[ Ranger is in no great hurry, and so he waits in silence for Shin decide how he wishes to proceed. There were others that were more trustworthy, so it would be sensible enough to call upon them. His eyes flick down, drawn by the sudden sound and the sight of a cell phone slipping under the door. He bends down on one knee and picks it up off the ground. He recognizes it as belonging to Kugie Kizuchi... Hm, it must have made its way to Shin then. ]
Yep, sure do...
[ He mumbles. He's a touch distracted by the sight on the screen. It's no substitute for a proper physical examination, but one makes due with what they have, and this is more than might be otherwise allowed. But even so, he doesn't need that to see that this was done with the intention to kill him. What could possibly compel that girl to go after somebody she knew so violently? Ranger wonders if perhaps the stress that's been accumulating all this time had finally found a convenient release.
Either way, it's a disturbing sight. There's a thoughtful sound, followed by a small sigh, before deciding he'd examined it long enough and sliding the phone back under the door. He notes the raspy voice, and it seems like a fair bet that he's struggling to swallow too. ]
Hmm... I'd say keep a close eye on it. I don't see anything that I'd call an immediate concern, but you can have damage under the surface... For now, let's hope that's not the case and see if it can be treated by conventional means. [ Not much choice. ] How's your breathing?
[Shin's become a graveyard, of the devices of the dead and dead devices themselves. Take them, dust them off, set them towards new life like he's wisteria roots threaded through. The phone zips back under faster than Ranger slides it, almost like someone is pulling at it and holding it to their chest.]
...Better.
[Someone working medicine can only work with what they know or can find out so...]
Ahaha, it got scary for a while... but it's not as bad now.
[He almost died twice, once hours after the fact, or at least it felt that way to him; unfair, when he'd already barely survived. It's possible it was swelling; or a panic attack in the worst possible condition for it.]
[ Rather than getting up now, Ranger sits on the floor, facing the door, with his knees up. His free hand drapes over his knees as he leans forward. ]
Hm.... I'm not surprised. If it's not as bad now, we can take that as a good sign. If you're feeling sore, you can take some aspirin to help with it. There's some in the nurse's office. If things start getting worse, we'll go from there.
[ A beat. Then, a little cautiously, ]
... So, tell me what happened. It doesn't sound like you guys were just having a minor spat, and I'm sure the details are gonna start getting around.
[ Which is a somewhat roundabout way of saying that he'd rather hear it from him first. The person who speaks first controls the narrative, after all. ]
[The nurse's office feels like an impossible trek right now, but asking Ranger to go get it would be too much on top of this. Maybe he can try and sneak in after hours when everyone's asleep...? He knows how to read a bottle, it should be fine. Or would during class be better... the thought of classes alone makes him feel worse right now. This feels like too much future to think about.]
Guess I'll text you if things start going wrong...
[As far as he knows Ranger only has a PDA so... it would have to be network ping, and Shin is already mentally pigeonholing it as 'last last last resort'. Unknowingly, he settles similarly; crosslegged, bent over, thumb hovering over the delete button before going to turn the phone off. The rustle of it being pocketed. Ranger is giving him a chance to set the record; how does he actually use this? What to say? Especially when there's elements Shin doesn't understand himself, that choppy disjunct between how things should have ended and how they actually did.]
...it's a long story. How much do you know about what happened... after you died?
[There's probably a more tactful way to put it, but it's not coming to mind. But it's good to know what Ranger has or hasn't been already told, because the conversation hinges so heavily on Sara having called him there for that still stinging reason, at least in part.]
[ Ah, then it was something related to the Death Game that had sown division between the two of them. There's nothing surprising about that. It was a Majority Game, after all, and so there was bound to be an unhappy minority here and there. What the disagreement could have been on, however, he's less certain. ]
Nothing. I've been left on the dark on that front.
[ His voice drops a little as he says that, growing a touch more serious as the topic shifts. It's something he should have fixed sooner, but time was a luxury these last couple months. He'll have to remember to press that matter too. ]
I know how it was supposed to go, but I can tell it wasn't anything that neat and tidy.
[ Not when things had already been going off course, and especially not when they lost one of their own. It was a bad look, and it would leave them down one person. But regardless of that, that outline makes it easier for him to grasp anything being said... But then, if it occurred during the Death Game, why hadn't they dealt with it at the start? ]
Sure wasn't... I'll summarize but... we mounted an escape attempt. Using your amazing chip, even. Miss Nao never did tell me how Sara got her hands on it...
[That's neither here nor there though. He can't let himself get too sidetracked... this is going on a bit of a tangent as it is, but it feels like important background, to make the point, because everything leads up to the choice that was placed in front of Sara like a plate.]
Didn't have much time to look around, though. Seems like all that was predicted too! All in the palm of your hand... because we found the collapsed exit.
[Sometimes he wonders, if he hadn't fallen for the siren call of the facility map, if he'd just had more precious time to dig deeper, there'd have been something in Ranger unaccounted for, that could have actually got them all out.
...as if. His smile isn't visible behind the door but there's that taut wire thread to his hoarse voice. He stops, coughs, gingerly swallows.]
Don't need to tell you about the card trading, do I? ...there was one last trade, just before the main game started. Kanna took the sacrifice from Sara... or so I thought.
[The Sacrifice he'd sent to Sara in the first place. Stupid, stupid. Every single action of his laid out in horrific HD hindsight leading up to Kanna's, well, it wasn't potential death in Sara's universe now was it. His hand kneads the front of his chest. Shin could have 'me? defend kanna?'d as much as he wanted... It really was obvious, wasn't it... He knows he doesn't need to elaborate; Ranger knows the incentives that card creates as well as he does, if in more of an academic sense.]
Turns out, Gashu had intercepted it, sent it to Nao! Ahaha, he shot himself rather than let us have even 24 hours... An absolutely insane devotion. [Terrifying.] Think it was the same gun, even.
[His tone's turned conversational; he's detached, watching himself speak.]
Keiji was the Keymaster... So that's what it came down to. Me... or Kanna. And wouldn't you know it, the deciding vote was none other than our very own responsible Miss Sara Chidouin!
[There's a pause as he gets up, ostensibly to pull one off the blankets off the top bunk because this is taking longer than he thought, but mostly because he needs to if only briefly pace, earth the static electricity building up in him. He pulls it over his shoulders at the door, back in position.]
This next part... it's to do with the school. It messes with time, see? Sara could only have died after me, but she arrived before me. It also can show you different universes... Guess that runs deeper than I thought... because that's what she called me up on the roof to tell me, after half a year. [He's had time to get upset about this now, when there wasn't before because everything moved so fast in the moment, but she really had been just keeping this secret from him the whole time, souring so much for Shin in hindsight.] That in her world, she voted for the wrong person. And she didn't know why! Funny, isn't it?
[It feels kind of like that right now, one big joke played at his and Kanna's expense. He'll let all of that sink in... maybe grab some more water from the small container Ishimaru gave him. Those exclamation marks are costing him.]
[ It's a lot to process, but Ranger finds that it's simple so long as he starts from the top. It wouldn't be possible for Shin to know, but for Ranger, there was only one possible way that Sara could have even known about it, much less gotten their hands on it. There was only one person who would have known what it meant, where it was, and how to properly remove it without causing any damage.
Why is a harder question for him to answer. She should have known it was a hopeless cause. Was it to alleviate her own guilt? Was it out of some twisted kindness, or did she just want to see what would happen? But it couldn't be, right? To betray ASUNARO for a stupid reason like that... It couldn't be that she betrayed him for them, right...? He had held onto hope that he wasn't repaired because it was out of her hands, but maybe...
...
It doesn't matter. The rest is simpler to process, at least. They had utilized their resources, but not in just the right way, and come up empty. Gashu had broken one of the game's rules and died for it. Ranger already knew of his dedication to the game, so much so that he would do anything to see it succeed, and yet it doesn't make it sting any less to hear of how much more he loved the participants than he ever did his own creation. It doesn't make his death hurt any less when - despite everything - he still wanted to see them safe.
So then, after all of that, they were down two Floormasters, one attempt plan, and cards flipped around via their trading game until Nao had the Sacrifice and Keiji had the Keymaster card. That's simple enough, and then there were two. She voted for the wrong person in her world... For him to say different universes, did that mean it was only from her perspective?
It's a struggle, and he has to chew on the idea of it being a reality for a good 30 seconds. It's as though each simulation were its own little world, with red and blue existing parallel to each other. Red and blue, and for the person inside of the room there was only one right choice.
Ranger can't imagine being willing to sacrifice himself for another person. ]
And as far as you knew before then, she had made a different choice?
[ Six months... That's a long time to go on believing if so. ]
... Ahaha, it's so funny that it makes me want to throw up.
[ The words come out heavy and bitter, and the more he thinks about it the sicker he feels. Six months, three years, is there really that much of a difference between the two? ]
[Anything that can get someone to just... throw away their life is incomprehensible and terrifying, to Shin. The idea of Kanna being voted for and dying... was incomprehensible and terrifying.]
It's not like I knew it was possible at the start. Ahaha, she was ever so careful to never outright lie, too... like that even matters.
[It's a tactic he knows well: Huh? I never said anything like that, Shin. It's rude to just assume things, you know. Why did he fall for it again?]
'Nothing happened to Kanna'... [His voice twists into exaggerated mimicry, and he has to cough again.] Of course it didn't.
[It's a shared heavy bitterness, acrid like tar on the tongue, in the air between them like miasma. And yet something in him unclenches, just a little, in strange relief, the way something long dried and desiccated uncurls when a drop of water lands on it, or a muscle you didn't realize was cramped unlocks. Ranger gets it; more than gets it, feels the same way, and Shin can have a few guesses as to why. Shin shies away from trusting the feeling, but that doesn't mean it doesn't linger.
...Can Ranger even throw up? Well, if he can eat, maybe. Shin laces fingers in his hair, beanieless, snarled in the strands.]
...you get it, then. Why I may not have been exactly calm at the time... but this was more than disproportionate. She just attacked me...
[From the local tit-for-tat expert. It had just come out of nowhere... once second cutting the conversation to a close, the next being flung into the snow, like he'd just lost cutscene protection.]
[ He does get it. What would he do if Safalin were to show up now? He's been asked that before, but he's yet to find an answer. What could he do with these that paralyzing cocktail of bitter betrayal and unshakable affection?
It seems strange to say that nothing happened, and Ranger does wonder if there was more context to it. It was always easier to direct, mislead, and avoid than to outright lie and have it come back later. ]
Yeah, I get it. I dunno that I'd say any of the executions were nothing.
[ Safalin was cruel, and so she had probably pretended it to be a painless affair. Kanna had no doubt bloomed beautifully. It was hardly nothing. He moves on from that though, ]
I'm sure things ramped up pretty quickly after that, right? You lashed out at her because of what happened, she snapped back, and then one way or another, she decided to be the one to take it a step too far.
[ There's only one things can go, after all, and breaking someone's nose was a fair bit different than trying to strange them. Ranger doesn't pry for the details, since they don't seem to matter, instead blowing out a sigh. ]
Well, you're right. No matter how you look at it, that's going too far... Did she stop? [ A beat. ] ... Or did you stop her?
[ There's a little hesitation to the second question, as though he already knows which it's more likely to be. Then again, maybe he just doesn't want to think about that being the case. ]
[That same morbid scab-picking curiosity. Feeling bad, so you're itching to make yourself feel worse. Just how did Kanna die? What unforgivably cruel thing did they create just for her?]
Nothing happened to her after that, though, for sure...
[A small clarification, since he'd been asking about the fourth and fifth floors at the time. No need to ask about anything before that, right? He'd been worried since Midori was the floormaster... turns out he needn't have been at all, for the world's worst possible reason.]
Ahaha, 'quickly's an understatement... She just went right for the throat. [So to speak. There wasn't the back and forth implied here so much as... forth.] Didn't even hesitate!
...
[He doesn't want to talk about this. He definitely doesn't want to talk about it to Ranger, even in and maybe because of all his agreement of Shin's feelings, or anyone, doesn't even want to think about it.]
Well, obviously she stopped. I'm still here, aren't I? Guess she'd had her fun... or maybe she just didn't care to check.
[If this were a video game, or something, that'd be Ranger's audial cue there's more thread than that to pull here. Getting the truth out of Shin really does require a prybar sometimes.]
[ He might have told Shin before. There's a part of him that's tempted to tell him now, if only for the sake of full transparency, but the words catch in his throat and something tugs at the back of his mind and warns him not to. ]
It wouldn't change anything.
[ It's not like the details of his own death. The executions for the participants were all custom tailored for them, but none of them were anything more than an exciting little spectacle for all involved to watch.
He frowns a little. Didn't even hesitate, huh? That's concerning. He is here, so he suppose she must have stopped, but something about the way Shin says it makes him hesitant to drop the issue. If it were just something minute he might be able to, but... It says a lot about her current state if she was sensible enough to stop on her own. ]
Yep, and it's a good thing that you are.
[ He taps his knee. His next words come out a little more cautiously, ]
Well, that kid's not the type to do anything halfway for the sake of it, so I can't imagine she just got it out of her system... So then she did realize that she was acting like an idiot?
[She'd still be dead, cheap, gruesome performance aside. It's bad enough just knowing they would have rubbed salt in the wound, just because they could, all for the sake of this 'ritual', as Sara had put it... He can't do anything about it, and that aches.]
Ahahaha... you really have changed, huh?
[A bitter, strained, laugh. Good thing that he is... why do people keep thinking that, not wanting him to die? He doesn't want to die himself, but that's natural, right? Even Midori didn't want to die. Even Gashu and Kai... or they wouldn't have tried so hard beforehand, sweat beading on their faces. But other people... he doesn't get it. Even now. The only option is he's hidden those parts of himself he hates too well, enough that people forgive him when they step on the trap underneath the leaves. That he's advanced that much in that skill... or maybe they just pity him.
...it makes more sense if it's just practical, especially coming from Ranger. Even with the ability to feel compassion... if Shin died his options for someone who understands his code get limited. Or so Shin would like to think, especially in this moment of grasping onto something else.]
...
...
An idiot... Doubt it, she never does. [Ranger's right, she just barrels ahead straight through things.] She just dropped me like a hot coal, who knows what she was thinking? Surely it can't be... that I thought she was Midori.
[Almost said the name there, caught it in time. Would Ranger even know the nickname? He's not really thinking about that right now. He hates this, that returning to that state of mind, that hollow in his brain still there, paved over instead of filled in like as thought.]
Lack of air really does strange things to you, doesn't it? Well, I guess you wouldn't know... doubt you've experienced any equivalent either. Maybe that logic error came close, ahaha.
[I've seen it described by a Jenna Moran as like this, and Shin would probably think of it this way as well; it's like being under a DDOS, more and more of your brain and your thoughts and your self being spammed with, replaced with, overloaded by, requests for air, desire for air, even plans to get air start falling away to be replaced with nothing but NEED AIR. You get very stupid, very quick... he'd like to chalk it up to that.]
[ Has he changed? He supposes that he must have. If he compares his behavior from before to that of now, there's clear differences. There are things that have changed but even more that has stayed the same. It was being completed, but even before that it was simply the nature of an AI to adapt to their surroundings. People were much in the same way, and when he looks at it he sees how much those around him have changed.
It takes him a few moments, but he manages to figure out who Shin is referring to. There's only so many people that both Shin and Sara know and even fewer that would warrant such mention and reaction... So that was how it went. It's disappointing, but not in the least bit surprising. Nor does he understand what a lack of air might be like though heknows the science behind it, and he likewise suspects that it would be closer to a DDOS or perhaps a virus than even his logic error, which was closer to a repetitive loop or an unsolvable problem. ]
Nope, but I can take a guess at how fun it is... Ahaha, that really does sound like the kind of thing he would do during his tantrums... Tch, well, it's better than nothing.
[ If a person decided they wanted to be like Hiyori Midori and could manage it, then there's no real issue with that. He was a brilliant man who could get what he wanted, but there were consequences for such a decision. It meant giving up much of what made a person a human being, and it meant being willing to do anything at all. That isn't the kind of person either of them aspire to be, Ranger things, not in any real capacity. ]
Did she just run away with her tail between her legs after that?
[Later he'll wonder if Sara had told Ranger previously. Now, though...]
He never did like it when things didn't go his way... [He'd do that thing where he'd pretend it didn't bother him, chirpy and chipper as ever, but Shin'd still Know, because Midori would make sure he'd know... He feels sick just thinking about it again, panting, that panting making his throat hurt, making it worse, dragging his hands in the blanket tight enough his fingers shake, trying for air. This was a bad idea...] Just.... one big... ball of desires.
[Like a five year old. Feels like he shouldn't be thinking that the moment he does but, no, he will. Shin looked up to him for so long, but he really was one under all that, wasn't he? One that could do all sorts of things to people to get what he wanted.
So maybe, in that way, he and Sara aren't that different, planning or no planning.]
Better than nothing.
[It's a flat rasp. Numb. How many times, and Shin just doesn't remember? When did he start wearing scarves?]
Ahaha, you think I stuck around to check?
[Maybe it would have been better if she'd ran... but probably not. He'd been the one with tail tucked away, to so put it.
She'd still been talking, rambling. Shin hadn't been inclined to listen to much more of it.]
[ Midori was that kind of person. He was there without ever being there. The type of person who would act cloyingly sweet, bouncy and energetic and friendly, while taking it out on whoever he could when things didn't go his way. It was like he was nothing and everything all at once.
No sense in lingering on him though. For better or worse (and Ranger does find it to be a mix, as he was undeniably sharp, talented, and motivated in a way few are,) he wasn't here. If they were lucky, it would stay that way. If Ranger was especially lucky, none of them would show up. ]
Nah, I figured it was just a matter of who went first.
[ More specifically, it was a matter of whether or not Shin could go. That answers the question of how long he was out there at least. ]
So, lemme see if I got it straight. You're not the Shin that she knows, she's not the Sara that you know, and the vote changes depending on who you're looking at.
[ It seems safe to assume that Shin was voted for on his side of events, and Kanna was voted for in Sara's version of events. It's a bit difficult to grasp, but he's already been slowly coming to terms with the idea that none of them are truly from the same place. It sounded more like they were copies of each other, and if he thinks of them as akin to simulations, that means these variables are normal. Komaeda had mentioned something about it before. ]
Fast forward six months, and you two finally get it sorted out, and it damn well shouldn't have taken that long for it to happen. I'm gonna guess it just take a guess and say it was conveniently sidestepped for all that time, and by time it comes up it's a big deal and the whole conversation implodes.
[ He pauses there, taking in a breath despite not needing to, more to let what's been said up until this point register than anything. ]
So she goes for the throat, you mistake her from Midori, she finally gets knocked to her senses, and here we are. Nobody died, but it sure as Hell shouldn't have gotten to this point.
[ He waits a beat once more. There's a few blanks in the middle, but Ranger thinks that should about cover it. ]
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no subject
Yep, sure do...
[ He mumbles. He's a touch distracted by the sight on the screen. It's no substitute for a proper physical examination, but one makes due with what they have, and this is more than might be otherwise allowed. But even so, he doesn't need that to see that this was done with the intention to kill him. What could possibly compel that girl to go after somebody she knew so violently? Ranger wonders if perhaps the stress that's been accumulating all this time had finally found a convenient release.
Either way, it's a disturbing sight. There's a thoughtful sound, followed by a small sigh, before deciding he'd examined it long enough and sliding the phone back under the door. He notes the raspy voice, and it seems like a fair bet that he's struggling to swallow too. ]
Hmm... I'd say keep a close eye on it. I don't see anything that I'd call an immediate concern, but you can have damage under the surface... For now, let's hope that's not the case and see if it can be treated by conventional means. [ Not much choice. ] How's your breathing?
no subject
...Better.
[Someone working medicine can only work with what they know or can find out so...]
Ahaha, it got scary for a while... but it's not as bad now.
[He almost died twice, once hours after the fact, or at least it felt that way to him; unfair, when he'd already barely survived. It's possible it was swelling; or a panic attack in the worst possible condition for it.]
no subject
Hm.... I'm not surprised. If it's not as bad now, we can take that as a good sign. If you're feeling sore, you can take some aspirin to help with it. There's some in the nurse's office. If things start getting worse, we'll go from there.
[ A beat. Then, a little cautiously, ]
... So, tell me what happened. It doesn't sound like you guys were just having a minor spat, and I'm sure the details are gonna start getting around.
[ Which is a somewhat roundabout way of saying that he'd rather hear it from him first. The person who speaks first controls the narrative, after all. ]
no subject
[The nurse's office feels like an impossible trek right now, but asking Ranger to go get it would be too much on top of this. Maybe he can try and sneak in after hours when everyone's asleep...? He knows how to read a bottle, it should be fine. Or would during class be better... the thought of classes alone makes him feel worse right now. This feels like too much future to think about.]
Guess I'll text you if things start going wrong...
[As far as he knows Ranger only has a PDA so... it would have to be network ping, and Shin is already mentally pigeonholing it as 'last last last resort'. Unknowingly, he settles similarly; crosslegged, bent over, thumb hovering over the delete button before going to turn the phone off. The rustle of it being pocketed. Ranger is giving him a chance to set the record; how does he actually use this? What to say? Especially when there's elements Shin doesn't understand himself, that choppy disjunct between how things should have ended and how they actually did.]
...it's a long story. How much do you know about what happened... after you died?
[There's probably a more tactful way to put it, but it's not coming to mind. But it's good to know what Ranger has or hasn't been already told, because the conversation hinges so heavily on Sara having called him there for that still stinging reason, at least in part.]
no subject
Nothing. I've been left on the dark on that front.
[ His voice drops a little as he says that, growing a touch more serious as the topic shifts. It's something he should have fixed sooner, but time was a luxury these last couple months. He'll have to remember to press that matter too. ]
I know how it was supposed to go, but I can tell it wasn't anything that neat and tidy.
[ Not when things had already been going off course, and especially not when they lost one of their own. It was a bad look, and it would leave them down one person. But regardless of that, that outline makes it easier for him to grasp anything being said... But then, if it occurred during the Death Game, why hadn't they dealt with it at the start? ]
no subject
[That's neither here nor there though. He can't let himself get too sidetracked... this is going on a bit of a tangent as it is, but it feels like important background, to make the point, because everything leads up to the choice that was placed in front of Sara like a plate.]
Didn't have much time to look around, though. Seems like all that was predicted too! All in the palm of your hand... because we found the collapsed exit.
[Sometimes he wonders, if he hadn't fallen for the siren call of the facility map, if he'd just had more precious time to dig deeper, there'd have been something in Ranger unaccounted for, that could have actually got them all out.
...as if. His smile isn't visible behind the door but there's that taut wire thread to his hoarse voice. He stops, coughs, gingerly swallows.]
Don't need to tell you about the card trading, do I? ...there was one last trade, just before the main game started. Kanna took the sacrifice from Sara... or so I thought.
[The Sacrifice he'd sent to Sara in the first place. Stupid, stupid. Every single action of his laid out in horrific HD hindsight leading up to Kanna's, well, it wasn't potential death in Sara's universe now was it. His hand kneads the front of his chest. Shin could have 'me? defend kanna?'d as much as he wanted... It really was obvious, wasn't it... He knows he doesn't need to elaborate; Ranger knows the incentives that card creates as well as he does, if in more of an academic sense.]
Turns out, Gashu had intercepted it, sent it to Nao! Ahaha, he shot himself rather than let us have even 24 hours... An absolutely insane devotion. [Terrifying.] Think it was the same gun, even.
[His tone's turned conversational; he's detached, watching himself speak.]
Keiji was the Keymaster... So that's what it came down to. Me... or Kanna. And wouldn't you know it, the deciding vote was none other than our very own responsible Miss Sara Chidouin!
[There's a pause as he gets up, ostensibly to pull one off the blankets off the top bunk because this is taking longer than he thought, but mostly because he needs to if only briefly pace, earth the static electricity building up in him. He pulls it over his shoulders at the door, back in position.]
This next part... it's to do with the school. It messes with time, see? Sara could only have died after me, but she arrived before me. It also can show you different universes... Guess that runs deeper than I thought... because that's what she called me up on the roof to tell me, after half a year. [He's had time to get upset about this now, when there wasn't before because everything moved so fast in the moment, but she really had been just keeping this secret from him the whole time, souring so much for Shin in hindsight.] That in her world, she voted for the wrong person. And she didn't know why! Funny, isn't it?
[It feels kind of like that right now, one big joke played at his and Kanna's expense. He'll let all of that sink in... maybe grab some more water from the small container Ishimaru gave him. Those exclamation marks are costing him.]
no subject
Why is a harder question for him to answer. She should have known it was a hopeless cause. Was it to alleviate her own guilt? Was it out of some twisted kindness, or did she just want to see what would happen? But it couldn't be, right? To betray ASUNARO for a stupid reason like that... It couldn't be that she betrayed him for them, right...? He had held onto hope that he wasn't repaired because it was out of her hands, but maybe...
...
It doesn't matter. The rest is simpler to process, at least. They had utilized their resources, but not in just the right way, and come up empty. Gashu had broken one of the game's rules and died for it. Ranger already knew of his dedication to the game, so much so that he would do anything to see it succeed, and yet it doesn't make it sting any less to hear of how much more he loved the participants than he ever did his own creation. It doesn't make his death hurt any less when - despite everything - he still wanted to see them safe.
So then, after all of that, they were down two Floormasters, one attempt plan, and cards flipped around via their trading game until Nao had the Sacrifice and Keiji had the Keymaster card. That's simple enough, and then there were two. She voted for the wrong person in her world... For him to say different universes, did that mean it was only from her perspective?
It's a struggle, and he has to chew on the idea of it being a reality for a good 30 seconds. It's as though each simulation were its own little world, with red and blue existing parallel to each other. Red and blue, and for the person inside of the room there was only one right choice.
Ranger can't imagine being willing to sacrifice himself for another person. ]
And as far as you knew before then, she had made a different choice?
[ Six months... That's a long time to go on believing if so. ]
... Ahaha, it's so funny that it makes me want to throw up.
[ The words come out heavy and bitter, and the more he thinks about it the sicker he feels. Six months, three years, is there really that much of a difference between the two? ]
no subject
It's not like I knew it was possible at the start. Ahaha, she was ever so careful to never outright lie, too... like that even matters.
[It's a tactic he knows well: Huh? I never said anything like that, Shin. It's rude to just assume things, you know. Why did he fall for it again?]
'Nothing happened to Kanna'... [His voice twists into exaggerated mimicry, and he has to cough again.] Of course it didn't.
[It's a shared heavy bitterness, acrid like tar on the tongue, in the air between them like miasma. And yet something in him unclenches, just a little, in strange relief, the way something long dried and desiccated uncurls when a drop of water lands on it, or a muscle you didn't realize was cramped unlocks. Ranger gets it; more than gets it, feels the same way, and Shin can have a few guesses as to why. Shin shies away from trusting the feeling, but that doesn't mean it doesn't linger.
...Can Ranger even throw up? Well, if he can eat, maybe. Shin laces fingers in his hair, beanieless, snarled in the strands.]
...you get it, then. Why I may not have been exactly calm at the time... but this was more than disproportionate. She just attacked me...
[From the local tit-for-tat expert. It had just come out of nowhere... once second cutting the conversation to a close, the next being flung into the snow, like he'd just lost cutscene protection.]
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It seems strange to say that nothing happened, and Ranger does wonder if there was more context to it. It was always easier to direct, mislead, and avoid than to outright lie and have it come back later. ]
Yeah, I get it. I dunno that I'd say any of the executions were nothing.
[ Safalin was cruel, and so she had probably pretended it to be a painless affair. Kanna had no doubt bloomed beautifully. It was hardly nothing. He moves on from that though, ]
I'm sure things ramped up pretty quickly after that, right? You lashed out at her because of what happened, she snapped back, and then one way or another, she decided to be the one to take it a step too far.
[ There's only one things can go, after all, and breaking someone's nose was a fair bit different than trying to strange them. Ranger doesn't pry for the details, since they don't seem to matter, instead blowing out a sigh. ]
Well, you're right. No matter how you look at it, that's going too far... Did she stop? [ A beat. ] ... Or did you stop her?
[ There's a little hesitation to the second question, as though he already knows which it's more likely to be. Then again, maybe he just doesn't want to think about that being the case. ]
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[That same morbid scab-picking curiosity. Feeling bad, so you're itching to make yourself feel worse. Just how did Kanna die? What unforgivably cruel thing did they create just for her?]
Nothing happened to her after that, though, for sure...
[A small clarification, since he'd been asking about the fourth and fifth floors at the time. No need to ask about anything before that, right? He'd been worried since Midori was the floormaster... turns out he needn't have been at all, for the world's worst possible reason.]
Ahaha, 'quickly's an understatement... She just went right for the throat. [So to speak. There wasn't the back and forth implied here so much as... forth.] Didn't even hesitate!
...
[He doesn't want to talk about this. He definitely doesn't want to talk about it to Ranger, even in and maybe because of all his agreement of Shin's feelings, or anyone, doesn't even want to think about it.]
Well, obviously she stopped. I'm still here, aren't I? Guess she'd had her fun... or maybe she just didn't care to check.
[If this were a video game, or something, that'd be Ranger's audial cue there's more thread than that to pull here. Getting the truth out of Shin really does require a prybar sometimes.]
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It wouldn't change anything.
[ It's not like the details of his own death. The executions for the participants were all custom tailored for them, but none of them were anything more than an exciting little spectacle for all involved to watch.
He frowns a little. Didn't even hesitate, huh? That's concerning. He is here, so he suppose she must have stopped, but something about the way Shin says it makes him hesitant to drop the issue. If it were just something minute he might be able to, but... It says a lot about her current state if she was sensible enough to stop on her own. ]
Yep, and it's a good thing that you are.
[ He taps his knee. His next words come out a little more cautiously, ]
Well, that kid's not the type to do anything halfway for the sake of it, so I can't imagine she just got it out of her system... So then she did realize that she was acting like an idiot?
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[She'd still be dead, cheap, gruesome performance aside. It's bad enough just knowing they would have rubbed salt in the wound, just because they could, all for the sake of this 'ritual', as Sara had put it... He can't do anything about it, and that aches.]
Ahahaha... you really have changed, huh?
[A bitter, strained, laugh. Good thing that he is... why do people keep thinking that, not wanting him to die? He doesn't want to die himself, but that's natural, right? Even Midori didn't want to die. Even Gashu and Kai... or they wouldn't have tried so hard beforehand, sweat beading on their faces. But other people... he doesn't get it. Even now. The only option is he's hidden those parts of himself he hates too well, enough that people forgive him when they step on the trap underneath the leaves. That he's advanced that much in that skill... or maybe they just pity him.
...it makes more sense if it's just practical, especially coming from Ranger. Even with the ability to feel compassion... if Shin died his options for someone who understands his code get limited. Or so Shin would like to think, especially in this moment of grasping onto something else.]
...
...
An idiot... Doubt it, she never does. [Ranger's right, she just barrels ahead straight through things.] She just dropped me like a hot coal, who knows what she was thinking? Surely it can't be... that I thought she was Midori.
[Almost said the name there, caught it in time. Would Ranger even know the nickname? He's not really thinking about that right now. He hates this, that returning to that state of mind, that hollow in his brain still there, paved over instead of filled in like as thought.]
Lack of air really does strange things to you, doesn't it? Well, I guess you wouldn't know... doubt you've experienced any equivalent either. Maybe that logic error came close, ahaha.
[I've seen it described by a Jenna Moran as like this, and Shin would probably think of it this way as well; it's like being under a DDOS, more and more of your brain and your thoughts and your self being spammed with, replaced with, overloaded by, requests for air, desire for air, even plans to get air start falling away to be replaced with nothing but NEED AIR. You get very stupid, very quick... he'd like to chalk it up to that.]
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[ Has he changed? He supposes that he must have. If he compares his behavior from before to that of now, there's clear differences. There are things that have changed but even more that has stayed the same. It was being completed, but even before that it was simply the nature of an AI to adapt to their surroundings. People were much in the same way, and when he looks at it he sees how much those around him have changed.
It takes him a few moments, but he manages to figure out who Shin is referring to. There's only so many people that both Shin and Sara know and even fewer that would warrant such mention and reaction... So that was how it went. It's disappointing, but not in the least bit surprising. Nor does he understand what a lack of air might be like though heknows the science behind it, and he likewise suspects that it would be closer to a DDOS or perhaps a virus than even his logic error, which was closer to a repetitive loop or an unsolvable problem. ]
Nope, but I can take a guess at how fun it is... Ahaha, that really does sound like the kind of thing he would do during his tantrums... Tch, well, it's better than nothing.
[ If a person decided they wanted to be like
HiyoriMidori and could manage it, then there's no real issue with that. He was a brilliant man who could get what he wanted, but there were consequences for such a decision. It meant giving up much of what made a person a human being, and it meant being willing to do anything at all. That isn't the kind of person either of them aspire to be, Ranger things, not in any real capacity. ]Did she just run away with her tail between her legs after that?
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He never did like it when things didn't go his way... [He'd do that thing where he'd pretend it didn't bother him, chirpy and chipper as ever, but Shin'd still Know, because Midori would make sure he'd know... He feels sick just thinking about it again, panting, that panting making his throat hurt, making it worse, dragging his hands in the blanket tight enough his fingers shake, trying for air. This was a bad idea...] Just.... one big... ball of desires.
[Like a five year old. Feels like he shouldn't be thinking that the moment he does but, no, he will. Shin looked up to him for so long, but he really was one under all that, wasn't he? One that could do all sorts of things to people to get what he wanted.
So maybe, in that way, he and Sara aren't that different, planning or no planning.]
Better than nothing.
[It's a flat rasp. Numb. How many times, and Shin just doesn't remember? When did he start wearing scarves?]
Ahaha, you think I stuck around to check?
[Maybe it would have been better if she'd ran... but probably not. He'd been the one with tail tucked away, to so put it.
She'd still been talking, rambling. Shin hadn't been inclined to listen to much more of it.]
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[ Midori was that kind of person. He was there without ever being there. The type of person who would act cloyingly sweet, bouncy and energetic and friendly, while taking it out on whoever he could when things didn't go his way. It was like he was nothing and everything all at once.
No sense in lingering on him though. For better or worse (and Ranger does find it to be a mix, as he was undeniably sharp, talented, and motivated in a way few are,) he wasn't here. If they were lucky, it would stay that way. If Ranger was especially lucky, none of them would show up. ]
Nah, I figured it was just a matter of who went first.
[ More specifically, it was a matter of whether or not Shin could go. That answers the question of how long he was out there at least. ]
So, lemme see if I got it straight. You're not the Shin that she knows, she's not the Sara that you know, and the vote changes depending on who you're looking at.
[ It seems safe to assume that Shin was voted for on his side of events, and Kanna was voted for in Sara's version of events. It's a bit difficult to grasp, but he's already been slowly coming to terms with the idea that none of them are truly from the same place. It sounded more like they were copies of each other, and if he thinks of them as akin to simulations, that means these variables are normal. Komaeda had mentioned something about it before. ]
Fast forward six months, and you two finally get it sorted out, and it damn well shouldn't have taken that long for it to happen. I'm gonna guess it just take a guess and say it was conveniently sidestepped for all that time, and by time it comes up it's a big deal and the whole conversation implodes.
[ He pauses there, taking in a breath despite not needing to, more to let what's been said up until this point register than anything. ]
So she goes for the throat, you mistake her from Midori, she finally gets knocked to her senses, and here we are. Nobody died, but it sure as Hell shouldn't have gotten to this point.
[ He waits a beat once more. There's a few blanks in the middle, but Ranger thinks that should about cover it. ]
Sound about right?