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npc contact.2
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[ The answer is immediate, but the conviction behind it... If he were to be honest with himself, he does love them— wants to love them— is scared of loving them, is scared of not having that love reciprocated, of him having become so different that he would only disappoint them.
That deep raw pain of loving someone with all your soul, and when they look at you, all they see is a stranger. Being gutted again and again and again and again and it never gets easier.
The way they wouldn't meet his eyes in that elevator, and the trepidation when they finally did. The way they clung to him, cried on him, every bit as warm and soft as he remembers, but this time, he gets to be hugged back. ]
...Yeah. I do.
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( that concept called love, if he has the chance to give all of it, then he should while there's still a chance — considering this is the person rokkun has been searchig for since the beginning, the reason he strived towards graduation — he shouldn't give it up because they're older. even hinata doesn't give up on komaeda because he's changed, he's not the same individual who has both their hands that belong to him — he's older now, someone who cut away his body for the sake of hope, drenched in despair, and having drowned in it a long time ago. despite the fact hinata doesn't know his entire life, it's not like rokkun and npckun know their lives so far either — in the end, he's still treated like the person before; and he thinks they should do the same in kind. )
Let them know so they can confide in you, if you stand there watching... blocking everything out, they'll be lost to the landscape, and this reality isn't an art you can change at your will. More than enough time has passed for the world to change completely. Yes, even our world can change just that quickly. Like a watercolor painting caught in the rain.
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[ He can preach it, but Komaeda, showing love? ...
Rokkun breathes a sigh, leaning back. ]
I get it, though. You're wrong about one thing, though: reality is an art I'm going to change at my will. I'll make it work, and bring things back to how it's supposed to be.
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I was pretty lame for saying anything, then I won't comment on things I don't know.
( even though he says that, he doesn't sound put off, instead he has always been excited to hear about rokkun willing to do the impossible. reality being an art, that's why things change so much by people's hands, it's true, but that's for the other to come to, and not for komaeda to spoil. why else do he say things a certain way to watch how a person reacts?
this is for his benefit. )
Ah... anyway, if that's the case, I don't want to see you make that expression when it comes to your siblings, alright?
( the hand that was cupping his own chin raises, and instead he cups rokkun's cheek as his icy cold touch resides there, and his thumb brushes gently against the skin. )
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[ He'll just make that sad face in private ]
And you weren't being lame. If you don't voice things, I can't correct you, and you'd continue having the wrong idea.
[ and vice versa but he doesn't feel like it ]
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Correct me? ...Hm, no. That's now how things work.
( but with that said, he blinks slightly confused like he wasn't corrected at all. )
Do you remember their favorite thing to do... they can carve... perhaps you should try that with them.
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Carve... meat...?
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...Are you stupid?
( looks at him like the answer is yes. )
They sell totems, so apparently they're capable of carving... they won't sell me one, unfortunately.
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It's not as if everything in the store is hand made. Why do you want one, anyways? They're kind of creepy.
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...Isn't that where you got your charm?
( as for why does he want one, he hums, thinking about it. )
I thought I could be utilized better if I had one.
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Yeah, but a long time ago.
[ And not from this shopkeep. ]
What's wrong with the way you are now?
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They're interesting, do you want a new one?
( because doesn't rokkun keep giving his pieces away. )
...So you must know what they do.
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[ It keeps evil away, supposedly... looks at Komaeda ]
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( he's going to take his hand back, and then hold it out... he wants to see the charm. )
As for the totems... don't you think I'd be nice with one?
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[ HIS HOUSE KEYS, KOMAEDA ]
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( ... )
...Oh, that's right, they're back in my dorm room, ahaha, I must have forgotten!
( smile, smile. )
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[ If he doesn't, Rokkun's going to have to sit outside in the cold all of November after being discharged from the hospital, please think of future Rokkun ]
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( why not have rokkun live in the dorm room with komaeda, sure, add and hikaru and hinata may hate it, but who is going to stop a crippled man? )
...Hm, you have to come back to the dorms with me...
( that said, he's going to watch in that direction to see if the other will come with him. )
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This better not be an excuse to walk under the shade again.
[ They'd almost made it to class, too. But he gives in, turning around. ]
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and yes, komaeda will stand under the shade a little bit once they get the chance. he's like a cat, because he looks at rokkun when he does it to see if he's mad at him. he'll fix it, he thinks, reaching out his arm to wrap it around rokkun's waist like komaeda would do anyone because he doesn't believe in personal space. )
Have you been inside yet? We have weird, bleeding paintings, and it turns into the old school when blood drips on it... it's unfair you can't go there, you know? ...Must have been your old stomping grounds.
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He doesn't look mad, though. Just sort of resigned, like he'd expected something like this, annoyed but not to the point that he'd refuse or not give in a little at being hugged around the waist. ]
I haven't been inside in a while, but I've been there before. The paintings must be new.
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