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(open) break yourself inside out
who: Whoever wants to show up.
what: Nine body pileup, who wants to compile info.
when: 10/7, at least
where: Dorms study hall
warnings: Attempted murder over children's games
[in the afternoon, a message shows up on the forums. is she copying Natsume? utterly, since his organization is why she's thinking about this.]
h.adams
Please try to set aside an hour or so of your time this evening at around 7:30 pm to return to the study hall. I'd like to speak with as many people as possible regarding the recent incident in the school.
-H.A.
[and she won't be replying to anything posted below it.
by the time the hour rolls around, Helena's set herself up in the study hall with the rolling whiteboard she took from the school set up. the markers are a toss up between colors, but the important part is there. she's seated herself by it, and when 7:30 hits, an alarm on her PDA goes off. silencing it, she stands up.]
Thank you for coming. I realize it's another demand on people's time, but given the vast scope of the murders, there's more to be said than unsaid. With it, we had no choice but to split up and find what we could, to do our best at the least to remember and categorize what we saw. Generally speaking, I'd like if we could pool our resources to see if we might draw any parallels between what was where, and if there are any peculiarities to distinguish this or that event.
With that said - [she points behind her at the whiteboard, where Rantarou has been kind enough to write out a list] - if we could try to speak individually, we could write down anything critical shared, so we could look at it from a larger perspective. As well, if something comes up in other days, we could reconvene and add in new information.
As I am unable to do it for you, please allow my dependable transcriber to do so. And a final note before we begin - if anyone becomes overly agitated, I request that you kindly step outside until you can keep your voice to a moderate level. Sound echoes well enough without yelling added to the mix.
Let's begin.
what: Nine body pileup, who wants to compile info.
when: 10/7, at least
where: Dorms study hall
warnings: Attempted murder over children's games
[in the afternoon, a message shows up on the forums. is she copying Natsume? utterly, since his organization is why she's thinking about this.]
h.adams
Please try to set aside an hour or so of your time this evening at around 7:30 pm to return to the study hall. I'd like to speak with as many people as possible regarding the recent incident in the school.
-H.A.
[and she won't be replying to anything posted below it.
by the time the hour rolls around, Helena's set herself up in the study hall with the rolling whiteboard she took from the school set up. the markers are a toss up between colors, but the important part is there. she's seated herself by it, and when 7:30 hits, an alarm on her PDA goes off. silencing it, she stands up.]
Thank you for coming. I realize it's another demand on people's time, but given the vast scope of the murders, there's more to be said than unsaid. With it, we had no choice but to split up and find what we could, to do our best at the least to remember and categorize what we saw. Generally speaking, I'd like if we could pool our resources to see if we might draw any parallels between what was where, and if there are any peculiarities to distinguish this or that event.
With that said - [she points behind her at the whiteboard, where Rantarou has been kind enough to write out a list] - if we could try to speak individually, we could write down anything critical shared, so we could look at it from a larger perspective. As well, if something comes up in other days, we could reconvene and add in new information.
As I am unable to do it for you, please allow my dependable transcriber to do so. And a final note before we begin - if anyone becomes overly agitated, I request that you kindly step outside until you can keep your voice to a moderate level. Sound echoes well enough without yelling added to the mix.
Let's begin.
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[recovering her balance, she steps back, and takes a breath. her hands are gripped around the wood tightly, and she can hear people moving to Rantarou - if she hadn't asked for his help, maybe he wouldn't have been in the right location to be stabbed, but she can't think about that. fear and adrenaline, both race in her, but he's no longer hurting people she cares about.
deliberately, she steps so that even if he gets up, she's between him and those who want to attend to the injured. Helena might be slight, but she remembers how to take a hit.]
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[ he shouts, moving to shove his spear in the ground to keep his balance. he's not a fan of this at at all, honestly. his head feels like it's in a fish bowl. ]
I almost had him--
[ that's the worst part of it all he thinks, even as he's disoriented right now. he groans loudly, gripping his spear tight even as he's gripping it for his dear life right now. ]
Fuck you.
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[her voice is not nearly as loud as his, but it's steady, even as her heart beats at a rapid pace in her chest.]
Please go. The next time, I advise you to control yourself.
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[ dito chuckles, moving backwards slightly.
he even mock bows at her, just for effect. not that she would notice.
he rolls his eyes. ]
Consider me gone. I'm still gonna kill him, though. Maybe I'll kill you, too.
[ he scoffs, raising a hand as he waves at her before leaving the area before even more annoying people get on his ass. ]
... Next time.
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so, someone wants to kill her. it wouldn't be the first time.
if she just goes to stand against the wall for a moment, that's her business.]
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thinkin bout her xoxo ]
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Helena's alive and unhurt, Rantaro's getting healed, and it could have gone so so much worse, because he's seen firsthand just what Dito can do, does Komaeda just keep goading him just so others will get injured stopping it? He can focus on that, and keep his dull bitter frustration about himself and once more being unable to help tamped down. What could he have done, really? Anyway-]
Helena...
[His hand is in his scarf as he thinks. He's not good at this. He knows he's not good at this.]
...You okay?
[Daijyoubu?]
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Yes, I'm all right, Sou.
[she wasn't the one stabbed, after all.]
That was a bit scary, wasn't it...I'm sorry that the meeting became like this. Are you okay, though?
[she'll try for a smile, but given what just happened, it feels a little hollow, a little stressed instead.]
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[So he's just fine... his heart rate is coming down steadily. Helps that Komaeda also seems to be gone. When did he slip out...]
Starting to think there's people we shouldn't call meetings for. [Wait.] I-I mean, this one was a good idea... it just seems to keep happening, that's all. It's not like there's much you could do.
[Help.]
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[she shrugs.]
I just didn't want him to hurt people more, that's all.
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[He'd been paying a portion of attention because if other people were going to play Komaeda's little games he could at least vicariously see what they got from it, but there was very little warning, Dito's frustration growing until suddenly it reached flashpoint.]
Still... you could have gotten hurt yourself.
[His tone's torn between respect afforded, because she knew the risks and did it anyway, a world still alien to him, and the concern of an incredibly narrow miss, the stolen breath of a car passing inches in front of you, the vaccuum pulling you forward.]
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[the knife could have been buried in her chest instead. and that wound may have scarred over, as many should have before and did not. it would have hurt like a bright thing, hot and cold together, a point radiating out pain like a star. that perception she had lingering, that let her know what Rantarou experienced...]
I knew what I was doing. Complicated situations are somewhat familiar to me.
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There's a flaw in that reasoning, Helena.
[He can't help but remember someone who thought her death would solve everything. It's still a raw painful spot in him, even if eased a little by being allowed some closure in the end. Sidney's warning; 'you shouldn't be someone like me'. Helena shouldn't be either.
He's not going to elaborate because he can't really elaborate himself, what feels bone deep, the idea of 'if I turn his anger on myself' that lies his own anger at the feet of that him.]
You've done this a lot, huh...
[It's a murmur, more than anything.]
no subject
It's okay, I promise. He was too disoriented to strike any killing blows. And if he had tried to give chase, I'm a very good runner.
[so the likelihood of her survival was much, much higher.]
As I said, I understood exactly what I was doing.
no subject
...I'll go ahead and trust your expertise.
[He's already worried, really. The implications aren't good. It's a small roving anger at the universe, looking for a target.]
Still... ahaha. [Still what? It shouldn't have happened? It shouldn't have been down to her alone? It still leaves a mark even if it works?] ...be nice if it didn't happen again.
...
Well, that's the meeting over, I think. I thought I saw some spare hot chocolate in the kitchen... [That's been there since the sleepover but 'let's get out of this room and have hot drinks' sounds more direct and awkward than he'd like.]
no subject
[he'll see how her hand raises, almost hesitant, before it comes to rest on his arm. something solid to touch, so she doesn't lose track of him, so that she can stay close and hopefully have a way to ensure that stays like that. not too tight, not to startle him, but she needs that as much as she needs a hot drink in her.
since Rantarou's healed, moving, there's no more reason to stay.]
no subject
[His movement under her touch is careful, trying to keep his arm in place at the level she's set; there's a stiffness to it under the cloth of his comfy jacket, but he doesn't pull away or brush her off as they head over there.
Thankfully it's empty, what with most everyone still behind in the meeting. He heads over to the kettle, flicks it on, and starts pulling things out of the cupboard above it one handed, sounds of cups being moved aside and set down on the countertop, his arm going a little looser for more range as it pulls back and forth slightly.]
...how many spoons do you want, Helena?
[Also, is he going to get his arm back at some point, but... after that... he can't really begrudge her this. Or having half the contents of the mug be chocolate powder, if that's what she wants.]
no subject
[slowly, she'll let go. she doesn't want to, but he needs it back, and she can feel that stiffness. maybe she presumed too much - maybe he doesn't like touch when he's been startled, and she files that information away in her mind. instead, she withdraws to lean against the counter, folding her hands in front of herself.]
...what are we going to do, Sou?
no subject
...asking the tough questions, huh.
[There's a silence as he trails off, hand in scarf and face in pensive thought. There really... isn't a lot they can do, and it bothers him.]
...hey, Helena. What do you think of Komaeda? Now that you've met him.
[He's going somewhere with this, promise. Well, multiple places. It's a question loaded with birdshot.]
no subject
[unfortunately for him, she can sense the questions behind the question. can't tell him that Komaeda's hand on her shoulder helped her handle what had left her bereft, that she'd made strange promises she can't articulate. those were secrets to hold. still, she wasn't shy about claiming the man as her friend publicly.]
no subject
[Partially a lie, but it's a relatively benign one, like one of those paper chinese finger trap things. More... this is the example for the point for a reason.]
I'll just come out and say it, huh. What would you do to stop him murdering again? Hypothetically.
[He's noticed they're friends; they're both in Ethics Club, he can't not, even if the depth of it is more unknowable. He hasn't said anything until now... he's still that much of a coward, isn't he, but something about Helena placing herself in danger has galvanized him a bit.]
Kill him? He'll be back, and it's hard, anyhow. Trap him? How long? It wouldn't discourage him. Go so far as to cut off his arms and legs? His tongue? That's the most dangerous part of him, after all.
[It's like tar dripping off his tongue, the words. Hot and sick. He can't be himself for this even saying it, imagining it, so it has to be someone else, tone sharp and toying and sing-song. There's a rustle as he shifts his weight, trapping moving closer to her like pulling at someone's arm. Not that far, Sou.]
Thoughts?
no subject
[she can feel the way his presence shifts, like something tangible and close to her. tension, bitter like medicine, sharp like knives. something's under his skin, and he's trying to extract it through her. it's not fair, and she chafes at that - Komaeda isn't someone everyone will agree with or tolerate, but she's made her own choices. she will not excuse him, but she will not lie down and let him be maligned, much as he courts it.]
Lucifer, Dito, and someone whose name we don't even know. They're in the same category. Not to mention those who have killed before that I am unaware of. Are you asking me what I would do to stop all of them murdering again?
no subject
[Too far, way too far, why does he keep forgetting, that when he loosens the leash a little it's going to take off running and pulling him behind. Get a grip, Shin. Stick to the plan.]
That's how it'll be for all of them, whatever idea anyone tries. Lucifer, Dito... Haha, yeah, and everyone before that too. With enough hearts and minds in your hands... you really can get away with murder.
[That's what it comes down to in the end, isn't it? It's not about justice, or fairness, or even prevention. It's about who has friends, and who's left in the cold. The will of the crowd.
Majority vote.]
That's what you were asking, isn't it?
no subject
[just because she didn't outwardly show all her disgust didn't mean it wasn't there. didn't mean it didn't twist her stomach into knots to think about it. she didn't want that for him - would feel bad about it happening to anyone, even if they were a murderer. even Dito is someone she doesn't want to witness the torment of.
her hands hold her cane a little closer to herself, and her head bows some. considering, but protecting herself in the meanwhile.]
Why did you ask about him specifically, when you could have used any other murderer's name? What makes him your bogeyman?
no subject
[True but... it's also beating around the bush. A deflection, a lie. ...he owes her a little better than that, with the bitter acrid taste still on his tongue. She's too sharp as well. There's the shift as he places his face in his scarf, eye contact falling away.]
...
Say, Helena... if he killed me, what would you do?
[Well, he knows the answer to that. Nothing would happen really. Since he already knows, it can't hurt him to be surprised.]
Haha, that's cruel, isn't it. I-I won't make you answer that. Boogeyman, huh... What's worse, do you think? Someone you don't know who'll kill you once and be done with it, or a friend who'll torment you for fun, over and over?
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