yogen | (open) break yourself inside out

Entry tags:

(open) break yourself inside out

who: Whoever wants to show up.
what: Nine body pileup, who wants to compile info.
when: 10/7, at least
where: Dorms study hall
warnings: Attempted murder over children's games

[in the afternoon, a message shows up on the forums. is she copying Natsume? utterly, since his organization is why she's thinking about this.]

h.adams

Please try to set aside an hour or so of your time this evening at around 7:30 pm to return to the study hall. I'd like to speak with as many people as possible regarding the recent incident in the school.
-H.A.

[and she won't be replying to anything posted below it.

by the time the hour rolls around, Helena's set herself up in the study hall with the rolling whiteboard she took from the school set up. the markers are a toss up between colors, but the important part is there. she's seated herself by it, and when 7:30 hits, an alarm on her PDA goes off. silencing it, she stands up.]

Thank you for coming. I realize it's another demand on people's time, but given the vast scope of the murders, there's more to be said than unsaid. With it, we had no choice but to split up and find what we could, to do our best at the least to remember and categorize what we saw. Generally speaking, I'd like if we could pool our resources to see if we might draw any parallels between what was where, and if there are any peculiarities to distinguish this or that event.

With that said - [she points behind her at the whiteboard, where Rantarou has been kind enough to write out a list] - if we could try to speak individually, we could write down anything critical shared, so we could look at it from a larger perspective. As well, if something comes up in other days, we could reconvene and add in new information.

As I am unable to do it for you, please allow my dependable transcriber to do so. And a final note before we begin - if anyone becomes overly agitated, I request that you kindly step outside until you can keep your voice to a moderate level. Sound echoes well enough without yelling added to the mix.

Let's begin.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[oh, he's gonna have a handprinted bruise on his shoulder. there is no question of it now, how hard it's pressing into his flesh with the intent of removal. if he lets it go on, the other might just break his shoulder -- and subaru can't have that, it's human instinct to let go when a body is in danger that way and he is human, for all that he was told he was not--

so he lets go, physically, and will let komaeda pull away. but that won't stop him from following the other wherever he goes, because subaru has plenty to say. he's had plenty to think about, too, these past few weeks, and it's only because his emotions are high that something clicks and he doesn't know if it's right, but if someone can be the ultimate of a concept like hope, then--]

You ever think, [a frustrated, concerned tone,] maybe your light is the one drawing me?

[subaru doesn't need anything from komaeda. but he wants his company, and he wants to make sure the other is alright, and he wants komaeda to stop putting himself down and maybe the last one is the hardest thing on that list but that won't stop him from wanting it anyway, because he has always wanted the impossible and by god has that never stopped him from trying]

( it pains him to see a symbol of hope attacked because of his low worth, and as he listens to subaru — komaeda's quick to push him away as soon as the other lets go, even if it's to the floor in front of him. his hands shake, that he has to close them both, but nails of his organic, but nails dig into the palm, enough to break the skin. his eyes no longer that simple, sickly pale green, but a heavy mix of white and black that swirl together to create a crude mix of hope against despair. )

A worthless, pathetic individual like me have a light? There is nothing to be gained from a worm like me, the only purpose I serve... If I had died there, nothing would have happened to an Ultimate like him... if I didn't exist then...

( there is no light seen because of his damning talent, one that can't even be called "talent" at all, he's just as boring, mediocre, and normal like the common people — talents that can be bend to other ultimate's will, to have control over that power shines a miraculous hope, but his defective own doesn't even listen to him, and all it offers is proving his life is less than he believes it to be. yes, everyone ran to amami, like they should, but there were others who wasted their time with him. )

With a weak talent like mine, it surmises an even weaker hope, nothing seen, all part of your imagination because it was never there! That's why... Ultimates are Symbols of Hope, their radiance, and yet...

( they're falling one by one, he remembers them so well... and perhaps there was symbolism in ultimate hope falling first, no, he shouldn't think of it as a fall... hope can't die no matter what, but an icon that shined so bright, someone that he cherished then — he finds his mechanical hand lifts to his chest, clutching at what must be his heart, but no matter how much he digs, he only irritates the cut that dito left behind, and blood stains his shirt even more. if he could slip his fingers beneath the skin, pull back that flesh, he'd expose himself to subaru that his heart is nothing but poison, and that there is no light inside. it stings however, nowhere near the intense hatred of himself at the sight of people getting in the way, and that reckless behavior of an ultimate coming close.

komaeda would never die hopelessly, so why did amami take that risk? why did they take part? he takes one step back, and then another close to the door of the dormitory, and there his window of opportunity shows itself for him to leave. pushing it open, the cool, crisp air brushes against his skin as he inhales, and he walks towards the school. no matter subaru's protests, he keeps going the same direction, towards the school, and away from them. )

( there are only so many times you can tell someone they aren't worthless before it becomes apparent they aren't going to listen. natsume wishes subaru would learn that already, though it isn't as if he's completely given up on it either. he just doesn't see it as often anymore (sees a better komaeda, maybe, who is without a doubt at least more content with who he is and what he does when he isn't overly concerning himself with ultimate this or ultimate that, who has a focus and penchant for digging up information that is impressively like his own... as annoying as his way of dispersing it might be) and to see it again much more raw, bolded by subaru's own concern and frustration, reminds him of how much he hates to see it. how much better komaeda is when he isn't doing what he's doing right now.

natsume, following closely but not too close, can at least step quick to catch subaru a little when he's pushed; they aren't so different in height that he can be overwhelmed, thankfully, so he steadies the both of them.

...he doesn't let go of subaru, knowing what the other will do if he does. thinks about it though, watching komaeda start to slip away, and digs his fingers into subaru's arms. )

...Baru-kun. ( soft, thinking. ) We can go after HIM, but he isn't going to lisTEN, so unless you can stay your tongue you should return to the meeTING. That's going to be far more useful to him than you pushing him about THIS.

[subaru does what natsume thinks he's going to do -- or tries, anyway, pulling at the other before he speaks,

and he listens, because even if he doesn't always obey natsume's wishes the sound of his voice catches in his ears like windchimes in summer, and subaru growls in frustration as he slumps.]

... But he's my friend, Natsume. I don't want to leave him alone. Especially not after-- after all that! And he's hurt, too, he needs someone to patch that up, and--

[he's grasping for reasons, all legitimate ones, trying to find the one that'll be the key to unlock the fingers digging into him. his shoulder hurts. it feels like it's beyond bruised, but it's such a footnote when all his head is filled with is catching up with komaeda on the courtyard, throwing himself at the other, and praying to whatever's watching that he pins him down so the other can't escape. so subaru can talk to him, so he can tell him he's none of what he says and everything that subaru himself thinks.]

I won't be able to hold my tongue, [he finally ends up with.] But I...

He is hurt and he does need tending TO, ( natsume agrees, because those are reasonable points, but he still waits to hear subaru's drifting "but" to loosen his grip. he rubs the other's shoulder briefly, as if to get rid of the pain the way a mother licks her thumb and runs it over her child's cheek to get rid of dirt, and lets his hand drop.

he instead takes subaru's into his, closing his eyes briefly before he looks at him. ) You've seen me cast maGIC. Focus it into your HANDS, and imagine what you want it to look LIKE. Decide what you want to ask it to DO, and then use IT.

( his gaze flicks outside, then steadies back on subaru. )

It's small enough that even you should be able to manAGE. But just offer him that MUCH. Nagito-kun is...

( intolerable. insane. in... )

He's diffiCULT, but if you frame it in a way he can acCEPT, then he might have an easier time taking your HELP. ( natsume lets go of subaru's hands, stepping back. he could go with him (maybe he should, just in case) but

but he isn't meant for such things. he'll only get upset and vexed at komaeda, end up letting himself get turned around. it isn't constructive. teaching subaru the basics of what he's learned, the stars that can offer succor and relief and a little minor wound fixage, is. ) I'll return to the little bat's meeting so she doesn't get too worried about US.

[natsume is grounding at least. someone who pulls him back to the present time and time again, the hand pressed against his does just that; his shoulder aches still, but not as badly as before, and whether that's due to natsume or just a placebo effect is anyone's guess -- but subaru would always say it's due to the magician he calls his best friend.

he listens to the instructions, and while he's touched that natsume would seek to give him such information -- he's not a magician. he's never been one, that's sally~ and natsume~ and blue-senpai and sora~n... can someone like him really manage that much? if it's for someone he cares about, then maybe. natsume wouldn't waste his time on someone he didn't think could do the bare minimum, but

doubt still swells in him, a bit, like a wound left untreated. it's evident in his hesitation, closing his fist once natsume lets go. still--

trickstar has always done the impossible, so maybe this is just one more thing. even if it's just this once, maybe he can do that much.]

... Can you apologize for me? It might take a while to find him, but I think I have an idea of where he might've gone. And... thanks. I'll try not to let your lesson go to waste.

[there's a lot more to thank natsume for, of course, but he hopes the hand he squeezes is enough to say so -- and if the other won't stop him any further, he's going to go outside and towards the school. the air is crisp and cool and perfect for stargazing, but the place subaru has in mind is dark and quiet, someplace he'd never normally go if it wasn't for komaeda.

nms let me investigate. he's gonna check the library out of courtesy of "it's private and generally quiet" but is there any sound suggesting generally where komaeda has gone, like footsteps upstairs or anything]

MISSION OBJECTIVE: FIND KOMAEDA AND DESTROY!

SUMMARY: three lives, three chances, will he become successful, or die trying?

> WEST WING BATHROOM
> WEST WING LOCKER
> RIGHT SIDE UPSTAIRS
> LIBRARY
>> LISTEN

SUBARU has chosen to LISTEN! New skill acquired!

honing his skill, if he closes his eyes and focuses, he's able to hear his surroundings. outside the library, he'll hear the faint hum of the vending machines, the items inside knocking together, and a knock. the clatter and clank of something on the next floor above where he stands, admitting that something or someone is there. the brief footsteps behind the door of the student store suggesting that someone is (im?)patiently awaiting for someone to arrive, and finally the sound of subaru's shoes squeaking against the floor when he walks.

> WEST WING BATHROOM
> WEST WING LOCKER
> RIGHT SIDE UPSTAIRS
> LIBRARY

SUBARU has chosen the LIBRARY, upon entrance he will find that it is the same as always — empty and vacant, aside from the light tear of something ripping in the far back corner. if he decides to wait, the sound will quiet down as it seems whatever is here also has learned someone has entered inside of the library — if he's patient, and stealthy enough the sound will resume. the slow tears once again.

the quiet is no longer a luxury here, and so the position of whatever it is will always be given away. because there are no students that stay after school like everyone else subaru knows, the clues suggest that it has to be someone who roams the school inside.

will he search the far back corner or will he try another location?

[subaru has ideas of where the other may be upstairs, at least, so he will

> quietly check the far back corner

just to make sure, because a good detective leaves no stone unturned.]

SUBARU has chosen THE FAR BACK CORNER quietly, as he makes his way further into the trenches of the library, the sound of ripped paper becomes louder and louder. komaeda is a fan of the library, a local spot that keeps him at ease, and also his luck in check, so subaru chose a good location to try. unfortunately, it would be unlike komaeda to rip and tear the pages of books, but it would also be unlike him to make noise when hiding in the back — he'll find ripped strings of paper hanging from the top of a bookshelf.

nothing's there, but there's a quick shadow of black that appears afterwards if subaru attempts to grab the fallen shreds of paper a Wild BEVERAGE appeared!

being the cat that's not keen to company, the feline pounces forward, claws clip into subaru's face to leave behind (to your discretion how bad) visible marks, before running out of the library. too many people come at it with the intention of hugging or touching it, the wild beverage will not be part of the system. the encounter is over as soon as it was initiated, and subaru's curiosity was rewarded.

a reduction of one heart.

upon leaving the library, he'll no longer hear the scraping upstairs, instead, the vending machine's refrigeration is louder, a small thump or clank, and whatever other noise they usually make. beverage is nowhere to be found, and if subaru's really, really, really quiet, he can hear the sound of something being bumped against on the second floor, probably a chair scratching against the floor.

> WEST WING BATHROOM
> WEST WING LOCKER
> EAST SIDE UPSTAIRS
> MAKE YOUR OWN MOVE

[i've decided the clipping is like meowth-level bad, three nice scratches on his cheek and they sting like a right bitch, but he'll consider seeing crux as a good omen and make way upstairs, because he wants to investigate the noise.

... once he's up there, he'll pause to listen--

but if it was heard on the library side, it was most likely the right, so he'll start by looking into the rooms over there for anything amiss.]

> ?
> JUNK MONOKUMA IS ALERTED TO THE SOUND OF FOOTSTEPS!

it's right before subaru can make his way to the bathroom to check the first room, junk monokuma is crawling along the floor — aware of subaru's location as it's one red eye locks onto him. the sound of its body scratches against the ground, leaving behind black marks that's covered by the oil which leaks from its body. subaru should be careful if he happens to leak over the already blank liquid along the ground.

because he has no weapon, and if he's quick to think, komaeda has a hacking gun that works on animatronics specifically — this creature wouldn't be roaming if he had come this way. it's unable to talk, but there's snarling noises, erratic glitching of the main body, and an echoed roar as it reaches for the ground with its paws, pulling itself forward before jumping onto the wall of the hallway, and then clashing onto the floor to come closer to its prey.

> JUNK MONOKUMA RUSHES TOWARDS SUBARU!
> ...

QUICK... CHOOSE YOUR OPTION!
> FIGHT!
> STEALTH!
> FLEE!

[subaru told himself if he ever faced something wanting to hurt him he'd swing first like amami.

but this thing is made of metal so he is not gonna do that!

instead, he'll brace himself to wait just until junk monokuma leaps again so he can dodge around it, fleeing back towards the way he came and going to the classroom side again!

due to being surprised, i rolled for disadvantage and got an 8. with a dex bonus of +6 due to his idol training and natural talent for improv, it comes to 14. make with that what you will.]

( junk monokuma like bitch you thought!

SUBARU manages to FLEE back down the steps, he's smart enough not to place his hands on the railing to keep himself from stumbling during his descent, he does, however, trip over his feet, almost falling, but miraculously catching himself against the wall. whether he's out of breath, or worried about what will happen next, don't worry, the sound of metal scraping against the floor comes closer —

from above, he can note that the JUNK MONOKUMA is trying to follow SUBARU down where he had disappeared to. skinny, mechanical arms reach out, dragging the (appears to be) half-broken robot forward, and oil remains splattered on the walls, and now drizzling down the stairs. out the corner of subaru's eyes, he can see the black liquid pooling on the final step.

> LOUD SCRAPING SOUNDS ARE COMING FROM UPSTAIRS

AHAHAHA... QUICK, HIDE!

> BATHROOM
> NURSE'S OFFICE
> FACULTY OFFICE
> COUNSELOR'S OFFICE

[well

he knows for sure the counselor's is out, and he isn't sure about faculty, and there's at least something in the nurse's office to use--

but the bathroom is right there, and that damn bear might catch sight of him if he chooses wrong, so he'll duck into the bathroom. what is this question mark.]

Edited (only for u nms) 2021-10-18 05:02 (UTC)

( "only for me" you LITERALLY did this.

the moment subaru slips into the shelter of the bathroom, junk monokuma has made his way down the steps barely catching the tail-end of the other's attire when it quickly turns its head — red eye glowing within the darkness as it pulls, and desperately grabs the floor, yanking itself forward with oil spilling from behind. whether a robot can become irritated, there's something hostile about it as it leaps forward against the wall, gears turning in it's body as it makes its way closer to the bathroom that subaru has chosen.

it's the first stall he passes, and then the second that doors quickly swipe open, pulling him into the darkness of the enclosed space by the back of his attire — the door shuts, alarming the bear to a specific location — it peers into the bathroom, it's paws leaving behind messy, blank prints.

as for subaru, he's cooped away inside of the stall, his back pressed against someone's chest, and komaeda's index, middle, and ring prosthetic fingers forced into the orifice of the male's mouth to keep him quiet. it's a win/win or lose/lose situation — the idol makes noise, allowing them to be found, or he shuts up with the taste of blood lingering against his tongue from komaeda's own teasing of the cut on his chest. he pulls him back closer until their legs are on both sides of the commode, and from the visible crack at the bottom is where they can see the shadow of something roaming about.

the red glare that glides across the floor to tell which way the monokuma unit is looking, and it flashes to glance inside a stall away from them. )

[only for you!!!!!!

it's a different sort of rush than the stage-- it's a rush he hasn't felt since he was five, six, seven eight halfway to nine and it's not a good one by far, head light and heart aching with every pound of the metal clashing against the stairs ground wall, and he passes the first stall because he wants to get to the end and thank god the door covers the sound of his initial yelp (that's quickly silenced by fingers in his mouth, the acidic iron taste of blood invading it immediately)

but the bear is here, there is something not warm, but not quite cold against his back, holding him in one place and while his first instinct was to dig his elbow back, he doesn't make it but a touch before the red glare scans across the floor and he freezes, unable to breathe and saliva pressed out like a serpent's venom in his otherwise dry mouth.

subaru chooses silence. his brain has chosen silence, just like what he and his mom chose years and years and years ago while rocks and worse were thrown through their windows, against their door, while the shouts of abuse rang worse than the glass scattered across the floor, cut further without dripping a single drop of blood onto the ground. squeezes his eyes because it's easier to deal with the dark and panic that way, easier to focus solely on the taste in his mouth and not on the scrape of metal searching for him (them?), and he definitely thinks he may retract his statement to rokuro earlier this week just a little.]

( as for komaeda, there's disgust evident as he glances down to see who he's pulled in — he knows the sound of a monokuma unit, he's worked with them and against them, and so hearing someone run in here while being chased by one is his stroke of bad luck. he can probably use this for good luck along the way, maybe, but that mass of fluffy, orange hair only tells him his efforts of getting away have failed. despite that, he doesn't let go of him, instead his grip tightens on the back of his clothes to keep him in place, and komaeda's prosthetic fingers aren't aware of how hot the other's mouth is, nor how saliva wraps around them — those senses are null, and that's because his arm wasn't modified for those sensations.

every little movement from the junk monokuma sounds like it's breaking apart, and the close it moves across the floor, and the mirrors reflecting its every action, the more irritated it must become. leaping onto the sinks, the sound of the faucet turning on from where its bumped the handle, turning it too far that the sound of running water is heard. it overflows, pouring onto the ground to mix with the oil, and underneath the stall's door, they can watch as the water seeps towards their shoes — the liquid shaping around their shoes.

it's unfortunate that junk monokuma won't leave, so they'll have to make it.

komaeda's fingers push down onto subaru's tongue, trying to grab his attention as he slowly slips his fingers out, covered in saliva that he rubs them against the other's cheek to clean them off. he can't see the way the strings of saliva attach within the dark, but with his other hand pressed against the flat of his back, komaeda lifts on foot up, kicking the door open with a loud bang that exposes their location, and the animatronic turns quickly in that direction. in response, komaeda pushes subaru forward into the center of the bathroom to be seen by the creature — )

How hard is it for you to understand... to stay away from me!

( the junk monokuma targets subaru first, red eye locking on until komaeda's voice is too audible, and it turns towards the stall specifically to locate him — it doesn't see him because of the door in the way, but if it lowers its scanner, it can see his feet at the bottom, and his location is also given away. there's a rattle in it's inhumane growl, robotic sounds as it jumps to the top of the first stall, it's long, skinny arms reaching over them to grab onto the next headrail.

...

komaeda would be unlucky to ping its attention. he's not complaining, though, it's here he quickly unbuckles the hacking gun from his waist to toss it over to subaru without any warning — it's always a life or death situation, so he better act fast. )

WILL HE CATCH IT?
> YES.
> NO.

[it's really something out of a horror movie, just listening to it, but the press does catch his attention; he makes a face komaeda can't see at his spit being wiped on him, and then the door is kicked open he's shoved out and he is so very painfully aware, more than ever, of the eyes on him.

and then they're off him at komaeda's yell, but subaru can't feel a moment's peace when they're targeting the very person he came to find himself-- so to the question, will he catch it?

yes. reflexively, only the way someone who does sports can.

does he know what it does?

no.

but it's gun-shaped enough (? is this a megaphone?) that he's fairly confident in doing what they do in video games and pointing it at junk monokuma and pulling the trigger.]

( komaeda's back against the stall of the bathroom isn't out of fear, but it's acceptance — subaru wouldn't know how to use the item, and this way if komaeda's truly lucky, luckier than he's ever been... subaru will fail the shot, cause the junk monokuma to kill him, and it would be a despairing death. a tally added onto subaru's wrist, one that came from trying to help someone who didn't want to be helped. he inhales, a small smile on his face as he watches the red scan of the monokuma register on his body, and it doesn't stop — it doesn't care for what data it has considering it kills without discrimination.

i rng'd through what abilities komaeda had on it, and luckily for subaru he has won with link! a multicolored for the gays heart shoots from the gun, and in turn if subaru wasn't ready for the recoil — he gets pushed back just a bit, but it floats up and down, attracted to the monokuma unit, and it's all about targeting, with no friendly fire so...

BUT by rolling a 17, subaru's aim is cherub-like! catching the monokuma in the middle of a jump, the heart connects, causing it to fall right into the stall with komaeda. it's arm outstretched, reaching out to where the ultimate had stabbed himself — where the blood stains his chest. it doesn't move through, komaeda slowly blinking as he stares down at the machine.

as for subaru, there's a small screen on the side of the hacking gun that shows the monokuma's profile:

JUNK TYPE
> UNLOCK

it's image spins in pixelated blue, and there's a jagged checkmark which represents its eye on the side, and limit is written above. small, red pixels slowly begin to consume the blue side, which if subaru notices, he's able to control the monokuma to move by using the screen's touch system. )

[he Isn't ready for the recoil, gets pushed back a bit against the sink, and breathes a sigh of relief when he sees it stop and drop in front of komaeda. bearly, but still done. his heart is pounding, words breathless--]

Are you okay, Maddy?

[and it's then he notices the new features on the gun, the slowly consuming red, and he experimently touches the controls; a metal paw is going to hit the toilet, cracking it hairline, and subaru hums in understanding as he works at the screen, having the monokuma make its way out of the stall and to the door... he has no idea where to put it.]

...What do you think, I knew you'd be able to handle a life or death situation.

( the crack is visible, and due to subaru learning controls, the junk monokuma also hits komaeda in the stomach when swinging around to leave from the stall. of course, komaeda places a hand over the area, falling down to his knees with his breath knocked out for him.

...
...
...

the timer is still going down, but luckily for komaeda seeing subaru's concerned look on his face, he speaks... strained: )

Up the... stairs... it'll forget being... ( cough. ) controlled...

[okay. subaru'll move over to the stall, leaning against it as he moves the monokuma out the bathroom and starting down the hall... up the stairs... slowly his heart returns to normal too, as he takes quick glances at komaeda to make sure he's okay, outside of being winded, to formulate what he wants to say--

remembers natsume's words instead and decides just to focus on one thing at a time.

it's only once the monokuma is back to patroling the floor above, the scraps of metal and thudding obvious, that subaru'll step inside the stall proper and shut it. holds out the hacking gun, should komaeda be able to stand again. yes its this icon. he's lip pushed out try to work out the "magic" part of what he needs to do.]

( he exhales, sitting properly with his back to the wall as he reaches up for the hacking gun to sit it in his lap, checking the side to see that the monokuma lifeline is gone, but it's subaru who had it so of course someone not accustomed to the technology wouldn't know the tips and tricks. )

You did what you had to do... you wanted to be a hero right?

( because he keeps chasing, and that's why people chase? to do good so they feel good about themselves? )

I've never wanted to be a hero, Maddy.

[he may act it, sometimes, but it's never been a desire of his -- save as variety show guest, maybe, a game. but not like this. subaru keeps the rest of his words bitten back for now and breathes out, moving closer and crouching down to tug at komaeda's jacket, his shirt.]

Take it off. Natsume taught me something, so I'm gonna make use of it... hopefully.

[because natsume wouldn't grant him instructions if he couldn't, but he's still a little nervous about it; regardless, regardless, his want to help komaeda is stronger than anything else, so surely it will work out.]

Huh? A-Are you trying to undress me?

( that's obviously what he's trying to do, but komaeda's saying it aloud just in case subaru doesn't know what he's doing, or rather... saying. it's not like these bathrooms have heat, and it's not like he's a warm person himself, but to remove his clothes for someone else to see his body proportions which are actually shapely... he'd rather not. )

I don't mind if he taught you how to use your fingers, but you're not an Ultimate... so I'm not interested.

( which means komaeda will smack the other's hands away, but he flinches due to small little pull of his shirt since it still stings around his chest. of course, he offers subaru a warm smile to reassure him in hopes that he'll give up. )

...I'm fine, Akehoshi-kun.

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ROUND ONE

im crying

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WHAT THE FUCK this is it

looks to the side

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