yogen | npc contact.2

[ ...They can't help but smile at being called a good child because ugggggghh how they've wanted to hear that from anybody for so long. The hammering slows a little, though, in trying to figure out how to explain their dad. ]

Mm... It was just me and dad for a couple years, but one day he never came home. I don't know what happened to him. Maybe he's dead, maybe he didn't want me anymore. I don't know.

[ Dead, hopefully, as hurtful as it is to wish such a thing upon one's parent. But he'd just never came home, just like how Aniki never came home, except this time there was nobody to return home and bring the news back. ]

( good child, a phrase komaeda's never heard himself considering how much of an ill omen he is. saying it to npckun however feels different though, it's because komaeda wants to give them everything he's never gained. he wonders if he would have smiled too if his parents gave him the time of day, maybe his smiles now wouldn't be so empty, but it's fine if npckun smiles for them instead — as long as they can be happy. )

...So you were alone? At one point of your life, it was just you?

( in that cabin with no one else, empty sounds, their own thoughts and heartbeat in the background. )

...What did you do, after?

More than just a point.

[ They wish it were just a point, but instead it was a swath, up until they...

... ]

I did what I could. Eventually, the bills weren't getting paid so everything got shut off. Even the landline, and I couldn't talk to Anego anymore.

[ ... ]

So I left home and sold crack and now I'm here.

...Your life really isn't eventful.

( not the crack story, well, komaeda won't poke holes in it, he already has his reservations on how it was told to him — who stabs in crack? people get shot! )

Why didn't you ask to stay with her before your landline was cut off?

[ Yeah it's a real boring life ]

Mama left because I was born. I can't ask to live with her and Anego.

That's not true.

( that's a lie, he recalls that there was... a voice on the answering machine that was their mother, or whatever hinata had told him about. )

She called you to check on you every day, didn't she?

Huh? No.

[ There was a voice on the answering machine; Hinata did not lie. ]

Think back, to when you were three...

( think back like a [redacted] year old can do that, but npckun doesn't have dementia so komaeda can believe. )

...Hm.

( komaeda thinking who can be npckun's new mom. )

[ They think back to when they were three...

that was the year aniki died...

...

... that's basically all they remember ]

By the look on your face... you didn't remember what I wanted you to.

( hm, how can he explain this. )

Maybe she died, so that's why you stopped getting calls.

[ ...

"your mom's probably dead" IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER
I mean, like... her being dead is better than her abandoning them but at the same time it's worse ]

Okay... by that expression, you weren't too fond of that.

( UHMMMM. hm, now he's trying to think of how to make this better. )

She probably died of heartache not being able to get you and your brother back.

( ... )

[ How is this better when it's the same guess but worse. Maybe he should stop smiling at the hypothetical death of their mother ]

...It's okay. I'm not going to think about what if I got to live with mama and Anego. It's not what happened, anyways.

[ And they have to do their best not to look at the past. To face forward and do what they can where they are now. ]

Hm... It sure isn't. Look where you are, sitting next to me... making bird houses, and hoping two birds fit into it.

( he'll lean against them, bumping their shoulders as if he wants them to cheer up.

it's fine if their mom is dead, and komaeda can't remove his smile... no... but he does place the wooden pieces together for them to hammer at. )

Do you remember what your parents look like?

[ npckun hums and leans against Komaeda, deciding to take his words to mean "it's okay, because you're in a better place now" ]

Dad was... very tall. [ though adults tend to be, when you're a child ] He smiled a lot, but not like how you do it. I don't remember Mama... Aniki says I look more like her than my dad, though.

...

( oh, he sure is tall. for a moment, komaeda's twirling his hair to push it behind his ear!!! not bc... haha 6'1" with the counselor degree... how funny. )

...And how do I smile?

( says as he smiles now, completely oblivious to what that means. )

You are cute, so I believe your mother must have been as well...

( maybe, komaeda doesn't like looking at ugly people people hopefully aniki did NOT lie. )

[ It's what's on the inside that counts... and aniki hates his dad's guts ]

Hehe... I'm really cute, right? You smile for other people, but when dad smiles, it's for himself. That's what it feels like.

( yeah... he makes that very obvious, yep. )

Ah, he smiles like personal gain? Oh, perhaps that's where selfishness comes from.

( smiling for other people isn't bad, komaeda thought they was about to call him fake as hell. )

Do you think there's a reason he smiles in that manner... hm... Are you sure he didn't smile because he thought you were the cutest person around, and he was proud to be your... Maybe he was a selfish prick...

Don't call him that. I mean he smiles like he's happy.

[ Whereas Komaeda and Amami just sort of smile. Though, they're like that too, sometimes, so they can't say anything about it. ]

I tried hard to make him proud so I could see that smile. I read lots and lots and lots so that when he came home, I could teach him everything I learned and show him everything that I made! Because dad said the best way to learn is to be able to teach somebody else! And I'm smart, right? I did a good job?

Is he happy?

( like he's happy could mean so many things, but now it feels like his own smile means nothing!

...hinata likes his smile. )

Hm... ( he looks at their smile specifically, wondering if there's honesty in it. asking komaeda such a question when they could be selfish, and say it aloud themselves. ) You've always said you were the best, why stop now?

( maybe it's because people like to hear certain things, just to be reassured, or to see if anyone else thinks the same outside of just them. ) You're very smart, and you did such a good job... you have to keep up the good work so you can teach me things, too. ( he pauses, taking in what he's already said. ) He was lucky to have you as a child.

[ Was dad happy? They're on the fence about it, because they want so bad for him to have been happy when they were together. But how could a parent be happy when they barely ever get to see their kid?

mmmmm they wish he had said these things to them when they were both still alive. A couple of words and they feel soooo warm, like they can take on the world, and they wrap their arms around Komaeda's middle and give him a tight squeeze because that sort of gratitude is hard to put into words. ]

I'll keep doing my best, so you can be proud of me too! I want to make you smile and feel as happy as you make me.

Those were words you wanted me to mimic...

( he wasn't ready for the hug, so he flinches a bit, cause off guard compared to when he goes out of his way to do it first — he calms himself though, relaxing as best as he can. he lifts one arm, wrapping it around npckun's waist to pull them closer. )

So I want to say what I believe:

( he clears his throat, resting his cheek on the top of their head. ) You've showed me the hope you're able to bring upon yourself and others, it's a warm feeling, hope is a beautiful thing... you've given so many goals of their own, and as time progresses... I hope to see an eventful outcome where we can all be together.

( his eyes close, a slow breath— wheeze. ) You're a good child, you have so many people... don't ever give up on them, remain a light that they can see... in return, they'll be a light as well... they shine bright for you, so that way you won't get lost. Your hope is a beautiful thing, because everyone's hope is one of a kind... don't lose that...

( he'll hold out one hand, extending his pinky: ) Promise me, continue being a good child, and showing your hope. That makes me happy, it makes others happy... it's why I love hope that comes from you, too.

[ Mmmmm... They really really really really hope they're able to make everybody they care about feel as safe and warm as they do now, Komaeda's hope for them being a good child like a warm blanket over their shoulders, the idea that they're capable of making somebody's life a little brighter, that they're good enough for people to want to spend time with them, of a future where "we can all be together."

Making other people happy, being the reason that they smile, making the world brighter and warmer and happier and better... they really really hope they can.

They hook their pinky, and squeezes tight. ]

I promise.

( can they do it? keep this up, can they keep a promise like this without breaking it — komaeda doesn't know, he only defines hope by how people construct it before him, and then he makes it his mission for it to be the brightest. as long as their hope is strong, and bigger than others, then in the end it'll be the hope that wins out. )

...You have to crush other's hopes in order to make your hope reality, make sure you prepare yourself!

( like there's a warning label AFTER they agree on this, and komaeda does that by squeezing their pinky tightly to secure their promise. )

In return, I'll be better than your father, I'll take you home with me, and we'll have tons, and tons of Luzons! ...We can live on the coast, too! The beach is nice, we'll get there all because of your hope.

Edited (NO U DIDNT SEE) 2021-10-24 23:02 (UTC)

[ Reasons why I have trust issues with cute threads ]

Huh? There's people who hope other people are sad and stuff? Yeah! I'll beat them up!

[ Why else would somebody else's hope be at odds with theirs... It's sounding like a pretty sweet deal, though, getting to live with Komaeda on the beach with a bunch of Luzons that have no business being on a beach. ]

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