yogen | npc contact.2

[ gets up to leave him here and let the ghosts that roam the halls at night eat him ]

( oh she's really just gonna let him stay in the student council room? all by himself? is she really? )

You trust me that MUCH, Miss Student Council PresiDENT? ( ...he says, slowly getting up, he does feel better now but he still wants to talk to her. conversations are such a delicate dance though— ) Little Wolf, don't LEAVE. You can't give getting to know me a fair shot if we don't talk about things that don't mean anyTHING.

( ... )

You can't know if things would be different if you said yes or no to me without tryING. ( me, who had to reread our last thread even though i hate rereading my old threads, just to remember what their friendship thing was about in the end. ) I promise to be quiet unless spoken to FIRST, so come finish your WORK.

( unless he can look at it :3c )

...Please?

[ There's nothing he can do here, with drawers that are locked and everything neatly put away at the end of the day, the only thing really accessible being the papers Maya were writing on now tucked away in a folder in her bag, and that requires getting through her and a very sharp pen first.

There's nothing here. There's no reason for him to be here in the first place. ]

You're asking two different things of me, Sakasaki. Getting to know you has nothing to do with answering your inane questions; it requires you putting yourself forward.

[ The opposite of being quiet, him talking about himself even though both of them know she will immediately give him that look that says "why are you telling me this, I don't care" ]

( Nao's right, he's an embarrassment if he's going to keep trying like this even though trying to get closer to her just ends up like this. Natsume rests against the table, frowning at her; irritation licks the edges of his words, a little more curt than necessary. )

Well, you wouldn't agree to play twenty questions with ME, so I've never suggested IT.

( She has a problem with him making her his soundboard but she won't give him anything in return, so really, who's problem is this? )

What do you want to KNOW, Little Wolf? My ashamed past with crossdressING? A story of my first LOVE? The reason I won't leave you aLONE? How much I regretted bargaining away my eyesight for a girl I don't know and only owe a single debt TO, despite accepting the consequences of my acTIONS? Even though it means I'll never see a smile again in a year's TIME, even though it means the way I read fortunes and people will have to change—how terrified it makes me to know that if I don't learn how to live without seeING, I'm easy prey for those less inclined to reason around HERE?

( —which is a lot, and he pauses to... sit back down properly, leaning back in the chair, not looking at her. )

Why I left an important meeting and sought you OUT, instead of talking to the gardenER, or finding Hiro-kun, or someone more amicable to chatting with ME?

( ... )

Just GO, Little Wolf. ( Closing his eyes, whatever, it's fine. Haruka can come find him and he can go eat his weight in pudding. ) I'll leave after you DO. It'd be awkward if we left at the same time after getting on each other's NERVES.

[ ...???

There is so much she wants to retort, but there's also so much that leaves her speechless, biting back anger, discomfort, anger, concern, anger, and crossing her arms over her chest and pinning him with a stare that would be more effective if he'd just look at her. She wants to address all of it, none of it, none of this is her business and asking Natsume to put himself forward doesn't mean dumping all of this on her. What is she supposed to do with this? Fix it, is the natural response, but she's angry. ]

I'm not leaving. This is my room.

[ The stuco room. Her room. It's the same thing, and as childish as the reason is, it still stands: he's not kicking her out of her space. ]

If you wanted pity, you would have gone to Hiro, or any of your other friends. If you wanted help, ask me for help. Do not guilt trip me into doing what I have done anyways.

[ There's the heavy thump of her bag being set on the floor, and another of her hands coming down on the table surface in front of him so that she's standing directly across from him. ]

What do you want from me, Sakasaki?

( Natsume gives a start, pressing back into his seat—looking right at her, up at her. "I'm not leaving," but she was going to before he said anything, so what's the truth? It's true, though: if he wanted pity, he would've gone to someone else. If he wanted help, he'd...

No, he wouldn't have gone to her. None of that is anything she can help with anyway: she can't alleviate his fears, or stop a bargain (a contract) that's already been made. She can't or won't tell them what this school actually does, if Stephanie is right and they're all just food ripening like fruit, or if graduation is a good thing and what a "good thing" really is, since the definition isn't the same for everyone.

He looks at her, surprise slowly receding as he straightens in his seat again, hands settling on either side of hers in front of him. ...he wonders if other people get these displays of emotion from her, or if he's special.

There's a lot, though. To get to know her through her, and not her twin brother or her friend; to be able to put himself forward without it having to come to an argument first, because she actually asks him things so he can answer; to being called a little more familiarly, since while they aren't friends they're not exactly acquaintances, either; to know about the nature of the contract that'd been brought up at the meeting. Natsume knows which of these will get him a roll of her eyes, which ones she'll decide is a waste of her time in answering, which ones she'll look at him like he's an idiot for, which ones she'll say is none of his business.

She's not that unpredictable, except for when it gets tense like this.

So he weighs them in his mind—which ones would be most useful, which ones would make him happy, which ones she's most likely to entertain—they don't all tic the three boxes, just like how you can't have something done quickly and cheaply and expect it to be of a good quality, or have something that's top-quality and but done on a budget to be fast.

Natsume's mouth twists, and his reply is said quieter than her question was asked: )

To get to know you for YOU, rather through your brother or Sato-chan or other hearSAY. But if that's not to your liKING, then... let me see the contract you have with whoever's running this SHOW, since it isn't the principal or the vice-princiPAL.

( Barring that, a way into the faculty office, but the student council isn't really that powerful outside of manga; there's no reason to think she'd have any more access to it than him. )

[ There's a word for when you propose a bad deal and then a better one that's still bad but seems so much better in comparison, but I don't know what that word is. The sentiment still stands though, one where neither of those sit well with Maya but one is something she doesn't like entertaining and the other is one she can't. ]

It's not a physical, pen and paper contract. If the details are divulged while the president is still alive, then the contract is void. I will not let that happen.

[ In the end, she goes for the business option, because getting to know her for her is something Natsume is just going to have to figure out without being told directly: that she's a person who takes her job seriously, who would rather act upon concern than show it, who is willing to make sacrifices, who has confidence in herself and her capabilities, who isn't impossible to make friends with because Nao somehow managed it in the two months she was a student here.

She likes lavender. ]

( He knows all of that, just like--

Yeah, he knew which one she'd answer if given the choice, so he isn't surprised or disappointed; just acceptance at her answer. But no one can't say he didn't try, saying what he wants and having a plan to fall back on that's just as important. )

And this agreement's going to let all current third years graduATE. ( From what he remembers Subaru saying. He peers up at her, unflinching. ) But what do you get out of IT?

( ... )

And how can you prove that it isn't anything BAD? Because people aren't swayed by WORDS, but by what you DO.

( or this is becoming real apparent for some people in their group. That should make her happy, though. )

[ She raises her eyebrow at him. ]

That is not what my contract is.

[ Letting all the third years graduate? No. Just making it to the end of the school year alive isn't going to cut it. ]

I can't prove anything. Suspicion on the student council president is normal— it's a position that paints a target on your back from the possibility of being detrimental to the student body.

[ What does she get out of it? It's a terrible position to be in, discriminated against, with a false sense of power and all the responsibility without the appreciation. It's one she wanted. ]

Think what you want of me, but I believe focusing on graduation is short-sighted. That is not my goal. Changing the rules is.

( he gets to blame my misremembering on our mutual tiredness this is it )

Mmm.

( Just in acknowledgement. A shame about not being able to prove things, because Stephanie won't take anyone at their word, not really. ...Graduation isn't the goal, because it's short-sighted, huh. It's something everyone focuses on, and it's probably a good thing, but

he guesses like in life, graduation isn't exactly the end-all, be-all of anything. Just another day. New opportunities but without the safety net, but if here is what here is, the inevitable is just... coming back? Doing this again, tally marks, forgetting and being forgotten and sometimes remembering but only halfway; senpai's words aren't lost on him in his tired mind's meandering, and it gives him something to focus on to ease the tenseness that still defines his shoulders from his surprise. )

Which RULES?

( ...He has options for her to pick from, but she's chided him for adding too much to his questions, so he's not adding anything this time. )

[ It's probably how she explained it to Subaru, who asked if the third years had a chance of repeating and she said yes. But it's still only a chance, not a guarantee, and Maya doesn't want the students to focus on either when they should be giving 1000% into graduating on their own merits. ]

The rules of this place. Who stays, who leaves... the progression through the grades. It wasn't bad luck that last year's graduating class was what it was. That was last year's rule.

( He'd already suspected something like that, but it's nice to hear it said; and of course she wants those types of things, because it isn't like she's been too secretive about talking about the rules before.

She probably wants a few more than just one person graduating. That's reasonable to assume, he thinks. )

...I suppose you can't divulge your ideal set to ME.

( But said a little questioningly to her. Could she, though. )

A normal three year progression through high school based on exam scores and attendance.

[ She can say it. Because she's not getting her ideal out of the contract she made. ]

( when normal school sounds like a dream you know it's fucked up )

Those weren't even my school's requireMENTS, but vocational academies have different standards, I supPOSE.

( participation in course activities and all, on top of schoolwork and work-work if you're sub-contracted into the school's idol utopia... )

...Are you at least getting a set you can be satisfied WITH, even if it isn't what you WANT?

I argued for as much as I could.

[ aka, she isn't satisfied. But she's also uncompromising, with high expectations, and is still only a student— she has no power or leverage to made demands. ]

Never mind the contract, Sakasaki. It's something I need to do on my own, and if I win, it will change things. If I lose, it's no detriment to you.

[ She's not going to lose, though. ]

Is it something you have to do on your own because you feel like it IS, or because your contract states you can't accept HELP?

( because there is a difference. )

You aren't the only one who wants to see things CHANGE, Little Wolf. I think most people would like your iDEAS, though you'd have to elaborate on if our souls become food for the school after we pass our final exams or NOT.

( ... )

[ ... ]

You're going to have to explain that metaphor, first.

[ What the FUCK does that mean, food for the school ]

There was a theory that the school uses us as FUEL.

( ...he doesn't sound like he believes it. )

And there's a few who don't think graduation is all-together a good THING, because they don't know what comes after IT. Are we reborn completeLY, or simply returned to who and where we were last we reCALL? Some people ( himself included, but he's had a month to make some sort of peace with the idea ) aren't happy with the idea it might be the forMER.

( ... )

It was a lot of yelLING. A lot of idiotic chatTER. ( back to that tired, unguarded look from when he first sat down—whatever he thought of them, there were still... valid criticisms to be had about certain things, and the only way to work with people is to have an open mind.

or at least be willing to consider them. Not right now, head aching just thinking about it again, but after a few hours rest... Yeah, he just needs a few hours— )

Never mind IT. It's just something you might have to field one DAY.

[ ...That theory and the rest of the exposition have little to do with one another, from how Maya's seeing it. Of course graduation is nothing more than a concept for most students; nobody who's graduated has ever come back to say what it was like, leaving whatever lies past graduation a great unknown. ]

...It's no different from when we were alive, wondering what comes after death and never knowing until it happens. You can imagine there are those students who fear just that, that they will not be themselves after graduation. They do what they can to stay.

[ Several characters here have heard a similar sentiment before. And in staying, in subjecting themselves to this endless cycle of violence instead of facing graduation and moving on, is it no wonder that this school still stands years and years after its establishment? ]

( Hey, he never said they had anything to do with each other... aside from both being things that came up before he left. )

How stuPID. I don't see why anyone would want to stay in a school that invites the suffering of its students by turning a blind eye to what goes ON.

( ...it's been one of his least favorite things about this school. It's much too like Yumenosaki when he was in his first year.

Not that he was any better.

Natsume half asks to think who she thinks she'll be when she graduates, but the answer is probably something Maya-like; either she doesn't know and it doesn't matter, or it'll be "someone better than who she was before". He can't imagine her saying something cute like housewife or kindergarten teacher, though they're both cute things to imagine her as. )

...Even if they kept on liVING, they would've CHANGED. No one stays completely the SAME. ( Just. some parts of them are immutable, or so he'd like to believe. ) But as long as they do their BEST, they'll probably stay human in their next life and not end up something utterly stuPID, like a lemming or a koaLA.

[ Maya opens her mouth to argue that lemmings are cute but decides against it and closes her mouth again. ]

But you won't know. You will start anew with no memory of the past, and even if you meet again in another form, you will never see your friends or family ever again.

[ The person you are is gone. She will never be Maya Arisu ever again. ]

Most people are terrified of death for this reason. The only difference here is that you may choose to linger until you are ready.

( Lemmings are cute but there's that terrible persistent rumor about them and cliffs...

But no one comes back from graduation, so who's to say all of that is true? Some people want to believe it isn't entirely so. Some people won't have a problem with it. Natsume's not entirely sure which camp he falls in, but it feels a little closer to the first, and he props his chin in his hand, pressing his palm to his mouth.

He moves it to ask something unfair, thinks about it, and continues on, careful. )

Does never seeing your brother again scare YOU?

[ ...

She looks down at the table for a moment, but when she looks back up and meets his gaze, it's with that carefully unreadable expression. ]

"Scare" is not the word I would use.

[ It's not something she offers an elaboration on either, because her concern for her brother is something that needn't be questioned. She pushes for graduation and reformation while knowing full well it may lead to the two of them parting and never being twin souls ever again, but she can't allow herself to waver because of that.

No matter how dearly she holds her brother, they both need to be able to move on, individually if need be. ]

( Natsume hums noncommittally, studying her expression; unreadable, maybe, on the surface, but it's not really about the surface when it comes to her feelings. He thinks that and still drives himself up the wall thinking about her, so, whatever. )

LoneLY? EmpTY? ( Better alternatives. ) ...It's fine to feel any of those THINGS, Little Wolf. It doesn't make you any less admirABLE.

( ...

His hand idly brushes against hers on the desk as he settles it closer. )

Not to ME. ( If anything, it's more... and maybe she doesn't need to hear this kind of thing, but maybe he wants to let her know, anyway.

He's always said things he doesn't have to to her. What's one more. ) But I've already complimented your strength-of-HEART, so I won't say it aGAIN. You'll just make that face at me you always MAKE.

( If she's not already making it now— )

Edited 2021-10-21 15:09 (UTC)

[ Ughhh

It certainly is that face she's making, eyes narrowing when she's called out on the expression she wasn't aware she was making, pulling her hand back to herself but it's not the quick snatch back like it could have been.

UGGGGGGGGGGHHHH ]

...There was no need to say it to begin with.

npc contact.2

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