

...I could have lied to him, but he knows every person that's taken part.

( his eyes looks at the notebook, blinking as if he's trying to see what's written, but if it's all in braille, he fails this. )

He's always thought negative things, been on the bad side of luck... but as long as he has something to chase after, a goal set before him that's in his reach... He doesn't have time to fear you, ahaha.

( he pauses, thinking on helena's words on rokkun not fearing him, and he hums in thought. )

I'm not the best person, Adams-san, but I'd never leave his hope unwatched...

[unfortunately for him, it's all Braille.]

Then you're doing all you can, and I thank you for it.

[sighing slightly, her hand with the stylus comes up to touch her temple.]

It's so loud here, and with everyone's voices echoing off the walls...

[she has a headache, though it's more from clenching her jaw and her body so tightly to make them not move, not speak.]

Do you want to leave...

( he's not good with the noise either, but he did stay for certain reasons — for hope, for stephanie, for natsume, and the list goes on and on, but in the end, he knows he's not entirely wanted. )

This will go on because of their search for what's right and what's wrong... though, some are missing the point, and others need to drill it within their skulls.

( he gets up, extending his mechanical arm towards helena. )

...If only they weren't trapped into having a single thought control their every word and actions, then perhaps... hm, anyway, maybe we can disappear for thirty minutes, and then return?

That would be ideal.

[it's alright to leave her notebook there, since no one else can read it - her thoughts are her own thoughts, and it'll be a symbol that she's coming back later. instead, she picks up her cane and takes Komaeda's hand - wherever they can go that'll be quieter than this room, and away from this talk that makes her want to scream.]

We could go back to your room... but it's close to here, so we can probably still hear their voices.

( he'll hold onto her hand as he leads her past people and out the room, one step after the other as he turns a corner so that can make their way towards the bedrooms. )

The school is an option, or maybe... the wisteria. ( those are souls, doesn't matter. ) The courts is a nice place, all you hear is the buzzing, and apparently no one bothers you...

The school, then. If you see anyone in the courtyard, we can turn away, but I think it's unlikely at this hour.

[even leaving the room helps, and quietly, she tries to make herself breathe deeply and relax. the familiar tapping of her cane is rhythmic enough to focus on, like keeping time in a piece of song. only when they're further away does she speak again.]

How long have you known all this, Komaeda?

Hm... then we will.

( especially if anyone comes to talk to them — loud things are the worst, but people with a louder voice gives komaeda a migraine. so he doesn't mind talking out into the courtyard with helena, the doors closing behind them so she can know that they're finally outside. )

Known all what?

( most of it is new to him, some of the stuff was found by context clues, and for the state of their death? well... he'll figure out what she's after. )

The information in the presentation. I've known you and Natsume knew quite a bit, but you were keeping it to yourselves, and I wanted to respect that.

[she pauses, and the feeling of but is strong in the air.]

...if he hadn't made the presentation, I would have started getting frustrated, you know. There's no point hiding things like that from each other, not when we're only going to make any progress if we act as a team.

Sakasaki-kun works alone, if he can, he wants to give you information that isn't baseless... I'm the same way, I'll investigate before I speak.

( who is he to lie to them, give them the wrong idea when nothing adds up. that's the type of people they are, but natsume is a little more considerate unlike komaeda — he treats everyone like a person, whereas komaeda just throws it at a couple of dogs like fetch to see what they'd do. it doesn't matter when he's the one going out to cause problems for himself for the sake of answers, he's always been like that... he works alone, too. )

That presentation reflects him, he wants to see you all move together as well... it just took a bit of time, rather than telling one by one, I believe that together you all could benefit by knowing as a group, and console each other... though, there's nothing to whine about.

( of course, she must be speaking about how natsume and komaeda converse about information together when no one's around. it's true, they've done it many times, it's like how he knows right now the other is with maya to iron out his thoughts. )

His hope... is different, but that doesn't mean he's unable to give a helping hand... the amount of danger he's went through to piece it together... you should thank him when you can, Adams-san.

I have, actually. He let me know he was making the presentation when I came to him asking for some answers. It's why I managed to avoid frustration at all.

[so she had been kind, brought him snacks and tea, and looked out for mundane things so he might have had the chance to work. even the promise of future information had been enough. it was that sheer nothing that had agitated her worse than she wanted to let on. here, actually able to affect things and change them, the prospect needed to be seized even if it was only the thinnest thread.]

I realize that you'd rather operate in certainty, and while I can appreciate that, sometimes it's okay to let others know your theories, even if they are only guesses. Let us in, so we might make your work easier, and so we might actually be able to do something as opposed to feeling directionless, helpless to the whims of fate.

[and then, because this is Komaeda she's talking to, she needs to phrase it in his language.]

At the least, let me in, Komaeda. It's not like you'd be bothering me - I'm not an ultimate, so you can make demands on my time without hesitation. How can my hope grow if there aren't things to challenge it, if I can't apply it to things that need it?

Do you get frustrated very easily, Adams-san, you appear to be such a patient person, ah... you must bottle up a lot.

( he release her hand just this once, and instead come to her shoulder to pat softly as if to reassure her that it's fine, but it's nothing to get so worked up over. information is the most important part of this place, and komaeda knows that keeping them in the dark will make them look at him differently — he doesn't think it matters when he'll explain later than sooner. as they walk underneath the moonlight, he glances over to the wistera tree to watch the petals rain down slowly. )

I'm not against speaking with the group, if a person asks, then I'll give an answer.

( or he'll just say them and someone has to catch the meaning behind it, but he tilts his head towards helena's side as she speaks in his language. he understands it perfectly well, because as an ultimate, he is on a higher pedestal than her. he pauses, thoughtful, and he nods. )

Are you sure you won't grow weary, it's a long road ahead of all of you... I can make demands, give you instructions, but will you follow them without hesitation? Second guessing will be a waste of time, because we don't have that much left.

I wouldn't be asking for your demands if I wasn't ready to try for them.

[even if things don't always make sense. even if this may be a mistake that she'll have to learn from. for so long, she's been running with no direction, and her legs haven't failed her yet. she hasn't given up yet.

like stepping off into the abyss, hoping there'd be something at the bottom. this is another one of those moments.]

If we don't have much time, then it's all the more important.

What do you think of graduation, Adams-san?

( she's a third year, she's also the one with limited time whereas komaeda is a first year with all the time in the world, set back because apparently his memories don't match up with the grade — if rokkun was honest about that, he knows that the other can lie to hide his true feelings, so getting information from him is tedious. though, when he is honest, it's not like he chooses to lead komaeda astray on purpose. )

Are you going to do like everyone else, or will you carve out your own path?

Who's to say I even qualify to graduate?

[who's to say she won't wake up, back at the beginning again? it can't be thought of as a certainty, for it would be too, too arrogant.]

I have to make my own path, even if I do. I can't simply depart and give up on everything from before.

Ahaha... apparently it's based on grades, that's what so many have said.

( though komaeda wishes that it was a little more than just grades, he wouldn't mind a little killing to help bring people together. sure, there will be bodies, but they'll rely on each other as time goes on. )

That sort of answer, however... are you also willing to walk paths with others? Even if your hope is different, in the end... it's meant to carry you forward... as long as you all can work together.

( he's doing it again, removing himself. )

I'm willing to walk a path with you, Komaeda. That should answer your question.

[as he tries to remove himself from the metaphorical picture, so too does she extend her hand, grasping at his jacket sleeve. not hard enough to force - Helena can't do that by any stretch of the mind - but trying to remind him of what she said to him before.

if he's to be thrown away when someone is done with him, then she will never be done with him, even if she has to invent things to make him stay.]

Edited 2021-10-09 18:48 (UTC)

My path...

( is one where he acts alone, where he's a stepping stone so everyone can walk over him, use him to their desires, and come out stronger than ever before. if his life was needed for the end to be realized, for hope to shine the brightest because there was no other choice then he would take it. so it's true, helena does walk his path, because those beneath ultimates are either nuisances that drain their light, or they do their job perfectly for an ultimate to walk further to expose their talents.

as for the hope here, it's a bit... complicated, but he's managing to work with it, all because he loves hope. )

Then you should know if anything happens, something you don't want... embrace it, because the bad that happens is so that hope can overcome it... I hope to see that display from you.

I've already gone through that before. What's a few more times?

[she can't tell him everything, not about her teacher, not about being silenced, but she can give him a little. a piece for how much he was willing to yield himself, and let his hand be held. it's a different way of saying thanks, when the word itself would not be enough.]

As long as you don't think I'm helpless, I can face down what happened.

Death, that's what's holding everyone back here. Seeing people die before them, others killing... hope is born from those disasters, if there's none... they'll believe in something that's not there, they won't be grateful for the true hope right before their eyes.

( he comments, stopping by the wisteria once they're close enough, and luckily the wind doesn't blow as bad to cause the petals to stir. )

Just to accept what's here when there's something better, I worry for them, that's why stepping stones like us have to be that push... they have to accept the real world.

But hope can be found in the smallest things, as well.

[it's hard to translate her feelings into his form of thinking, his form of speech. but if she doesn't try to phrase it that way, then there's no way he'll understand what she's trying to convey.]

Acceptance of that real world isn't enough to keep them there - they have to have something to cling onto, or they'll slip back into what's easier to process, what's right before them. Finding a foothold is just as important, and that can take place in even the smallest ways.

Are you saying accepting a world catered to them won't hold them back? They'll become confused, besides, if they can't bend that world to their reality... it'll build them, and then they'll lose sight of themselves — so many people have said this is the type of place we live in.

( but they said this place forced them to do things they regret, as for komaeda, he shakes his head with a small laugh. it's nothing like that, it's because he's already opened his eyes. )

What's there to cling onto when all they have is what's placed before them, hm... this is where they fail, not creating their own hope, and moving forward with that... it's why I'm here to help. I'd be so ashamed if they lied to themselves, they deserve so much better than that...

( he hums afterwards, and then his mouth parts for a soft yawn. ) Hope is found everywhere and in every little thing, it's what they make of it... I just don't want them to to grow weak thinking that hope... just stops in one place, hope is eternal and moves you forward... settling down isn't part of what hope it, it shapes your future, and that is everlasting.

i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

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