yogen | npc contact.2

You misunderstand me.

( he wouldn't say everything about rokkun is why he's the way he is because of his luck, he's only pointing out one specific thing, the only one that made komaeda feel like his world tilted. the moment he thought rokkun was going to die, maybe that was selfish of him to find a way to ensure that the other lived... maybe it was. )

I meant the scar on your neck, the wound on your leg... your life was almost erased because of me. ( he sighs, looking down. ) ...Is this luck something you want to handle? Even after that?

( can he even call this "luck"? in all honesty, it feels like the opposite, but that's the purgatory he's locked in... the ups and downs of his own luck.

taurus' are difficult too, looks up. )

[ This is a conversation they've had before, with Rokuro defending his decision to keep hold of Komaeda's hand even though everything— every little thing— pointed to it being a stupid stupid idea, one that almost got him killed, one that brought him so much pain and continues to do so even now, one that wrenched away from his hands the one thing that he could find solace in, one that he's so determined not to regret and for what? ]

I survived it, didn't I? And the reason I'm still standing is because of you.

[ Nothing sentimental about this. He turns to face Komaeda, holding his arms to himself. ]

Akira says you were the one who asked for him, that you sent Rantarou to bring him while you stayed by my side. Things like good luck or bad luck are going to happen, Nagito. That's how luck works, and I tend to fall on the side of bad luck. But you being there is a decision, and your actions are what I care about.

( his expressions are barely legible, he normally keeps a smile on his face, a positive attitude so no one can read him, but to hear he's been... doxxed by someone is almost annoying. they were supposed to promise that what happened that day stayed between just them and no one else, and considering rokkun was out of it... nothing should've stuck in his mind. it didn't if he needed akki to fill in the gaps, and he blinks slow before looking off to the side to reflect back on that day. holding onto him, the constant trip to the void world, that sort of hope he didn't want to lose. )

Ahaha! You get so serious about these things, who knew I could draw it out of you!

( he smiles, instantly erasing the stress that settled on his features at the drop of a hat, and a hand rests on his hip as he lifts the other to wave. it's normal, this constant switch in his personality fits the disease in his brain, and it's why he's able to keep a smile on his face no matter the subject.

in the end, it wasn't a conversation to have: )

Don't worry, we're way past that sort of thing, right? I was only joking from before. ( he believes he held the right hand, and considering he knows the aftermath that it's nothing to stay on. ) Besides, it's not like I'm a person! I'm trash with a hopeless talent... it's no where as useful as the other ultimates here... so do with it what you will! To think I can be on par with the Ultimates... that would be foolish of me... I'd sound possessed if that was the case! ( he takes a step towards the other, lifting his head to look him in the eyes as one hand raises to cup rokkun's chin, an attempt to read what expression he could be making. )

A promise is a promise.

[ He gets serious about these things and then Komaeda does just the opposite and it's frustrating every time, evident in his frown and narrowed eyes, the way he looks away from Komaeda when he touches his face. ]

A promise is a promise. We'll be working together, then. [ adjacent together, not together together ] So you aren't allowed to mope anymore when bad things happen. It'll only make the person stronger, isn't that what you always said?

[ Stepping stones, or something. Komaeda's always enthusiastically bringing it up, so he should have no problems with Rokuro making his stupid choices and getting hurt by them. ]

Mmm... it's something I stand by.

( when bad things happen, something better comes from it — that's why it's important to see everything through to the end no matter what. )

I can mope anytime I want... I feel a little depressed right now... ( even if rokkun looks away, komaeda removes his hand after, and he thinks that maybe rokkun doesn't want to be touched by him. he looks at his hand, agreeing to himself that he is trash... so. )

What's your plan? You're aware, aren't you? The things that I do to spread hope... no one here likes it, and what if I get in your way...

( so tell him what's happening so he can avoid doing that. )

What are you depressed by now...?

[ what hundreds of billions of things has you depressed, nagito

he sighs a little to himself, rolling back stiff shoulders. ]

I'm going to graduate. [ This is, and will always be, the end goal. But more than that, what he's said once before: ] I'm going to dismantle this school.

And I'm going to take everybody with me.

( anyway. it's his depression. )

Dismantle the school?

( quickly, his eyes raise from the ground, and to rokkun from his specific choice in words. )

Well... that's interesting, but when you say it like that... ( his hands raise, moving as he talks while trying to come to an understanding of what's being said. it isn't long until one rests on his hip, you know the gay posture he does. ) are you sacrificing everyone here for your out?

( it's not like komaeda hasn't done the same before, but he shouldn't think that rokkun would do the things that he do because of those goals that's within their reach. )

[ what did we learn about Rokkun and his specific choice of words

...

Anyways, ]

I said I'm taking everybody with me. And I mean everybody.

( holds my head... looks up, looks to the lord... god do you hear me. )

...

( thinking bout how he's insane, and maybe he should have killed komaeda when he had the chance. me and enh sitting on call like why does he do this, what's wrong with him. )

That's kind of you, who knew you had a heart that worried for everyone here! Do you not trust their methods of getting out?

[ I asked Lily May and she says mrrroww

anyways, yeah, no, idk what's wrong with him ]

It's not like I'm worried about them... Their methods aren't going to work and mine is. And when it does, this place is no longer going to exist.

[ He's taking everybody because... of something... Not out of concern, not really, at least he tells himself. But they're not going to have anywhere else to go, so he's taking them with. ]

( she knows that rokkun is my little meow meow... my poor meow meow...my baby my little baby who hurt so much but treats people with nothing but kindness forgive me for not being able to do more..i tried my best i really did.. )

...Is that something I promised with you? To take them all along... ( with as many students that are left, he closes his eyes before opening them slowly, empty as always. ) where are they supposed to go... I think half of them can die.

( maybe he's searching for a reaction, but it's not like he doesn't trust him. )

[ you make me read this with my own two eyes ]

Is it something you would promise?

[ Nagito "deaths are stepping stones towards a more hopeful future" Komaeda ]

...They'll go wherever they go. That's not my problem. But anywhere they go will be better than here, stuck without being able to go anywhere or do anything or be anyone.

( did it do what it needed to do... there was a reason i hunted it down. )

To you, them, or myself? ...I want to help their hopes, that's all I can do for them.

( they sure are rokuro "i tried to die and not even achieve the goal" arata. hm... )

...What are their options if you get them out of here? ( what are the places other than here? they have been locked up for so long. ) Heaven? Hell? Do they turn into butterflies and watch after their loved ones?

[ it made me go

that's what it did ]

I don't know. It depends on what you believe in, I guess. [ maybe heaven, maybe hell, maybe the oblivion of nothing at all ]

What do you think? ...Or want to think?

( stop... lily loved it i know she did because she's also our little meow meow. )

...It doesn't matter where trash like me ends up, I'm just debris scattered in the ocean going wherever the currents decide.

( and that makes him sigh slightly sad. )

As for them... They don't want heaven, or hell, then again some of them were dead before coming here...

( ishimaru-kun, this causes a small frown... ugh his ultimate, but he looks up at the sky darkening. he takes a deep breath as he enjoys the peace. ) ...They'd want what you want: to go back home, to carry on what they couldn't.

...It's not impossible.

[ Not likely, either, but not impossible— it's what he holds onto, anyways, going back, slotting himself in a time and place where he went the other way, where he had won the coin toss. ]

That's not my role in all of this, though, so all of this is just speculation and nothing else.

There's a sort of hope that can be found in this, and the fact you're even taking part... it makes me excited...

( quickly, he swallows down the saliva in his throat so that he doesn't slob. it's always exciting when it comes to a person's hope, the things that they do, how hopeful it is considering rokkun does everything on his own. it can't make komaeda stop from reaching out to rokkun, both his hands grabbing one of his as he looks up at him curious, he almost feels like he's on cloud nine. maybe he should be grateful that it's dark enough so the flush visible on his cheeks isn't seen... maybe. )

...How many times have you tried this goal of yours? I want to see it through! Is there anything I can do, hm... let me in...

[ It's an excitement he can hear in Komaeda's voice even if it's harder to see, and it's a smile— a complicated one, but a smile— that's on Rokkun's face because Komaeda would get excited about this. About his "hope" and his actions, more than he ever is about the person themselves. ]

Nothing on this large a scale. It's the sort of thing I can only try once, anyways, or people will try to stop me.

[ But there have been attempts in the past. So many troubleshooting trial. He had died often. ]

All you need to do is be you. Reach out to as many people as you can. If you can make them feel "hope," and everything on my end goes well, I know we can do this right.

You've said that before.

( the tight grip that he had on rokkun's hand lessens, but he continues to hold onto him as he thinks about the sort of hope he should spread. with all the people within the school, he could do various things, but it's whether they accept that hope, and use it to move forward. some hate what he's done, others can hardly understand it, some would rather not have hope at all. )

What do you have to do? I understand my side of things...

( it's not really anything he's not used to, it's the norm, but hope is an important factor in his life. )

Why don't you let me do what you're doing... you must be tired, and if it's for you ( r hope, ) ...then I'll take part in that as well.

Me?

[ Hmm... his role in all of this? ... ]

Right now it's physical therapy. I need to be able to move like I used to, first of all.

[ Needs to get faster, stronger, better... All in all, it's a waiting game. ]

And I need to survive until graduation. These are things I have to do for myself, so if you want to do something for me, just... live.

No... that's not what I'm asking.

( to live is asking too much of him, and it's unfortunate, but maybe he should be more direct. )

You know this school is... different, and you understand the weak points... you can give me something to play around with, can't you?

( of course, hearing the thing about therapy makes him stop, he reaches out with his organic hand, and he touches the area of rokkun's neck. it's probably still sensitive, so he presses just a bit... )

Come with me to my locker... you don't have the money to fix that, do you? You can take this as a chance to leave me, doesn't it sound exciting?

[ There are so many students around here for Komaeda to play with—-

but it's his neck that Komaeda touches, that makes him swallow at the pressure even though it hurts more when his adam's apple moves under Komaeda's fingers. ]

No...? I don't want to leave you. I would never...

( there are, many of them, but who will dismantle the school?

color komaeda curious as he touches the sensitive area, recalls a time where the other didn't have these... nicks in his appearance. they're not meant to set him back, but he wonders what life would've been for him had komaeda not shown any sort of...

... )

You want your strength back, don't you? It must be horrible since we're suffering in purgatory already, and you can't even enjoy yourself... I'll permit you to leave me... just this once.

( only one time )

[ Hikaru, apparently ]

Why does this feel like I'm being kicked out onto the curb?

[ This feels like the opposite of getting stronger, actually ]

( ... that IS komaeda's roomie... wait. )

It's because you don't like to ask for help, that's why it does.

( stop being a baby, oh i'm sick. )

Give me your hands.

npc contact.2

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