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[sportadork]

WHO: Sportacus + You
WHAT: November Catch-All
WHEN: novems
WHERE: varied
WARNINGS: TBA

Comments

[adsum]

You can tell by looking at teeth?! Do me, do me!! Aaaaaaa-

[ They going to open up wide for him. No cavities. Wisdom teeth haven't come in yet. ]

[sportadork]

[peers in]

You have very good dental hygiene! [+100 points, definitely getting them out of the hole that stealing put them in.] And...

[leans back against the wall, grinning.]

I know exactly how old you are!

[adsum]

[ They lean back too, snapping their jaw shut. ]

So how old am I? You're not lying, right?

[sportadork]

I've never been very good at lying! [which is honestly the closest thing to a lie he's ever said.

he visibly pretends to be thinking it over, tapping his chin.]

How about a trade? I will tell you, if you tell me who you are first. Deal?

[adsum]

Me neither!

[ Said easily, like a true liar. But trades are trades, and being able to tell people's ages by their teeth is a profitable one— they bet they'd win so many bets ]

Deal, deal! I'm the student store shopkeeper!

[sportadork]

Fifteen.

[reaches out, boops nose]

Or sixteen, but very small.

[adsum]

[ hhhh

They blink hard when he boops their nose, but it's not their head so they don't flinch or pull back ]

Hey! I'm not very small! I'm still growing!

[sportadork]

Of course! And, to help you grow, you must eat right, and get plenty of sleep every night. Your job gives you plenty of time to do that, right? [because, and I cannot stress this enough, he is already going to be having a Very Gentle But Stern Talk with whoever runs this place.]

[adsum]

Yeah! Ten to six, and I drink lots of apple juice!

[ Sometimes just that, if nobody is around to feed them, it has nothing to do with their job that they're not going to tell Sportacus it used to be 24/7 on call shopkeeping ]

[sportadork]

[long pause]

... And you eat...? [he says, like a hypocrite]

[adsum]

[ ... ]

Yes.

[ They eat. ]

[sportadork]

[...]

... You eat foods such as...?

[adsum]

[ ... ]

I think you're milking this trade too much. I'll tell you what I eat if you tell me who you are.

[sportadork]

I'm Sportacus. [said without any of the usual flair because there are more important things such as] Did you eat today?

[adsum]

That's a name. [ ...they think ] But that doesn't tell me who you are. Not in any way I can understand.

[sportadork]

Did you eat yesterday?

[adsum]

You can't keep asking me questions. That's not part of the trade. Who are you?

[sportadork]

That is... a maybe complicated question that I would be much more interested in answering if I wasn't very, very concerned right now.

[he sighs, and jumps up to his feet.]

I saw a kitchen when I came in. If you eat, I will answer any question, and I will ask no more. [pause] You do want to get taller, don't you?

[adsum]

[ Complicated... Ah. So he also has an illegal profession, like underage shopkeeping. But the shopkeep does like asking questions without having to answer any in return, and they get food on top of the deal, and they get to grow taller, so this is truly win-win-win. ]

I'm going to, either way... But okay! Let's have dinner! Do you know how to make kenchinjiru?

[sportadork]

I can't cook a thing! My ship has always cooked for me. [not that he. eats actually cooked food. but she mixes up a mean smoothie.] But, I believe I can make sandwiches without burning the dorms down.

[completely unclear if that is a joke or just an accurate estimation.]

[adsum]

[ correction: win-lose-lose ]

How do you grow up without being able to cook...? Kenchin is soup! You can't burn soup! I bet even you can make it.

[sportadork]

I never needed to learn! [shrugs, laughing, which covers up the pause] Everything else I was learning seemed more important!

But, I am a quick study! Teach me to cook your soup, and I will teach you something later.

[adsum]

[ They don't see how being able to predict ages from people's teeth is more important than learning how to cook, but okay. ]

Okay! Let's go!

[ They're going to take his hand so he can't run off, and march him over to the kitchen, where they're going to make soup and get answers. ]

We're going to need kelp and mushrooms and tofu and daikon and taro and gobo and lotus root and sweet potatoes and— do you like carrots? we don't have to put carrots, we can have extra daikon instead.

[sportadork]

They're my second favorite vegetable! [don't ask him to name the entire list it's incredibly long] Radishes are good, too, though. That's a kind of radish, isn't it?

[pauses, laughs] Wait, no more questions! Sorry!

[adsum]

Yeah, they're radishes! We'll have them instead of carrots.

[ He didn't take the bait, so they'll just take it for him ]

What's your favorite vegetable? You have to answer me, since I answered yours.