yogen | ( semi-open ) —quand notre coeur a fait une fois sa vendange

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( semi-open ) —quand notre coeur a fait une fois sa vendange

Who: Natsume Sakasaki & whomever
What: various things (catchall hours)
When: november
Where: various places
Warnings: V3 spoilers in Amami's thread

there's open prompts, but if they don't catch your eye, hit me up

coordination and let's hash something out. closed starters for other people will get posted here too. just trying to keep it somewhat all-together this retail hell season.

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I dunno. Not sure if we got a choice in the matter, really, and I can't imagine we did.

( it's not exactly his place to say, but knowing his classmates, he'd like to think that maybe they wouldn't have gone that route if they could avoid it. break the game themselves, y'know? )

But say there's three people, and among those three, one is blackened. You have to catch them, or else you'll be executed in their place, and it wouldn't be hard to figure out which one did it. So they get punished — what happens to the last two? The ones who didn't kill?

( because he... doesn't want to believe that he would have given in to killing in a game like that. not when he worked so hard to get them out of the one he does remember. not when it turned out the way that it did for him. and, you know, the more he builds the case in his head, the more solid it seems. it's biased, sure, but it doesn't feel impossible. )

One of them has to kill the oTHER.

( the most obvious answer. then they'll become blackened, and since there's no one else to oppose them, they'll get to leave.

otherwise... they just stay, or something else; natsume can't say he knows the mind of this "monokuma" person, and he only has so much to go on between shuichi and komaeda—shuichi, who only told him enough to explain why he'd exposed him and then gotten in the way of rika's sword, komaeda who knows of plenty of killing games like he's a history professor on the subject but couldn't be sure about the one that took place at the ultimate academy. )

...Whether you've killed someone or not doesn't matTER. I can't judge you for THAT. ( he has more blood on his hands than amami does. ) But what I take issue with is the idea you perpetuated a GAME.

( killing if it's necessary—fine. out of desperation, or because there's no other choice—fine. it's an unhappy circumstance, but having been in the position himself, he can't say anything against it; he has no moral high ground like everyone else who lambasted him.

but enabling it because you want it? erasing your memories, and joining in the game again? or even for a reason like komaeda would do: to breed new hope? he can't abide by it. and yeah, he should take this more roundabout, but this has been on his mind, too: )

...He said you had something at the beginning of the game that would end it quickLY. What was he talking aBOUT?

Not quite what I was getting at. ( and if he has to explain it from the top, he will; natsume can wait on the second half. )

I mean, the game ends when there's only two people — who's to say they'd even let the last person out? Graduation is a part of that game after all. So I guess what I'm trying to say, is what do you do when a game ends and there's no winner? When it comes down to a draw?

( he pauses for emphasis, but he won't make natsume figure it out this time. )

You hold a rematch.

( to see if he can try again — to outsmart the mastermind without getting blood on his hands. )

If you're trapped in a place like that, sure, you could just stay and live out the rest of your life there, and maybe they'd let you, but... What if there's something important you wanted to do outside? What if there's something you had to do, and you couldn't afford to stay there?

( because amami distinctly remembers a feeling like that, from his time in the killing game; it wasn't that he wasn't willing to be patient, to hold out for the right moment where it would've been possible to out the mastermind behind it all, but... that sense of urgency and anxiety, it's something that followed him even to this place. if it was between being locked in like an animal in a zoo and trying, again, to win over the game itself, he can't say he wouldn't be willing to take his chances, no matter how small.

so there, that's two questions with one stone: a way for him to repeat the game, with a reason but without killing anybody. )

Anyway, it probably wouldn't mean much to you, but the "perk" I got at the beginning of the game was a note. Well, uh, actually, it felt more like a trap, compared to anything helpful.

( ...he was right to think amami wasn't smart enough for the long-con, or maybe he's just not patient enough for it, because if it were natsume

if it were him

he'd like to think he'd find another way. but his first instinct was to kill another girl instead of telling anyone what happened or seeking help or asylum, so maybe not. it's difficult to know what you'll do until you're in the moment, and sometimes not even then...

his expression sours and he looks off for a moment, then returns his gaze to amami. )

...I see; then I hope that was the reasoning for your second killing GAME, rather than anything maliCIOUS.

( ...sincerely, he does, even if he doesn't quite look it, doesn't quite sound it. if rika were to ever come back the way inaba somehow had, the way kouji and chiaki somehow had, he'd hate for her to heart to break over amami.

he shakes his head to clear it, sighing. )

What kind of trap--something that might just get you KILLED? ( look how well that turned out, ) I hardly think if the you on the video really wanted you to end things once and for all he'd put you in any more danger than he needed TO. It'd be senseLESS.

( the look he gives natsume tells him that he wasn't wrong, but he'll run a hand through his hair, feeling exasperated. )

Yeah, but see, that's the thing. How do you think he got that note to me? It'd be nice if the mastermind would play fair and hand it over without taking a look to see what was on it first, but it doesn't seem realistic. So the mastermind sees the hint I was given to end the game, do you really think that they'd let me just go ahead and use it without interfering? 'Cause it was that kind of hint. The kind that's ruined the moment the other party knows about it.

( he sighs, 'cause this is a natural conclusion for him; filled with suspicion and doubts that come so naturally to him that even his own face and voice aren't enough to convince him. and you know, maybe natsume can take these things at face value, accept them as they are, but as for amami? )

And all of that's assuming that it really is from me, and it really was meant to be a hint in the first place.

( so it was just to play with amami. a false hope, but probably one that was still tempting enough to look into. at least, even with the risk of it being a trap, natsume thinks he probably would've still checked into it and ...

he sighs, nodding slowly. )

I see your POINT. Who's to say the note you ended up getting was the one the you in the video actually intended to give YOU...? ( because it's hard enough to look like someone else, not to mention sound like them; there's very few people capable of that.

though, he suppose if they were an "ultimate," maybe they'd be able to. natsume slowly relaxes, sizing amami up, before he hops off the desk. ) I'd apologize for being suspicious of YOU, but I'm sure you understand why I WAS.

( ...

why he still is, the guarded look in his eyes says. he can offer enough faith to make a foundation, but there are few people he trusts completely even now. )

The only reason why I'll trust you're telling me the truth right now is because it's what Saihara-kun and the little viper would WANT. ( amami's friends, his one saving grace. ) But don't think for a moment it means I condone what you apparently DID, according to this videO. While I think your reasoning wasn't terriBLE...

( it's the method. always the method with you midorikawa characters.

... )

Do you want the videO? It's supposed to be yours anyWAY, and I've watched it enough times to be able to recite it in your VOICE, so I don't have any need for IT.

Yeah, there's a lot of reasons I didn't want to trust it, even then, if I had another choice...

( it's just not as if he had the time to wait it out; ignore the bait they lay out, and they'll just find another way to make sure that you don't have any other choice. and he'll admit — maybe he did have a bit more confidence in himself than was entirely justified, but... he looks away for a moment, but it's something about the way that natsume words that, it draws amami's attention back to him.

it isn't an expression of faith, not exactly, but... )

I think I would though. Appreciate that, Sakasaki-kun.

( even if he doesn't fully understand the qualms held about his actions. ask him, and putting himself at risk to participate again doesn't feel like it's something that's hard to condone, but maybe that's his own carelessness seeping through. what matters is that this is a peace offering. he's not going to be ungrateful for something like that, offered to somebody like him, so he gives a smile of his own in return. )

It's too bad though, huh. I mean, "Survivor"? ( you can practically hear it in amami's voice — what a rip. ) He could've at least given an actual answer — pretty sure this isn't what I was looking for, but it sure does make me look a lot worse anyway.

( he'll give it to him then, setting it on the desk between them. his voice quiets, tone awfully heavy: )

I think being able to survive your circumstances is a very admirable THING, regardless of how you managed IT. Not everyone is so lucKY, Amami-kun.

( not everyone is strong enough. not everyone can last day after day in fear, wondering if they're next, or live with the guilt that comes with "i survived, and they didn't". maybe a part of the reason that amami erased his memories was to ease that, too. or maybe it's just the one blessing extended to those forced to play.

fewer qualms. fewer cases of lives taken in self-reflection.

his voice shifts back to its usual though as he steps away again, as if to brush off anything too serious that might get asked about--considering amami knows subaru, this might seem a little familiar. )

What were you looking FOR?

( considering it's that very reason that he redirected the topic as so, amami is grateful when natsume follows up on it, giving him the chance to talk about something else instead. something that's much easier to think is lighter, even if it's intrinsically tied to the one before it in such a way that it's still coloured by amami's anxieties. not that such a thing is plain on his face, gesturing absently with one hand as he explains. )

Well, it might not be too interesting to you, ( it certainly didn't seem to be to subaru, ) but my memory problems were a little worse than they were for the others who were involved in the killing game.

( and they've continued into this one as well, but he's not about to mention that part.

he shrugs though, seemingly feeling less tense than he was a few moments before. he will reach out to take that video, fiddling with it a bit in his hands while he speaks. )

I mean, it's only natural that they'd have to get rid of my memories of the last one, of being the Ultimate Survivor and all. I guess that's fair. I don't remember what I was before that either though. The video didn't say a real talent, and I've been looking forward to finding out what that might've been.

( he can't help but wonder if maybe he and hinata aren't more alike than they'd thought )

( wipe upon a wipe. natsume cants his head thoughtfully; it must be terrible, but. )

Is it so important that you KNOW? ( which is a little insensitive, maybe, but as a "genius" surrounded by true geniuses, he's had some thoughts about these titles, about hope. ) Humans are not made to be put into a single BOX. Frankly speaKING, I think it's stupid to put all of your worth into one THING.

( ultimate luck, ultimate survivor, ultimate detective... )

People aren't just good at one THING. They might become famous for just ONE, but that isn't the end-all, be-all of who they ARE. Perhaps it's just because of the way I was brought up that I think that way, THOUGH.

( ... )

I don't mean to disparage YOU, ( he continues, ) but pigeonholing people into such things causes nothing but heartache when the ability to do those things is taken away from THEM.

( but maybe that's just because of the way he's been brought up, the people he's known, how his world isn't quite on the same wavelength that amami's is. )

I don't really see it as pigeonholing. Just because you're one thing, it doesn't mean you can't be something else too.

( he's not so simple as to think of things that way. )

With Saihara-kun, he's the Ultimate Detective, but... he's also the kind of person who wants to believe in his friends no matter what. Who understands the reasons why people do things. Akamatsu-san, she was the Ultimate Pianist, but even more than her music, she stood out because she was a leader. She knew how to bring people together...

( so it wouldn't be the only thing that defines him, and he knows that. but it is... something that can really shape him. it's something that can tell him who he is, in a way. just like saihara's understanding, and just like akamatsu bringing people together, he wants to know — wants some kind of reassurance as to the type of person he is.

but that's a little close for comfort, dipping against his insecurities in an uncomfortable way. what he goes with instead, is: )

It's not the only thing that's important about someone, but say you knew you had a "calling" — something you loved so much, you would be willing to dedicate your entire life to it. Wouldn't you be curious about what that was?

...No more than I'd want to know the day of my DEATH.

( it would change things, he thinks, if he did. never mind the fact he knows he's already stumbled upon what he's meant to do: guide people towards happiness. it's why he tells fortunes the way his mommy does, why he works hard as an idol, with switch. though switch is a special case, considering... )

But that might be because I already know what I want to DO, and all I did was find it mySELF. If someone told me or hinted to me that I had a calling that I hadn't already discoVERED, I'd reject their offer to hear what it WAS. I... ( ... ) It's important to me that I'm able to walk my own path; it's my opinion and mine alone that if I were to hear something like THAT, that it'd change the trajectory of that PATH.

I don't like FATE, in the sense of being played by IT. ( and yet sometimes such things are fated, like meeting people at the time you meet them—not a second too soon, not a second too late. but if he were told it... ) I'd probably be curious, YES. I won't deny THAT. But I wouldn't ask about IT.

( ... )

Granted, it's also considered unlucky for fortunetellers to peer into their own fuTURES, so perhaps it's my occupational superstitions at play HERE.

Lucky you then, already knowing what you're meant to be doing.

( feels a bit like salt in the wound, really, but it's fine. if natsume knows that the path he's been on is the right one for him, that's something to be glad for. besides, amami knows that you can't expect everyone to see your own perspective on things. sometimes, you need to meet them in the middle, and sometimes, they won't see where you're coming from at all. that's also fine, but he'll give it a last-ditch effort, resigned as that smile of his may look. )

Maybe it's not so much that I want to know what's ahead of me though, and more... ( that he doesn't know how much they took from him. )

I guess I'm just curious about the kind of person I was before the killing games started, that's all. Granted, I'm assuming I had a talent at all; there's always the chance they made a mistake, and I'm looking for something that isn't there, too.

( and who knows, maybe he'll just be told some pretty words about how who he was doesn't matter as much as who he is now, all those things that are nice to hear, but can never really settle the unease that's made its home in the pit of his stomach. if that's the case, it's fine, but it's a topic he doesn't exactly have the chance to get into often regardless — he may as well get the words themselves off his chest while he has the chance. express, somehow, why it weighs on him. because in just the same way that natsume doesn't like the idea of others controlling his path forward, amami hates that he's lost the path he's already walked. )

( so it's a finding the past problem. a little more understandable, a little easier to tread as a topic. the kind of person he was before all of that... )

If the rest of your class had ONE, you probably had something you were notable for TOO. Even if it was something stupid like "LUCK".

( sorry not sorry komaeda. )

Have you done any Eye of the Tiger-style montages trying out activities to see if you'll be miraculously amazing at any of them YET?

Thought about it, but y'know, there's so much out there... Even if I spent every day searching, there's no guaranteeing I'd find it, so I guess I've been just kinda... hoping I'd stumble across it.

( it's supposed to be something he'd be passionate about anyway, right? ultimate pianist and detective, they feel big and hard to miss, but what about something like the ultimate entomologist? ultimate weather forecaster... how would you even test luck? and you can't can't really check something like ultimate astronaut while he's locked up in a school. but that aside: )

Even without a talent, I've got things I need to focus on, so it's not like I want to put everything aside searching. ( he shrugs. ) It's too bad, but maybe I'll figure it out some other way. I mean, there's no reason I couldn't remember it eventually, right?

( and, you know, saying it aloud... it does give him an idea, but he waves the a hand dismissively, waving away the topic now that it's served its purpose. )

Anyway, guess I got a little off-topic there, huh? Haha, sorry about that — but thanks for this.

( he taps the video against his shoulder as he stands up from his seat. )

If that's all, you don't mind if I head out, do you?

( ... )

Wheat weeVIL, boll weeVIL, and the giraffe-neck weeVIL. Three other types, if you ever need to know THEM.

( maybe it'll come in handy,

for natsume's next quiz game, )

But YES, you can GO. ( ... ) Thank you for coMING.

( but no "sorry for tricking you". )

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( semi-open ) —quand notre coeur a fait une fois sa vendange

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