yogen | npc contact.2

( so... he does come back with the apple juice, just like he said he would. it takes him a little while though — looking after rika and saihara's bodies, making sure they get somewhere safe before classes begin, and spending the remainder of the time switching out the uniform that's likely got some blood on the sleeves in the process. then, he braces himself. gathers up the pieces of himself that have fallen apart and, while he can't necessarily put them back together, he can lift the rug and sweeping them neatly underneath to be dealt with some other time. hiding them somewhere that they, hopefully, shouldn't harm anyone but himself.

in any case, the point is that he's (kind of) pulled himself together by the time he comes back to the student store later in the morning, maybe early in the afternoon. a short trip to the vending machine first, and he'll hold up the apple juice as he makes his way inside. classes are in session, but there's more important things to worry about, right? right. )

Sorry I took so long. Hope you're still thirsty.

( he tries to keep his voice light, but the lax expression he tries to keep isn't really so lax — forced, because even if he can't bring himself to smile at a time like this, he doesn't want to open with the worst of things. )

[ There was a lot of running around outside, from what the shopkeeper can tell, enough to pique their interest because what could catch so many people's attention so early in the day that isn't their shop that's gotten barely any visitors in the time that it's been open. It's been several hours, classes have started, and npckun...

doesn't seem to be inside the store when Amami returns.

But then he hears a little noise from behind the counter, sees npckun scramble to stand up from where they'd been sitting hidden from view, to look up at Amami with their mouth open first, and then closed.

... ]

I went out to get water.

[ Because somebody thought wasabi is a suitable onigiri filling ]

( when they rise, it's easy to tell that he's tense — an empty shop not a sight he's used to, or one that's ever meant anything good in the past. the tension only half-relieves when he sees them stand up from where they were hidden, brows knit together in worry even as he breathes a sigh of relief. right, okay. they're here. it's fine, they're here. he grimaces. )

Guess I did keep you waiting, huh?

( too bad, but he'll come set the apple juice down on their counter for now anyway. he'll try to offer something — a weak attempt at half a smile as he does. )

You can save it for later.

[ It's not like they would have sat in their shop dying of thirst until somebody comes by with a juice box, it's not that sort of waiting they were doing for Amami. It was that, when they went outside just across the hall where the water fountains are, the school smelled of blood. A lot of it. And Amami was somewhere out there. ]

Is everything— [ "okay"? No, it isn't. What a stupid question.

...

... ]

Can I have a hug?

( it must not be a very good attempt, if that's what kamo-kun is deciding on for him. even so...

...

his shoulders fall, and the attempt comes a little easier, even as guilt gnaws at the corner of his heart. they're not wrong, after all, though he has to exhale deep and a little bit shaky before he can agree. )

You read my mind.

( if there's one thing he was planning on when he came back here, that'd pretty much be it. pulling aside whatever chair i'm assuming he'll usually have reserved for him when he hangs out in the store, he'll drop into the seat and open his arms up to invite them in. he's kind of hoping it's okay though, to let them hug him first. )

[ They're more than okay with it; giving hugs, holding somebody there, is their specialty, and they come forward to sit straddled on his lap with their arms around him, pulling him forward away from the back of the seat so he has no choice but to lean into them in return. It's a tight hug, one that doesn't relax into one more comfortable as quickly as it would have otherwise, one full of unvoiced fear and anxiety and apprehension, one that begs him not to leave at the end of the day and maybe if they hold on like this, they can keep him from doing so. ]

( amami, for his part, is no better. it's more than he'd expected, but he's grateful all the same as he wraps his arms around them, holds them tight — grateful just to know that they're there, that they're solid, that they're warm and breathing and alive. safe and sound with no thanks to his failure, again and again and again, to keep the people important to him out of harm's way. he stays like this, quiet for a long moment before he finally says anything more. a soft murmur that sounds all too tired despite the fact that it's early still in the day. )

I'm glad you're okay...

[ They're shaken, but they're okay. They'd known what to expect from being in this school, but a part of them had believed that, if they simply played the part of the shopkeeper in the background, they would be kept out of it. They wouldn't have been drawn out of their shop, or have a curse placed upon them, or open their door to smell so much blood that their thoughts run rampant with who? who? who?

But this is the reality that they all live in, and they are no different. In any second of any day, any one of them could lose everything they had built up in a single moment. It's that old terror that scratches at the back of their mind but they refuse to open the door, instead burying their face against Amami's chest and breathing in deep so they don't cry.

... ]

Do I know who died?

[ Not Subaru— if they hadn't seen him at the lockers when they peeked down the hall, they might have run out there themselves. Please don't be Helena, or Sara, or anybody that they know, as selfish as it is to wish the fate upon somebody else so long as it's nobody they care about. ]

( do they? do they? amami doesn't remember seeing saihara in the shop, not while he's been around, and rika hadn't seemed to trust it completely in the end. amami never did get the chance to introduce them to elizabeth, or to get to know minato too well himself. realistically, he shouldn't be worrying them over this, not to this degree, but he thinks of the blood pooling in 2-C, and it's hard for him to separate himself from the weight of rika's body in his arms properly, to pretend that things are even a little bit okay right now.

but it's a simple question — straightforward. to the best of his knowledge: )

Not well, I don't think...

( he doesn't think his own unsteady voice is all too reassuring either, but there's little he can do about that. and when he really thinks about it, maybe this was a mistake. maybe it should be someone else — subaru, instead of him. subaru, whose warmth and caring easily reassures them, who's able to calm them down and walk them through the worst of anxieties until they're alright again. who's able to so effortlessly give kamo-kun all of that safety and comfort that amami wishes he could. maybe if that were the case, that unease and fear in their voice wouldn't make amami's eyes sting for what feels like the hundredth time this morning, and he could come back to find them smiling and safe, keep up his act as if the guilt and the failure isn't pulling apart the seams that hold him together.

but it's not subaru here. it's only him, selfishly seeking his own comfort in the fact that, even if it's no thanks to him, at least they're okay. at least they're alright. at least there's one person precious to him who's somehow managed make it through the night. )

Sorry, I just...

( he needs to pull himself together. thought that he had, but not well enough, it looks like. )

...You'll feel better if you cry. I always do.

[ And despite not wanting to be seen as a child, they do still cry a lot, whether it's from anger and frustration, or fear or sorrow, from when they were a baby to how they are now, there's just something about fat, hot tears rolling down your face that makes things better, like you're flushing out all your worries.

Big kids, adults, they don't cry. Especially not in front of somebody else. But it's just the two of them here, and for all the times they've cried... what they really wanted was somebody to hold them, soothe them, tell them everything's going to be okay. ]

Anego says that when you're sad, you should cry. When you're angry, you should yell. When you're happy, you should laugh... Because a person is like a tea kettle: you have to let out steam once in a while because otherwise you'll explode.

[ They lift their head a little, to look up at Amami. ]

Even when you think you're tough enough, and that you can hold out until the fire gets turned off and you can calm down on your own, sometimes you just keep boiling and boiling and boiling until there's nothing left inside. So she told me it's okay.

[ Also tea kettles eventually reach the point where they're at their limit and start whistling and it's very alarming, and Amami's kind of approaching that point right now. ]

( amami is still quiet, even as they try to reassure him. it... it's a difficult feeling to swallow, for him, if he's to be honest. as much as it touches his heart, makes him grateful that they care enough to want to comfort him... it really shouldn't be their responsibility to do so in the first place. it's supposed to be the opposite. with the way that failure compounds on top of failure, building up and looming over him, it's the very last thing he wants to do, to break down in front of them to top it all off.

but when they look up, it'll be pretty clear to see — his cheeks are already plenty wet again. tugging at his sleeve so he can pull it over the palm of his hand, he uses one hand to rub the tears away while the other stays wrapped around them. a weak imitation of a laugh passes his lips, coming out sounding a bit more miserable than humorous, but it's fine. he's fine. )

Yeah... She sounds as smart as ever, huh?

( ugh, crying feels gross... but with his cheeks kind of dry, he'll kind of look off to the side, the way he always does in this type of situation. there's still some tears that look ready to fall, but he can't just sit here crying on them for as long as he likes, right? so he'll hold his breath a bit, sigh it all out, and try to make a better attempt at steadying himself. )

Thanks, Kamo-kun. It's really nice of you to say that to someone like me.

Edited (my typos....) 2021-10-06 22:58 (UTC)

[ It's a start. All they can do is parrot their sister's words, but her advice, ever in their head, has never led them wrong. Never failed to make them feel better, or at least reassured, but right now it's not doing its job and npckun can't help but look a little confused at that. ]

I'm saying it to you, not "someone like you"...

[ But they'll lower their head again and go back to hugging him because it's always been physical comfort they needed the most and they're not ready to let go. Amami doesn't need nice words like their sister's to reassure them; just being here is enough. ]

How long can you stay today?

As long as you want.

( he doesn't even hesitate on the answer; if they told him to stay the night and sleep underneath the counter or something, he'd do it with no questions asked. it's not like rika's going to get on him when he gets back, and... and honestly, that alone almost feels like an incentive not to go back at all.

but that's... probably not the approach to take. avoiding problems will solve none of them and all that, so he kind of considers it for a moment. he rests his chin atop kamo-kun's head as he thinks it over. )

... You sleep in the school, right? In here, I mean.

( or, well, in there — the back room they've got all set up. )

[ It's very tempting to say forever, honestly. Just drop out of school and be a shopkeeper with them. ]

Oh... yeah. But I'll be okay in here, because nobody can get through that door once it's closed, unless I open it.

Still...

( there was that time they opened it and wandered out. besides, even if amami doesn't want them wandering around by themselves at night, he also doesn't exactly want them to be trapped and alone in a dark, empty shop night in and night out, where a murder could be happening right outside of their front door at any moment after midnight with them none the wiser. and anyway, that's just... how locks work. actually, amami has one too, and it's one of the things that crosses his mind as he considers what he's wanting to say here. )

I don't... really want you to be staying here alone at night.

( a sentiment that was already there in september, but now it's just. worse. )

Is there a reason you haven't moved into the dorms yet?

[ They sure aren't making that mistake again. Besides... this place is theirs, the one place nobody can kick them out of and they look a bit nervous at the question, fidgety. ]

I'm not alone. I have Yacchi.

[ Probably the only reason they can fall asleep at night by themselves is because of that stuffed animal they received from Amami so long ago. ]

And I'm not a student, so... I don't know if my being there would be okay.

[ And there are so many people they don't know and it's so noisy and they have to keep that smile on their face in front of people they don't know and everybody's friends with everybody and they only know two or three people and have to ask to spend time with them and it feels like they're taking time away from real friends and already they know they'd spend most of their time in the bedroom but it'd be a shared bedroom with somebody else and that person would see them toss and turn and hear them cry at night and what if somebody doesn't like them or if somebody tells them to leave and it turns out it's not okay and that they're unwanted and—- ]

There's nobody there to say that it's not.

( wild west dorms and all that, right?

he can tell though, that they seem uneasy at the suggestion. holds them tighter in his arms for a moment to reassure. in the end, after all, he's not exactly one to apply that much pressure — and he wouldn't blame them either, if they didn't exactly trust him with their safety over a locked door, considering his track record. but... even so, he wants for them to at least know. the way things have panned out, the idea of leaving them out of his sight over night, of never knowing if they're okay until morning comes again, he's not sure if he'd sleep easy with that anxiety hanging over his head. so he'll swallow down the hesitance, brace himself for the reject, but at least make sure that it's something they can take if they need it. )

Well, I can't really force you to do something you don't want to, but... I'd feel a bit better about things if you stayed with me.

...Would it be okay?

[ They look up at him, like a child looking at their parent for permission when it comes to something they're not sure about. They'd feel a lot better too— nervous, still, and they will never not be nervous surrounded by so many people in one place— but if they had to choose... They would take fear over being left alone. ]

( when they ask, it does kind of take amami by surprise — looking for a moment as if he's caught off guard, a little bit of anxious hope reflected in his expression before he quickly becomes more serious again. he nods along with their question. )

Yeah, of course... Honestly, I'd prefer it.

[ ... ]

Then, please take care of me.

[ In all senses of the word, because they know— Amami knows— they can be clingy, needy, childish, impossibly high-maintenance and that's the sort of roommate situation he's getting himself into. One who'd insist on suncatchers being hung around the room like night lights, who would make dinner requests knowing exactly what they want to eat and will give him step by step instructions so he'll know exactly how to make it, who will ask, maybe not the first night, or the second, if he could lie down next to them in bed, just until they fall asleep, since they do go to bed early and they figure he stays up late. ]

( there's a bit of a pause as it sinks in, and the words begin to process into meaning for him. even if it takes a moment or so though, even if it's a little hesitant, a little tired, a little sad... the corners of his lips to begin to turn up into something soft, and a little bit relieved, too. )

Right... Same here.

( because, you know, maybe that's what he needs right now. a clingy, needy, childish, impossibly high-maintenance roommate to keep him so busy that he doesn't have time to think of anything else. someone who doesn't mind letting him take care of them so that, just a little bit, he can feel like his presence has some kind of value despite his helplessness in the grand scheme of things. and if kamo-kun is willing to humour him for that, to share that side of themselves with him, he's more than grateful. )

Mmhm.

[ They're good at that; it's maybe the one thing they pride themselves in, being able to draw attention, hold it in an iron grip, make people think of nothing else but them. To know what people need, to know what they want, to be able to please people and make them feel a certain way through choice actions and choice words, it all feeds into that.

It's not all for evil.

They'd gotten a genuine smile out of Amami once upon a time. They can do it again. ]

I don't have a lot of stuff... [ What do they even have to bring? Yacchi. Their blanket. Honestly not much else. ] But there's something heavy I'll need help with. You'll help me, right?

Edited 2021-10-08 04:43 (UTC)

Something heavy, huh?

( he's thinking on it, the back room they'd let him tour before, and the front room too. nothing that really stuck out to him at the time though, so he's a little curious despite himself. he nods, because he'll figure it out one way or another. )

No problem. You wanna tell me what it is, so I know what to expect?

No.

[ ... They give no reason. If it's going to his room, he'll see soon enough anyways. ]

It's in pieces right now, so tomorrow morning... I'll give it to you then.

( he looks pretty confused at that. after all... )

Wouldn't it be easier to bring it while it's still in pieces?

npc contact.2

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10/02, npckun

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farewell lily

how I can only rp when she's asleep

i hope it's a good nap... soft and warm

Lily soft and warm...me about to pass out again

soon u are also soft and warm

soft and warm in bed for 11 hours but at what cost

free cost, earned reward, and more soft-warm soon

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