yogen | (closed) the rat died.

( it sends a shiver down his spine, being thanked, but he knows better to show any sign of weakness — he can't flinch, but he can only stare, and drop his eyes down to the ground. he doesn't know if he can accept it, why should he when he's probably the reason that even happened to hinata. what he did with dito against legion in the room not too long ago, how the android was stabbed, and who knows what more came from that. )

...You really don't have to do that, thanking me.

( besides, komaeda did nothing but make things worse, and it won't be too long until hinata suffers from nightmares again. )

It was your own will, why not be kinder to yourself, Hinata-kun... it has been awhile, don't you think?

( he takes a step closer, eyeing the other and then their pillow, he can see the little punch indents... but he shouldn't stress his body any more than it already is. )

Enough of that... were you able to enjoy the party?

( but he guesses the elevator chose either them or hinata to mess with, so it's unfortunate that it was him. )

Maybe I wouldn't have to if I was really heartless. [The tone is light and almost joking, but the words are firm.] But more than that, I want to. You always seem to be there for me, you know? And... [His voice drops down into something soft.] I'm really, really grateful.

[He hadn't realized how precious and important the time he'd had with Komaeda was until he almost lost him, the sharpness of that reality he'd woken up to putting everything into stark focus.

However... Hinata's eyebrows furrow at the question.]

Party... Are you talking about the one we were supposed to have at the old lodge? [He shakes his head slightly, confused.] It's not like we ever had a chance to have it.

...

( it makes him... he doesn't know how he should feel, or if he should feel anything. with the book left behind, with hinata saying kind words that differ from his feeling awhile back. that swelling in his chest is only for a moment until it vanishes, swallowing it down as if he doesn't deserve it. it's almost... genuine, no, it is... even if he doesn't know what his life would be like if it kept moving forward. what would have came of the party, what else he would have had to suffer through... the amount of loss, the bloodshed he'd have to handle.

and komaeda smiles, not because he's happy, only because he's unsure how to accept it. )

...Yeah, if you need anything.

( he doesn't know how to stay on topic, how to... realize that kindness is for him, that the other really isn't heartless. so instead, he latches onto the party, or the one that never came to fruition. )

Hm? But you were inside...?

( talking about this, he didn't see togami's duralumin case in the dining room. were they never checked? ) No one played bouncer to let you in? Normally that's needed at all parties.

[He almost thanks Komaeda again, but that feels kind of dopey so he just. Holds onto that warm feeling in his chest.

Hinata really doesn't understand, though... It's worrying. Has he forgotten more than just his talent...?]

I ended up running inside when I was running from that thing, but... We didn't have the party normally or anything. Or at least... [He looks at Komaeda carefully, worry pulling at his features.] ...I don't remember ever going to the party. Monokuma talked like I interrupted you and Hanamura, but... The last I remember, you two were inside getting ready. I went to go rest and...

[And everything was wrong.]

...That so.

( that's when hanamura and him were cooking and cleaning respectively, and yes, komaeda remembers that interaction as if it was yesterday. though, it seems to have played out... differently from what he expected. he was supposed to play the murderer, to be caught by hanamura who would do anything to stop komaeda from his... evil, little plan. that's how it was supposed to go, togami was supposed to die that night. the first kill was supposed to be because he was lucky, and yet...

there's no luck found in what hinata is talking about. )

Can you recall your memories during that time, from what was told... you were the beloved blackened who got away, and I died for that cause...

( it's not wrong, at the time, he's sure he would have done it. with a sigh, he takes a step closer so that he can stand next to hinata's bed, as if... it's to reassure him that it's okay to explain. )

What happened with everyone else... there's such a time discrepancy between you, and what Monokuma said. Was it the same for any of the others?

[Hinata's entire face flushes red at the word "beloved". There are a lot of things Monokuma said that Hinata's trying not to think on too hard, and this is one of them. Still, he shakes his head.]

That's the thing... I don't remember anything happening the way Monokuma said it. There has to be a mistake or he's lying, because...

[He trails off. When Komaeda steps closer, Hinata reaches out for his sleeve, fingers brushing the back of his hand as grips tightly. A reassurance, that nothing's happened to him. A lifeline, to what is reality and not fiction.]

The only others that I saw when I woke up were- [His voice breaks, trembles. Tears fill his eyes for those two classmates.] ...Pekoyama and Kuzuryuu. They were dead. E- Executed, on the beach.

[The classmates he never got to really know... and now never will.]

( his eyes dart down quickly, catching the way the other holds onto him, and he freezes into place. he doesn't move his hand from hinata at all, and instead his eyes slowly lift to read the other's expression. he holds onto him like he needs him, like there's nothing else in the world he'd want at the moment to hold. he obliges for a moment, wrapping his fingers around hinata's own as he sits down on the bed, but he's unsure... of even doing this. )

...Executed? Are you sure that thing didn't do it?

( no, perhaps monokuma would have complained about that too. how that creature got in the way of killing everyone. )

You're his blackened, Hinata-kun... he never gave you a time frame of how long ago those trials were.

( which is left open to say... are those murders really what happened? pekoyama and kuzuryuu being dead, the fact that the party never started... the beginning of their lives, the start of their hope... hinata doesn't remember any of it. )

If you remember the elevator...

( it's odd, nothing about it makes sense, he even remembers going down with ishimaru to see another version of hope's peak — that was... interesting in itself. )

Stay away from "it", or be with someone you trust... okay?

Edited 2021-09-04 05:03 (UTC)

[Hinata holds on more firmly after Komaeda sits down, some of the panic finally leaving his face.]

I... I don't think it did. They were both... p-pierced through with katanas, and what attacked me never used any kind of sword. There were so many of them... and they were pierced through like someone positioned them like that.

[His grip tightens ever so slightly as he recounts it, stomach swirling with nausea... but it finally fades as he stops talking about it.]

I know it can't be right, though - you're here. He didn't hurt you. [A squeeze of fingers, a relieved smile.] And Hanamura... We never found him before we went into the elevator, so maybe he's also...

[Hinata trails off, stomach dropping as he listens to Komaeda. If he's saying "it", that can only mean...]

I don't want to go back, but... We shouldn't leave Hanamura there, either, right? Although if- [He swallows hard.] If... Monokuma was trying so hard to kill you, it might already be too late...

It doesn't matter what happens to me.

( he's always been safeguarded by his luck, and the trade off normally someone else taking the fall — a talent that's worthless to him, but if he wanted to count on it... it'd work in his favor. he's never asked for this sort of helping hand, but it's more than enough to help him through unknown obstacles; one being the elevator itself. an idea comes to him, one where he finds himself becoming silent, and everything down there was wrong — none of it was correct, the truth of the matter is that hanamura did attempt to kill komaeda, but killed togami instead — manipulation of the weak pulled through, and komaeda sided with the killer just to make things interesting.

the outcome should have been hanamura executed, the entire group becomes indifferent to komaeda, and they move on in the name of hope. )

...If you think that way, we can go back.

( that way if it does win up leading them back, hinata can get the much needed reassurance on the lives of others — they'll all be dead, or it'll play out the way that it should. it's despicable to take him back down, to feed him the idea that pekoyama is dead, that kuzuryuu is dead, that anyone of the group is even truly deceased. it doesn't matter when komaeda knows the truth at the end, that they're all alive, leftover pieces of despair, and that's why exposing hinata to something like this wouldn't matter, shouldn't. if a day comes where he remembers, where his eyes hold two different colors...

...

...

he won't be upset with komaeda for this, will he?

his fingers twitch, brushing against hinata's, a light scratch of his nails unconsciously. )

Don't let someone like me hold you back to satiate the thirst of your curiosity.

Don't... [His voice is quiet, shaking with emotion.] Don't say that it doesn't matter...

[Hinata doesn't have a lot of strength in his body. He feels weak, and there's still pain that the medicine can't cover up completely.

But in that moment, he doesn't care. Hinata raises up to a sitting position, holding onto Komaeda as tightly as he can.]

...It matters to me! You matter-

[He breaks off, shuts his eyes as his heart aches in his chest.]

When I ran through the island... That thing chasing after me and Monokuma telling me you'd died for me... They were the worst moments of my life. [When he manages to look up at Komaeda, his eyes are wet.] All I could think about was getting to the old lodge and confirming for myself if you were really dead. All I could think about was your calm that I envied and your smiles that reassured me, and thinking that you were gone, I-

[Hinata cuts himself off, is silent for a long stretch after.]

...I won't go back there with you. I won't let Monokuma kill you. My curiosity can go to hell.

( he's unable to determine how he should feel with the other speaking to him, about him to the point that tears appear out the corner of his eyes. how many times will komaeda make him cry, and then he's curious, did hinata shed the same tears about losing him when he actually killed himself? did he even care, did they even care... truthfully, the end all of everyone being there waiting for him weighs heavier than however they felt when he died, but if he could add up the amount of times hinata has cried for him. would it do something? )

Stop that—-

( he starts, he wants to move his organic hand, but the other's hold onto it feels like an iron grip, so he keeps it in place. instead, he lifts the mechanical one, a soft whirr alongside their voices as he brings it to hinata's cheek, cupping it for a moment, and his thumb feels no warmth, no anything, and so he uses his eyes to wipe away any tear that roams down his face. )

Don't give up on them.

( he doesn't want him to lose that part of himself, those people that relied on him more than they ever did him at that point. there's no need to give up on others that he doesn't know nor does he understand, and that part of hinata shouldn't be lost due to his... lack of memories. it doesn't matter how much he thinks of komaeda's calm, or his smiles, it almost feels like he's being mocked because in the end — why did he forget everyone else, and why did the youth only remember him.

he can be self-centered, but isn't that far too much? that's too much, everything, to admit that he is someone who can be envied... someone that can even be on a person's mind. he shouldn't be surprised, even when hinata hated him, he still cared. he still had feelings that makes komaeda scratch and sneeze, and now that bleed out, or is he thinking too hard.

... this isn't about him. )

As long as you remember them, you can carry on their hope... even if you're the one who put us out of our misery.

[Once, when Komaeda had done this, it had made Hinata cry harder.

Now it makes him shut his eyes and press his cheek into that metal palm. A few rapidly squeeze out from behind his closed eyes at first, but then they slow, nearly crawl to a stop. His entire body relaxes.

He stays like that, quiet, for a long moment. After a time, he opens his eyes again, fingers brushing against the metal ones holding him.]

I didn't kill you guys. I would never. I'd rather die first. [His fingers move to the back of Komaeda's hand, holding it there. It's cold, and it frightens him that his regular hand is gone. But it's Komaeda's, and that's enough.] Will you tell me what actually happened to you? What happened to your hand?

[It's a reassurance, now that he remembers it. Monokuma had to have been lying if Komaeda survived long enough for... whatever caused this.]

( he can't feel it — the touches, the tears, the warmth of anything when it comes to that hand — just memories, both good and bad, insufferable and enough to make smile... it goes two ways, just like the colors that make it white and black. komaeda closes his eyes, breathing in slow as he watches the other pressed against it, and if this was his normal hand... it'd flinch from the warmth, and yet it does nothing at all. )

Hinata-kun, your death would serve no purpose... thinking about living and seeing what the... ( a singular word comes to mind, one that appeared more than once in their simulation life ) future has in store is more fitting for you. ...What Monokuma said, I've never been executed, so he lied to you.

( as komaeda watches the male's fingers brush against his own hand, the thought simulates the nerves, and his index finger quickly twitches. there's a lot he could say about this arm — that he was consumed by despair, that he fell in love, there's multiple answers he could give on the history behind it. )

This? ( his mechanical arm opens, the palm of it visible, and the thumb sweeps against a few of hinata's fingers. the act of sawing off his arm, lucky enough to make a clean cut without jagged edges, grateful to mikan for helping with his procedure. ) ...What do you think of the craft? ( did he avoid purposefully, or does he think hinata dislikes it in general? something he, himself, gave to komaeda with the help of tj — souda. ) It's nicely made... isn't it...

(closed) the rat died.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject