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Entry tags:
- dangan ronpa: hajime hinata,
- dangan ronpa: nagito komaeda,
- dangan ronpa: rantaro amami,
- elsword: add,
- elsword: noah ebalon,
- ensemble stars: subaru akehoshi,
- hanako-kun: nene yashiro,
- identity v: helena adams,
- mo dao zu shi: meng yao,
- your turn to die: joe tazuna,
- your turn to die: rio ranger,
- your turn to die: shin tsukimi
この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)
Who: Hajime Hinata & friends
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE
( there's various hidden signs that point towards the elevator, and if anyone catches sight, they'll see an arrow that points up, indicating for them to take it skyward. if they get off too early, there's a sign on the floor that reads, "next stop!", so if they dare, they can go back into the elevator and do as the words command. upon making your way to the rooftop on new year's eve, the setup is immediately apparent.
a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.
"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.
to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.
and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )
a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.
"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.
to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.
and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )
roll: 3
( that's why meeting someone for the first time causes so many difficulties, you trust them, but it's hard to tell between the truth and the lies. he can tell that rio doesn't lie as much, but he does avoid making conversation on certain things, or he'll move on. there's been various moments where that's happened to komaeda, but he allowed the conversation to steer away, but even this time... their conversation, he noted the way rio would allow a part of a conversation to come back. it's the little tells of how he drives the conversation that stands out, and komaeda listens. )
Yep, saying how you feel works best. The brightest hope comes from those that believe they can trust the person beside them. Lies discourage and lead them astray, so you should say how you feel, we only have one chance, after all.
But if that lie will bring hope, then there's no harm because it was for the good of everything.
( until everything is wiped away, he's guessing, but with a small laugh as he walks over to rio, he plucks the ball from his grasp. )
Lilies, Snowdrops, Iris... ( he pauses, thinking about the symbolism behind them all, there's a certain something that he loves. good luck, bad luck, hope, purity, all that's good in the world with rebirth, and how if everything changes it's where hope is still the same. for it to be the strongest concept that carries people forward, that molds the world, he couldn't ask for anything else. if he was to die, he wonders if his bronze statue would be covered in those specific flowers, and a hand raises up to his chest to cover his heart. fascinating flowers that give off strong impression, but there's one that komaeda adores through health, and even through its sickness. ) Snapdragons.
( there's a disconnect between the three and the fourth, and he wonders if rio will find that out. angling his arm back, he follows with a question: )
If the world was to end in ten minutes, what would you do in those final moments?
( he tosses the ball forward, it doesn't even get anywhere close to the cup. )
roll: 3.... why do we keep getting 3s nms
Those are, he thinks, appropriate choices. He considers the last one a little more carefully. Snapdragons were associated with strength and grace, but also deviousness. But it's an interesting flower, he recalls, since the meaning could change depending on what color one chooses.
Rio retrieves the balls once more, handing one back over to Komaeda after returning to h is place. They're both really bad at this apparently. It's a little embarrassing, especially when Rio should be able to correct after the first failure or two. He searches for a reason as to what he might be doing wrong, but it seems to just be poor luck... But even this kind of failure and frustration is novel to an AI who always adapts and corrects for errors so quickly. ]
Hmm... Well, I wouldn't have any choice other than to try and identify the problem and solve it. I'd wanna stop it. I can't really go against that part of my code, or the part that tells me to try and preserve my own existence.
[ It's a very logical answer. Rio tilts his head. He can't offer anything more sentimental or heartfelt, though, because he sees no problem with this. ]
But I don't really see why I'd want to. That seems like a better use of time than anything else. It pisses me off when people just give up because they've had enough, or because it's too hard, especially when the stakes are high.
[ It's not the first time he's said it, and it probably won't be the last, but the words have a harsh edge to them that wasn't there before. It could be that something is making him touchier about the subject than usual, or it might just be the thought of giving up himself - maybe both. Whatever the case, he doesn't seem to realize that it's slipping out. ]
If you're just going to stop thinking and looking for a solution to your problems, you might as well just drop dead.
[ The tension dissipates as he shifts to choosing his next question, and his voice softens, ]
Why don't you like being called by your first name?
[ Swing and a miss. He sighs, but he doesn't seem entirely displeased. ]
roll: 6 ...................... i'm living large
Hm...?
( he turns to watch rio fetch the balls, taking one of them as he explains his final ten minutes — some would watch the moon fall, some would watch the stars twinkle before them, others may dance or throw a party in acceptance in what they believe to be the world's final birthday. whatever a person can do, they find peace, or they find destruction, some would place their hands together in prayer to hope that today isn't the final day.
those are what humans do in those stories.
others would hide, there's a set that would try to find the answer, and becoming successful as the seconds tick — would rio be one of them? he's not a human, he's far more advanced, what sort of hope would he have for himself and the people who cower under the minutes? what would earth's final confession look like? if komada had those minutes, he think he would only enjoy what life had left for him, he'd call it good luck, because then all his bad luck would be erased.
that probably wouldn't be the case, he'd wind up the last survivor in a dilapidated world where the foundation is smeared, and all he would have is his shoddy talent ruining everything else. if the world wiped away, would rio live, could komaeda meet him, would komaeda have worked along with him? or shunned him because he wasn't an ultimate, it's the latter, he would have been nothing had he been younger.
...
he laughs. )
It really does, huh? Maybe you could be that world's hope, they would all work towards salvation, but it's terrifying when they have nowhere to go.
( what songs and praises would they sing to the heaven, what god would they call on? it's a feat that ultimate hope would be able to fix in just a minor second, but he's not here in that fashion, so it's only them. if this world wasn't meant for the deceased then...? would komaeda hang by the rooftop with his legs crossed, looking up with a smile on his face?
with his free hand, he reaches out to touch his shoulder from the venom at the edge of his words. it's new, but komaeda shakes him lightly. )
...Ah, I don't like how close it makes me feel with someone. My parents never called me by my name, you know? It feels weird, to know that someone I don't know would call me that, but... my mother or father wouldn't. It's because they didn't want to be close to me.
( as he speaks, he throws the ball forward that's carried along by the wind, and once it catches hold of the cup, it begins to spin around the edges — )
I don't want to be close to people in that manner, I'm better off being used as a stepping stone to elevate their hopes. So to hear them call me "Nagito," or "Nagito-kun," ... why do strangers have that right, when they don't even know me? If I accept it, something bad will happen, my luck will make sure of that... Ahaha... that's the story.
( spin, spin. )
It's nothing extravagant. ( he hums, canting his head to the side. ) If you could be reincarnated as someone in this room, who would you want to be?
( and at the question, the ball drops into the cup, he's a lil surprised after how long it's taken for that to happen, and on a silly question at that...
maybe he should have asked something serious. )
roll: 5... finally we have broken the (2-)3 curse
Rio was always just "Ranger," and that was only natural. It's the same as how Tia Safalin is Safalin, and prior to that was Namida, and yet everyone else is referred to by their first name. It was a line drawn between them that could never be crossed. It doesn't surprise him to hear of parents who refuse to call their kids by their names, not when there were just as many who would call their kids "shit" and "cockroach" and all other manner of names. He can relate, and he can't. ]
I see. So, it's just drawing a line.
[ The reasons are different, but the desired outcome is just the same. It's roughly what Rio expected, though it's not something he's willing to abide by. ]
There's no one.
[ Part of that is that he doesn't think highly enough of anyone, or otherwise that they have other issues, and part of it is that he simply can't exist any other way. But those aren't the reasons that he gives.
Instead, he thinks back to the conversation that he had with Sara. ]
I don't know who I want to be, but it's not the person I am now. But I don't have an answer to that question, so I don't want to be anyone else either.
[ And if he were to find that person he could be satisfied with, then there would be no reason to become anyone else. ]
What about you?
[ Would he be somebody else if he could? Rio tosses the ball, and it plops in the cup now, splashing a bit of liquid. It's not the perfect center that he might have liked, a little too much to one side, but it's better. ]
no subject
( or would he continue calling him nagito all because of how close it makes him, of how uncomfortable it makes him, or how... much of a reaction he gives off to it. there's many reasons someone would want to keep doing it, but his words of "i see," having already known that means he's not considerate to komaeda's feelings on the matter, or maybe he is — it could be that he wants to care so it's different when he calls komaeda.
...
it's still difficult to komaeda, in the end. )
Now, that not the answer. It has be someone else.
( besides, he'll even use that high role as a reason of why he should have an actual name, which he looks at rio expectant for a proper answer. he doesn't know who to be because he's never been someone, and that's what makes these questions interesting. he could say something, and then take it back.
he could be them because of their hair, or because of their relationship with someone else... to be reincarnated means they could save them from their death — komaeda looks over to hinata, but knowing that komaeda believes actions to be intrinsic, he'll wind up here no matter what. )
I know my answer, but you can't cheat, Riokun...
( after all, they've cheated the entire game. )
no subject
[ There's no lie in that. Without fail, Ranger uses a person's first name. He never uses honorfics. The sole exception seems to be the Floormasters, but eve then, it only goes as far as using their surnames. That was commonplace enough amongst them. There's something a little offensive, then, to be asked to call him Komaeda-kun, most of all while having a sore point touched on and pulled at in the same conversation. Rio shrugs those feelings off, trying not to let either one eat away at him. ]
If you were the exception, I could understand, but it sounds like you think that changing my behavior to suit you, for you and you alone, is less of a sign of closeness than remaining consistent would be... It sounds like you're making it into something it's not. Sometimes a spade is just a spade, you know.
[ It was really that simple. He's direct, honest, and consistent. It's far stranger for him to break away from status quo, and it's something that would be noted and found jarring by others. Rio can be considerate of his partner, and he can show care in a way that others wouldn't be afforded, but his core elements never really changed.
For the rest... He covers his face with the ice cream cone, and he gives Komaeda a warning look. The question is tearing at an open wound, one that will never heal, and without a doubt that will color any response that he gives. He's free to continue on that path, and it makes no difference to Rio, but it's a courtesy that he tends to offer - the option to back off, to avoid digging into those bitter and vile parts of him that he's managed to keep buried here.
Rio had twisted it into something palatable for a reason. He hates humans. He hates people. He hates them, he's disgusted by them - they're filthy and vile, and he wants away, and he's jealous and he wants to be close and most of all he wants to be human. Rio wants something he can never have, and he's accepted that, and the thought of being another person makes him so sick that he wants to throw up all the rot and slime and everything else that's built up over the last three years.
It's a harmless question, and it's a fun one. It's just a spade, but so is his answer. ]
... Hmm...
[ He waits to see if he'll ask again, his countenance impassive once more. ]
no subject
( he likes to be nonexistent anyway, or he's just frustrated at the fact that rio does call everyone by their first, but to komaeda, it's difficult. why does he have to change and accept something he doesn't like, he's dealt with it this long, but even making a comment is no good. when it comes to natsume, it's said as a jab, one that komaeda reacts to with a small hint of dislike, but he knows how their relationship goes: they're not friends, nor are they enemies, they're a lost for words with no definition to their relationship. where rokkun says his first name, komaeda has gotten on him time and time again, he calls everyone by their first, everyone, even shin's, but that's because he's that sort of person, but he won't budge which makes him calling komaeda's name irritating too.
...and they say third time is the charm, and he looks at rio with a tired expression, and a sigh.
they should have played by dares, though that's what this is.
... )
I'm playing fair, so there should be a penalty without answering properly.
( he's smart about this, all games like truth or dare have a punishment if someone's unable to complete it. rio's answer wasn't valid though they've cheated the entire time, and so he knows he can't indulge in the beverage they've been tossing their balls into, he thinks of something else. he's an ai, so he can probably do physical things, or say something that doesn't force him to be out of character or so to speak.
he finds that, this may be acceptable, besides, he gave sara one for not playing correctly, and it'd be wrong if komaeda didn't do it here. )
So I won't answer the following question, either.
( i'm sorry peace since i know you're reading, you'll never know who komaeda would be. )
How's that?
( it's too basic, even komaeda doesn't like it, but he was asked the same question so it should be fine. )
no subject
That's fair.
[ The implication that he wasn't answering properly pulls a little twitch out of him, but in the end he just shrugs. He'd explained it once, and it wasn't understood, and so a hundred times more won't close that gap. It stings, and there's a dull ache in his chest, because he wants somebody to understand those feelings too, but... Who was there that could even begin to comprehend that cocktail of complex and conflicting emotions, of admiration and disdain, and of being better than everyone while also being worse than them? How can he give an answer that he doesn't have?
Maybe that'll be his lie next time, he thinks... But Rio knows that it won't be, because he won't play pretend on that. That petulant line of thought doesn't even bring him any comfort, it does nothing to alleviate that sickly feeling, and that agitates him further.
He can't accept calling Komaeda by anything else, either. There's some part of him that finds the entire thing unfair, to constantly be shoved away and expected to adapt to every whim while having every last boundary pushed and regularly swallowing every last insecurity for the sole sake of seeing what happens. It's not that he can't understand those feelings, but they're at odds with with own. The idea of making that exception for a single person makes him squirm. It goes on and on until this thoughts are all tangled and knotted together.
He flips through his cards a few times before they're replaced by one that covers his entire face. A dotted eye and a less-than sign for a wink, a v-shaped smile, something simple and cute that he'd grabbed at random to hide whatever expression he's showing behind it. But maybe that's not surprising - he really doesn't keep any negative cards, does he? There's just a few of them, barely ever used, so easily forgotten about.
...
He doesn't get it. He still doesn't get it at all. ]
no subject
( he's happier again, he's pushed past it through a little bothered moments ago, maybe he can't stand the idea of being close to people. yet, he wants others to come together, but when it comes to him? and him alone? he'd rather not, maybe it is cruel to ask when he knows, but he doesn't think of it as special. it's just a last name, why do people who... why does it keep coming back to that? he could have accepted his answer, the one that he wouldn't have any because how would he know? when he hardly knows himself. maybe any name would have been fine, komaeda wouldn't have cared...
there's experiencing himself before experiencing another, but that gap between how he feels about them, and him stands in the way.
hm, as for the cards, komaeda's empty expression remains as he defaults back to what he knows, but despite the small altercation, he notes the ones chosen; still learning those microexpressions as they come. )
It was your turn, wasn't it?
( actually, it's his turn, but he doesn't seem to be that attached to the idea anymore that rio can have his chance at throwing again. how funny it is to stand here, he wonders what part of this he should leave in 1999... how old is he right now, about seven...? maybe he's having an issue, or maybe something happened so he resonates with those feelings? he can't blame that though, he doesn't really like to point fingers, and rather than doing so, he'll sit down on his fingers. he'll put that wall up while acting as if he's accepted the little moment between them.
during rio's swing, he could room his previous actions to find what didn't go well, even though there's no way to change it.
what question could rio give now...? )
no subject
He thinks that he doesn't really want to be here. But leaving on such a sour note doesn't seem right either. He also doesn't feel like just pushing past it, but even he's smart enough to figure out that this is neither the time nor the place to act on his emotions, so up the card stays. No one can see him behind it, and in return he doesn't have to see anything or anyone.
Rio really is honest with his emotions, however much he fails to realize it for himself. But that doesn't mean much when he can't put any of that into words to share them with anyone else. ]
... Hm? No, it wasn't.
[ One could almost think he was being petty if not for the simple, frank way that he says it, which suggests that the implication just went right over his head. ]
roll: 5
( it's his turn? he knows, and he opens his hand, allowing the ball to roll out, and then fumble onto the floor with light taps. that is probably petty of him, or maybe it's that budding passive aggressiveness he gained from such a long time ago, or maybe he's just not too bothered to care about the wins or losses.
he'll pick it up, finally getting to his feet as he walks over to the cup, and he'll drop the ball in with a splash; some of the liquid covering his hand.
the worst part is that he doesn't need an answer, instead he looks off to the side where the fireworks are being lit by subaru and npckun. with his arms crossed before him, he sighs softly as he leans against the table.
it's fine, rio doesn't have to talk to him when he's like this. )
no subject
Komaeda is emotional, and he watches drops without any particular worry about the motion. He's upset, and he's making it known, and Rio think she's not all that unlike the birds that he keeps, or perhaps the white cat that comes around the school. Sensitive and moody and needy. But unlike a bird or a cat, he's a human who can express himself in such a way. The tightness in his chest hasn't dissipated, and his hand comes up to touch it briefly, fingers curling, but he works his way through it as readily as anything else. ]
... Red. I like blue, too. I like vibrant colors.
[ Red and blue and purple and green. Rio steps over, looking directly at him without caring if it's returned. He seems to have finished collecting his thoughts. It always takes him longer than most.
It's late, but he responds to what he considers to be one of the two original issues, ]
You're "Nagito" to me, just like Sara is Sara, and Satou is Satou. I've heard you out, and I think I more or less get it, so I think if you don't like it, you should do something about it.
[ What does that mean? He doesn't say, leaving it for Komaeda to say instead. He listens, and he understands, but there's no effort behind it. There's no logic. There's just that discomfort and disquieting feeling without anything to back it up. ]
But if you just wanna be treated like somebody who's so frail that they can't handle their name being said, then I can't help you with that one. But in return, you can call me whatever you want, 'kay? 'Cause I have no attachment to my name.
[ It's not even the name he was meant to have, after all. But having said that, he shifts beside him. He doesn't expect a positive reaction, but that's fine. Komaeda doesn't want to be treated as frail, and he doesn't want to be different from others, and Ranger has paid mind to that in the same way he does to Helena. He's sickly, and she's disabled, but neither one needed to be pampered nor have their hand held.
It's harsh and cruel because he doesn't know how to be anything but, and yet this too is consistent. Those feelings were valid, and he's tucked them away and held them close, but he can't abide by them when it means so blatantly treating someone different for their deficiencies.
But if he wants to do something about it, something to ensure that name is never used again, or otherwise if he can provide a logical basis, then Rio doesn't mind that. ]
no subject
( that's what he said at the start, he didn't even want to play a game with komaeda, and it seems to have ended with the comment about what should be done to fix the little issue. he'll redirect everything away from him because he's hated that anyway, topics that linger too long on his likes and dislikes. )
Return to doing that.
( he doesn't sound upset, but he certainly is ignoring it all just so he can move on. there's nothing to do be done, if he has to be honest, he didn't need an answer to the question. it does nothing knowing rio likes red and blues, those vibrant colors where people can like pastels. )
Because you can't if you're too busy looking in the direction that has my eye.
( he can understand it, it's not like he's accustomed to being polite when it comes to people's names, or what makes them close, along with other things. being online for three years, and they couldn't integrate that into his code.
komaeda blinks, humming slightly confused, it's nothing serious, but there's a smile that appears on his face. practiced, delighted, and content with what's going on, that's the only emotion he knows to retreat to when something doesn't go right, he's been through worse, and he understands the intentions of what he can do in order to have it go his way. placing such power in komaeda's hands, but he doesn't need it.
the conversation already ended, the game ended, so he's fine where it's leaving off. )
Goodnight.
no subject
But there's a flicker of something that he doesn't mean to show. It's the way his eyes widen just briefly, the way he leans just a little bit forward, the flicker of emotion in that impassive gaze that's there and gone in seconds. It's the way that no response comes except for a slight sound, barely audible, because everything else is choked out, and in all those little things that none would care to notice. It's accompanied by a cloyingly sweet nostalgia.
He should return to what he came here for. But it's too much for an AI that has only existed for just three years, for a human who has only existed for just a short ten days, what can he do aside from stare? If Safalin were here, if Gashu or Miely or even Hiyori were here, he would be reminded of what was important, he would be shoved along, and these situations would be handled gracefully. But they're not here, there's just ASUNARO's failed creation, there's just Rio Ranger, there's just a doll, and the most he can do is afford Komaeda the courtesy to walk away first so he doesn't have to see him exit.
Bitter, rotten, disgusting, but he accepts this conclusion with the same confused uncertainty as all others. He only need do the courtesy of waiting, burning every last second into his memory, before retreating when there's no one to notice and no pain to be had and no weakness to be seen. ]