[her expression melts into a smile, hearing that voice, and she turns in his direction to be more attentive. she hadn't heard him, but that doesn't mean she's less enthused to know he's there.]
Busy they might be, but a shopkeeper's job is never really over, is it?
[not when customers showed, or thinking of new ideas, or...]
To tell the truth, I'm hiding from the others. The strange games are beginning to be a bit much for me to take.
Retiring isn't too bad, is it? That means I can make more time for others, but as it stands...
( he opens his arms to knowing helena can't see, but it's to gesture to their surroundings (that, and komaeda's so used to moving his hands when he talks) within the student store. it's not officially his though, sharing it with shin, but even thinking of him makes komaeda frown slightly, noticeable in his voice as he continues their conversation. )
I get a break at night, though... so there's that.
( his hold on the handle of the bells cause them to jingle, and as he walks over to the counter to set them down, his head turns to look at helena. )
The bonding experiment? Now! You can't appear to look shy for the new school year, Adams-san! ( that said, komaeda can't take busy places either, and so this place is much preferable especially with everything that's been going on. ) How has everything been on your end?
I'm not being shy, I just think some of the games are a bit much...I don't need to physically fall into someone's arms to be able to trust them.
[she'd already heard at least three kids smack their heads on the ground, after all.]
And then talking about a video game night...I'm sure everyone's going to have fun there. If most people go, I'll have the kitchen to cook something for myself for dinner.
[good food and a good book. she'll nest in her hammock then.]
They probably find that safer than a knife being pushed into someone's back! Ahaha...!
( with a laugh, the ultimate tries to cheer himself up and is marginally successful, there's no need to be sad around helena when she's on a positive note herself. )
I hope some people do go though...
( there are more people who deserve the bonding treatment than others, and he knows that add's capable of bonding. komaeda just doesn't want him to think he has to be alone. )
Food sounds nice, are you really cooking, or baking this time? ( he mentions, wondering what has he eaten today. ) And... is it that different?
It's louder, certainly. With so many footsteps, I have to work harder to find those of people I know, and there's less of a chance of being called on in class. The world feels more full, but not as though it's harder to manage. I hear voices, a great murmur around me, like how I imagine the sea to be.
[she pauses.]
I can cook for you, Komaeda, so long as you tell me what you would prefer I avoid making.
When you call it a sea, I think of when Rokkun called the void that... it's not so different after all.
( as the bells jingle, he looks helena a few times over as he pulls out a stepstool from behind the counter. he doesn't need it because of his height, and yet there's something comfortable about putting himself in danger by sitting it next to the door so that he can attach a bell above the entrance. )
In this sea... you'll do well! Wading through the water, finding those you know, avoiding those that you don't... even the most mischievous mermaid can stay out of danger, it's just the unknown which interests them.
( it had always been about ariel's curiosity of the dry land, the gigantic boats that coasted past, and those weird items they allowed to fall into sea. )
...Ah. I'm not fond of sweets, but my palate is difficult to please. I'd hate watching you suffer because of me!
It isn't suffering when it's done for a friend. Tell me then, what sort of things you like. You enjoyed our last dinner together so much, after all, but my knife skills aren't even close to being able to construct that...
[or perhaps it was because they both suffered that poison together. she remembers, a death she looks at with more fondness than others because of how it was executed. with care, with consideration, something different and coupled with an enjoyable experience all the same.]
My dinner would be boring, comparatively, but I'd like to make something you enjoy.
( there's a bit of surprise that she remembers, not everyone can look fondly back on the certainty of death. )
Now, now... if you ever manage to get one, I can help you with the precise cuts. It'll take time, but you'll be able to do it.
( it means she'd have her own way of killing on her hands if she so chooses, and komaeda will teach her if she likes. there's a romantic air to the fact that two people can die together indulging in a meal when they say food is the way to a person's heart. )
A slice of toast and a baked potato would be fine for me... What do you think?
( somehow that last date had set the standards too high, now she probably believes he eats actual food. due to his dementia, he doesn't have the taste for much, and if he does it has to have a certain texture. it's why he only eats toast with an egg on top while forgoing the side rice that would make it a fulfilling meal. )
Hm...
( with a hum, he glosses over his memory, and he thinks to teruteru's cooking recently finding that he misses that— the various aroma of different foods. a large block of meat with the clean, white bone sticking out that's avoided any grease stains, or the elbow noodles mixed with a clear substance that adds a tangy, but extravagant taste on his tongue that seemed almost mouth watering. knowing the assortment of food would be too heavy on his stomach that would probably result in a stomach ache, it isn't hard for him to revert back to wanting a taste of home. he's never had that thought before, because it pictures weakness, and a time that he's unable to have back, or truly have.
trash like him ask for that when he's unwanted?
should he ask for something like that? he knows helena can't make an assortment of rich food packing with flavor like an ultimate, so maybe he should start off with something basic. )
[she nods, then, satisfied with the answer. it's a meal that sounds like home, and while she's not an expert when it comes to meats, she remembers enough of what she's been told - timing, thickness, smells, sounds, that something should click. as long as she's careful, something good can come of it. and if Nagito enjoys it, all the better - this is the real reason behind her ambition. he deserves someone doing something nice for him, just because he's there.]
That, I can try my best to make for you. When you close up, then, I'll make you dinner.
( he waves off the idea with his prosthetic hand that whirrs, letting her know he used that one than the other in his response. )
We can go... What Hiyori-kun doesn't know won't hurt him, and he won't come too early... the less of me he sees, then the better, right?
( that's probably a slogan in yogen by now, but that doesn't hurt komaeda much as he looks towards helena while reaching for the door to open. ) Ready?
He does like seeing you, you know. The more of you he sees, the more he knows you're not dead.
[if he'd rather not stay in the shop, she can't stop him, but she can gently try and boost up his self esteem from below the earth's mantle where it lies.]
[she gives a thoughtful sound, considering his current state, and tap-taps out the door to follow Nagito for the time being.]
It's taken a few hits, but it's still there. Growing, healing from what happened to it. He's finding new things to draw on, and it's still alive. But I wouldn't say it's self sustaining just yet.
[it still has to be nurtured, loved, encouraged. he needs to bloom a little more.]
A helping hand isn't too bad now and again, but he's a mess without guidance... he gets far too into his own head.
( then he becomes reckless, and if he can't control himself then no one else can. he'll ride that high, and he will crash, and his life may not belong to him anymore. )
Riokun is upset with him, do you believe it's their bond that must have been a hit for him, or are they still caught up in Amami-kun's actions?
...The story is already written out, visible for us all. I noticed it from Riokun's end one day... alas!
( he laughs, aware enough, but the actions with amami only nailed in even deeper, hitting a sore spot beneath the skin between them. can they continue to build a life that way, though...? )
All we have is time here. The need for them to grow, learn from their mistakes, and to move on... it's hard for some who are haunted by their past. Seeing their life play on loop, it must be tedious...! I want them to know hope more than anything, if they lose that, then they're left to desperation.
[to be supports, to be friends. to be there for them, when they hurt, and to share in their joys.]
We are capable of reminding them how important their hope is, when they falter - if you stumble, don't you want someone you trust to reach out and steady you? Wouldn't you do the same for them?
( he remembers at a point that helena wasn't high in her spirits, that she spent her every waking night in fear, or worried about them all killing each other. now she speaks of hope, makes him think one way when he looks at the other. it's a bit inspiring if it wasn't for how the days have been so far, and what's been taken, lost, adrift at sea because some days... it feels like he's drowning, choking.
he exhales to reassure his body he's not underwater, and that nothing's lodged in his throat to the point he can't breathe. it'd be sad to leave the world like that. )
Last time I did that, Chidouin-san was in excruciating pain... you didn't see it, but I did.
I heard about that...and does she blame you for it?
[of course she had the details. but she doesn't hold it against him - it was Sara's choice to intervene, and that, Helena views with a calm head. it was her choice, and Nagito was preserved, and all is well in the end that someone is still alive.
if he is adrift at sea, then as his friend, his pupil, his fellow, she'll row the boat out and throw him a lifeline to bring him back on board. all of these things she says, they apply to him as well.]
You have to tell yourself over and over you made the right choice, it might be one of those scenarios.
( might be, but he doesn't want it not to be. he doesn't want her hurt as he glances off to the side thinking on the issue, she got hurt because he hurt add. he's irritating a bruise, making it bleed over and over again until it's a nasty scab rather than healed skin. he's a scab on the world even out in sea, it doesn't make him feel any better until he's covered up by the tropical storm, swept up in the waves, and disappear.
yet, helena always throws something out to remind him he still exists. it hurts to exist as is. )
I don't regret what I said, I could never. Something good will come from it, but why... did they have to interact with me, had they not...
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Busy they might be, but a shopkeeper's job is never really over, is it?
[not when customers showed, or thinking of new ideas, or...]
To tell the truth, I'm hiding from the others. The strange games are beginning to be a bit much for me to take.
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( he opens his arms to knowing helena can't see, but it's to gesture to their surroundings (that, and komaeda's so used to moving his hands when he talks) within the student store. it's not officially his though, sharing it with shin, but even thinking of him makes komaeda frown slightly, noticeable in his voice as he continues their conversation. )
I get a break at night, though... so there's that.
( his hold on the handle of the bells cause them to jingle, and as he walks over to the counter to set them down, his head turns to look at helena. )
The bonding experiment? Now! You can't appear to look shy for the new school year, Adams-san! ( that said, komaeda can't take busy places either, and so this place is much preferable especially with everything that's been going on. ) How has everything been on your end?
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[she'd already heard at least three kids smack their heads on the ground, after all.]
And then talking about a video game night...I'm sure everyone's going to have fun there. If most people go, I'll have the kitchen to cook something for myself for dinner.
[good food and a good book. she'll nest in her hammock then.]
It's...different, to have everyone around again.
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( with a laugh, the ultimate tries to cheer himself up and is marginally successful, there's no need to be sad around helena when she's on a positive note herself. )
I hope some people do go though...
( there are more people who deserve the bonding treatment than others, and he knows that add's capable of bonding. komaeda just doesn't want him to think he has to be alone. )
Food sounds nice, are you really cooking, or baking this time? ( he mentions, wondering what has he eaten today. ) And... is it that different?
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[she pauses.]
I can cook for you, Komaeda, so long as you tell me what you would prefer I avoid making.
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( as the bells jingle, he looks helena a few times over as he pulls out a stepstool from behind the counter. he doesn't need it because of his height, and yet there's something comfortable about putting himself in danger by sitting it next to the door so that he can attach a bell above the entrance. )
In this sea... you'll do well! Wading through the water, finding those you know, avoiding those that you don't... even the most mischievous mermaid can stay out of danger, it's just the unknown which interests them.
( it had always been about ariel's curiosity of the dry land, the gigantic boats that coasted past, and those weird items they allowed to fall into sea. )
...Ah. I'm not fond of sweets, but my palate is difficult to please. I'd hate watching you suffer because of me!
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[or perhaps it was because they both suffered that poison together. she remembers, a death she looks at with more fondness than others because of how it was executed. with care, with consideration, something different and coupled with an enjoyable experience all the same.]
My dinner would be boring, comparatively, but I'd like to make something you enjoy.
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( there's a bit of surprise that she remembers, not everyone can look fondly back on the certainty of death. )
Now, now... if you ever manage to get one, I can help you with the precise cuts. It'll take time, but you'll be able to do it.
( it means she'd have her own way of killing on her hands if she so chooses, and komaeda will teach her if she likes. there's a romantic air to the fact that two people can die together indulging in a meal when they say food is the way to a person's heart. )
A slice of toast and a baked potato would be fine for me... What do you think?
( plain, it all screams plain. )
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[she has opinions on this, okay, it's why she was brought up to be a cooking contest judge.]
Is there anything else you would like? Perhaps more substantial?
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Hm...
( with a hum, he glosses over his memory, and he thinks to teruteru's cooking recently finding that he misses that— the various aroma of different foods. a large block of meat with the clean, white bone sticking out that's avoided any grease stains, or the elbow noodles mixed with a clear substance that adds a tangy, but extravagant taste on his tongue that seemed almost mouth watering. knowing the assortment of food would be too heavy on his stomach that would probably result in a stomach ache, it isn't hard for him to revert back to wanting a taste of home. he's never had that thought before, because it pictures weakness, and a time that he's unable to have back, or truly have.
trash like him ask for that when he's unwanted?
should he ask for something like that? he knows helena can't make an assortment of rich food packing with flavor like an ultimate, so maybe he should start off with something basic. )
Pork chops and gravy...?
( ... )
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That, I can try my best to make for you. When you close up, then, I'll make you dinner.
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( he waves off the idea with his prosthetic hand that whirrs, letting her know he used that one than the other in his response. )
We can go... What Hiyori-kun doesn't know won't hurt him, and he won't come too early... the less of me he sees, then the better, right?
( that's probably a slogan in yogen by now, but that doesn't hurt komaeda much as he looks towards helena while reaching for the door to open. ) Ready?
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[if he'd rather not stay in the shop, she can't stop him, but she can gently try and boost up his self esteem from below the earth's mantle where it lies.]
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( was that a wave of doubt in komaeda's voice? no, never... shin is just that sort of person. )
I feel as you of all people would be able to notice.
( he's waiting by the door, rocking on the balls of his feet. )
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[she gives a thoughtful sound, considering his current state, and tap-taps out the door to follow Nagito for the time being.]
It's taken a few hits, but it's still there. Growing, healing from what happened to it. He's finding new things to draw on, and it's still alive. But I wouldn't say it's self sustaining just yet.
[it still has to be nurtured, loved, encouraged. he needs to bloom a little more.]
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( then he becomes reckless, and if he can't control himself then no one else can. he'll ride that high, and he will crash, and his life may not belong to him anymore. )
Riokun is upset with him, do you believe it's their bond that must have been a hit for him, or are they still caught up in Amami-kun's actions?
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[she has an idea, a guess. but it's only as thin as spider silk, and not her words to speculate on.]
Give them time, I think. Their bond will recover, stronger for the hardships.
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( he laughs, aware enough, but the actions with amami only nailed in even deeper, hitting a sore spot beneath the skin between them. can they continue to build a life that way, though...? )
All we have is time here. The need for them to grow, learn from their mistakes, and to move on... it's hard for some who are haunted by their past. Seeing their life play on loop, it must be tedious...! I want them to know hope more than anything, if they lose that, then they're left to desperation.
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[to be supports, to be friends. to be there for them, when they hurt, and to share in their joys.]
We are capable of reminding them how important their hope is, when they falter - if you stumble, don't you want someone you trust to reach out and steady you? Wouldn't you do the same for them?
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( he remembers at a point that helena wasn't high in her spirits, that she spent her every waking night in fear, or worried about them all killing each other. now she speaks of hope, makes him think one way when he looks at the other. it's a bit inspiring if it wasn't for how the days have been so far, and what's been taken, lost, adrift at sea because some days... it feels like he's drowning, choking.
he exhales to reassure his body he's not underwater, and that nothing's lodged in his throat to the point he can't breathe. it'd be sad to leave the world like that. )
Last time I did that, Chidouin-san was in excruciating pain... you didn't see it, but I did.
( he's not saying she's wrong, though. )
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[of course she had the details. but she doesn't hold it against him - it was Sara's choice to intervene, and that, Helena views with a calm head. it was her choice, and Nagito was preserved, and all is well in the end that someone is still alive.
if he is adrift at sea, then as his friend, his pupil, his fellow, she'll row the boat out and throw him a lifeline to bring him back on board. all of these things she says, they apply to him as well.]
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( might be, but he doesn't want it not to be. he doesn't want her hurt as he glances off to the side thinking on the issue, she got hurt because he hurt add. he's irritating a bruise, making it bleed over and over again until it's a nasty scab rather than healed skin. he's a scab on the world even out in sea, it doesn't make him feel any better until he's covered up by the tropical storm, swept up in the waves, and disappear.
yet, helena always throws something out to remind him he still exists. it hurts to exist as is. )
I don't regret what I said, I could never. Something good will come from it, but why... did they have to interact with me, had they not...
( had they not... )
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[he cannot take sole blame for what someone else did. not unless he wants her to call him Nagito aloud and take his flesh and blood hand.]
If you keep saying things like that, if you doubt it...are you doubting the hope that could come from it?
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( doubting hope is the last thing he'd do, but there's something that stands out about it. add, sara, and whoever else was involved. )
Do you think they'll learn anything, if they start to regret everything then it's a step back.
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[she says it with every ounce of conviction in her voice - they always learn from every experience in life.]
It's just not going to be exactly what was expected.
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