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npc contact.2
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Then and now are two different times, but I didn't know of your existence at that time... I didn't even know he had family.
( which may sound weird, but komaeda doesn't have family either so... ) Yet, you can have something to be happy about, to keep you going so that you don't give up, soccer could have been that in order to meet you again.
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He never talked about me?
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He probably didn't trust me.
( that sounds better. ) At the time... we believed this to be a normal high school which might have had something to do with it.
( and komaeda tried to kill him all the time so... )
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( pinches their cheeks because he doesn't like the face they're making. )
His business is his business... if he didn't tell me, he didn't. I know what I know now... and he simply missed you, and his entire goal was to go back to his family, and now...
( hmmmm. )
He wants to take you back home with him...
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To which home? If he goes back to where he came from, what's going to happen to me?
[ There's already another Kogamo back there, and books and movies dictate that doubles cannot coexist. And even if they could... they know without a doubt that Aniki would choose their three-year-old self over the them of now, who is little more than a stranger. ]
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( he doesn't move them though, but the "which home" is a little confusing? the home that they came from in which he's guessing, that home with the cabin hidden in the forest, by the river with all the rocks. )
He's taking you with him which seems to be the plan. ...So you two can be together, isn't that what you want?
( he can't give them a kiss, and so he pats their head gently knowing the flinch will come. )
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I want to go back to when I was little... when I needed him, and he was there, and he didn't die and leave me all alone and I wouldn't have grown up like...
[ ... ]
...like this.
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( he remembers the conversation, but he had believed time moved on without them, and that it didn't just stop — people would miss them, and then they'd mysteriously appear again. )
Where do you go, when you go back?
( he knows they can't graduate, he knows that they're signed under a contract, but he's never heard it from them directly. is he baiting? likely, but it's more of where do they go. ) Since you're unable to go back *there*.
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...
There's a little shuffle of their feet as they pull back, not looking at Komaeda, arms wrapping around themselves to make up for it. ]
I don't know, since I'm not graduating. I never had that chance in the first place.
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( for a moment his tone is sharp, almost requesting the other to not play around with this. but he chuckles, looking off to the side with a smile. his arms cross before his chest, in a way he holds himself but not comparable to how npckun holds onto himself completely. )
That "chance".
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...
......... ]
You already know?
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( or maybe npckun did lie, komaeda's not sure, he just remembers the answer he would search for never came up, the other would never tell him directly. )
Was that your plan, to keep me in the dark the entire time? ...Having me build these fantasies knowing they'd never actually happen? ( he stops, but his eyes do glance over to npckun, tilting himself so he can try and see what the other has to hide. ) Is there anything else I should know that doesn't mean anything that you had me play along with?
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[ Nnnngh. They can hear the disappointment in his voice, turning their head away when Komaeda tries to get a closer look.
It's not like they were going to hide it forever... Okay, well actually, yes that was the plan. But it was also something they sort of put off, trying not to think about it or voice it or make it real, because then it would have to be something they need to address and they aren't equipped to face insurmountable impossibilities. It's mean, they know. It's something that colors everything they do and say, something that invalidates all their thoughts and feelings and being when, in just a couple of months, nothing about them will have ever mattered. ]
I didn't want you to think I was hopeless.
[ A lost cause. Somebody not worth pretending with, who has no future to build towards. ]
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( it sound familiar, but komaeda won't say anything if it does or doesn't, instead when npckun turns away, komaeda leans up as he watches. how should he feel, even though he's known for awhile, could he have gotten fed up? or... isn't this what npckun wanted before, to see komaeda mad? yes, but maybe disappointment was something they hadn't expected because the ultimate isn't able to show anger about this.
he glances towards the door, almost like he's thinking about it, but he doesn't. instead, he closes his eyes in thought, and his fingers curl into fists — what leftover fingernails dig into his palm, and they leave behind crescent shapes. )
Forcing them into despairing situations.
( maybe that's why komaeda doesn't lie, that he sees no reason to do so because he always believes in a positive despite the way his life is going. he'll allow npckun to speak, though. it's better than rokkun, he guesses, who removed his memories because that was the only way he could make it. )
Are you hopeless? ( he asks, eyes squinting as if he wants to see through them for what they really are. )
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[ REGARDLESS OF IF THEY ARE there's no way they can say yes after hearing "Hopeless people make me sick"
...It's not a lie. Something that's ever transient can't be. ]
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( answer the tough questions. )
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[ Because anego said they're always right, and she's always right ]
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( ... )
I'm leaving.
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[ can't remember where they are but they're going to bodily block Komaeda from leaving ]
If you think that, then prove me wrong!
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...Is that what you want to do, turn it around on me?
( he sighs, looking off to the side. )
Having hope means taking your past, using it, and moving forward, but you're ashamed of yourself, and that's why you hide because of your own insecurities.
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[ But despite the declaration in their tone, it's quieter, eye contact shifting away. ]
It's not like people have to know my past. I did what I did so I could move forward...
[ They did what they did so they could be with the person they loved, because if they didn't... there was nothing else to live for, there was no point to existence, the end result would have been the same no matter what. ]
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( because that's just leading someone on, and komaeda wonders if he's stupid for even getting this far. he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before his eyes lift up to look at npckun. )
I don't want you to take hope as a joke, as if it's meaningless because when it's all said a done, you only humored the idea... I want to know what hope you intend to grasp with your own hands with the encouragement of others.
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... ]
...I'm going to save Aniki. And then... maybe he'll save me.
[ If he never died, then neither would they— they wouldn't have experienced loss, they wouldn't have have become so clingy and anxious and duplicitous. Would have been less naïve, more sociable. Maybe they would have loved the dark, the water, the cold, the quiet. Maybe things would have turned out a lot better, and they would've been happier.
With a restart, Keigo Arata could have grown up happy and well adjusted. And the shopkeep that stands in front of Komaeda now will never have existed, just as promised by the end of the school year. ]
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( there's no force behind his voice, but there's no patient understanding, it's as if he's searching for the method to debate whether it'll help or not. the other has hidden so much, from the fact that their life means nothing to maybe some other parts about them, and komaeda won't know unless he's told. there's a hand on his hip, a bored expression on his face as he watches the other that speaks almost with a plea, and it's their "maybe" that makes komaeda shake his head. )
You have no hope in him, do you... Instead, you must see us all as failures, that we're chasing after something unobtainable...
( he clears his throat, lifting a head as fingers run through his hair. )
Maybe... To say things like maybe... do you want to be saved?
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