(closed) the rat died.

[commences]

Who: Nagito Komaeda & anyone who hits me up
What: August catch-all
When: 08/01 onwards
Where: Various locations
Warnings: TBA

---

how do you know me better than i know myself?
hey. hey. hey. hey. hey. hey. hey. hey.

This post is a place for all of Komaeda's closed threads, starters, and miscellany through the month. If you want to set something up, I can be reached by PM or at sakasaki

Comments

8/2 — crystallomancy

[commences]

( everything so far has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but if only komaeda could understand the one's that come from others, and not his own characteristic smile. the one that makes it seem like everything that's happening around him is a-okay, that there isn't a problem around him at all — not when he's able to witness the hopes of others. he should be grateful, the situations he's been placed in to see how far certain people will go, and he's been satisfied so far. there are names at the top of his head, but he won't mention them yet, not as he makes his way into the home ec room where a certain girl's name appears instead.

he said it'd be alright.

that was... the lie that stephanie mentioned, the one that hurt her more than she could stand, and komaeda has a feeling it was done in her best interest. it's not hard to see natsume as a liar, especially when he said himself that he molds his actions and personality around others to gain their trust, and to gain things out of them. while he's aware of that, what was he to gain from telling stephanie something like that? one of the reasons he doesn't think of it as negatively as he should, but, he also believes they should have asked directly if natsume was a murderer.

well, komaeda thinks anyone would be happy to confess their crimes.

as his eyes fall upon natsume's back, he's sure the other probably notices him before he can do this, but even if he doesn't... the older boy will walk over as quietly as possible, and with his organic hand, he'll pat the other on the should to grab his attention. )

Sakasaki-kun, it's bad to be by yourself at times like these... ahaha, you know what happened last time I walked up behind someone.

[crystallomancy]

( just because natsume notices him doesn't mean he's going to give him the time of day — at least, he wouldn't if not for komaeda talking right to him, patting his shoulder. he shrugs the pat off, turning halfway; in front of him on the counter are some dried herbs and flowers laid across some cotton fabric.

...no, maybe this is more fortuitous than he initially thought. natsume smiles slightly, turning fully to hide his dried ingredients behind him. not intentionally, but it's sort of the result of being in front of them. )

I'm not afraid of anyone HERE, least of all YOU. ( despite the fact komaeda has killed... but there wouldn't really be a purpose in natsume dying. he thinks that, at least. ) Putting that aside THOUGH... You've actually found me in good spiRITS, Komaeda-san. How "lucky" for YOU.

[commences]

( a good mood he says, but komaeda double checks by annoyingly wrapping his arms around natsume's waist, and his mechanical hand wraps around his other wrist. his chin rests on the male's shoulder, eyes looking down to the cotton fabric with the various herbs, and the first thing that pops into his mind — )

Ah... is that potpourri?

( he actually likes those, from the looks over it to the smell, but he doubts the other is here to give him a gift. of all places, why would he have an item that's meant to dress the appearance and air of a room within the home ec. since it's not intentionally hidden, maybe this really is his lucky day — also for natsume, it seems this time... komaeda has known better to clean himself, so he smells better than the last time he was this close to him. )

You seem the type to be into... items like that, where did you get it?

( forget natsume in a good mood, let's talk about the herbs. )

[crystallomancy]

( why must you do this, why can't you let him be happy to see you for one (1) second.

natsume tenses under the physical contact, his smile tightening, but he looks over his other shoulder to glance at the herbs... oh, well. )

Some of these are for potpurRI, yes, but I was considering using some for floral teas as WELL. ( potpurri and perfumes should be safe... he's excited to make all kinds of fun little items, sigh ) As for where I got THEM, I simply asked the gardener for permission to take some of the flora from his courtYARD. He gave it on the stipulation that I remove them properLY, and as a member of Gardenia, not to mention someone who has my own herb garden at HOME... Well, that's not a problem for me to DO.

( natsume sakasaki renaissance man )

Though he did say something rather curious to me regarding THEM... ( A SIGH....... TRULY, A SIGH...... ) But I'm sure that's not of any interest to YOU.

( though he sounds like he'd really like to share...... like he'd really like to tell komaeda... if only he were interested... putting his acting abilities and immaturity to good use here, )

[commences]

You really are a jack of all trades, you're able to take care of plants too... I tend to have bad luck sometimes.

( as we all know, if he can take a life, something good is given in exchange, so the life of flora teeters back and forth on a scale of sins and forgiveness. of course, komaeda is fond of the item, so while he's latched to natsume for a little longer than he should be, he manages to peel himself off afterwards. that's actually interesting, maybe he should deconstruct the potpourri he has into tea, and perhaps natsume can help him with that like he did the "bombs". )

...

( the gardener, komaeda has heard from amami about his human form, and there was a time he noticed his more horrific appearance, but he wasn't scared of that. instead, he was actually excited to see saihara overcome such a turn of events, he almost died then too. )

I'm interested, I haven't played around with the gardener, but from what I've heard and seen, he sounds fun! ( he says that without a care in the world, and he knows more than he lets on, but he doesn't seem against whatever the other has planned. )

[crystallomancy]

( ...♪ )

Though he didn't say WHY... He said we shouldn't eat anything that was grown in the courtYARD. A little disappoinTING, since Yashiro-chan and I were hoping we might be able to grow bigger vegetables outside in IT, but an important warning anyWAY. ( he portions the dried flowers neatly, setting aside what he's using for non-ingestable purposes. ) HowevER... I'd like to know why we shouldn't consume anything from THERE.

( a little pause, thoughtful as to how he should approach this. )

It isn't like any of these flowers and such are normally poisonous to huMANS... In FACT, they're all rather popular for different types of herbal medicines and teas and SUCH, so I assume it's something in the soil conTENT... But they grow healthily eNOUGH, so it's a little hard to determine what exactly's going on without running a few TESTS...

To put it plainLY, ( natsume says slowly, turning his eyes up at komaeda ) would you like to help me with a little experiMENT, Komaeda-san?

[commences]

Hm...

( eating information, processing it in his head, and he looks over everything natsume is showing him... none of it really looks harmless, but isn't that his luck. it's not unusual to him that the other would say something like this, and he thinks back to the wishes where the other wanted him to listen his commands (probably mostly to stay out of trouble, AND to be an experiment).

because of everything that's happened, komaeda looks up from the mixture of petals and herbs to glance at natsume, he still remains the same despite how everyone has reacted. )

This might be an exciting murder! Hey, Sakasaki-kun... what number tally would I be... ( without asking, he reaches out to grab natsume's left arm, and lightly will he brush his thumb along the area he recalls normal people's tallies should be. he's not going to look, but he'll remove his hand once he feels like the other is going to give him some dirty look. aside from that, he's completely normal as he chuckles right after. )

How would I be using it...? Like lotion? I've always wanted darker skin, but I don't think any cream will do justice for my skin...

( he sighs, looking into the palm of his hand... even if it's a little, he'll keep this same pale appearance, and then it hits him. oh yeah, it's by ingesting... should he just eat them plain? he doesn't ask rather, he just waits for natsume to correct him since he thinks the other likes to be a) right and b) never told no. )

[crystallomancy]

( he'll be tally number (checks notes) eight, because natsume got a tally from killing his demon child. he can tell that much by the raised skin, which hurts slightly at touch and natsume scowls at him until he's moved his hand. thank you. )

If you survive my triALS, I'll make you some suntan oil or someTHING. ( tanmaeda... ) I'll prepare some TEA, you'll drink IT, and I'll record what happens as the days go ON. Of COURSE, unless it's particularly toXIC, nothing's going to happen from drinking one cup of TEA... so I'll make you it every day until you start feeling the efFECTS.

After THAT, I'll monitor you closely and record my finDINGS.

( and if komaeda dies then them's the breaks, no hard feelings!!!! )

[commences]

( now his cute little scowl, komaeda will smile about that. )

How many do you have up your sleeve... well, I don't see the harm... ( the harm, as if he cares while taking a few steps back to find somewhere to sit. once he does, he'll cross his legs like a polite adult, and sit his hands in his lap as he waits. )

Come and visit me every morning, and we can learn all about the gardener's forbidden fruits... herbs... — ( about him, though... ) Do you speak with it often...?

backdate, 7/24.5 — futurebullets

[commences]

( just a few days after saihara and his descent into the elevator, they managed to bring back a certain someone from the abyss — someone he didn't expect. he doesn't know what to make of it actually, knowing that legion had been the one to inflict all sorts of mental and physical damage on hinata is jarring — he should have expected it, really. though, those days have came and gone, and now hinata's meant to heal unless elizabeth finds him, but for now... he's been spending his time in the nurse's office.

when the nurse doesn't seem to be tending to him, komaeda will knock against the door — this isn't their cabins, so he can't just walk in unannounced. there's a few rules here, and maybe he's just a bit concerned that he didn't even think about falling into old habits — he may wear the same jacket with the 55 branded on the back, but he's different in a few ways considering he's older now. he has a lot to think about, simple things, complex things, just whatever he wants to let into his mind, and somehow... hinata's managed to float in there from time to time. )

Blackened-kun, are you awake?

( he asks almost too lighthearted, but there's no consequences here from saying it — he knows that it's wrong, that it doesn't make sense. besides, komaeda knows the truth of the matter anyway, so he plays along with monokuma's funny little story even now. )

[futurebullets]

Please stop calling me that.

[His voice is weak, eyes bleary, but there's undeniable relief that sweeps across his face as he rolls his head to look in Komaeda's direction. He wasn't dreaming that they made it out. Komaeda is actually...]

...You're still here. [His gaze still traces his face, like what Monokuma said was true, like Komaeda will disappear.] You're okay.

[He didn't lose him.]

[commences]

( he doesn't deserve anything, and he equally doesn't deserve the way that hinata looks at him. keeping his gaze is hard, parting his mouth to respond is harder. his normal hand curls into a fist, nails pressing against the inside of his palm enough that it stings, that he wants to damage the flesh. the skin doesn't break, however, not when there's already various gaps within their relationship that are bleeding — the blood running out quicker than hinata's own endeavors from before. )

Hm?

( he's silent himself, and after he clears his throat, will his soft, smooth voice become loud enough to be heard. )

You must have had a nightmare...

( same as last time, because even komaeda doesn't believe in everything that happened in the elevator. it was like a bad dream, and yet they all equally shared it, his newfound belongings feel like a fever dreams, and talking like this? it feels... )

Unlucky, being about me and all...

( his hand rests against the door, closing it behind him as his back presses against it, and his arms cross to give him a more business oriented meeting with a client. unfortunately, it's nothing like that, it would be too convenient for it to be like that. )

[futurebullets]

[Hinata scoffs, albeit weakly.]

It'd only be unlucky if something bad happened to you.

[The only person from Jabberwock that he could really call a friend. The only one who stayed with him and made sure he was okay. Still checking on him, even now, and it puts something in Hinata at ease.

But even if that one part of him is relieved, Hinata is still troubled; he tilts his head up to look at the ceiling, a pensive frown pulling at his mouth.]

I wish... waking up like that there had been a nightmare. The things I saw and heard and felt- it would've been so much better if it were a bad dream. [His eyes fall shut.] But I can see the bandages on myself. Can still feel the wounds ache every time the pain medicine starts to wear off.

[He opens his eyes and looks back at Komaeda again. There's something a little pleading there, but more than anything he looks resigned.]

There's no way I could dream up wounds this bad, right?

[commences]

I'm dead, don't you remember?

( last time, hinata was aware of the information from the book, knowing that he lacked a talent, but further past that is komaeda's own brutal demise. aside from that, he doesn't dare mentioned it, and instead he stays propped up against the door as if he's waiting for hinata to come to the conclusion himself. it's all... weird, how everything has played out, but this school isn't normal at all — from the horror aspect, to the people who disappear without a word and no bodies, and even that notebook that's in his possession.

even standing in a nurse's office strikes him as odd, because the last time both of them were even in a place like this... )

Let's see... logically, if you were inflicted with night terrors, you could thrash about, sleepwalk, and cause pain to yourself, but you're not that type of person.

( in a way, maybe this is komaeda's fault because of his murder, but understand that she was a stepping stone, and through it hinata will manage. ) When you see Saihara-kun, you must thank him...

( to have an ultimate there to assist, the possibility that things could have gone differently had it been komaeda — hinata probably would have died, knowing komaeda's luck. ) He's why you're here, now... by the use of your own hope, and his hope... you avoided something terrible, Hinata-kun.

[futurebullets]

You're not dead.

[His voice shakes from emotion, but Hinata's words are firm, eyes sparking before settling again.]

I didn't sleep well after we met Monokuma... [Looks at his pillow punching....... An understatement.] ...but not like this. Nothing to this degree. You're right, there's no way.

[He shuts his eyes as if to ward away pain, but Hinata knows he can't ignore it. What happened was real. And he has to face that.]

I'll thank Saihara as soon as I see him. [Hinata nods in agreement, but that isn't the end of it.] I don't know if it was really because of hope or anything like that, but you were there, too. And I wouldn't have made it out without either of you, so...

[He opens his eyes to look at Komaeda again... and Hinata's finally smiling.]

Thank you, Komaeda.

[commences]

( it sends a shiver down his spine, being thanked, but he knows better to show any sign of weakness — he can't flinch, but he can only stare, and drop his eyes down to the ground. he doesn't know if he can accept it, why should he when he's probably the reason that even happened to hinata. what he did with dito against legion in the room not too long ago, how the android was stabbed, and who knows what more came from that. )

...You really don't have to do that, thanking me.

( besides, komaeda did nothing but make things worse, and it won't be too long until hinata suffers from nightmares again. )

It was your own will, why not be kinder to yourself, Hinata-kun... it has been awhile, don't you think?

( he takes a step closer, eyeing the other and then their pillow, he can see the little punch indents... but he shouldn't stress his body any more than it already is. )

Enough of that... were you able to enjoy the party?

( but he guesses the elevator chose either them or hinata to mess with, so it's unfortunate that it was him. )

[futurebullets]

Maybe I wouldn't have to if I was really heartless. [The tone is light and almost joking, but the words are firm.] But more than that, I want to. You always seem to be there for me, you know? And... [His voice drops down into something soft.] I'm really, really grateful.

[He hadn't realized how precious and important the time he'd had with Komaeda was until he almost lost him, the sharpness of that reality he'd woken up to putting everything into stark focus.

However... Hinata's eyebrows furrow at the question.]

Party... Are you talking about the one we were supposed to have at the old lodge? [He shakes his head slightly, confused.] It's not like we ever had a chance to have it.

idk sometime around the first of the month

[comprises]

[it was surprising when Joshua had walked to his things and noticed his gun and cell phone among them. a gun with only three bullets, no less -- which meant that he had to savor them.

but he is going to set the gun outside of where he knows Komaeda's going to be one morning (because he studies the habits of...a lot of people...creep), and he sits further down the hall in a crouched position. he's far enough away that Komaeda probably wouldn't be able to see him at first glance, but Josh is definitely going to be spectating. even though he's pretending to be looking at his phone...with his gratuitous pictures of the cat.

how strange.

the gun isn't loaded at least -- he's not sure he trusts his twin that completely to not use it excessively, when he's not sure when he'll get more ammunition. so sorry, Komaeda, it's a gift with strings attached.

he mostly just wants to see what the other is going to do.]

cw: attempted suicide

[commences]

( komaeda's days recently have started near the nurse's office, everyone would be aware if they ever asked him where he goes in the morning when it's not to breakfast. luckily for them, there's not even a proper cafeteria so everyone disperses to their own means, but komaeda always finds himself on the first floor with various little snacks or something. he goes into the nurse's office with them, and of course they don't make it out.

it's just this time when he comes out the office, he closes the door behind him (or so he thinks, it's a little cracked), and his eyes glance around to decide where he wants to go first. he knows the counselor is next door, and he could go visit him, but there's other things like finding trouble to get himself in. or trouble finds him easily as his eyes fall upon something familiar in shape on the floor by the principal's office, pretty ballsy he thinks. he walks to the other side of the hall, leaning forward which isn't all too surprising as he grabs the handle of the gun lazily, and the muzzle brushes against the floor as he picks it up. looking it over, he identifies the chamber would hold four bullets, or well, how the round of holes appear to him. rather than checking for bullets, he raises it up, and brings the chamber to the side of his head with his index finger settled properly against the trigger. )

...Ahaha.

( but there's nothing truly funny, he wonders, knowing that no one is around how his luck will play. it's always a gamble with komaeda, and how death literally denies him rights to die, but if he could feel that sting through his cranium, if he could instantly lose consciousness in less than four bullets... it'd be worth it. what has his life amounted to, what has he done that's worth living if his existence is only to suffer for unknown reasons. what has his life ever accomplished for the people around him, but being unwanted is natural in his case, he understands that but still decides to smile as he contemplates this sort of self-destruction. when will he be "lucky" enough to experience a stroke of good, that's how he feels about it.

hopefully josh is enjoying himself by watching komaeda tempt fate, oh, and hinata too since he can see through the crack. :)

anyway, as he pulls the trigger — )

[comprises]

[interesting.

good thing that there's no bullets in the gun.

Josh raises an eyebrow as he watches Komaeda attempt to shoot himself. so he would take that sort of situation and use it to end his existence, huh...he's kind of surprised about it. but he supposes that's his cue to stand up again, patting his pocket to make sure his bullets are still there -- just a kind of habit to make sure that everything's still in place.

at least now he knows how self destructive the other is.

he moves closer again, tilting his head as he considers what he should even say.]

You get presented with a gun, and that's the first thing you try to do? Don't tell me I'm going to have my hands full just trying to keep you alive...

[it's funny, considering that he has a track record for killing people he likes.

but he doesn't know where they go after death here, so yanno.]

rolls in without starbucks

[futurebullets]

[Hinata doesn't know what makes him lift his head - he's tired, senses not quite what they should be from pain medication, and his visitor just left besides.

But he does. There's only a sliver of what he can see from where the door has been left ajar, and he can't hear outside very well. But he can see enough - enough to see Komaeda lift a gun and put it right up against his head.

Ice spreads through his veins, a chill that travels through his body - and then it's electric, raw panic that bolts him out of bed on legs that shake. Something tugs at his arm as he tries to push his feet forward, and he pulls it out quickly; a distraction, keeping him from stopping Komaeda.

I'll lose him. I'll lose him.

I can't lose him!

Hinata runs - uncaring of the way his bare feet sting on the floor, unaware of the blood that gushes from where he tore his IV free. He shoves the door open the rest of the way as soon as he reaches it, barely aware that there's another person speaking nearby, and the vice that had a choking grip on his throat finally releases him so he can yell.]

Komaeda, don't!

22% on my phone

[commences]

( there's a lot happening at one time, slightly embarrassed from getting caught from his own playful demeanor. if anyone can call that playful... he hears josh first, his eyes looking towards the male as he walks up — he should have accounted for that because of his bad luck. )

Presented? Is this something you set up for me, Kiryu-kun?

( the delivery causes him to click the trigger once more, noticing how nothing is going off at all. he lifts his hand to point the gun at a wall across from him, ready to pull the trigger until a familiar voice sounds out — )

Ah? ( he turns his head towards the door he just left, his eyes a little wider as he can't see the shock on his face. oh, this is bad. he plays it off, smiling softly with a small chuckle, thoughts running through his mind to explain himself. ) It's not what it looks like!

( he holds his hands up in front of him, still holding onto the gun. ) I was seeing if it worked under these cond—-

( because the iv was torn, komaeda notices red, and this uncomfortable feeling runs through him. ) Hinata-kun... you have to take better care of yourself. ( he walks over, tucking the gun into his pocket and reaches out to rest his palm against where hinata is bleeding. he glances towards josh, the expression he wears is soft, almost pleading like a dog requesting help. that changes though as he looks at hinata, a little stern as if this is no laughing matter...

what is he doing UP! )

[comprises]

[Josh was about to answer, his mouth opening, when out comes Hinata. he raises an eyebrow at him, and then puts his hands in his pockets for just a moment as he considers the situation.

but it doesn't take him long to realize the blood shit that's happening here. and. Komaeda's little puppy expression.

............................

long sigh.]

Don't worry about it, it wasn't even loaded. But I guess I should go grab something for that--[he nods towards the IV]--before we make more trouble for ourselves.

[he's not all that unopposed to more trouble, but that's not what he expected to happen at all...!

brb he's gonna duck into the room to get something to cover the blood]

[futurebullets]

[It's fortunate that Komaeda comes over and even more fortunate that Josh is moving to get a more permanent solution, because Hinata has no memory of what happens when blood hits the floor in this school. It's not nearly enough to kill, but Hinata did pull from an artery, so blood will soak Komaeda's hand pretty fast. Help.

It's the farthest thing from his mind, even as his head swims, because Hinata can't help but see red as he stares at Komaeda with worried anger.]

How can you tell me to take better care of myself when you just- [He breaks off with a wounded yet frustrated noise. His eyes are burning like he's about to cry and Hinata hates it.] Did you even know the gun wasn't loaded before you...?

[He trails off. Can't say it. Thinks he'll be sick if he even tries.]

[commences]

( he can see the blood slipping through the cracks of his fingers, and he knows that squeezing tighter won't do any good. instead, he reaches for the attire that hinata is wearing, trying to press the male's arm against himself to slow the bleeding. )

This isn't about me, Hinata-kun... you're making a mess.

( he ignores the comment, knowing that he's upset, and komaeda's glancing every so often at the direction josh walked off to as he waits for him to return. at least he doesn't have to hear hinata yelling at him, or maybe he does... this is slightly embarrassing. )

It might've been loaded, I didn't click eno — .... ( maybe he shouldn't say that. ) Kiryu-kun, did you find anything?

( ... )