[ She turns to Alice with a flurried half motion of her hands, which awkwardly still once she meets his eyes. ]
You really did arrive right on the dot... Sorry, I'd offer tea but I wanted to do this away from people. [ Her hands move again, to fiddle with the edge of her uniform. ]
You...its about the game... I told you I wasn't being truthful before...I just needed some time to think how to tell you something about how you died.
[ At that, Alice turns to face Sara, shaking his head to dismiss her apologies. It's not as if she doesn't have plenty on her mind, and he doubts that they could enjoy a cup of tea right now. The game, how he died... That's unexpected — has it really troubled her all these weeks? ]
I'm fully composed... [ He won't faint today! ] Well? What did you wish to tell me?
[ On second thought, should they take a seat? Sara Chidouin still seems uneasy in his company — she's reluctant to look at him, he thinks. Perhaps she saw his dead body, and the discovery must have been rather unpleasant.
Reaching for a nearby chair, Alice pushes it closer to Sara, pulling another one towards himself. ]
[ Well...what if someone gets angry and throws a teacup...? Then there might be sharp objects around. Sara is often paranoid about things like this, these days. ]
Getting right to the heart of it as usual... [ Her sigh is fond, even if her expression is serious. She takes the chair with a nod, leaning it forward as she sits. ]
Alice... back when we were in the killing game...did you ever doubt the group? I mean...your sister died... didn't you resent us?
[ Once Sara seats herself in her chair, Alice follows suit, leaning back with his arms folded, one leg across the other. He settles when his chair groans out what may be a warning, though his frame isn't quite as bulky as that of a certain baseball player.
Those questions meet with silence, at first. He thinks back to the very beginning, and to the events hurled at them one after the other. ]
...I said unfair things, didn't I? Not only when I questioned your intentions, Sara Chidouin, but later... Ultimately, all of you were kind people, even in such awful circumstances. In a place like that, where caring for anyone would only—...
[ Again, Alice shakes his head. They all suffered, over and over, but the others went on undeterred. Only Shin Tsukimi held on to caution, it seemed — except for what proved a genuine bond with Kanna Kizuchi. ]
But how could I resent the people who had become important to Reko? She was happy to have met you... I could see that.
Well, I did hit you very hard with a gun. [ She folds her fingers primly as she says it. ] So I think we can count ourselves even in terms of bad first impressions?
[ It was the part of Reko she wanted to know his thoughts on, even if he'd tampered with his own memories to cope. Something she'd done much less elegantly herself, in her haphazard forgetting of Joe. To lose someone so suddenly, so randomly... She couldn't bring herself to kill the fake so they'd lost both. It had been a terrible, hopeless moment. ]
I always really admired how mature you were, Alice [ It's hard to keep her voice straight and proper, stave the choked edge off. ] When I was mad at Kanna...after you lost your sister. You always kept your cool when it counted.
[ Everyone in their little group really was kind. That's why it was so awful what happened to all of them. ]
[ Sara Chidouin did hit him hard, didn't she? It really hurt, and he couldn't move much while he was tied up! He would tell her precisely that in agreement, but her next words take him by surprise — he wouldn't have guessed any of that at all. Her apparent admiration (truly?), her feelings of resentment... And then there's the odd quality to her voice.
So she didn't think poorly of him, not even when he resorted to accepting the Crying Doll Tia Safalin's aid? Well, he has no complaints, if she means it, but she's leading him along a well-hidden trail. ]
Sara Chidouin...
[ The second vote — they were all divided. No part of it was easy, neither the discussions nor the choices, and in the end, the hardest decision to make was left to their leader. If she resented the rest of them for that, if that's her confession, then who could blame her? What a dreadful burden, sealing someone's fate. Nao Egokoro and Kanna Kizuchi died in agony. Shin Tsukimi's efforts were in vain.
Those memories are distressing to revisit, but Alice cocks his head at Sara, prompting her to continue. ]
[ She can't help rubbing her eyes a little. She never actually learned what Alice had thought of that choice. It's surprising that he doesn't sound angry at all, when he'd voted against her choice. ]
I know it wasn't the right choice now...what I picked... I was so scared, and angry, and hurt I wished I didn't have to be the one to choose. When Midori kept picking on us, all I kept thinking was, why is it always me?
[ Such bitter hateful thoughts, using that to fuel her steps forward despite all proclimations that she believed in everyone. Biting her lip isn't going to make the next part any easier. ]
Ranmaru asked if we should just win together. I...I was weak. I said a lot of things I shouldn't! Because of that...because I was so weak and I resented everyone...Ranmaru killed you Alice. There's nobody to blame for you being here other then me.
[ Why is it always Sara Chidouin? He'd called her a dictator once, mistakenly, yet he came to hand her the steering wheel, too. Again and again, she did what no one else could, for this reason or that — she isn't a mere schoolgirl, but who wouldn't be crushed beneath the weight of the leader's mantle around her shoulders? No doubt it began to feel like a ball and chain of her own to drag along, heavier and heavier.
There was no right choice.
Alice's eyes narrow, not in anger, but in puzzlement. ]
I... don't understand. I've told you — Ranmaru Kageyama wasn't there. It was... the ceiling. I suspect that Midori was behind it, since I was outside his operating room... I don't see how it could possibly be your fault, or Ranmaru Kageyama's, Sara Chidouin.
[ But she seems convinced of her guilt, or she wouldn't have summoned him here, telling him all of this to come clean. The desire to win... That strikes him as desperation, by then. ]
There was no such thing as a "right choice" anyway, you know. No matter what the final choice was, people who didn't deserve it would die, and suffer... all because of that insane game!
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no subject
[ She turns to Alice with a flurried half motion of her hands, which awkwardly still once she meets his eyes. ]
You really did arrive right on the dot... Sorry, I'd offer tea but I wanted to do this away from people. [ Her hands move again, to fiddle with the edge of her uniform. ]
You...its about the game... I told you I wasn't being truthful before...I just needed some time to think how to tell you something about how you died.
no subject
I'm fully composed... [ He won't faint today! ] Well? What did you wish to tell me?
[ On second thought, should they take a seat? Sara Chidouin still seems uneasy in his company — she's reluctant to look at him, he thinks. Perhaps she saw his dead body, and the discovery must have been rather unpleasant.
Reaching for a nearby chair, Alice pushes it closer to Sara, pulling another one towards himself. ]
no subject
Getting right to the heart of it as usual... [ Her sigh is fond, even if her expression is serious. She takes the chair with a nod, leaning it forward as she sits. ]
Alice... back when we were in the killing game...did you ever doubt the group? I mean...your sister died... didn't you resent us?
no subject
Those questions meet with silence, at first. He thinks back to the very beginning, and to the events hurled at them one after the other. ]
...I said unfair things, didn't I? Not only when I questioned your intentions, Sara Chidouin, but later... Ultimately, all of you were kind people, even in such awful circumstances. In a place like that, where caring for anyone would only—...
[ Again, Alice shakes his head. They all suffered, over and over, but the others went on undeterred. Only Shin Tsukimi held on to caution, it seemed — except for what proved a genuine bond with Kanna Kizuchi. ]
But how could I resent the people who had become important to Reko? She was happy to have met you... I could see that.
no subject
[ It was the part of Reko she wanted to know his thoughts on, even if he'd tampered with his own memories to cope. Something she'd done much less elegantly herself, in her haphazard forgetting of Joe. To lose someone so suddenly, so randomly... She couldn't bring herself to kill the fake so they'd lost both. It had been a terrible, hopeless moment. ]
I always really admired how mature you were, Alice [ It's hard to keep her voice straight and proper, stave the choked edge off. ] When I was mad at Kanna...after you lost your sister. You always kept your cool when it counted.
[ Everyone in their little group really was kind. That's why it was so awful what happened to all of them. ]
I...after the second vote. I resented everyone...
no subject
So she didn't think poorly of him, not even when he resorted to accepting the Crying Doll Tia Safalin's aid? Well, he has no complaints, if she means it, but she's leading him along a well-hidden trail. ]
Sara Chidouin...
[ The second vote — they were all divided. No part of it was easy, neither the discussions nor the choices, and in the end, the hardest decision to make was left to their leader. If she resented the rest of them for that, if that's her confession, then who could blame her? What a dreadful burden, sealing someone's fate. Nao Egokoro and Kanna Kizuchi died in agony. Shin Tsukimi's efforts were in vain.
Those memories are distressing to revisit, but Alice cocks his head at Sara, prompting her to continue. ]
...It was difficult, wasn't it?
no subject
[ She can't help rubbing her eyes a little. She never actually learned what Alice had thought of that choice. It's surprising that he doesn't sound angry at all, when he'd voted against her choice. ]
I know it wasn't the right choice now...what I picked... I was so scared, and angry, and hurt I wished I didn't have to be the one to choose. When Midori kept picking on us, all I kept thinking was, why is it always me?
[ Such bitter hateful thoughts, using that to fuel her steps forward despite all proclimations that she believed in everyone. Biting her lip isn't going to make the next part any easier. ]
Ranmaru asked if we should just win together. I...I was weak. I said a lot of things I shouldn't! Because of that...because I was so weak and I resented everyone...Ranmaru killed you Alice. There's nobody to blame for you being here other then me.
no subject
There was no right choice.
Alice's eyes narrow, not in anger, but in puzzlement. ]
I... don't understand. I've told you — Ranmaru Kageyama wasn't there. It was... the ceiling. I suspect that Midori was behind it, since I was outside his operating room... I don't see how it could possibly be your fault, or Ranmaru Kageyama's, Sara Chidouin.
[ But she seems convinced of her guilt, or she wouldn't have summoned him here, telling him all of this to come clean. The desire to win... That strikes him as desperation, by then. ]
There was no such thing as a "right choice" anyway, you know. No matter what the final choice was, people who didn't deserve it would die, and suffer... all because of that insane game!