( semi-open ) —quand notre coeur a fait une fois sa vendange

[crystallomancy]

Who: Natsume Sakasaki & whomever
What: various things (catchall hours)
When: november
Where: various places
Warnings: V3 spoilers in Amami's thread


there's open prompts, but if they don't catch your eye, hit me up coordination and let's hash something out. closed starters for other people will get posted here too. just trying to keep it somewhat all-together this retail hell season.

Comments

[samuraiwomen]

Aren't we the same age...

[ She's not one to brag, but she thinks she's experienced plenty more then a guy who went to idol school. ]

It's a bit personal...and complicated. If you must know...I suppose its that I don't trust him as much as I used to, and its put a strain upon us both.

[crystallomancy]

( looks at ensemble stars... looks away. )

...That's rather ordinaRY. ( surprising. ) How close do you want to be with HIM? Just familiar enough to work together without too much awkwardNESS, friends, or perhaps something more than THAT?

( ...♪ )

I assume by your wording that he's done something to earn your disTRUST, so ultimateLY, it's dependent on the type of relationship you'd like to have with HIM. If you still want to be FRIENDS, then you'll have to hold your hand out again and make an efFORT. It doesn't mean you have to forgive him—far from it—but you do have to be willing to consider the time you spend with him to be worth someTHING.

If you'd just like to be able to work together with little to no awkwardness THOUGH, then you should just state THAT. You can't trust him the way you used TO, elaborate on your reasons and such if you feel like you have to in order to clear the AIR, and then follow up by saying you still want to be on the same SIDE.

( ...

and he won't advise on love. )

[samuraiwomen]

...How close to I want to be...

[ She hadn't really considered that. ]

I can't bear the idea of us not being friends...even if I don't understand why I feel that way. [ Amnesia is a bitch. But even then Sara isn't the best at understanding her own feelings. ]

Ah...but please don't assume I'm mad! It's nothing he's done...really I'm the one who should ask to be forgiven. I think I wronged him, not that he cares. When you know you've wronged someone, its hard to have the same relationship you did, right? That trust...left me.

[crystallomancy]

( ...mmm. )

It's true your relationship won't ever be the SAME. There'll always be something delicate about IT, a wound that'll scab over and be forgotten until something scrapes over it on accident and makes it bleed aGAIN.

( he knows that all too well. relationships are just like pottery. they're not impossible to repair, but the cracks put in them won't ever fade. )

But if he's interacting with you and doesn't seem bothered by what you DID, then I think that's a good SIGN. You can still apologize if you feel like IT, even if it's only for your own sake—and you can tell him that too—but being friends isn't impossible as long as you learn to accept that to HIM, you and your friendship's worth outweigh what you've DONE.

( ... )

You might never forgive yourself for how you've wronged HIM, ( god knows he hasn't. ) but at the end of the DAY, it's other people who choose whether or not to interact with us; it's other people who decide how they feel about US. We can't control THAT, Chidouin-san.

[samuraiwomen]

For a couple of idols, you and Subaru give pretty good advice...

[ In totally different tones, but the heart of it is the same. ]

I'm not good with things I can't control...but I know trying to is even worse. That was a pretty harsh lesson.

[ She tugs her hair nervously, staring down at the cards again instead of Natsume. ]

...So did you tell Chiaki? Was it worth doing that?

[ It's blurted out, but completely genuine. She really wants to know...what confessing your sins feels like. If its worth doing at all. ]

[crystallomancy]

( Natsume freezes, guilt washing over his face before he can hide it; he covers it with a more muted regret, something safer. Less vulnerable; less weak. )

...I haven't told HER. She doesn't remember her time spent here at ALL, and I don't want to ruin that for HER. I have tried telling her she died falling down the stairs THOUGH, and she didn't particularly believe she went down in such a WAY.

( so maybe he hasn't entirely taken his own advice. )

I'll tell her it was me one DAY. ( would she believe him? he doesn't know, but he probably owes her it. before someone else does. even though he'd done the same thing for subaru, and to his knowledge no one had tried informing him at all about natsume's murders... ) But I was simply relieved, at the time, that she didn't rememBER.

( .......

he didn't want to die. he didn't want to kill her, again.

he's the same scared seventeen year old he was at the start of summer. )

[samuraiwomen]

[ It's cruel, but the way his façade crumbles, how he walks back on the advice he gave her. It's absurd. It's a bit funny, in an awful way. She doesn't laugh in his face, but she look up from the cards and gives him a grim smile. ]

Ah, I get it. I get it. So you really are the same as me, Sakasaki-san.

[ Cowards to the core. His advice isn't bad...really its up to the people they harmed to judge them, but its so hard to take that step. To ruin a good thing when its in front of you. It's scary. ]

It's okay. I don't know what's right or wrong and I can't judge you. "I'll confess one day"...I think that a lot.

[ What's morally right, versus whats safe and makes you happy. Sara knows which one she's been picking despite herself. Even so... ]

Chiaki seems like a nice girl. I think...she'd be mad, but she's alive now, so maybe she can forgive you.

[crystallomancy]

( It was hard enough confessing it in front of people he actually liked, actually cared about; it was hard enough dealing with the hurt he gave them, that he received in return. He thinks of the way Hiro glanced at his tallies when he told him; he thinks of Maya's surprise, schooled back into neutrality. Stephanie's silence as she left, Rika's anger bubbling over, the distance he'd kept from everyone the weeks following the fall-out.

Natsume thinks about Chiaki, confident but unafraid of violence. She'd fought for her life, but she'd been ready to off the perpetrator in the first place, no questions asked. Maybe without the context of Izumi Sena, she'd be a little nicer, or maybe she'd laugh at him. )

We'll SEE. ( ... ) I was just speaking from experience from the way everyone else acted towards me in the wake of that, to be hoNEST. Kudo-chan's death wronged more than just HER.

( even if his murder was justified by "she would have definitely tried killing me first" but anyway we've made our peace with that )