yogen | この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)

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この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)

Who: Hajime Hinata & friends
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE

( there's various hidden signs that point towards the elevator, and if anyone catches sight, they'll see an arrow that points up, indicating for them to take it skyward. if they get off too early, there's a sign on the floor that reads, "next stop!", so if they dare, they can go back into the elevator and do as the words command. upon making your way to the rooftop on new year's eve, the setup is immediately apparent.

a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.

"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.

to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.

and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Could he make you a student? ...You're just a normal, generic shopkeeper.

( how would that work? who knows, he has more power over things than most people here, and him and npckun sort of have the same gimmicks. )

There has to be a way, there's always is when you have hope. So many avenues, so many things you could like or dislike, but...

( rubs chin, hmmmm.... )

[ Could he? If he could, would they want that? They've never formally gone to school, sitting at a desk surrounded by people makes them nervous, and if they became a student, they would lose their one place to hide in that they can shut the world out and be safe inside. Maybe they would make friends; surely they will make enemies; at any given moment they could be killed by somebody who does it just be cause they can. They would be put through the same trials as everybody else, they wouldn't be able to go outside, they would be handed a knife and told to kill, they would face danger and darkness and an never ending cycle of hell— would it be better to suffer existence, than to not exist at all?

... ]

...I don't want to give up on my wish, just so I can live. If I did that... everything I did over the last five months, everything I did to get here in the first place, wouldn't it all have been pointless?

You're becoming selfish.

( as komaeda loathes to point out, it seems that every thoughtful answer comes with an excuse from the other. it's derailed from just that wish, )

If that was the case, you would have brushed us off. If that was true, you wouldn't have thought about living a life with... those that you care about.

( npckun has went off track, but that doesn't mean their goal has truly been taken from them. he lifts one hand, opening and closing the prosthetic as the soft whirr plays, and after a few slow movements, he finds that it's enough for someone to think about. )

You'd only be giving up if you so choose to, that contract was only part of your goal. You can continue without it, besides, that would be calling those you care for too, pointless. I've never cared for solo endeavors, and you relied on someone, that was your first mistake, and the moment you went behind your own contract.

( that said could it be done, would they just have to find npckun's father who loves this precious school. to take their child out of one role, and settle them into another, could something like that be possible?

they'd lose their shopkeeper, but that doesn't matter. no one cares for the shopkeeper, )

You can't continue running away, and when help is offered, you turn your back on it.

[ "Becoming," as if they weren't always, as if it weren't a key trait that defines their existence. But what's wrong with wanting it all? To get their family back, to keep their friends close, to be able to exist amongst them. ]

Can you save him?

[ Because that's what all of this hinges on, for them, if they can guarantee their brother can be saved, then they can let go of the contract, but until then, it's still a lifeline. ]

( stop being selfish! he pauses, staring at npckun as he thinks over their request. save him... )

Yes. I've saved him once... so why can't I do it again?

( it was komaeda's knowledge and actions, it was his voice that decided whether he lived or died, it might have been better then to let him die. if he didn't exist, what would the other have done? how would that contract have worked there? plain and simple, they probably wouldn't be an arata. )

I'll save him. There's people who care about him, so don't give up on us.

[ They look a little unsure about "there's people who care about him" because that's who? Komaeda, themselves, ??? ]

Save him. Get him out of here. You have to make sure he's happy, and he gets to live his own life, and gets to be what he wants. Promise me.

( DOES SUBARU NOT COUNT IS IT ONLY KOMAEDA AND NPCKUN? i'm sobbing. )

Leave his life in my hands.

( as long as komaeda has control of his mind, body, and soul then... it's up to him to choose what happens, but to hear him to promise. he looks down, thinking it over, to get him out of here. )

When you say it like that, as in... to never see him again?

( break him out the cycle? that sort of promise that he can go back home...? )

[ LOOK THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT SUBARU AND THEIR BROTHER he doesn't hang out with anybody, how are they supposed to know anything ]

I mean... those are two separate things. I want to see him again. If you could promise me that too, I would love that. But if I could only choose one, I'd rather him be happy.

( DOES SUBARU NOT TALK ABOUT HIM? WHAT THE FUCK komaeda is crossing subaru out his life. )

You want everything, and even to see the depths of the sea, despite your eyes would never be able to see it all.

( there's too many things to promise, they contradict each other. )

Promise me that no matter my choice for him, you won't hate me.

[ A little frown works its way onto their lips, because "Promise ... you won't hate me" is almost certainly a prelude to something that's going to make them hate him— and they say so many times, means it every time they say it, that they would never ever hate him. Be mad at him, yes, but not hate. ]

I promise. I can't hate somebody I love, no matter what you do. I trust you.

( the frown is a telltale sign that they have a feeling this won't bode well, and maybe it won't leaving this up to komaeda. there's so many options, but he exhales softly as he watches the other. )

I'll save him... there was a point in time I wanted someone to save me.

( but was he saved? no. )

What about your contract?

[ "A point in time," but not anymore?

... ]

I guess it's not something I can just break, so much as I do nothing and let it expire. But I don't want to stop running the store either; I haven't sold all the rocks yet.

( ... )

Clearance sale, right here, right now.

( he stands up, hands on his hips... he's seen joe do it. )

Leave all the old in 1999, and bring in new things for the 2000!

[ ...

They burst out laughing ]

Think we can do it? I bet Sara's smashed enough that even she would play rock gacha!

[ Why does she hate their rocks so much... Is this taking advantage of people? absolutely. They would be a fool not to take advantage at any given opportunity. ]

Let's go bother her then, what do you say?

( sara is quite out of it that they'll win, but if she knew this was a conscious choice towards helping npckun be free of their contract then...

he thinks sara would buy every rock. )

Should we go get your rocks, or go talk to her now. Oh, while we do that, you should decide what class you'd want to be in!

I want to be in Tarou-nii's class.

[ Immediate, zero thought behind it. ]

Let's go get some rocks first! If we talk to her and walk away and come back, she's going to forget everything we said. Drunk people are like that.

( should have expected that, a little sigh...

why won't anyone be with him! )

Hm, that's true. At least she's having a good time.

( alright, he's going to get up from where he sits just so he can walk towards the exit of the rooftop, bringing npckun along. )

Who do you like best between your brothers?

Oh... that's tough. That's like asking me to choose between sukiyaki and imoni.

[ Special in their own special ways, with different memories and sentiments building them up but feeding that same feeling of love and adoration. Like asking them to choose between their dad and Komaeda, who they stick close to as the two of them make it down the stairs. ]

Both of them are important to me. I can't say that I love them just the same, but I love them differently.

Are you able to describe the difference in love?

( for komaeda, love comes down to one thing for him, but he's heard their examples, and normally all aratas have the same mindset for a singular love. npckun has two brothers now, )

You can tell me! Our little secrets before the new year rolls over.

( it's important tp talk about this, because when they're lost in 1999, they're lost! )

Mmm... It's no secret, but being around Tarou-nii makes me happy, like I can't help but smile when he's around and it's just the two of us. He makes me feel safe, and warm, and important, like I matter, and I want to be my very best and become somebody he can be proud of. I want to become somebody who can make him smile and never doubt that he is loved, because that's how he makes me feel.

[ Like a person. A singular, precious person set apart from the rest, who cannot be replaced or forgotten. Immortal, never knowing the pain of leaving or being left behind.

With Rokuro, though... ]

When I'm with Aniki... I feel like crying. My chest hurts, and I don't know what to say or do. But when I'm next to him, everything feels right, like this is where I need to be, and like everything is going to be okay now. I feel like I would give up everything for him, just to help even a little.

( one step after the other as he listens, confused that people can feel that way — both separate, one happier, and one sadder, but it's all love in the end to feel that way. komaeda blinks, making their way to the elevator where he clicks a button so that the ride comes up, and there's a paper hung on the doors that tells them the location of the party on the roof. )

How passionate to care about them in such a way. Who wouldn't love that hope which an Ultimate gives, they're a light, and we're nothing but moths to a flame... as for the other, it rains, but even though you can't fly, being by him to warm your wings is just as right.

( right as rain, as some would say. there's more to it though, something unseen, or maybe those feelings are what komaeda doesn't know properly, and so hearing them from someone else.

it sounds nice. )

To be close to people like that to have such opinions, I almost wish I could be jealous.

( well, his jealousy over ultimates has... calmed down, he's not as bad as he once was. probably because he sees what makes them happy, and so he permits it, but in the end komaeda knows what makes them all happy! )

You don't have to be jealous. I love you too.

[ They hang onto his arm while in the elevator, pressing themselves against the bar along the wall like they would not have gotten into this metal deathtrap by choice but they'll do it because he's here. ]

You know, you're pretty much the only person who talks to me about this stuff, and the only one that takes me seriously. Who sees me as me.

[ Because for all everybody else says, they're "a little brother" to Amami who wants to protect them and help them grow, "a boyfriend" to Subaru who lifts them up and constantly expands their world, "a shopkeep" to everybody else, and it colors who they are in their eyes. With Komaeda, though, who states often enough that he doesn't love Keigo themselves but rather the hope that they harbor, they're nothing to him, and there's comfort in that too. ]

You're kind of like a rock, or an anchor, somebody there to keep me grounded and it's like that sense of security that Aniki gives, but different, because with Aniki, it feels like him being there will solve all my problems, just like he always used to. But when I'm with you... You make me believe in myself. Even when I'm scared, you make me want to try, because whether I succeed or fail, you'll be right here. If Tarou-nii is warm fire, and Aniki is cool water, then you're air: you like to pretend that you're not there, and that you're not doing anything important, but you are, you're so important. You keep me alive.

( due to them latching onto him, they can feel the way komaeda flinches as they speak, but he plays it over following a shiver, and leaning against them because they're warm. some days, and some nights, he does get cold. his hand reaches out to click a button, causing the cart to shake, sending them down. )

An anchor, how funny, such a familiar concept.

( his eyes glance up at the top of the elevator, slowly he presses his back against the wall, and slowly he smooths down until he's sitting. there's a chance he's bringing npckun down with him too as they go down one by one. he's not good at hearing comments about himself, but he wants them. consciously he knows that he doesn't deserve them, subconsciously he's aware that maybe he'd be a better person if he could have them. his mind breaks down parts of what makes subaru inferior, and what about amami doesn't see about npckun.

it makes sense. )

Kogamo.

( komaeda looks up at them, his eyes looking for something in theirs. trying to find if they're honest, or if they share the same eyes as their older brother. )

Do you want to be kept alive, or am I doing something against your will? ( no matter the answer, komaeda will always do what he decides to do, and what is right for hope. ) It's your hope I want to nurture, I want to see what future you mold by your own hands... because of you, you've made Amami-kun's hope grow miraculously, you even help that idiot Akehoshi-kun too... even Rokkun, he does what he can... it's all a different hope, but together, it builds something for you...

( he leans his head against their arm, it's not like he's explaining his heart, but he's speaking on what he knows. they managed to go down one level, a few more to go. )

[ They sit down with him, leaning back as if curled up on a couch for movie night instead of a rumbly metal box. The name makes them turn their head, and they're eyes full of surprise, warmth, longing, sorrow, love.

...

They look away, focusing their gaze on the door that couldn't open sooner. ]

I want to want to live. It's hard, sometimes, when I'm tired and everything seems pointless, and the only reason I'm hanging on is because I want to do one good thing with my life before it's gone.

You'll live, all it takes is for a few changes. We'll get rid of every rock that you have to start off the new year.

( down the second level... the home stretch. )

If you're removed, and we place you in a different role, then you can't live the shopkeeper's destruction. Do you remember when I spoke to you about your father, maybe... I can speak to ghosts.

( would going to him do anything? or will he say it's just a crazy little fantasy. )

Do you think he can make you a student... does he have that power since this school... is "precious" to him?

( would "mizuki" let them live for that? it's a new route, one he probably couldn't expect, then... would he allow such a change? )

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