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Entry tags:
- dangan ronpa: hajime hinata,
- dangan ronpa: nagito komaeda,
- dangan ronpa: rantaro amami,
- elsword: add,
- elsword: noah ebalon,
- ensemble stars: subaru akehoshi,
- hanako-kun: nene yashiro,
- identity v: helena adams,
- mo dao zu shi: meng yao,
- your turn to die: joe tazuna,
- your turn to die: rio ranger,
- your turn to die: shin tsukimi
この気持ち…伝わってるといいんすけどね (12/31)
Who: Hajime Hinata & friends
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE
What: Happy birthday, Hinata-kun!
When: December 31, 9PM~
Where: School roof
Warnings: N/A, TBE
( there's various hidden signs that point towards the elevator, and if anyone catches sight, they'll see an arrow that points up, indicating for them to take it skyward. if they get off too early, there's a sign on the floor that reads, "next stop!", so if they dare, they can go back into the elevator and do as the words command. upon making your way to the rooftop on new year's eve, the setup is immediately apparent.
a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.
"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.
to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.
and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )
a number of glittering, sparkling decorations line the area — streamers, balloons, music, and a brightly colored sign the reads: happy birthday hinachan. at the heart of the setup is a bonfire that reaches almost shoulder-height — properly set up to make sure it doesn't spread anywhere further than its containment area, it sets a festive tone.
"borrowed" desks are also covered in an array of treats and appetizers courtesy of nene and amami, as well as enough love setsugetsukka to "make 3 people black out," which is probably enough to share if nobody gets too ambitious. the cake at the center of it all is the real star of the show however, almost as big as a person all on it's own.
to top it all off, even under the dim glow of the stars, nobody is short of a little light when natsume and noah's dazzling light show begins. once the main event has closed, a variety of firecrackers are brought out to celebrate with as things begin to wind down. varieties include the classic sparklers, these little spinny bitches, funky little sparkshowers, some little baby rockets, with the larger varieties spanning a couple feet at most. on the opposite side, there's a little table where a birdhouse is kept, and inside stuffed with all sorts of cotton and wood shavings are two birds huddled together inside, and a few treats that people can feed them if interest. if keigo looks at your character from afar, it's fine, that birdhouse they're living in was made by them, after all.
and at the centre of it all will be one boy with a bag over his head, kidnapped by rokuro arata, who sits him down and lets komaeda undo his blindfold — happy birthday, hinata-kun! )
no subject
[ It's a rhetorical question, of course, because unless there's something that strikes him as contradictory, Rio accepts everything that Komaeda says without question. It's difficult to deceive him about subjects that he knows even a little bit about, and yet, so easy on anything that's a blind spot.
He tilts his head to one side. ]
You should talk about yourself more, 'cause you're always a mystery.
[ A simple statement of fact, with no expectation either way, as always. That's part of-- no, the entirety of why Rio could never create an AI based off of him - because it'd be incomplete, and it wouldn't be him, and it would just be a fraction of him, just a snapshot in time that could never learn or grow or teach or share. There would be nothing to learn about it, nothing at all, and that would be lonelier than being by himself.
But after a moment of careful consideration, he lets a few words roll of his tongue slowly, as though he were just learning how to say each and every one, ]
It'd be nice if we could slowly get to know each other...
[ It's such a bland, generic statement, but he frowns a little behind the card as he says it. It should be logical, and yet it's foreign, something illogical and incomprehensible.
He doesn't get it at all. But he stares at Komaeda expectantly, waiting to see what he'll settle on. ]
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he watches rio, listens to his questions about him, and komaeda who typically has a bright personality does keep himself in the dark. information about him is hidden, he gives what they need to know that he's a stepping stone that can be used, and nothing more. he's meant to be that favorite song people listen to for a moment, and then one day they wake up, and forget all about him. no matter how hard they try to remember his tune, it's lost in their thoughts, and nothing can bring it back, and with that frustration, they'll move on. he's that sort of motivation so they can move on to bigger and better things, no longer wasting their time on aspects that don't matter.
hearing the request, he look away to the side, not too sure how to handle that. he doesn't get it often, and he doesn't expect people to want to learn him. rio said it before that he wanted to know what makes up komaeda nagito, and he's said over and over that he loves hope, and that should be enough to understand him. when it comes from rio's mouth in a direct manner, he doesn't know what he should say, or how he should say there's nothing interesting about him. there isn't, but he knows the other doesn't find him boring, so he parts his lips again to speak, )
I want to see a desire glistens than anyone else.
I love and want to understand him, more than anyone else.
( despite how low his voice is, there's passion behind those words that indicate his beliefs, and his thoughts, that maybe he believes these words above all else. there's budding emotion behind it, that need and desire, a hopeful song that contains bits of sprinkled happiness, but they aren't completely sweet, )
What meaning is there to words that will neither be deadly poison nor cure? ♪
( he stops after, meeting rio's eyes as he shakes his head, probably contemplating if he should continue or stop here, but as he swallows down the saliva in his throat; he tosses the ball up before catching it. )
...Ah. Am I really that much of a mystery, I've told you so much like... have I told you I like hope?
( rhetorical, he knows, and yet he looks at the cup before him once he stands right next to rio. )
I'll pick the same question as last time.
( and with that, it's a careless throw, but the ball flies over to the cup, landing perfectly with a splash, floating on the inside. from the look of things, it looked too easy, but maybe his luck looked out for him. now, he's going to turn and look at him. )
?
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But Rio is a worthless thing, above all else, and so there's no need for a human to pay any mind to him. There's no need for Nagito Komaeda, broken and shattered and in pieces yet ever human, to interact with him. His eyes flick to the side at the question, because he has. He's told him so often, and yet no matter how often Komaeda explains, no matter how much Rio explains, he... ]
You have a nice voice.
[ Those words are soft and frail, able to be crushed just with Komaeda's frangible fingers. He's frail and sickly and human, with a body that's barely together, and yet even just falling a fist would be enough to crush the fragile heart that speaks now. It's the brilliance of humans, that they can break that which is all at once above and beneath them. Komaeda alone can. Rio has changed, and he knows his true identity now, and yet... He's chosen to remain Rio Ranger, for that's who he's built up here. But even if he hadn't, he would always just be Rio to present company.
Rio, just a useless thing... ]
Who? Hmm... Do you mean in terms of anyone, or in terms of the other Floormasters?
[ Komaeda responded to his simple question in good faith, and so Ranger does the same; the answer differs depending on how wide his berth is, after all. ]
Or... I can tell you both, if you want. I don't mind.
[ Rio never talks about himself, but that's not out of any trepidation, but of his own lack of anything at all. Rio Ranger was a byproduct of ASUNARO and nothing more, and so it was only by coming to this place that he could become something more. So... He never talks about himself, because there's nothing to him, but he doesn't mind sharing this either. ]
no subject
Hm... ( it'd be cheating, he thinks to ask for both when he asked for the participants. he mulls over the idea as he walks over to grab the ball from the cup, lifting it up to the sky so he can pretend the moon is high up above him, close enough to see the tears. )
I'm listening, as you already listened to me.
( with his hand lowering, he uses the same napkin from before to wipe the item clean. slow and steady strokes, nothing out of the ordinary of someone like komaeda who tends to be in his own world. his eyes never seem to be quite here anymore, but he's never been "here" to begin with. empty, lacks the new appeal that rio's eyes would have which makes them see through entirely different lenses. )
Now the verdict is...?
( he looks at rio expectantly, giving him the option to state his answers. there's two, and he could answer with two, or solely do one that makes him comfortable. komaeda finds that he may get both of them all because of rio's desire to learn about each other more. this one seems personal, though, it shows who he feels comfortable around, and for komaeda it was more of a fun fact.
one where, he didn't want people to know about it anyway. it was meant to be a special thing, but it's lost that. he doesn't complain, though, nor does he hate that he did it, but now rio knows. now komaeda can sing him a little tune when he's lost or confused, he can give the saddest song, or one filled with excitement. he doesn't move hearts like kaede's nimble fingers along the piano, but it's all he can offer in those days where rio doesn't want to hear much, but a passing song will soon end into the dead of silence. for just a brief moment, komaeda can be comforting. )
no subject
Let's see... Well, my first choice was axed by her former co-worker during the first trial, so I'll have to settle for one of the remaining idiots... I'd probably have pinched my nose and taken Sou. He's as much of an idiot as the rest of them, but he already had an idea of how ASUNARO works. Besides, he's motivated by fear.
[ It's a very roundabout way of saying that he was conditioned by one of the Floormasters. He keeps his eyes on Komaeda. He's seemed differently lately, and Rio hasn't yet been able to determine the reason for that. It would be in bad taste to try and see if he can't nudge a hint out now, though, and so he leaves the matter aside for the moment. Instead, he decides that the question is interesting enough to add the other half of his answer, ]
If it was one of the other Floormasters, then Miley would be the only safe option. She's a serious person, but her work is flawless. She'd make sure everything went according to plan.
[ She was serious and frightening, and Rio doesn't doubt that he'd hate most of their time spent together, but there would be no issues. ]
no subject
( it would make sense to take someone with that direct link to the company, and it would make things easier for rio too, considering shin's someone who works in the technical field, that means he's worth more than the majority of them. he saw how sara struggled trying to understand the code when the phone rang when komaeda and rio were talking back and forth. it's good to have someone that can be used for you, but also aware of what's going on in their surroundings. )
Ahaha... like a spiders web, you all cross paths in funny ways.
( like how sara was worried her father was part of this, or is part, something about how he lied to her. )
Miley-san wanted the best for you, or... hm, she wanted you complete like she had put her time and effort into.
( if she had it her way, rio would be a different person at the moment, he wouldn't be the one standing before him right now. his thoughts, his way of living, feelings and all would become more... open. not that everything about him is closed, but the way komaeda sees it, it was both miley and safalin's work that gashu ruined, so having someone that straightforward would have stopped that problem, right? though safalin was by his side too, and look how much that worked out.
she's weaker, he thinks. )
Those two make for interesting choices.
no subject
It stings to hear those words, but in the end there's no changing reality. Miley would have seen him completed from the start, and he doesn't doubt that it was a sore point for her since then. It would have been taken personally for another one of them to not only ruin her work, but to take full credit for a project that she had rightfully worked on... Well, anyone would feel that way though. He's sure Safalin did too. ]
She's reliable.
[ Safalin was his partner, and she was the only one that he could work so closely with, but he's aware of her struggles and flaws. That was why they had needed each other. ]
What kind of people do those three seem like to you?
[ Maybe it's because he's distracted, or maybe Rio doesn't really want the answer all that much, because his thoughtless throw is further off than it should be. ]
no subject
Safalin-san, Miley-san and... Hiyori-kun?
( the fake sou hiyori, tsukimi-kun. one of those three people aren't someone he can really comment on, not knowing miley aside from being the type to complete her work. shuffling through the choices, he's curious what type of answer rio's looking for, or if this is a way to see if he's been paying attention like the other has been to him. with a hand on his hip, he turns the small ball in his hand as if it has all the answers that he needs. )
You said that you and Safalin-san understood each other to the point that you didn't have to be separated, but you didn't have to be close either. That said, you're always breaking down what I say, and speaking it back to me. You don't have to do that with them, do you?
( because in the middle of komaeda's words, it's a pretty fantasy that makes what he says sound good, while it is good, but he's never been kind to occam's razor. there's so much to speak about, words he wants to say, words pending that he needs to say, motivational pieces that works on others, but fails for some who don't get him. read between the lines, pick up the tattered letters he's left behind in his words, and komaeda will praise as much as he can, but he knows it isn't just something as simple as being able to talk to each other without correction. )
Or did you mean when it comes to their unique individuality?
no subject
Tia Safalin, Sue Miley, and Gashu Satou.
{ He walks over and picks the ball back up, dusting it off. ]
It's not a trick question. Even if I had some of the details wrong, I'm the only one who knows them as well as I do, but I dunno how I'm presenting them to other people. If they seem like nothing except a group of prodigies who killed their hearts to survive, then I'm doing my job right.
[ They're prodigies. They're the most brilliant minds in the world, to whom no one can even begin to compare. They're broken people, they're a group who loved and hated each other, and they're so many more things. Ranger knows them, and he keeps every little intricacy and piece of their dynamic close to his heart. He steps back over. ]
I had data on each one of them when I was made, and I worked with them closely my entire life, so I knew them better than anyone. We didn't really need to communicate the way that most people do.
[ He lifts his head, looking directly at Komaeda now. ]
I never knew them at all. Not even one of them. So maybe it's not really all that different.
[ In that way, it was no different than how he is with Komaeda. It's a contradiction, and it's not, because not one of them would ever let even a tiny sliver of their heart show. ]
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( unsurprising, from the way he talks about how close he is with those people, he would know them better than anyone else here. who knows tia safalin like rio ranger does? who would know the proposed diligent sue miley like he would? then for the person he almost stumbled on, that person that played his father, they're all people he should have known, people he should have knew. if anything, they know more about rio than rio knew about them, but that's how complex and unfair the world is. if he had known what they did and didn't do, that laptop would have came as no surprise, if he was aware of everything that wasn't hidden outside of his code, which led to an error on his part, then they wouldn't be here. it's a good thing that rio didn't know everything about them, because then that leaves room for... )
It's true, you know nothing about me, hm. It's like that with everyone, no one knows anything but a scarce few. Isn't it better that way?
( people would only get hurt knowing how komaeda is, what he does, even now, no one trusts him. it's not that he wants to be trusted either, he's just someone with specific goals that he's honest about. there's nothing interesting about him, he doesn't have a happy story, there's nothing to smile about, and he doesn't want anyone's pity. what he does, and what he wants to do doesn't amount to anything when he has to nurture hope. yet, there's something about having their relationship compared to those three that has him look at rio, actually surprised he's thinking that far. )
If you learn about me, you'll grow bored, you'll despise the person I am, what if one day you ask me to change? I'm unable.
( he won't change, he'll do what he's done, and then do it again, he'll always be like this. he has a feeling that rio won't care about that at all. nothing really deters him, if komaeda's entirely honest, but he slowly closes his eyes as he nudges rio just a little. )
You speak about them highly, but someone like me can't reach those heights that you give them. ( they're beneath him though, even though rio has his own feelings on them in particular. ) They'd betray each other in a heartbeat, though, all for the sake of survival, I can't do that.
no subject
Understanding, being understood... Ah, maybe it was an impossible wish when people all exist in different realities. He leans in a little closer, but no matter how long he stares into those empty eyes, no matter how many times he watches those expressions, or listens to those words, he'll never see anything beneath what skims the surface. He'll never be able to see even a glimmer of Komaeda's reality, much less touch it.
Due to the way he's created, he can never grow bored of the world due the perpetual need for new data and new experiences. It's why an AI could be the ideal human - he could adapt to any reality, and the world would constantly be rewritten for him. For Rio Ranger, even once every fact was learned, it wouldn't be enough when new facts were discovered, new people were born, and others were lost, and buildings were crushed and made and rebuilt. It's as though he's counting every grain of sand on the beach, and yet, by time he's done he'll have no choice to start over.
Komaeda knows that already, because Rio has said it more than once. He can never be satisfied, albeit he should never dare so much as think of himself as anything even resembling a human. But it did make him the ideal AI.
He thinks people are just the same. They age, they have gains and losses, they forget all those things that he remembers. They change in small ways, so that no matter how many grains of sands he picks up on their beach, there's always a need to recount them. ]
What's it matter to you if I grow bored, or if I despite you? You don't care about things like that, and you're always just telling me to leave anyway.
[ He blinks, leaning in just a little bit closer, like he might be able to discover something new just by closing that gap. There's nothing in particular to Rio's stare, no more than there normally is. He's simply observing, recording, making neutral statements. ]
Wouldn't that be the ideal outcome for you?
[ It's not a trick question, because he already knows, a little bit of hurt when somebody abandons you - even one that comes too late, one that stings - is still better than continuing to shake and watch as one waits for the outcome. That's just how it is. ]
Anyway, I don't really care about any of that, since I'm not worried about changing people.
no subject
( he repeats those words, but he doesn't take any steps back as rio comes closer, closing the gap between them. if it was anyone else, komaeda would move away knowing they'd want to touch him. that's not the case with rio, he doesn't really touch without permission unless it comes to bandaging komaeda, now for him slowly creeping closer is that he's comfortable with doing so. that's more or less his fault, but with the ball in hand, he taps his foot while looking over the other towards the cup that's waiting for the next part of the game. )
Then you can understand there's more out there.
( rio would do reckless things, such as pushing komaeda up front so that he can always see him. it's a sacrifice, especially with data, putting someone in the way, not being able to see what's in front of them; could rio really stomach that? he doesn't actually need to eat, but that doesn't mean it's something he actually wants, or so he could wish that's how it goes. rio does what he wants, just like komaeda does, but it towards what benefits him, whereas komaeda does things whether he likes it or not. )
But isn't this the perfect game for us, you can learn as much as you want, or are you waiting for me to explain?
( a small smile that shows he's not bothered if so, either way, he's playing the game accordingly, and he chose this one for a reason. the previous one from before had more of a physical stake, but everything here is up for grabs. this is supposed to be what makes the game fun, and he lifts one hand to point at the one in rio's grasp. for an ai, he knows that the other can hit every throw if he wanted to, and the only thing that's in the way is the wind, or just a little shake of the table. he can't see into the future, but he can make calculations now, and there's so much he's betting on with just a small game like this.
he doesn't mind it. )
It's your turn.
no subject
He edges in a little closer, but nothing more. There's always a reason for what he does, though, so there must be a reason that even after Komaeda finishes he chooses to keep his eyes on him in such a manner. Rio takes a moment to collect his thoughts as he does so. Those eyes are always empty, and he wonders if they might not grow a little more vacant with each person who came and left, tearing out little pieces of him on their way out.
The conversation moves on without him, but he pulls on the thread he had wrapped his finger around just once more. ]
You don't need to be anyone else, since I like the person you are now.
[ Maybe there's things that he'd like to see change, good and bad, but the core of Nagito Komaeda would always be the same, and that's the part of him that Rio is fond of. But if he did, Rio would probably have changed by then too. ]
Nothing will change, since I... [ There's an uncharacteristic pause there, and it's a good few seconds before he continues, ] ... I'm happy when I'm around you.
[ There's others he enjoys the company of, people he's told Komaeda of (albeit he doesn't tend to say much unless prompted,) but this is the person he feels happiest around. He seems to consider something briefly before he pulls back without further incident and nods, having said his piece. ]
It is my turn, huh? Okay, lemme think...
[ He taps his face with the card a couple times, and it really is impressive how fast he can switch from one tone to another. Then again, maybe the cards give him an unfair advantage. He switched to the cat card at some point during that last bit. ]
no subject
it'll have to be left behind, the piece of what makes him happy, the part about him not having to be anyone else. perhaps that's just the talk because they're partners, what if they weren't partners? what if he was just komaeda nagito, then rio would want nothing to do with him, right?
when he turns his head back around, he feels a bit off-kilter, but he should have expected that from his partner, but the pause was unfamiliar. he doesn't do it often, and he wonders how long such thoughts have dwelled in his mind, and what part of him decided to fish it up for today. all because of that question? would he have said the same thing to safalin if he had the chance, or would it have came out without hesitance? )
...
( he watches the other with an inquisitive look as his shoulders relax, he hadn't how tense he got from those words. his fingers play over the ball as he thinks over rio's words, silent as he waits for him to find another request or question that interests him.
while he does that, komaeda's thumb brush along the surface of the ball, his prosthetic tapping every so often just to have something to do. he doesn't do well spoken to like that, no matter how many times it's said, or someone can say it while looking at him; he only finds some way to dig himself out, or he'll just suffocate. he knows that rio isn't trying to hurt him, but why does his chest feel so tight?
should things like that hurt? )
...
no subject
...
That card is still a favorite.
He looks to Komaeda now, then down as he notices the behavior, searching to see if perhaps he had said something in error. There's nothing that he can find, but then his partner always seems to struggle in these situations. It's not like he can't understand it, but he does have to debate if he should say anything more. In the end he just looks on for a few seconds more, a quiet look that says he can speak what's on his mind if he wants to, or otherwise he can let the topic move onto the next question. ]
... What's your favorite season?
[ It's a generic, boring question, but one that might be of interest to a person who's experiencing seasonal changes for the first time. Rio likes learning little things like that too.
He tosses the ball. It hits the rim and causes the cup to shake a little before the ball falls to the ground. ]
roll: 2
Spring. When it's coming to an end, it makes you want to cherish the departing cherry blossoms.
( he kneels down, picking up the ball to make sure there's nothing he can clean on it. he's going against his own rules, but those mean nothing to him as he slowly gets back up properly, dusting himself off next. )
It's not too hot, and it's not to cool. I can even avoid a heat stroke, isn't that lucky?
( is that a step forward that he's doing by not minding his own rules, giving rio information that he could use for what...? to build their idea of what komaeda is at the moment? he's not much, he likes things that other people do, it's not uncommon to like spring, he thinks. )
That, and a cherry blossoms are the most beautiful when it starts to wither, and the petals begin to fall.
( with the ball in hand, and he stands right next to rio again, komaeda is swinging his arm back and forth, trying to decide what momentum he should throw the ball. )
What's the last thing you lied about?
( at the end of his question, he throws the ball forward which happens to be a little too high, and rather than hitting into the cup, it bounces on the side of the table. dribbling along the surface until it rolls, and rolls, and falls off the table, and settles right underneath the table. that sort of question probably means nothing to rio, who is mostly honest about everything he says, but perhaps that's komaeda's own insecurities.
maybe he doesn't want rio to be nice to him, or maybe he's afraid, but the question was mostly in general. more so, is the other even capable of doing so? )
roll: 3... i forgot to post it but this is the same roll as the last one lord
It sounds beautiful... If I could, I think I'd like to see that one day.
[ He'd like to see a true spring, in a place outside of both here and the facility he came from. Sometimes he thinks that it wouldn't be bad to stay here, if only there was more to the world. It's hard to imagine, but he tries to do so as he retrieves his ball and returns once more. He dusts it off.
He switches to the cat card now. ]
I've never really needed to lie. We couldn't directly lie to participants, but we could omit and mislead. But you know, in the end, it's up to people to find the truth for themselves.
[ The last sentence is a little firmer than the rest of the explanation, and he swaps to the ice cream cone as he says it. It was an important theme there. ]
There's no real need for that here either, though, since we're not playing a game. I just don't talk about things when I don't want to.
[ The original Sou Hiyori was one of those things. It's not that he's incapable of it, but as he's never had any need to do so. It was too much of a hassle when it was so much easier to refuse questions and give honest impressions. He was designed to be precise and logical, so there was no true need to make him a master of deception. He hums thoughtfully, though, adding a small bonus: ]
But I'm sure there's circumstances where I'd want to. I just haven't run into any yet.
[ What were those circumstances, though? He supposes the ones where the benefits of lying outweighed all else. But even then, he thinks people should see through it. Back to the grin now. ]
What kind of flowers do you like?
[ Komaeda had taught him about flower language, but he doesn't think that really came up. He tosses the ball once more, but it's off by a few inches and hits the group. ]
roll: 3
( that's why meeting someone for the first time causes so many difficulties, you trust them, but it's hard to tell between the truth and the lies. he can tell that rio doesn't lie as much, but he does avoid making conversation on certain things, or he'll move on. there's been various moments where that's happened to komaeda, but he allowed the conversation to steer away, but even this time... their conversation, he noted the way rio would allow a part of a conversation to come back. it's the little tells of how he drives the conversation that stands out, and komaeda listens. )
Yep, saying how you feel works best. The brightest hope comes from those that believe they can trust the person beside them. Lies discourage and lead them astray, so you should say how you feel, we only have one chance, after all.
But if that lie will bring hope, then there's no harm because it was for the good of everything.
( until everything is wiped away, he's guessing, but with a small laugh as he walks over to rio, he plucks the ball from his grasp. )
Lilies, Snowdrops, Iris... ( he pauses, thinking about the symbolism behind them all, there's a certain something that he loves. good luck, bad luck, hope, purity, all that's good in the world with rebirth, and how if everything changes it's where hope is still the same. for it to be the strongest concept that carries people forward, that molds the world, he couldn't ask for anything else. if he was to die, he wonders if his bronze statue would be covered in those specific flowers, and a hand raises up to his chest to cover his heart. fascinating flowers that give off strong impression, but there's one that komaeda adores through health, and even through its sickness. ) Snapdragons.
( there's a disconnect between the three and the fourth, and he wonders if rio will find that out. angling his arm back, he follows with a question: )
If the world was to end in ten minutes, what would you do in those final moments?
( he tosses the ball forward, it doesn't even get anywhere close to the cup. )
roll: 3.... why do we keep getting 3s nms
Those are, he thinks, appropriate choices. He considers the last one a little more carefully. Snapdragons were associated with strength and grace, but also deviousness. But it's an interesting flower, he recalls, since the meaning could change depending on what color one chooses.
Rio retrieves the balls once more, handing one back over to Komaeda after returning to h is place. They're both really bad at this apparently. It's a little embarrassing, especially when Rio should be able to correct after the first failure or two. He searches for a reason as to what he might be doing wrong, but it seems to just be poor luck... But even this kind of failure and frustration is novel to an AI who always adapts and corrects for errors so quickly. ]
Hmm... Well, I wouldn't have any choice other than to try and identify the problem and solve it. I'd wanna stop it. I can't really go against that part of my code, or the part that tells me to try and preserve my own existence.
[ It's a very logical answer. Rio tilts his head. He can't offer anything more sentimental or heartfelt, though, because he sees no problem with this. ]
But I don't really see why I'd want to. That seems like a better use of time than anything else. It pisses me off when people just give up because they've had enough, or because it's too hard, especially when the stakes are high.
[ It's not the first time he's said it, and it probably won't be the last, but the words have a harsh edge to them that wasn't there before. It could be that something is making him touchier about the subject than usual, or it might just be the thought of giving up himself - maybe both. Whatever the case, he doesn't seem to realize that it's slipping out. ]
If you're just going to stop thinking and looking for a solution to your problems, you might as well just drop dead.
[ The tension dissipates as he shifts to choosing his next question, and his voice softens, ]
Why don't you like being called by your first name?
[ Swing and a miss. He sighs, but he doesn't seem entirely displeased. ]
roll: 6 ...................... i'm living large
Hm...?
( he turns to watch rio fetch the balls, taking one of them as he explains his final ten minutes — some would watch the moon fall, some would watch the stars twinkle before them, others may dance or throw a party in acceptance in what they believe to be the world's final birthday. whatever a person can do, they find peace, or they find destruction, some would place their hands together in prayer to hope that today isn't the final day.
those are what humans do in those stories.
others would hide, there's a set that would try to find the answer, and becoming successful as the seconds tick — would rio be one of them? he's not a human, he's far more advanced, what sort of hope would he have for himself and the people who cower under the minutes? what would earth's final confession look like? if komada had those minutes, he think he would only enjoy what life had left for him, he'd call it good luck, because then all his bad luck would be erased.
that probably wouldn't be the case, he'd wind up the last survivor in a dilapidated world where the foundation is smeared, and all he would have is his shoddy talent ruining everything else. if the world wiped away, would rio live, could komaeda meet him, would komaeda have worked along with him? or shunned him because he wasn't an ultimate, it's the latter, he would have been nothing had he been younger.
...
he laughs. )
It really does, huh? Maybe you could be that world's hope, they would all work towards salvation, but it's terrifying when they have nowhere to go.
( what songs and praises would they sing to the heaven, what god would they call on? it's a feat that ultimate hope would be able to fix in just a minor second, but he's not here in that fashion, so it's only them. if this world wasn't meant for the deceased then...? would komaeda hang by the rooftop with his legs crossed, looking up with a smile on his face?
with his free hand, he reaches out to touch his shoulder from the venom at the edge of his words. it's new, but komaeda shakes him lightly. )
...Ah, I don't like how close it makes me feel with someone. My parents never called me by my name, you know? It feels weird, to know that someone I don't know would call me that, but... my mother or father wouldn't. It's because they didn't want to be close to me.
( as he speaks, he throws the ball forward that's carried along by the wind, and once it catches hold of the cup, it begins to spin around the edges — )
I don't want to be close to people in that manner, I'm better off being used as a stepping stone to elevate their hopes. So to hear them call me "Nagito," or "Nagito-kun," ... why do strangers have that right, when they don't even know me? If I accept it, something bad will happen, my luck will make sure of that... Ahaha... that's the story.
( spin, spin. )
It's nothing extravagant. ( he hums, canting his head to the side. ) If you could be reincarnated as someone in this room, who would you want to be?
( and at the question, the ball drops into the cup, he's a lil surprised after how long it's taken for that to happen, and on a silly question at that...
maybe he should have asked something serious. )
roll: 5... finally we have broken the (2-)3 curse
Rio was always just "Ranger," and that was only natural. It's the same as how Tia Safalin is Safalin, and prior to that was Namida, and yet everyone else is referred to by their first name. It was a line drawn between them that could never be crossed. It doesn't surprise him to hear of parents who refuse to call their kids by their names, not when there were just as many who would call their kids "shit" and "cockroach" and all other manner of names. He can relate, and he can't. ]
I see. So, it's just drawing a line.
[ The reasons are different, but the desired outcome is just the same. It's roughly what Rio expected, though it's not something he's willing to abide by. ]
There's no one.
[ Part of that is that he doesn't think highly enough of anyone, or otherwise that they have other issues, and part of it is that he simply can't exist any other way. But those aren't the reasons that he gives.
Instead, he thinks back to the conversation that he had with Sara. ]
I don't know who I want to be, but it's not the person I am now. But I don't have an answer to that question, so I don't want to be anyone else either.
[ And if he were to find that person he could be satisfied with, then there would be no reason to become anyone else. ]
What about you?
[ Would he be somebody else if he could? Rio tosses the ball, and it plops in the cup now, splashing a bit of liquid. It's not the perfect center that he might have liked, a little too much to one side, but it's better. ]
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( or would he continue calling him nagito all because of how close it makes him, of how uncomfortable it makes him, or how... much of a reaction he gives off to it. there's many reasons someone would want to keep doing it, but his words of "i see," having already known that means he's not considerate to komaeda's feelings on the matter, or maybe he is — it could be that he wants to care so it's different when he calls komaeda.
...
it's still difficult to komaeda, in the end. )
Now, that not the answer. It has be someone else.
( besides, he'll even use that high role as a reason of why he should have an actual name, which he looks at rio expectant for a proper answer. he doesn't know who to be because he's never been someone, and that's what makes these questions interesting. he could say something, and then take it back.
he could be them because of their hair, or because of their relationship with someone else... to be reincarnated means they could save them from their death — komaeda looks over to hinata, but knowing that komaeda believes actions to be intrinsic, he'll wind up here no matter what. )
I know my answer, but you can't cheat, Riokun...
( after all, they've cheated the entire game. )
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[ There's no lie in that. Without fail, Ranger uses a person's first name. He never uses honorfics. The sole exception seems to be the Floormasters, but eve then, it only goes as far as using their surnames. That was commonplace enough amongst them. There's something a little offensive, then, to be asked to call him Komaeda-kun, most of all while having a sore point touched on and pulled at in the same conversation. Rio shrugs those feelings off, trying not to let either one eat away at him. ]
If you were the exception, I could understand, but it sounds like you think that changing my behavior to suit you, for you and you alone, is less of a sign of closeness than remaining consistent would be... It sounds like you're making it into something it's not. Sometimes a spade is just a spade, you know.
[ It was really that simple. He's direct, honest, and consistent. It's far stranger for him to break away from status quo, and it's something that would be noted and found jarring by others. Rio can be considerate of his partner, and he can show care in a way that others wouldn't be afforded, but his core elements never really changed.
For the rest... He covers his face with the ice cream cone, and he gives Komaeda a warning look. The question is tearing at an open wound, one that will never heal, and without a doubt that will color any response that he gives. He's free to continue on that path, and it makes no difference to Rio, but it's a courtesy that he tends to offer - the option to back off, to avoid digging into those bitter and vile parts of him that he's managed to keep buried here.
Rio had twisted it into something palatable for a reason. He hates humans. He hates people. He hates them, he's disgusted by them - they're filthy and vile, and he wants away, and he's jealous and he wants to be close and most of all he wants to be human. Rio wants something he can never have, and he's accepted that, and the thought of being another person makes him so sick that he wants to throw up all the rot and slime and everything else that's built up over the last three years.
It's a harmless question, and it's a fun one. It's just a spade, but so is his answer. ]
... Hmm...
[ He waits to see if he'll ask again, his countenance impassive once more. ]
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( he likes to be nonexistent anyway, or he's just frustrated at the fact that rio does call everyone by their first, but to komaeda, it's difficult. why does he have to change and accept something he doesn't like, he's dealt with it this long, but even making a comment is no good. when it comes to natsume, it's said as a jab, one that komaeda reacts to with a small hint of dislike, but he knows how their relationship goes: they're not friends, nor are they enemies, they're a lost for words with no definition to their relationship. where rokkun says his first name, komaeda has gotten on him time and time again, he calls everyone by their first, everyone, even shin's, but that's because he's that sort of person, but he won't budge which makes him calling komaeda's name irritating too.
...and they say third time is the charm, and he looks at rio with a tired expression, and a sigh.
they should have played by dares, though that's what this is.
... )
I'm playing fair, so there should be a penalty without answering properly.
( he's smart about this, all games like truth or dare have a punishment if someone's unable to complete it. rio's answer wasn't valid though they've cheated the entire time, and so he knows he can't indulge in the beverage they've been tossing their balls into, he thinks of something else. he's an ai, so he can probably do physical things, or say something that doesn't force him to be out of character or so to speak.
he finds that, this may be acceptable, besides, he gave sara one for not playing correctly, and it'd be wrong if komaeda didn't do it here. )
So I won't answer the following question, either.
( i'm sorry peace since i know you're reading, you'll never know who komaeda would be. )
How's that?
( it's too basic, even komaeda doesn't like it, but he was asked the same question so it should be fine. )
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That's fair.
[ The implication that he wasn't answering properly pulls a little twitch out of him, but in the end he just shrugs. He'd explained it once, and it wasn't understood, and so a hundred times more won't close that gap. It stings, and there's a dull ache in his chest, because he wants somebody to understand those feelings too, but... Who was there that could even begin to comprehend that cocktail of complex and conflicting emotions, of admiration and disdain, and of being better than everyone while also being worse than them? How can he give an answer that he doesn't have?
Maybe that'll be his lie next time, he thinks... But Rio knows that it won't be, because he won't play pretend on that. That petulant line of thought doesn't even bring him any comfort, it does nothing to alleviate that sickly feeling, and that agitates him further.
He can't accept calling Komaeda by anything else, either. There's some part of him that finds the entire thing unfair, to constantly be shoved away and expected to adapt to every whim while having every last boundary pushed and regularly swallowing every last insecurity for the sole sake of seeing what happens. It's not that he can't understand those feelings, but they're at odds with with own. The idea of making that exception for a single person makes him squirm. It goes on and on until this thoughts are all tangled and knotted together.
He flips through his cards a few times before they're replaced by one that covers his entire face. A dotted eye and a less-than sign for a wink, a v-shaped smile, something simple and cute that he'd grabbed at random to hide whatever expression he's showing behind it. But maybe that's not surprising - he really doesn't keep any negative cards, does he? There's just a few of them, barely ever used, so easily forgotten about.
...
He doesn't get it. He still doesn't get it at all. ]
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roll: 5
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