yogen | npc contact.2

[ Is this not the natural response to hearing somebody will catch a ball? It makes them smile again, at least, when he does so, because even if they knew what to expect it's still surprising. ]

I've got a good arm. I don't have any baseballs right now, but I am very good at throwing rocks.

[ They can probably find one the size of a baseball... harder to throw than one that fits in the palm of their hand, but you make do with what you have. ]

[they have a good arm, huh...

...

...

...

he's gonna squeeze their bicep.]

I'd believe it. Rocks are fun to throw, I could probably catch anything you swing.

[ ...

...

...

yeah, there's not much there. It's subjective, okay? They're good at throwing, in their own personal opinion, which is the only opinion that matters. ]

Yeah. Maybe we can play catch someday. I've never played.

[oh, so keigo's just made of mochi, huh? squish squish.]

I'll toss underhand for you.

[like you do for a kid. there's no judgement, just like the star thing, because he has plenty of "first time" experiences with friends. he only had friends over for the first time last year, for example, same with a sleepover. the one they had earlier this month marks his second one ever.

he had technical ones with his unitmates and his class, but not with friends for fun...]

Your turn.

[ Yeah, it's fine, sometimes mochi is the best you can be when you live off apple juice and soup and egg sandwiches. ]

My turn...? Oh.

[ Right. A happy memory. It takes longer for them to think up on, not having any one scene particularly in mind, just a nebulous "I used to be happy" somewhere far down the line. Happy... happy... ... ...

hm.

...

...

... ]

...it's not something I remember, but Aniki tells me that when I was born, dad called to say he's coming home as soon as he can. It was the middle of the night, and we were all already asleep... me, and mama, and my big brother and sister, all piled together in the same bed. And when it was morning, dad was there asleep with us too, still wearing his work clothes.

[ It was maybe one of the few times their entire family was there in one place all at once. It's a happy memory. One told to them again and again and again any time they asked, embellished with details that maybe change slightly here and there between versions of the story, but enough that they can close their eyes and see and feel it happen and it feels real. ]

[oh, that's sweet. he wonders if his dad did that too, and can't remember his mom ever mentioning one way or another-- but he feels like his dad would've, with how much he loved subaru, how much he loved his wife.]

You sure have a big family... I'm kinda jealous, I'm an only child~. Sorta! Daikichi's my brother, but it's not the same.

[you can teach your dog tricks, and you can teach siblings tricks he guesses? but there's a difference. he just knows it. because sally~ has a little sister and the way he talks about her makes subaru feel like he's missing out, but at least he has shinonon to fill the void......]

This is the first time I've heard you mention a sister, though! What's she like? Did you play fun games with her too?

[ They sure did have a big family until they didn't, but there's no time to be sad about that when Subaru mentions their sister. Compared to the hero-worshipping they have over their brother, the sister makes them smile, genuine warm and happy at the thought. ]

She's the best! She would talk to me all the time, and she'd tell me all about what she's doing and the people who've caught her attention and fun things that are going on at school or around town. She gives reaaaaaally good advice, and I could come to her with any problem and she'd make it better.

[oh, whoever their sister is? is a good cookie. definitely someone he wants to meet someone, since keigo loves her so much and he can tell she loves them right back... subaru thinks that maybe they could get along, actually!!!

(no one tell him.)]

I wanna meet her! She sounds like a ton of fun~. [...] But I guess she's not around a lot, huh? Otherwise, I definitely would've met her by now~.

[how often he goes to their shop, and stuff... maybe he should offer to take over for a day so they can do things that aren't peddle wares. would that be alright? he thinks he'd like to choose the rocks people get...]

[ Yeah... yeah. npckun would think so too. ]

Mmhm. [ is all they say about that, but more like a confirmation of fact. Of course they miss her too, but her voice is in their head all the time, different from a brother whose face and voice and everything they haven't known for years. ]

She lived with mama, while it was me and Aniki. And dad. [ like an afterthought ]

[like an afterthought. subaru doesn't need to hold up his smile anymore, natural and warm as ever, so he leans just on one hand and the other traces circles on the floor between them idly.]

So you guys were split, huh...? That's rough. But I'm glad you still got to see her, or hear from her at least -- having someone like that in your life feels like it'd make things a lot... easier.

[in a lot of different ways. someone you know will always be there, to talk to you and recognize you, to make sure you know you exist. whether it's a friend or a sibling, stuff like that is important.]

A lot less lonely, anyway~.

Yeah.

[ It was a lot less lonely, especially after their brother died and it was just them in an empty house. A voice isn't really the same as the person being there, but if they close their eyes, they can feel her presence and it's good enough even if they can't remember her face. ]

You're an only child... but you had a lot of friends, right? There's always people following you around school.

[... so we're gonna look at the ground! he's quiet, like he's trying to figure out what to say... if he should say... and his free hand finds the thread he'd picked at before on the ground this time, rolling it from side to side.

smiling! but keigo can't tell if it hits his eyes since he's got them firmly down. this is foolproof. even his voice won't falter, light and casual.]

Nope. Not until the past couple years, anyway. I moved around a lot, so I didn't really get to make any friends~.

[...]

[ ...oh. It's surprising, and hard to imagine, both because of how Subaru is and because npckun themselves has mostly stayed in the same place all their life, friendless for different reasons.

How long does it take to become friends? They've only known Subaru a month, and in about half a year's time, they're going to... ... ]

But you have them now. [ ... ] You have me.

Yup, I do!

[...

he rolls the string around more. they're a lot alike, in the end; the circumstances may be different but the core is the same, it's why subaru was drawn to them beyond his affection deficit. lonely people can sense others of their kind, even if they don't know all the facts.

subaru may never learn the full truth of keigo's past, nor vice versa, but that doesn't mean he can't tell their hearts are the same.]

That's why I wanna do everything I can to help you and the others, 'cause it's my way of saying "thank you for being there".

[thank you for giving me a chance. thank you for liking me. thank you for not leaving.

the incident isn't known here. there's two people who're aware of it, and only because it's in their sphere as idols; but no one else knows, so of course it's easy for him to make friends and keep them. it's bizarre, in a way, and almost puts him on edge--

subaru likes to think that a lot of people wouldn't care even if they did know, but there's still the hesitation, the fear that comes with being known.]

I wanna stay friends with everyone forever, so... [...] Can we be friends even after I graduate, Keigo? I'll come and visit you, wherever you are. We'll hang out and watch movies, or you can take me to all the places your sis mentioned since I don't know my way around here.

[ ...

...ah

... ]

Yeah. [ Their voice falls quiet, gaze cast down. ] We'll be friends forever.

[ That's something they can promise, can hold close to their heart and never break, because they would have to break their own heart first to get to it, but the rest of that... the thought of growing up, of hanging out with friends, of touring the town...

...

Quiet, they reach for him, wrapping their arms around him and burying their face against his chest. Shoulders hunched but hold loose, almost apologetic. ]

[without hesitation subaru returns the hug, pulling them close and burying his face into their hair. a lonely feeling scratches at his chest-- he doesn't know why, but he has a gut feeling there's something else at play with their graduation deadline; despite that he believes keigo when they say they'll be friends forever, even if the rest of it is unspoken, even if they seem apologetic for some reason he can't think of.

...

this time, he's volunteering his silence first. subaru doesn't know what to say anyway, and to break the fragility of the current situation sits wrong on his mind; last year he would have laughed it off, but this year... he can let himself ease off the smiles, at least when keigo can't see his face.]

npc contact.2

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