yogen | npc contact.2

[ ...

She doesn't move. ]

Give me your hand.

( Making a bet with himself that this is for pressure points, not hand-holding.

He still takes a moment to collect himself and turn so he can give her his hand he guesses, expression slightly pale and mostly curious-skeptical. )

[ He wins that bet ]

Is that any better?

[ If anything, it's a distraction from the nausea, that's the only way it works for me or maybe I'm doing it wrong ]

( He knew it. And I wouldn't know, it doesn't work on me for some reason, I wish it did my life would be so much easier.

Thankfully it works for him, or at least is a good enough distraction for him, especially since he's thinking about something else now and deciding against it in lieu of the things he may or may not have to talk about in the coming future. )

Yes, thank YOU. ( He should've said no so she'd keep holding his hand (in a fashion) but he hasn't sunk to Subaru's level of desperation yet. ) ...Did you still want TEA? We can eat TOO, though we'll have to make a trip for THAT.

( That is: stop by the cooking room -> go all the way up to the rooftop, because he did say they'd have a picnic up there, so. Keeping to one thing. )

OtherWISE, it's to the music ROOM. I'd like to perform something for YOU. ( ...

Choose your own dateventure or whatever. )

[ As soon as he says yes, she lets go, hand swinging at her side as she takes a step away to give them both some space. ]

Tea, music room, then lunch.

[ It's an easy enough decision: she needs Natsume to stop feeling sick first so she can stop worrying about him being sick, and then it would be rude to talk in the music room when somebody else is performing, and then it would also be rude to talk with your mouth full over lunch so maybe they don't have to talk about anything ever.

It's a game plan.

And the campus is a place she's familiar with, so she can take the lead this time towards home ec. Also she was going to ask a question that's been on her mind when he mentions performing but then she recalls what he told her a little while ago and then goes "oh" to herself and never mind. ]

( ...Did she get embarrassed? Cute. He links his fingers together behind his back to get rid of the temptation of asking her to hold hands again and follows after, a smile tugging at his lips.

She's much more comfortable when she gets to call the shots, isn't she; he already figured she would be, though. It's too bad if he let her call them all the time they wouldn't be having this datehangout in the first place, though.

When they get to home ec, Natsume'll step past her so he can start on tea, she can . do something, he's treating her today so she can just take it easy— see, regrettably making tea takes time so they have time to talk about things, and Natsume won't look at her because he's busy putting water into kettles and putting kettles on stoves and opening cabinets to find the ginger tea and getting cups to put that tea in eventually. )

I hope this doesn't ruin the rest of our day togeTHER, ( he says quietly, over all of that, ) but I like YOU, Maya.

( ...Rika would hate him for not doing this in a more romantic way; he's almost grateful she's dead now, but not quite. And the other word is too strong, so "like" it is, simple and small and still putting his heart in his throat and his stomach into ropes.

And there's more to say, but he has to find the words, first, so he leaves it at that for the moment; it'll be easier to decide which ones to use in a few moments, he guesses. )

Edited (ignore this edit i just realized i had a typo and its driving me nuts) 2021-11-03 19:41 (UTC)

[ A moment passes, and Maya is still quiet, lingering about the window because there isn't anything for her to help with, pulling her gaze away from the forest outside to what little she can see of Natsume's reflection— back to her, on the fence between relief and disappointment— and then back out the window into the distance.

Because he can't have forgotten what she said just a couple of minutes ago, why she has to put her foot down, what makes her silent now, not knowing what to do with the words entrusted to her, how she's supposed to respond. She can't even give a non-response like "I know," because she didn't; she refused to entertain the thought completely, no what ifs or maybe or I hopes, because nothing good will come out of it. On the other hand, she isn't surprised... mostly out of recognition that she's difficult to get along with, can be insufferable, and there is little other reason to want to spend time with her and go that extra mile that Natsume has done not just today.

He called her by her name.

...

Maya turns, leaning against the windowsill to stare at Natsume's back. It's not his face, but at least it's still him, and not a reflection, a ghost, a thought. ]

...And I don't hate you.

[ It's even less of anything than "like" is, but it's still more than she would ever care to admit. Maybe it was obvious anyways; she wouldn't be here right now if she hated him, found him insufferable, didn't want anything to do with him. ]

This is the most straightforward you've been towards me. I appreciate the honesty. I appreciate your efforts.

[ But,

but. ]

( But.

He knows. He hasn't forgotten her words, but felt that his intentions--newly blossomed ones, ones that were there when he wanted to just be friends at their first picnic, that were there the last day he saw her before summer break began, that were there that bright day on the rooftop when he asked about being dead, that were there when he sat across from her in the Student Council Room and wanted to...

Not his only intentions; he thankfully does not live and die by like or love, he doesn't interact with people for the sole chance things might work out, but an intention anyway. Maybe it's better to call it a desire, a hope he entertained sparingly--sparingly, because

he knows.

This is no place for things like this, the vines curled around his ribs, flowerbuds unbloomed. He knows. He closes his eyes, feeling hers on him, and listens to the water boil.

He half hoped with her silence she would've pretended not to hear him, but Maya is better than that, he supposes. )

I wasn't expecting an anSWER. ( The words creep from his mouth, eyes slowly opening. ) Nor anything in reTURN. I just thought I should give context as to why I called this a DATE.

( Not to tease her. Not to make fun of her.

But because he likes her. )

Let's forget I said anyTHING. ( But he won't turn around, not sure of his own expression--he never knows how he looks, never realizes it, and whatever expression he might wear he doesn't want anyone else to know either. ) We can just have a lovely day togeTHER.

( Nothing more, nothing less; this is for her. )

How does that sound to YOU?

[ If she knew he wasn't expecting an answer she wouldn't have—-

but she would, because she's not a person who likes to leave things hanging, to ignore things and pretend they don't exist. Instead, she snipes things down with expert precision. ]

Alright. But I have no intention of forgetting.

[ It feels impossible to, like Pandora's Box. Maybe if she stays long enough in virtual reality she might be able to forget, but finds that she doesn't want to. ]

And it's possible to like one another without it being anything more.

[ Like going on a date without necessarily dating, like all this day was supposed to be. The best she can offer at this point is some semblance of friendship she struggles to accept in the first place. ]

( He wishes she would forget anyway.

That's selfish, as selfish as confession is. He sighs quietly, his shoulders dropping with the breath he finds he's holding, and... it's fine. He's fine.

(He knew what her answer would be, in essence, but it still hurts. Yet it's fundamentally no different than loving someone like Anzu--the two of them have impossible circumstances, too.)

Natsume turns around to face her, the corners of his mouth turnee up in the neutral smile he tends to wear day-to-day, one that doesn't quite reach his eyes but that no one really looks at too hard, anyway. )

Oh, I'm aware boys and girls can be friends without roMANCE. ( Somewhere in his heart, he wishes-- he grinds it out before it's given shape. ) ...Thank YOU.

( Rejection hurts, even when you're expecting it. He has to spend the rest of the day nursing it, but more important is how he wants her to enjoy the day with him.

So, he'll focus on that.

... )

This isn't how I thought I'd conFESS, for the reCORD. ( His plans... ruined. ) I wanted it to be a little more romanTIC... Christmas EVE, or the closest day to it I could have your compaNY.

( Natsume rubs his face, god...... )

How silly of ME. Our conversations never go the way I expect them to in the long-run; I should've known betTER.

[ Christmas Eve... a couple's holiday. The chances she would have agreed to come in the first place would have been slim, then, so it would have been better this way, as unromantic as it was. A "hey, by the way," with no pressure to answer either way, and if it doesn't work out, she's not ruining both their days. ]

You say that as if they're doomed from the start. Are you not a great magician?

[ Something something miracles, but more than that, having the ability to be able to read people— and she is far from unpredictable, even towards people she has just met. ]

( The more she calls him a magician, the more he feels she's making fun of him for calling himself one....... )

I AM, but you're not a mere child fascinated by tricks and sleight of HAND. My magic doesn't affect YOU... ( ... ) Though you're not the first girl that's the case WITH.

( Anzu... was the same way. He's fond of her, too. Whether she wasn't aware of how he felt, or if she only took it as joking on his part, he isn't sure. But the golden rule of dates is to not think of other girls while you're on them, so he turns his thoughts away from her.

And tea steeping now, just decided this, tired of them talking they need to start sipping quietly at cups at some point. Though his stomach has settled a little, now that all of... that... has been spoken aloud. The feelings part, not the admittance he can't manipulate her. And while she's not unpredictable—in fact, she's a fair bit the opposite—he doesn't think she'd appreciate being told something like that, so he'll keep mum on it. )

It's because you prefer people to be straightforWARD, and you're always chiding me about saying too MUCH. ( But the "too much" is part of his trade. It's also nostalgic for Yumenosaki, but it's mostly his trade. You talk and talk and talk and soon enough, someone's lost the plot of the conversation and will just agree, overwhelmed by the number of words exchanged. ) How can a magician hope to operate in such troubling circumstanCES? Truly, woe is ME.

( He's not that broken up about it, and he doesn't look or sound it. Her attitude is one of the things he likes the most about her, after all. )

Edited 2021-11-04 05:43 (UTC)

[ Somebody calls himself, with all seriousness, a magician, and what are you supposed to think? At least he admits it's tricks and lies and too many words. ]

You'll find a way. Hiro believes in your magic.

[ Like that's some sort of trade-off to balance her not believing, because Hiro is a child who is fascinated by tricks and sleight of hand, who prefers people who talk a lot because that means he can sit and listen. ]

( ... )

Hiro-kun believes because he wants TO. And because I made a piece of candy appear seemingly out of thin air when we first MET.

( back when the library was still silent... good times. )

...I am curious THOUGH. What would you define as "maGIC"? Is it only the fantastiCAL, that thing that appears in books with dragons and swords and advenTURE? Or is there something a little more real you'd consider magiCAL?

( ... )

And you can't say it doesn't exIST. Even in places that aren't like this it DOES. Most people just don't think of IT.

[ How you can bribe Hiro into believing anything ]

Magic is things people don't understand. Once it's explained, it stops being so. For me... It would be how we all came to be here, and what keeps us here.

[ So much of this damned school is bullshit magic. For her, there's little good association with the word. ]

( ...What distasteful magic. Natsume hums softly—he's wondered about those things, too.

But

...Maya and Hiro can "leave". The school, anyway, and he glances in the direction of the front entrance. The longer they've been here and the higher their class ranks go, the more intergrated they become with the school through murder or participation, the more space they get to play in. Why is that? ... )

Magic lays within the smiles of others—in happiNESS. ( Just for him, though. ) Hence why I'm happy making others happy; it's my duty as a magiCIAN.

( ...a magician of happiness... )

I hope I can show you that magic one day TOO, Little Wolf. ( c: ... ) But I suppose a little show of the other kind that I've been learning might suffice in the meanWHILE. Do you have a favorite constellaTION?

[ What is Natsume's opinion on fake smiles, is that happiness ]

Orion, the Hunter.

[ Maybe the only constellation she knows because it's the only one I can look up and immediately identify because it's so large and bright and the sword is so distinct ]

( They're not happiness and he is good at sniffing them out because Subaru has this bad habit—

Orion, cute, and also easy. He holds his hands out palms up and imagines it, and—at this point, it's not too difficult for him to call to the magic he's been working with. He'd been complimented by Clamor and Noah both, which is nice; calling it, asking for it to respond to him and figuring out how best to manifest it, had been the hardest part for him. Magic control is now the hardest part, but he's working on it.

And as he focuses, his hands glow; from them arise sparkling lights, first just barely hovering over his fingertips before they move higher and start to align into a shape that'll become familiar to her as certain points become brighter and others dim. It's a little hard to see them in the light though, huh?

...So he makes the constellation walk away from them, sword resting on its shoulder as it moves—this is a little much for him, notable in the way it quivers as if about to give the further it gets, but he puts a a little more of himself into it and manages to knock the lights off.

Much better. Better still as he calls it back over in a jumble of stars and rearranges them again into Orion, no longer flickering, and Natsume no longer tense or trembling from exertion.

It's not so bright that both of them can be lit by it, but the magician between the two of them is at least, and he smiles as he glances across the room; he won't hope she's as enchanted as her brother had been, but he thinks it might be nice if she were a little impressed, at least. )

It's incredible what you can learn here when you beLIEVE.

( And have a good teacher, and magic that can be taught, and spend a lot of time learning it, and tire yourself out to impress cute girls who don't hate you. )

[ He learns magic and uses it for something completely useless—- but she shouldn't be thinking that, not when it is impressive, when it's something wonderful she's never seen before, when he's doing it for her. It reminds her a bit of that virtual reality program, the meteor shower just for her because he couldn't stomach seeing it with her, and how here he suffers too just to try to bring a smile to her face.

Pointless, not worth the effort...

It's not a smile, but there's no furrow of the brows nor frown on her face when she watches the constellation walk and turn and shine, like when she watched the meteor shower, like when she watched his back in the times he refused to turn around.

... ]

Hiro would have loved that.

[ An objective truth, much easier to voice than one's own thoughts and feelings, of which she always largely keeps to herself. ]

( A flicker of slight disappointment, but he draws the constellation back and forms it into a small ball of light instead; this he tosses towards her underhand, and in its wake a curtain of the night sky appears between them. )

He DOES. I showed him when I first started learning how to do this type of thing—he was delighTED.

( In that quiet way he has, something Natsume's learned to pick up on. )

I have a few other TRICKS, but they're a little more dangerous; even this one can hurt you if you get in its WAY. ( ... ) I wanted to learn magic to help THOUGH, not HARM.

( It's just that Elsword magic harms when it heals. Everyone gets to experience the DPS/Healer life. )

I figured this was a nicer way of showing you it rather than cutting myself just to heal it UP, and making you worry I was going inSANE.

( Curtain Call fades quick, drenching them in the dark again—save, naturally, the window light—and Natsume will bring her a cup of ginger tea.

...And step away to a comfortable distance, nursing it. )

[ Maya takes a quick step back when he tosses the ball of light towards her, hands drawn up like she expects it to explode or for Natsume to rush her while she's distracted or any other flavor of murder attempt that doesn't happen. She can only hope Natsume didn't catch the surprise on her face with the nighttime between them, heart pounding, willing it to slow.

"even this one can hurt you if you get in its WAY"
"I'm going to toss it at you without warning"
goddddddd

She takes the cup in both hands, warming her fingers and so they won't shake. ]

You would be right. Don't you ever hurt yourself just to prove a point. That would just be stupid.

[ Some of you out there are doing this. It's stupid. ]

( When will Maya understand that there's only one four-letter word that begins with k that he wants to do to her...

If he saw her surprise, he won't comment on it; he'll sip his tea and smile around the lip of his cup instead. )

I try not to hurt myself anyWAY, but I'll be sure to be extra mindful from now ON.

( Only hurting yourself to go to the other school, yeah, reasonable use of it. )

I can also light a candle and summon a fireBALL, but until my control gets betTER, I'm not really supposed to do the latTER. If you're not careFUL, fire will burn you from the inside out—apparentLY.

( BUT IF SHE HAS ANY CANDLES SHE WANTS LIT, HE'S HER GUY. )

[ She would use a lighter like a normal person???? please ]

None of what you just said is reassuring, Sakasaki.

[ She's seen so many burnt corpses in the past month, she doesn't want the next one she sees to be him. Even when the purpose, somehow, is healing, how badly it could go wrong makes learning that sort of magic too dangerous— not just for himself, but for everybody around him, and it's this fact that displeases her the most. Runner up is the fact that she can't forbid it, because she is nothing to him and he has no reason to listen to her.

So she'll just have to settle for looking peeved. ]

( Yeah everyone would, even Natsume would, but also please, )

I never say anything reassuRING.

( By her standards. )

...SorRY. I only mean that it's something I have to be careful WITH, or else I'd show you—I'm sure it's much more impressive than conjuring a pale mimicry of the STARS. ( ... ) Or it would've BEEN, before the last two months hapPENED.

( Lucifer and whatshisface ruining everything. But he doesn't want to talk about them, that edges too close to— talking about the school, their circumstances, unpleasant things for an otherwise pleasant day. )

But let's... ( He trails off; it feels a little callous to just say, "Let's not talk about that," even if he doesn't want to, doesn't think they ought to, but he shakes his head and looks out the window.

...looks at her reflection in it, her peeved expression. She'd hate it if she knew, but she's cute when she's irritated; he doesn't necessarily like making her mad, but it isn't so terrible a thing to happen. ) Let's finish our TEA, Little Wolf, and then we can make our way to the music ROOM. I'll give you a reason to smile YET.

( Or at least make that face she always does. However adorable she might be when mad, he much prefers the usual expression she has around him. )

[ Her standards for assurance aren't all that high, she'd like to believe. People setting themselves on fire is a normal cause for worry.

She breathes a sigh as she lifts the cup to her mouth with both hands, watching her breath ripple the surface of her tea and scatter her reflection. ]

You've been plenty impressive already. [ quiet, though not mumbled, because she doesn't mumble. Doesn't sound particularly happy either, but that's also something she doesn't do: be happy, smile, give people indication she's not perpetually annoyed at things.

Natsume's given her plenty of reason to smile. It's just the face she always makes. ]

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