yogen | npc contact.2

[please don't ask the romance novelist for advice]

She's okay now.

[his smile remains, but it's that same sort of one he had back during their first stargazing -- a little subdued, a little quiet. the same sort he had talking about "normal" memories in trade for a happy one.

...

a sheepish sort of grin, pushing their food around distractedly.]

Um~, I'm not really good at talking about stuff like this... [because it gets him feeling somber and lonely and sad and then that makes the other person somber and lonely and sad and he doesn't like that--] But you shared a little about your brother and all, so I wanna do the same. It's not fair that I keep asking so much about you and I don't give anything back, right?

[ "now" but not before... npckun thinks back on how they talked about their brother and it was only ever that he was 1) dead, and 2) loved. One is a simple fact and the other was all good things, so comparing the two wouldn't be fair. ]

...It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. There's plenty I never want to talk about. I think sharing the things you want to share is fine.

[it's fair enough to subaru, who's two things about his dad have been 1) busy and 2) loved, the first a simple fact and the rest good things. subaru wonders how to put it, then, his small desire...

... maybe just saying it outright is fine, since he's the same way about sharing laws anyway.]

I want you to ask me about stuff, though, even if I might not answer. I want you to want to learn about me as much as I want to learn about you, Keigo.

[so even if it isn't about "before" or anything like that... he wants keigo to be curious about things relating to him, even the things subaru doesn't want to talk about -- subaru's curious about more details on things keigo doesn't want to talk about too, after all, even if he won't ask.]

[ Hmm... mm... They're quiet, trying very hard to think of a question to ask Subaru, but it's hard to find a genuine one that isn't a leading question for a sales pitch.

...

... ]

I still want to hear about everything you did when you were gone.

[ Experiences and how they're retold tell a lot about a person, they think, and there's nothing wrong with starting from now and working one's way back. ]

[how....... much can he tell them...............]

Okay, but you've gotta promise me something first.

[ That's such an alarming lead-in ]

Am I going to be mad at you?

Not a doubt!

[he has done some things that will make keigo mad.]

[ Hm ]

I won't hate you forever, but I'll be mad. What else am I promising?

[...

he won't throw amami under the bus...]

That's all~. So you don't gotta promise anything. ☆ What do you wanna hear first: how I stole from the rich to give to the poor, kept some poisons from ne'er-do-wells, about the talismans Maimai taught me, about the marketplace Ama-chan and I frequented... Oh, there was a lot of fun buildings to do parkour on too, I liked that a lot~. I made a lot of friends there too!

[mostly animals but-- he got friendly with the locals, naturally, once he got into the swing of the way things were.]

You stole from the rich? Why'd you give it away?!

[ They're poor! He could have given them the money!! He knows they need the money and this is the only thing out of everything Subaru's listed that they think he'd think they'd be mad about. ]

I did keep some of it, Keigo, but...

[he sighs, resting on his empty hand.]

Turns out we couldn't bring any souvenirs back. That's why the only gifts I've got for you are stories, see... And after I went through so many vendors just to find something you might like.

[ hmm SOUNDS FAKE ]

What sorts of things did you find for me?

Mostly books, 'cause I know you like to read them.

[... so many books... and one keigo will never, ever hear about...]

I wasn't sure what ones you'd really dig, but I got you some history ones, some ones on plants 'cause the pictures were pretty, and some poetry books the guy really sold me on once he heard I was shopping for someone I loved~.

I can't believe you fell for that... that's the same tactic I use, telling people to buy stuff the people they love will absolutely love.

[ You can't be blindsided by sales pitches, Subaru, please, they thought he'd know better, he hears that sort of thing from them all day ]

[of course he's heard it all before... but he understands why people let themselves be swayed, looking at keigo and thinking about how bright their eyes might've been reading through the books he would've brought back. subaru's expression now -- warm and tender and full of affection -- would've been the same if it'd been possible, except keigo would've had their nose stuck too far into a book to see the soft grin subaru offers.]

You were all I could think about looking at them, so I really didn't mind falling for it.

[ They can see it now, though, and even though it's such a cheesy thing to hear it makes them smile anyways, even if the association is just "oh a shopkeep salespitch" --> "my shopkeep" ]

Silly... I like books you can learn from! Poetry is harder. You'll have to read them to me.

[ Not like being read to makes it easier to process. Poetry is just something that feels like it's meant to be read by one person to another ]

So the botany would've been right up your alley, even if you're not that good with living things~.

[reading poetry to someone sounds embarrassing though... subaru's normally shameless about things, but there's something about the lines he remembers that causes the back of his neck to warm.

he rubs the back of it, trying to will away the sudden shyness.]

Wouuuld you want me to read you some? 'Cause I remember some verses and all, but I'm not really good at reciting things like that. ♪ Better at singing, y'know?

[which is different... performing is different...]

[ They're not sure they can appreciate poetry as well as it's deserved, like they can't appreciate living things as much as it's deserved, but they do like hearing Subaru's voice. ]

Maybe you can sing the poem?

[ Does that make it any easier? ]

[it would, and he has a tune in mind, but he still seems like he's thinking about it (about the lines mostly that stuck out to him as the days passed there) as he stands to go behind keigo and hug them with a hum. swaying a bit as he gets the base melody going, soft and full.

it's a little cheery for a song about what it is, but subaru wants them to know it as something he felt with his affections -- and that he truly did miss them, how nice it is to hold them now...]

There~ they are ♪ gatherin' the dolichos! ♪
A day without seein' 'em ♪
Is like three months ♪ to me ♪

And there~ they are ♪ gatherin' the oxtail! ♪
A day without seein' 'em ♪
Is like three seasons ♪ to me ♪

Now there~ they are ♪ gatherin' the mugwort! ♪
A day without seein' 'em ♪
Is like three years ♪ to me ♪

[a performance of one, for one, that comes easier than just trying to figure out how to recite the same verses that caught his eye at once when glancing over the scripts.]

[ WHAT IS A DOLICHO... oxtail... they're thinking oxtail soup, which is delicious, but this is pretty much what they expected from poetry. They really don't get it at all.

...

they turn in his arms, so they can wrap him up in their arms as well, adding to his song- ]

Here~ I am ♪ with all the stars in my arms! ♪
A day without seeing you ♪
Was like a lifetime to me ♪

[apparently its some kind of vine. he has no idea tbh but that's how the poem goes-- and when it's turned around on him, literally and physically, he grins and nuzzles close. it's less songy, but still has the lilt of the rhythm before.]

And here your stars will stay, watchin' you night and day.

[not quite the same, but it's fine. he'll hold them tight, one of those forever hugs they both love.]

I missed you so much, Keigo... I wanted to come back sooner, but I was sorta scared.

Scared of what?

[ Not of them being angry that he stole money without bringing it back... They're not that scary when they're angry, they don't think. ]

[mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm he let that slip,

it's nothing someone should get upset over, here... he thinks. but the slip of the tongue still makes him tense, and he presses their cheeks together with a smile.

...

subaru doesn't have to smile, he remembers them just saying, so after a moment he eases off of it, pulling back enough to touch his forehead with keigo's, eyes a little sad and tone quiet.]

You can't bring souvenirs back to the land of the dead.

[it's not so much a riddle as it is indirectly stating the reason, but it should be clear enough.]

[ ...

...? They lift their chin a little and bumps their nose against Subaru's, a little eskimo kiss. ]

I wouldn't be that mad if you didn't bring back souvenirs...

[ They're not that scary, they don't want to be so scary that Subaru wouldn't want to come back ]

[oh th

that's cute and it makes him grin a little, shaking his head.]

Wrong thing to focus on, Keigo~. It's the method of gettin' back, see, that I didn't wanna do. I wanted to see you [and everyone else] so bad, but I was scared of...

[a moment's hesitation, blue eyes glancing away and then forced to meet keigo's again, voice scratching soft as if it's supposed to be a secret. it's not, but he doesn't know how many people are going to talk about it.]

Of killing myself.

[it wasn't even the thought of keigo that drove him to have the supposed "courage" some people talk about with it, but the solidarity of the other two having to go through the same act just to return where they were more needed.]

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cw: suicide mention