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DECEMBER EVENT/TDM
bulletin board updates
✽ There are several new points of interest at the bulletin board this month, most prominently a wooden box with the slit on the top just large enough to drop a sheet of paper inside. Above is an explanation of Secret Santa and a form to fill out for those interested in participating to write down their name, homeroom, and locker number. Sign-ups close on 12/5, and following assignments, gifts may be given in person or through one of the student council members if anonymous gifting is preferred (contact the mod to hire a stuco elf).
✽ Right next to this box is a poster with a large orange giraffe painted on it. The contents of the poster has nothing to do with giraffes, but rather, is an advertisement for student store commissions featuring quality work with quick turnarounds and a special discount for the month of December if you buy five or more commissions, or bring the shopkeep a warm drink and maybe a snack while they're working.
✽ To the side of the class roster and current ranks is a digital countdown, and scrawled on the bulletin board itself is the message "You're almost there! You can do it! One more push!" but it's unclear whether this message refers to the countdown to the new year, or to the long glass tube situated along the edge of the bulletin board next to it. Maybe both. The tube looks similar to a graduated cylinder, holding a total volume of 5000 ml and currently containing 4850 ml of dark red (presumably) blood, hot to the touch. It can not be broken or removed. The mod will be in contact if any character action this month causes the volume to change.
✽ A neatly typed notice, half buried under all the other announcements, contains a reminder that tuition will be due soon for those students continuing to study at Yogen. If tuition is not paid in full by the end of February, "compensation" will be taken instead.
✽ And finally, there is a notice from the student council that proof of club activity is once again due for submission to the student council by 12/24, otherwise the club will be dissolved and resources taken back. Please submit activity proof to the toplevel below.
✽ Right next to this box is a poster with a large orange giraffe painted on it. The contents of the poster has nothing to do with giraffes, but rather, is an advertisement for student store commissions featuring quality work with quick turnarounds and a special discount for the month of December if you buy five or more commissions, or bring the shopkeep a warm drink and maybe a snack while they're working.
✽ To the side of the class roster and current ranks is a digital countdown, and scrawled on the bulletin board itself is the message "You're almost there! You can do it! One more push!" but it's unclear whether this message refers to the countdown to the new year, or to the long glass tube situated along the edge of the bulletin board next to it. Maybe both. The tube looks similar to a graduated cylinder, holding a total volume of 5000 ml and currently containing 4850 ml of dark red (presumably) blood, hot to the touch. It can not be broken or removed. The mod will be in contact if any character action this month causes the volume to change.
✽ A neatly typed notice, half buried under all the other announcements, contains a reminder that tuition will be due soon for those students continuing to study at Yogen. If tuition is not paid in full by the end of February, "compensation" will be taken instead.
✽ And finally, there is a notice from the student council that proof of club activity is once again due for submission to the student council by 12/24, otherwise the club will be dissolved and resources taken back. Please submit activity proof to the toplevel below.
12/20 - 12/24 finals week
✽ The week before winter break is finals, with many students cramming as many math formulas and foreign country leaders into their heads as possible without it all spilling over, while other students have decided to chance the practicum instead. Those who have signed up for the practicum are asked to meet inside the auditorium after homeroom at the start of the day while test takers begin their written exams. Students are allowed to change their minds on which to take, up until the end of homeroom on Monday, after the bell rings and the doors close.
✽ For the test takers, finals last for five days, from 8AM until noon each day, after which students are allowed to go home, or have lunch and continue studying in their homerooms or in the library. At the end of finals on Friday, students are asked to remain in their homerooms over lunch break while their exams finish being graded, after which homeroom teachers will return and ask certain students to go with them to the faculty office. These are the failing students. Which the homeroom teachers themselves have the pleasure of executing for their failures. All other students are dismissed and wished a happy winter break.
✽ For those opting for the practicum, finals last for two days, from 8AM until noon on Monday and Tuesday. All students from all grades meet in the auditorium the first day and are told the very simple rules for this semester's practicum: in order to raise your failing grade, all you have to do is kill another student, upon which you take their points for yourself. At the start of both days, students first gather in the auditorium for a headcount and then are given a half hour no-killing grace period during which they are allowed to scatter and find the best sniping/ambushing/hiding spots. The hunt is limited to four hours each day and kills must be done on campus; any kills done outside of these parameters are just for fun and do not count towards their final grade. Points are given for kills involving students in the same grade level of different homerooms (e.g. third years only benefit from killing other third years) and points are revoked for kills involving other grade levels or test takers not participating in the practicum. They studied hard, leave them alone. Most students need only one or two kills to pass, but multiple kills stack and earn them extra credit that will carry over to the next semester. Students who end the second day with a still failing grade will be called to the faculty office. ... All remaining students are dismissed and wished a happy (early!) winter break.
✽ A winter storm starts to whip up around noon on the 24th, raging through the night before settling down come morning, blanketing the entire campus with several feet of snow.
✽ For the test takers, finals last for five days, from 8AM until noon each day, after which students are allowed to go home, or have lunch and continue studying in their homerooms or in the library. At the end of finals on Friday, students are asked to remain in their homerooms over lunch break while their exams finish being graded, after which homeroom teachers will return and ask certain students to go with them to the faculty office. These are the failing students. Which the homeroom teachers themselves have the pleasure of executing for their failures. All other students are dismissed and wished a happy winter break.
✽ For those opting for the practicum, finals last for two days, from 8AM until noon on Monday and Tuesday. All students from all grades meet in the auditorium the first day and are told the very simple rules for this semester's practicum: in order to raise your failing grade, all you have to do is kill another student, upon which you take their points for yourself. At the start of both days, students first gather in the auditorium for a headcount and then are given a half hour no-killing grace period during which they are allowed to scatter and find the best sniping/ambushing/hiding spots. The hunt is limited to four hours each day and kills must be done on campus; any kills done outside of these parameters are just for fun and do not count towards their final grade. Points are given for kills involving students in the same grade level of different homerooms (e.g. third years only benefit from killing other third years) and points are revoked for kills involving other grade levels or test takers not participating in the practicum. They studied hard, leave them alone. Most students need only one or two kills to pass, but multiple kills stack and earn them extra credit that will carry over to the next semester. Students who end the second day with a still failing grade will be called to the faculty office. ... All remaining students are dismissed and wished a happy (early!) winter break.
✽ A winter storm starts to whip up around noon on the 24th, raging through the night before settling down come morning, blanketing the entire campus with several feet of snow.
OOC
✽ PC faculty still have finals: they will either take written exams excluding that of their own subject, or they can take the practicum. Players with faculty characters are asked to reply to the toplevel below to indicate the number of failed students per class, but characters do NOT have to ICly be responsible for killing failed students. Unless they're cool with that, and if so, please let me know.
✽ This is a reminder that for any character that murders (again, please let me know), they will experience the same pain the following night and lose powers/abilities for one week. Two weeks after the murder, +1 tally and +100 merit points will be awarded for each kill.
✽ The void in the auditorium continues to grow, and (pending character interaction) by the end of the month will encompass the entire right wing of all floors, including the locker area but not the rooftop. Please mind the void, murderers.
✽ This is a reminder that for any character that murders (again, please let me know), they will experience the same pain the following night and lose powers/abilities for one week. Two weeks after the murder, +1 tally and +100 merit points will be awarded for each kill.
✽ The void in the auditorium continues to grow, and (pending character interaction) by the end of the month will encompass the entire right wing of all floors, including the locker area but not the rooftop. Please mind the void, murderers.
no subject
After all, anyone would be happier after her treatments. But even if he were to explain it a hundred times, Komaeda wouldn't understand that. The other Floormasters didn't understand it, though they had a great deal of respect for her work and were happy enough to utilize it to their own ends. The participants couldn't understand it, and Rio still thinks about how thoroughly the lot of them had rejected it and chosen to roll about in their suffering to avoid some indiscernible thing. It goes without saying if them and theirs couldn't understnad her work, then those here would have no hope of doing so.
That was why they only had each other. That was why Rio was the only one who could really understand her.
But he would be happier if she worked on him. However much he lost, however much of his mind was gone, however empty it left him - he would be happier in the end. He would be happier given those treatments that she herself would never utilize. He would be, and yet... Rio instinctively knows that Komaeda would reject it.
So he laughs softly, unconsciously looking to the place where the only person who could ever understand the punchline he's about to give might be. ]
Ahahaha... I'm just messing with you! She's a healer.
[ He flips back to the open-mouthed grin card. ]
Safalin just wants to see people happy, you know? No matter how deep the wound is, she can fix it right up.... Ah, well, if you wanted to let her work on you, I'm sure that'd make her pretty happy. You'd be a whole new person after.
[ He shakes his head. ]
I don't think I'd let her though.
[ Why? He doesn't know. But... For some reason, Rio doesn't think he'd want her to work on this person. Strange, when he's always been fine with it - when he's never understood why it was so thoroughly rejected. ]
no subject
( everyone has tried their hand on his mind, and his body, but things remain the same, and that's because he's lucky in that being the case. it's because of this misfortunate that he's been given a few good things in his life that he could count on his fingers as good luck, little reasons to appreciate the bad. so he doesn't mind being unfixable, the fact that he's been called broken is a testament to that, and who said it first? he recalls rio saying it like it was a good thing, it's true, to komaeda that is. the information spread across the table on how long komaeda had to live, from the reports that talked about the capacity of knowledge he can keep that'll slowly chip away as time goes on.
he's lucky that he's able to keep every piece of important that's come from an ultimate, the most hopeful and despairing events that's occurred. if safalin could fix that problem of his then...
it's as rio has thought, komaeda would never agree to it. the idea would sound nice, but he'd pass like he does everything else — there's always good luck around the corner if he waits. )
There's no healing trash like me, and I'm already happy. What then?
( he may look off to the side in a forlorn manner, but that doesn't stay for long as he perks back up with a smile, his own brand of "happiness," that's catered to him, and for him. it's for others too, he's heard that he has a smile that can wash away any worries, or that's what hinata had said about him. what makes him find this funny, though, is that if safalin is a healer, and wants to see people happy, but rio wouldn't let her do what she needed to give komaeda that feeling says a lot.
one one hand, it was a joke, and there was nothing to be terrified of but even rio would rather komaeda not take up the offer. )
...Is that your way of protecting me, or wanting me to stay broken.
( in those terms such as before. )
no subject
His happy lie had been taken from him, and now there was only a harsh reality full of so many things that he couldn't understand.
So then, was he trying to protect him from that happiness? It would be a lie, but it would be a happy little lie, one in which his partner could curl up in and find solace. There wouldn't be any further pain, there wouldn't be any regrets, just the pleasant moments that he spent with others. He wouldn't need to do anything, he wouldn't need to act. There would be no life left for him to live, no goals left to chase, because everything would finally be just the way that it should be... But it was fine to live that kind of lie, wasn't it?
Was he trying to keep him broken? That would be just fine, too. Rio was broken. They were all broken. They all shared the same Hell, one in which they could never crawl out of. Even if one would try, another would grab them and pull them back down for the sake of having a partner to commiserate with. It was too lonely to be by yourself, and it was too sad to think that happiness could be achieved if only one worked for it, and so it was necessary to ensure that there was no one would could disprove the idea that things were as they always would be.
Hmmm... He has no reason to do either, though, not when he had always maintained that it was better to forget those painful moments. It had been incomprehensible for him that Joe would want to remember his painful death - for what? Because it was important? What good did knowing the details of your death bring? What good was it to remember the deaths of loved ones when you could just have those happy times, and forget the fighting and regrets and pain? What good was it for Komaeda, sitting before him, to remember the Hellish nightmare that was his life?
Why wouldn't he? ]
Maybe... You're already as happy as any of us, so I guess you don't need it...
[ He murmurs, the card switching back to the ice cream cone, but he doesn't sound satisfied with that answer. His fingers twitch on the card, loosening and tightening as Rio struggles to come up with an answer. His eyes move up, head inclining slightly, and there's a frustrated little sigh as he continues to come up blank. The hope fragment bumps against his chest as he fidgets, trying to work off some of the restless energy that comes with an unsolvable problem.
Slowly, carefully, he starts to speak to try and draw a conclusion out of himself, ]
I don't think there would be much left, though. You've led a pretty unhappy life... But maybe that's fine... Hmmm, but I don't think you really need to stay the way you are, either.
[ So why wouldn't he...? Ah, it was the same reason as always, wasn't it? It was a sickening, repulsive reason, far worse than simply wanting a person to stay broken. That could be overcome using logic, that could be overcome by his former partner's tendency to explain things in such a way that they made perfect sense to him, and that could be overcome by the promise of fringe benefits for him. That could be overcome... By the fact that he doesn't like the person that Komaeda is now, because he keeps thinking that he wants to see him happy. It doesn't matter if it wouldn't be what he wanted either, because he would no longer have the capacity to object once completed.
At length his eyes widen as he seems to reach some conclusion. And it really was a stupid, selfish reason... Ahhh, this is why emotions have no place in decision making nor arguments... ]
... Safalin and I were partners, so we needed each other. It was my job to keep her from doing something stupid, but I probably would've followed her no matter what sorta trouble she got herself into.
[ If she decided to betray ASUNARO, he probably would have, too. And without a doubt, if he didn't stop it, Rio would follow him into whatever trouble he got himself into without once questioning it... Because he couldn't stand to see him go through it by himself. And yet... ]
But I... Need Nagito Komaeda, too.
[ So he wouldn't let her take that away from him.
What a stupid, pointless, illogical reason. ]
no subject
normally, komaeda doesn't care for the answers people find about him, because they hardly get it, though that's not his sickness that makes him think this way. he just feels entitled to aspects that are filled with hope and despair, and when it comes to himself who has no hope, he feels as if rio's time shouldn't be wasted thinking so hard. instead, komaeda focuses on him and molding his hope, though he has none inside of him, but that doesn't stop rio from learning, and understanding to the point that he can say something is his hope. as a helping hand, komaeda gave him a start, that small jewel that hangs by his neck, and even he keeps his eyes on it as he watches it bounce off his chest in his thoughts. )
I'm unsure what Safalin-san would do to me if I was under her care, but I'd never find out.
( what makes rio worried can only make komaeda think that maybe there's something more, he knows that the other isn't meant to be tried, and when he thinks about it... prodigies are as close as to what ultimates are in his own world as much as he hates to think about it, he loathes it, but those prodigies seem as if... there's too much wasted talent, turned to despair for a bigger picture he just hasn't seen yet. he hates to think that someone with such strengths in their fields could mend rio to the point that happiness to him at one point of time felt too fleeting to even obtain.
komaeda finally takes his hand back, crossing them in front as he looks at the other, hm... there's a reason he normally allows people to hold that hopeful part of him, because it's a reminder that there's still a chance for anyone. if he leads rio into the darkness, at least there's some hope he can hold onto, if they have to see through this hell together, then despite komaeda's fear, he'll swallow down his worries, and if something happens... he knew from the start that it was a mistake. that's why such worries terrify him even through he doesn't show it, why he smiles happily when aware that anything could happen, like even now he waits for when one of them drops dead because they left their bodies unattended in a place where murder builds character. )
...Need is a very special word, Riokun, it's something you can't live without. It's how humans need air to survive, but needing something like me would be unhealthy for you.
( it's very what you see is what you get, and having it komaeda's way is that he won't change, he'd do everything he's done so far all over again if it meant to spread hope, and that's why he wouldn't want to be fixed in a way that's considered happy — depending on who's doing it, their definition could differ from his. if rio needs him so much that another person's help would change him, he wonders what that would be like for a moment — he thinks he'd hate it, that his own efforts weren't what made him that way, and that things would be different moving forward. )
Do you really want to breathe the same breath with me?
( he has trouble breathing, he wheezes too, he's not something that people want to stay with, but if this really is the choice that rio holds onto... ) One day, I may just forget how to!
no subject
There would be nothing left of the person he is now, and the dregs that remain aren't what Rio wants. It wouldn't matter what Komaeda wanted, because he would then. It wouldn't be a sad thing at all, and he should only be so happy for him. That twisted contradiction tears at his mind, and he understand that it's only his selfishness that should keep him from hoping for it. But Safalin isn't here, and so he can take in a breath and be content with the fact that he only need worry about himself and his partner.
He doesn't need to worry about it, and yet... The fact that if this person were to disappear it would weigh on him remains. Would he want to breathe the same breath...? Yet, Rio has no need to breathe. He has no need for air as a human would, and so then perhaps he should lack the needs that they do. But he considers how he might answer that if he did - if he needed the breaths that he breathes in and out rhythmically, if he needed the connections and bonds that he formed and tightened with each passing day. ]
Yeah. I do. If you forget, and if I can't remind you...
[ Then, would he forget too...? Rio doesn't want to die. He can't want to die, and so he can't ready agree to it. And yet the words that come out of his mouth contradict that so readily. ]
... Ahaha, at least you won't be lonely. It'd sure suck if you were all by yourself, eh?
[ Whether that was in life or here in purgatory or in the depths of Hell. ]
no subject
he wants a world where everyone can stand united, he wants that sort of hope, and ultimates spread it effortlessly. that's the type of person komaeda is, and it's new to hear someone accept him for being that way, but does rio understand him enough to accept these pros, but also his cons? sometimes the things he say sounds nice, most times, he isn't sure how they should be parsed, but it keeps his attention. other times, it goes through one ear and out the other, he stares, but he looks straight through rio without when realizing it. )
Ah... you'll be with me even then? ( yet, he can't handle the fact of talking about just himself in this fashion, about his own gains, not when there's others. ) We'll be the perfect stepping stones, helping hope in such a manner.
( he can agree to something like this, breathing the same means to go through it together, but maybe that's how partnership works through thick and thin. that's why he decides for both of them, for the people who have no talents, and for the lesser individuals whose lives are better sacrificed to make that goal for the world. one filled with everything positive that makes subjectively bad concepts naturally good, because it is. )
They need us, you know, the people here who happen to be afraid of what may stand before them... they lack courage, so it's up to us to build that first them, oh... but courage in the hands of the powerless is called recklessness, so we shouldn't push them too hard. They have to understand their limits, or they'll hurt themselves!
no subject
[ He flips to the cat card, but it doesn't seem to quite be a flippant remark. Rio spins around, leaning back and placing his free hand on the deck of the desk. It creaks and slides back, causing him to stretch out further until he's balancing on his heels, but it supports his weight well enough. It switches back to the open mouthed grin as he tilts his head back, wondering if the two of them wouldn't coordinate better...?
Nah, they'd be terrible. They're a little too much alike with that savior complex. The only difference was that Safalin was a survivor through and through, and she was a logical person for all of her emotions. He doesn't mind that in either of them, though, and it's not something that he can be bothered with trying to brute force through. The only way for a person to change was by their own efforts. If such a thing were possible, he doubts it would be by presenting an argument that amounts to nothing - they're terrible? They're awful? Monsters? Ah, who cares? That sort of sentimental dribble was no better than tea that hadn't been steeped long enough - weak, with just enough flavor to give it an unpleasant taste.
No, he doesn't need to change Komaeda, because they were partners. ]
Hmm... You know what a partner is to me, Nagito? It's a person who takes you as you are. If you're disgusting and vile, then so am I. You get me?
[ He tilts his head back, staring at a particularly interesting point on the ceiling. He's consistent with his views, at least. ]
You balance each other out, and fill the blind spots that the other one has... Because we can't survive alone. So, if you wanna be a stepping stone and look out for everyone else in the world, then... Hmm, I guess I get to be the selfish one. I won't look out for anyone else other than myself, and I won't look out for anyone but you, even if that means sacrificing everyone and everything else.
[ He pushes himself on the desk, starting to rise up before he leans back again, considering. ]
That's just how it is. That's why whatever you do, I'll be able to follow you, since I don't have to look out for anyone else.
[ He gives a harder push now, forcing himself back to his feet and twisting to look at Komaeda. He tilts his head, considering for a moment. ]
... Hmmm.... Funny, somehow, I thought you would've been able to understand that... Ah, well, it doesn't really matter.
[ Maybe not his unique ideas, maybe not Rio at all. But the more general idea, one of the few things that they seemed to overlap on - people couldn't do things alone, people needed to work together, and that was hope they could finally succeed... Or perhaps he'd been the one to misunderstand? ]
Any-way! Yep, whatever you get up to, if I can't stop you from it, I'll at least make sure you do it right.
[ And despite how much he'd derailed, there's the unspoken promise to follow him through the motions of pushing people in such a disagreeable way.
Straight down the path to Hell - but that was fine, he was already going there. ]
no subject
( komaeda doesn't think he will, but that said, he does play his cards in a fashion so that he can understand people, but he doesn't like that his words are what makes him and safalin the same. he doesn't want to be compared to someone hopeless, and so he looks to the side almost offended by the notion. it's simple to him, from what he knows, and yet he doesn't try to understand her since she's not here — it works better when komaeda's given data to look through, and a person to utilize that information against, and yet all he has is rio's experiences and komaeda's own thoughts. )
...Huh?
( give him a moment to understand what was said, if komaeda's fine with being a stepping stone, then he can do so, but from rio's standpoint, he's not going to do the same. it's confusing that komaeda looks up, blinks, like he's trying to figure out what is the catch, is there a loophole, did he agree, but not agree? where's the part where he says, "just kidding," and they both laugh about it because as insignificant people, they should be able to give themselves up for the betterment of the people.
it's not hard to hear that he's being a hypocrite, or that he's contradicting when rio says something like that, he understands it enough, he understands uniting people under one umbrella. that doesn't mean there's a place for him, hm, but he wonders why does he feel slightly bad for hearing such words leave from rio's mouth as if he's disappointed him. perhaps he did, yet, he can't allow that to weigh on his consciousness. )
There's more than just me, ( which is the truth, he can say this easily. ) there's a lot of people for you to meet, Riokun.
( he gets it, but he doesn't for himself, he could spout this to anyone in the same fashion that rio spoke just now, but for himself? he couldn't imagine it, because he's always loved in groups, or he's loved in a distance. that's why he teeters back and forth, it's why he thinks of the people other than just himself, and he leans back into his chair as he watches rio play against the desk despite how dangerous that might be. he reaches out with his prosthetic hand, tapping lightly in a reminder that he shouldn't do that, he could crumble, and then he'd accidentally fall, and komaeda doesn't want that. )
I can take you as you are, I could take you if you were anything else, but that doesn't stop my mission in life when it comes to guiding you all towards hope. ( he sighs, maybe this is why he keeps himself at bad, putting distance between him and others, and only talking when it matters.
he sighs, laughing. ) I want others to take you as you are, too, to be together is part of hope, you know? I don't want to see you left behind.
no subject
Yep, heard you the first time, boss~!
[ The confident profile hides his countenance as he makes this single flippant statement, and it's replaced in a flash with the ice cream cone once more. ]
So like I said, I'll cover your blind spots so you can keep on going. Whatever goal you got's fine by me. Unless it involves killing me or you, then I'll either have to yank you by the collar or break your hand. We can see how that one works out.
[ Break his hand, but not kill him. Who else has he ever said that about? He yanks the deck back a little more so he can lean forward on it, adding a bit more weight, feeling the legs start to wobble beneath him. It's less of a matter of when it crumbles so much as when and which way.
It's only after he's covered all other points that he's able to return to the statement of other people. The card flips a couple times as he seems to try and settle on a mood - the cat mask, the open mouthed grin, but he eventually winds up just back where he started.
How is he supposed to feel about that? ]
Anyway, I know a lot of people. If they leave me behind, then that was always gonna happen, so it doesn't really matter.
[ His voice had evened out after the first sentence, but it lowers now, eyelids lowering halfway as he stares down at the bloodstain at the desk. There's a reason that he can make this offer, and who wouldn't recoil from just this promise to kill and maim and do anything at all simply based on someone's whim? It's enough to draw a small, bitter little laugh out of him. ]
Nah, it's not my problem if anyone here made me into something I'm not.
no subject
You can hurt me all you want.
( komaeda doesn't mind being a martyr if that makes rio feel better, he doesn't care for much aside from hope, and when he sees it threatened by the little things, by his own talent no less. he wonders if coming closer will he act out more aggressively, and he shouldn't considering how dangerous everything here is, how unstable things can be. he's not afraid of his own luck, so he brings himself over closer, placing his hand over rio's own wondering if he'll stop — when he has something to hold he isn't as bad, or a danger to himself. )
...But don't say hopeless things. ( even if it all feels hopeless, komaeda can't understand such a pessimistic view, not when he's had the other here, and seen him at what might have been his lowest, and every day they work further to see him at his highest. the outcome that'll come from that as komaeda now wraps his fingers around the other's wrist to hold him in place against the table, the table creaks from the added pressure. ) I don't have a hopeless partner, and if you're forgetting that,
( he glances down at the necklace around rio's neck, even if he can't see it right now... )
I'll remind you.
( komaeda who can never forget hope, who has that ingrained in his head tries to support his partner where he seems to show weakness. he wants him to know it doesn't just have to be them, but maybe rio feels safer in twos, a person he can trust despite everyone else, and that's why to him he got frustrated? irritated by the notion of komaeda not getting it like him? it's hard when rio had someone, and komaeda had no one, but he's adjusting despite how terrifying that is. )
So stop.
( he doesn't let go, but whether he decides to keep doing it or not, komaeda won't stop him. he's gave his guidance, but sometimes people have to figure out things on their own to truly understand how it effects a person after. if rio pushes down more, the desk might just crumble, but they'll both go down by that logic. )
no subject
He stops when Komaeda's hand touches his own though, freezing in place. He looks down, as though suddenly aware of his own behavior. But as he looks down he wonders which part is hopeless, he wonders? Was it all of it? Perhaps the beginning, or the middle? The thought of it being the end occurs to him, and that stings in a way that the other two options don't. He was used to being disliked, and that was all well and good, but there was more to it.
He parts his lips slightly, and those words are on the tip of his tongue, but he closes it shortly after. Those words are lost, along with the question. That piece of his heart, still carefully sheltered even now, is locked tight in a place where sunlight can't reach. Rio stares down his expression is as blank and unreadable as ever. He blows out a sigh instead. ]
It's not that.
[ Not hopeless? Not whatever ridiculous notion Komaeda has decided to blame his behavior on? It's a response to both, and he leans back slightly, raising his elbows and adjusting his footing to take some of the weight off. That empty expression is still there, but there's nothing new about that at all. ]
I got it, I got it... I shouldn't be messing around.
[ Rio shakes his head, frustrated with his own behavior. ]
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...
( he doesn't say anything because at the end of the day, even komaeda's disliked and hated, but he wants to help the hope of others. it can be the same for rio, but he wants him to be different, it's easy to say this about others when you aren't in their shoes — komaeda suffers in his alone most days, he's not used to someone else by him doing the same.
he sneezes, a quick turn away from how dusty the place is, and the desk, without a doubt crumbles like dash. just by a simple sneeze, which komaeda gasps for breath afterwards since it's something he didn't expect. the wood chips and dust float into the air, almost blocking their vision, and komaeda walks to one side trying to get out the radius of it. had rio not been messing with it, the foundation of the desk wouldn't have become so weak that a mere exhale of air would make it shatter.
anyway, he should watch where he walks, there's a few panels of wood that's lifted up on the floor, don't want him to trip in this little mist of woodchips. )
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It's not you--hey, be careful...
[ It's not him. It's not, even if he doesn't know what it is, he can at least say that much. It's not, and ah, so much for apologizing when it would still meet something. He supposes he'll have to settle for a time at which it won't. Rio should at least do that much.
He'll try to intercept if it looks like Komaeda's about to trip and kill himself, but otherwise Rio suspects he might do more harm than good by trying to help him. ]
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I thought you'd come with me, but you were over here.
( he heard him say be careful, but who is a pile of dust supposed to be a threat to? he lifts his prosthetic hand, dusting off what little manages to get on rio's shoulders, and his chest — komaeda's a clean freak, and do seeing that is enough to make him focus, but it feels like a chance to do something without speaking about anything that could make rio act out again. )
Hmm... You know, you coughed, Riokun! ( idle chatter, just something to make note of. ) We really will breathe together, won't we...
( he clears his throat, looking to the side as he coughs himself, and as he tries to breathe in, he can feel something rattling in his throat. it's always like this, but he tries to clear his throat before looking back towards his partner, and smacking away a bit more dirt. )
Even so... you be careful too, you can choke on your coughs, you know?
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Ah, well... I didn't think I'd be much good navigating half-blind.
[ He would have done better than a normal person, but still, he tries to be cautious. The real surprise is that Komaeda made his way back over, and he blinks several times. ]
Ah, yeah... It's fine, it's just to make everything seem a little bit more real.
[ A human would choke and cough in this situation, and so Rio did as well. He hesitates, unsure of whether or not he should say anything at this point before he lightly bumps Komaeda's arm with the back of his hand. It already feels like it's it a bit too late to do so, but he says what he'd intended to anyway, ]
... Sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, so it's on me for acting stupid.
[ He doesn't apologize often, but when he does there's always a good reason for it. He's agitated about his own impulsiveness and poor decisions, and the consequences it had, but he also can't stand to leave his own mistakes figuratively hanging in the air in such a way. A stupid decision was a stupid decision, and this was one. He's fair in that regard at least. ]
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( not a thought are behind those empty, sickly green eyes of his as he tries to find what was it that the other is apologizing for. there's so much yet so little, komaeda's hardly bothered by much, and so he could dismiss that as quick as he tries to make the dust go away. it doesn't take long for the air to be freed of the cloud in the air, and he can finally see better as his eyes remain on cleaning rio off. komaeda doesn't think of doing himself next considering they'll be clean once they leave. )
Even if you're half-blind, you should move forward, Riokun! Adams-san does great at that for a blind girl.
( she's blind, of course she would, so he expects the same from rio whose vision is completely better, and has an advantage. sometimes one has to close their eyes to walk into the darkness, some have to hold their breath until it's forced out, and if the poison lowers, and lowers until he can't take it anymore — he gives his life even if he was scared. )
You would have had... two other eyes on your side, see... ( he lifts a hand, pointing at his own eyes even though he probably closed them more than they were open. he blinks, trying to adjust them properly so they no longer blur, and maybe it's unfair not to say anything about the apology, but komaeda doesn't see why he's apologizing. no, no, he does, that stupidity is what he was supposed to stop him from, wasn't it? and he failed on that front. ) Cheer up, we're not dead.
( wait, he laughs, nodding. ) ...again.
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You're right, I should know better... Ahaha, I'm getting a failing grade today, aren't I? I'd be in trouble if I didn't have you to look out for me.
[ It stings a little to admit, but it is what it is, and he means it on all fronts. He knows, just as he always has, that he needs somebody to compensate for all of his flaws too. He'll dust off Komaeda in turn, though he's not quite as thorough about the entire affair. He half considers pulling the jacket off just to shake it off, but settles for at least trying to keep him from looking like he just crawled out of an abandoned sawdust factory.
Right. This was his partner, so he could depend on him in moments like these too. He takes a breath, and records that in his memory, and for having done so he'll be able to do better next time. ]
We should get moving.
[ If only avoid any further choking. ]
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( well, he gave a warning, he did his best to pull rio away from what seemed dangerous. he didn't let him continue as if there were no consequences to his actions, there always is, and komaeda knows that. he remains cheerful, standing in place once rio begins to dust him off instead.
rio is smart, so much information stored in his database that outperforms a human, equations, outcomes, success and failures all written into code, and even within three years, he probably knows enough to gauge what happens next. sadly, logical things mean nothing around komaeda, it almost feels supernatural thanks to his luck. so he has to do more, accommodate where the mysteries begin and end so that he doesn't get himself hurt. )
To the next floor?
( he looks out by the window, a spark of inspiration comes to him, and he walks over to it to push up the window so that cold air seeps into the classroom — it's dark outside, as if the sun never existed in this version of the world. )
We could climb up.
( it's dangerous, and a drop would mean sudden death, but komaeda asks while sticking his head out. it's chilly, and he's freezing even more. )
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A second pair of eyes when one couldn't see, huh... They'd always looked out for each other, but somehow, he'd never quite thought of it as that. Not when groping around in the dark only meant that you were more likely to find a knife stuck in you.
Rio follows Komaeda, looking from the frigid outside to his partner. Everything about it screams bad idea. ]
I dunno, that seems like a recipe for frostbite and a broken neck to me.
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Do you think think so? ( he understands he wouldn't have said it if he didn't. ) Normally, I'd fall into a bush even though everything here is dead, almost.
( from the height, he can't tell what's at the bottom, but knowing how things work with him, there's something or someone who will break his fall. with a sigh, he leans back into the classroom as he looks rio over, after that little demonstration he had done before, maybe it would be best to go the normal way up. )
...Hm. Riokun, how do you feel here?
( he should ask considering the mood of the place, the effect it has on others, and he wonders does he feel out of place — it's just them lost to this place, no one can enter at the same time as them, they could end up being killed the longer they remain outside of their body.
almost like lucid dreaming, he thinks, but the control of the setting isn't managed by them. only the characters within this story. )
If you break off a piece of the mirror, come back, we can go together.
( but breaking a mirror in the void version only sends that person, and someone nearby back. if komaeda sits here, he won't return properly, but maybe that's him baiting anyway to see what rio would do knowing that. is that wrong of him, or is he just preparing for the next seven steps ahead of him... it's always like that, him thinking. )
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So it is by now that the apprehension hasn't faded, but he's able to look on without letting anything show at all. Even so, he's careful about how he words his answer, ]
I'm still adjusting. I don't have a solid grasp on it yet.
[ It was another new place, and it was one that he wouldn't be able to even begin to feel at ease with (or at least, as at ease as one ever could,) until he had a more thorough grasp of it. That was normal enough. For an AI who only knew a single facility and had been only been removed to be placed in a smaller cage, that need to know every inch of a place was even stronger. But it also means that the only way to gain that tiny bit of comfort was to satisfy that need.
A flick of the wrist, and the cat card is hiding his expression. He keeps his eyes locked on Komaeda aside from the couple times that he opts to check his surroundings in response to some small sound of the building settling - the occasional creak and noises that always accompanied such old buildings. ]
Nice of you to worry about me, [ Another flick of the wrist, and the open mouthed grin has replaced it, ] But I'm fine.
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( figured, even his excuse that isn't an excuse, but his general feelings on the matter stand in the way of sending him back to the regular world. it would have been unfair once he got there, because no matter how much blood he'd find to go back to the void, they wouldn't be in the same instance anymore. like a multi-dimension cube where he's in the one beside rio, and there's no way for them to connect together, a sort of closed space dimension for them once they go in that time. )
How surprising, I should have known better.
( he says what he already knows, there's no tricking rio unless he did it aggressively, and so they'll stay here together. pushing himself away from the window, he turns around to walk towards the door, and he makes sure not to trip over the extra creaky floor panels along the way, hm, he hasn't got a solid grasp? he's still learning, and that means he can't blame him for his moment that he had. looking up, he knows that the void hasn't made it to the rooftop, and so that could be a nice place to stop. )
You wanted to keep going... ( he waits out in the hall, seeing the cut in his hand isn't as bad as it was — the blood has slowed down, and he's wiping it against his shirt so that it's not going to dry up on his palm. ) All the way to the rooftop, and then we can go home.
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If there's a reason for it.
[ There's the unspoken if you really want me gone to those words. Rio considers that for a moment, wondering if that might not be the case. Rio was sensitive to small changes and discrepancies, and so he should have known that he would reject it. At the same time, Komaeda was often indirect about his thoughts and needs, and at times it was difficult for him to react as needed of him when his habits told him to do otherwise.
He takes too long to consider this, and has to take a few quick steps to catch up. ]
Okay. [ A beat. ] You okay?
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( he wonders if he really is okay, yet he's been in this place time and time again — it's probably because of having someone who seems to be considerate of his every move. all he's had is hinata to do so, and even down the line, komaeda had hurt him from his actions during the early start of their relationship.
he wonders if this was one of those moments where he places someone in the position that they can't function around him anymore. )
Ehehehe... You're all worried about me, but I'm fine... ( with that, he shows his hand so that rio can finally see how it's no longer bleeding, but his fingers twitch from the cool air hitting it. ) This trip is about finding a way to fill the capsule... ah, I wonder what would happen if we could... that sort of surprise would shake the school depending on the results afterwards.
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It is a relief to see that the bleeding has stopped, at least. ]
Hm, what do you think would happen? ... Hmm, there's always the chance that there'll be an interesting result if we don't manage it, though. Puzzles like that are meant to be solved.
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