yogen | npc contact.2

A tree that drops its flowers cannot take them back, only grow them anew.

[ ...

He sets his things down and moves to sit down with his back to the wisteria tree, patting the ground next to him as an invitation for Nene to sit with him. ]

Sometimes, it's the flowers themselves that decide it is time to let go. That they have held on long enough.

( nene doesn't even hesitate to take a seat beside him, legs curling up while she looks back and forth between the flowers above them with concern and to kazuki. ... e-even if he can't see her, it feels polite to give him her attention. )

Does this mean they won't be able to come back, then...?

[ He wouldn't mind rudeness, but he's grateful that Nene thinks to turn towards him— he can tell, after all, with the way her voice carries towards him instead of off to the side, and that lets him look at her directly too. Which I'm going to say he has a new mask by now bc I can't stand him being eyeless and not matching his icons, sockets are hidden again now. ]

Not back here, nor the life that they knew. But where they go from here, even I do not know.

... I hope it's someplace better.

( a soft admission, but is there anyone who doesn't hate it here on some level? surely even crona must miss their friends at least. but then... where do they go? the far shore? ... a different reincarnation? )

What is this place, Kazuki-san?

[ He's quiet for a moment, because he wishes too... but that's all he can do, being a denizen of this world and none other. As far as he can remember, he was always a part of this world; perhaps he's the only person here who feels comfortable being here, who looks forward to living and to dying in this place. ]

...It is a school meant for nurturing young souls. A time taken out of one's life where one is mean to grow and mature, to better be prepared for life ahead.

[ Leaning to the side, he digs his fingers into the soft dirt between the grass, taking a small handful into his fist and bringing it before his chest. ]

Hold your hand out, lass. Right under mine.

( kazuki honey no you can do better than murder school

nene blinks and leans over curiously, holding her hand out as instructed with a little "okay". but... a place for nuturing young souls? but lucifer was old. so old. what made a soul young, if he was here too? ... and why did he specify souls only?

she tries hard not to think about kou and hanako discussing her life span. her less-than-a-year left to live. .... how many months she's spent in this place since learning that. )

But we all had our places. I don't understand why we're here.

[ Can't imagine anything better if this is all you've ever known. ]

You had your places, yes. But eventually, life comes unto death comes unto life again. For many, that happens without their knowledge. And for many, that is a blessing.

[ As he speaks, he molds the soil between his hands into a somewhat lopsided ball. The shape does not matter; every time he opens and closes his hands, a dusting of dirt falls onto Nene's open palms below. ]

In my hands is the world. In yours in this school.

[ ...

...

This metaphor makes sense in his mind, at any rate. ]

( something feels. numb. as he talks. she wants to deny it, wants to get up and run to hanako, wants to do a lot of things, actually, but she stays still, listening and growing cold and numb. )

Does that mean that we're dead...?

( she tries not to break when she asks, she really does- and thankfully, kazuki moving and the dirt crumbling into her hands, a tactile sensation, jostles her out of it. but... )

You've never been away from here, have you?

[ He can hear it in her voice, the fear, the disbelief, and his heart hurts for her, voice gentle as he lowers his hands and sets the packed soil down onto Nene's hands. ]

That is right. I have always been here. An eddy at the side of a river, due to overflow.

[ Patting his hands together to clean them of dirt, he tilts his head up towards the tree they sit beneath. ]

Are you afraid, lass? This may be of no comfort to you, but in being reborn, you will not remember any of this life, or the lives past. But your soul will grow stronger; your feelings and experiences will be imprinted upon it, and it will bring that much of you unto the next life.

Have you ever wanted to? ... There's flowers that grow unlike the ones here, like tropical flowers... or ones in rain forests... I bet you'd like them all a lot, too.

( talking about that sort of thing- flights of fancy and childish whims of getting to be more than you are, a spark of want to lead to something more-- and for him, not her, because that means reliving a conversation in the clouds that she's not ready to think of yet and it keeps slipping into mind no matter how much she tries otherwise- )

... I think... I'm more sad than anything. ... Before I woke up here, I learned I only had a little bit left to live. And I was trying so hard to change that, because I wanted to grow up... and find love... and be with those precious people. A-and now... I don't want it all to be over. I had so much more I wanted to do. I don't even know how it happened- will I ever?

( should she? ... that remains to be seen but like, i want to know so. )

I can't yearn for something I know nothing about.

[ Tropical flowers, flowers from different worlds, the sort that can only be imagined of... He's never been good at imagination, and it's a flaw he recognizes, especially when listening to Nene talk about a possible future filled with love. ]

Are they not things you can do here? [ maybe no growing up in terms of linear time, but, ] Finding love, being with precious people, being able to take your time here to nurture what you need to before you graduate.

Is it the same thing, here? I- If I were to fall in love, I couldn't introduce them to my parents. I can't tell my friends back home about the people here, o-or go to college and grow older as me- I...

I didn't want it to be over...

( she doesn't mean to cry, but perhaps this has been a long time coming. since shin asked her all those weeks ago, when she herself realized that 'alive' might not mean anything here- but she does. and it stings, because it always stings, and she doesn't know what to do because there's so much hurt and sorrow and grief and rage inside of her and no where to point it but through tears.

what a miserable afterlife. )

[ He can hear her voice grow thick with tears, smell them as they roll down her face and fall onto dry dirt. Hands remain on his lap, careful not to lift them and touch her, but he does lean in slightly, to bring her eyes back up to him without demanding it. ]

It is not the same. But as long as you're here, it's not over. Grieve for your old life but do not scorn what you have here, lass. The love you feel here is still love. The friends you make, experiences you have, the knowledge you gain... they are all still things to be proud of.

( nene looks up at him, but she can't stop the tears from falling- can't stop the waver of her voice... )

But people die. H-horribly. It's- is it even death? What's the point of- of all of that, why are we in constant danger? Is that supposed to make us grow stronger?

( she doesn't want to be stronger. she's growing toxic flowers, learning to brew poisons, lucifer is teaching her hexes because he knows he can't be there for everyone. she never wanted to be hard and venomous and strong. she was never meant to be this way- )

I... I have a hamster back home. And vegetables I was growing... I wanted to show my friends here my school. I wanted to take the best of this place back home with me.

Edited (WOOPSIES) 2021-09-23 00:32 (UTC)

[ What would the best of this place even be...? If it were the days of yore, he could have explained so much better, could have talked about his students and their accomplishments and how proud he was of them— how proud they were of themselves— when it finally came to graduation day and they would step out through the front gates one last time with a smile on their faces. ]

...It was not always this way. And I apologize for not having the power to turn back time, to return your soul back home, to all that you left behind. Many of the souls here are lost, confused, angry, scared... they have been here for so long already, unable to accept and let go. You will not be able to leave this place until you too are ready.

( someone please tell nene they're proud of her actually, she never hears it and she's doing really, really well in this murder school purgatory-- but why would she want noah to return to being a child soldier, for crona to go to wherever it was that was so awful that they think a- a corrupted? purgatory is a kinder world, see the people who've found love here split up? will those bonds be there when they....

when they graduate? god--

in kinder times, perhaps yogen wouldn't be so bad at all. learning she had died- remembering it- might have been awful, but she would... have time to grieve, at least. time to breathe. graduation wouldn't be a death race. nene thinks about the graduate last year. alone and cold and missing an arm. ... )

... It- it's not your fault. I don't blame you. You've been nothing but kind to me. ( even when he was out of control, and, you know. eating kids. it's. look she forgave yako she can forgive this, why did the supernaturals twist her morals so hanako this is your fault ) ... I wish I knew how it happened, if only because the last thing I remember was vowing to change my fate- I want to know what beat us. ... I... I don't want to change into someone else.

( and as she speaks softly, she raises one hand to look at it- her nails are still painted from movie night, by akira's hand. there's no scars or blemishes on the back, but she knows the palm has been left crimson red too many times since summer started. if she was to be reborn, what would happen? would she have a freckle or two on the back? it woldn't be her hand. )

But I already am, aren't I? The me before this- she didn't know anything about poisons, or stitching wounds. Or what it felt like to lose a brother... And I can't go back to that.

Edited (CODE GOOF) 2021-09-23 03:03 (UTC)

[ Kindness does not make one blameless, although Kazuki cannot say he had any direct hand in what happens here. ]

...No, you cannot go back to that. In your next life, or the next, perhaps you will grow up to be a gardener, or a teacher, or find yourself in a cat's body. You will not know, any more than you know who you used to be.

[ Not Nene Yashiro at all, but somebody else completely, living somewhere different in a different time. The hand she's staring at now is hers and hers alone.

There is little comfort to be gotten from nihilism, but it's still there in his voice, quiet and gentle. ]

Would knowing the cause of your death be any better? Whether it was orchestrated or by sheer accident, it does not change your being here.

( a gardener or a teacher... like. what she does here? she teaches stephanie and ishimaru to sew, hikaru to cook- she runs the gardening club, is constantly running around bringing more people into it. does... )

Does what we do here matter for what comes next? Do my actions in this place determine what I'll be?

( it's worth asking, honestly. her hand falls back down, grazing the spider lilies close by. )

... I don't know. But maybe I'm just tired of not knowing things. People don't tell me things, hide things. I- maybe it'd hurt too much, knowing, but I thought we could do it.

[ Like what she does here, and like what he... did and does, because it's easiest to draw example from experience. ]

Everything you do matters. It may not feel like it, but your time is but a drop in the ocean of your soul. The embrace of your mother when you were first born... the person you faced when you took your first steps... kind words exchanged with a stranger on the way to school... You do not remember such things, do you? Nor what you ate for supper exactly ten years ago from now, nor the color of the first pair of shoes you learned to tie. Memories gone in the next moment still matter.

[ Death and rebirth, an endless cycle of opening your eyes and closing them, never knowing anything, always having to relearn everything, it would be so easy to say that none of what happens here matters when everything's just going to be reset, but it does matter. It matters so much, and he needs Nene to know. ]

Little by little such things mold the soul, and yours is a compassionate and willful one, lass. When you move onto the next life, and forget everything that you did and saw and were, the soul you so carefully nurtured will not forget.

( nene... listens, quietly- her hands are still dirty so she avoids touching her clothes, and even if she's not actually sobbing anymore, tears still drop silently and slowly down her face, leaving the faintest hint of pink scales in their wake. maybe if they were having this conversation earlier, like. before she died, this sort of thing would sound nicer- sweeter, softer. but she also just learned she died, and doesn't know what to do yet. it's less idealistic philosophical talk and more a looking reality that's threatening to crush her. )

... How long have I been here, Kazuki-san?

( ... not that she expects him to really know. but... )

I- is getting ready, accepting all of this- is that what graduation is? Do we even have any say in what comes next?

Quite a while.

[ ...

anyways, ]

Graduation means different things for different people. But once they are ready, and they leave those gates, they do not come back. I do not know what lies beyond. But you needn't worry: when a soul is lost, the heart will guide it.

( she's quiet for a while after that, looking at the red spider lilies... were they guiding the souls that decided they'd had enough? )

... You said that... it wasn't always like this. What happened?

( because that is so much easier than focusing on- on her, and her dying, and she's going to have to tell hanako, how will he get back to where he's supposed to be? he can't put his goals on hold like this for her-

no. nope. school now. why is this now hell. )

Time passed. Things change. That is the way of the world, lass: cycles of peace and war should not be unfamiliar to your own experiences.

[ There are dark spots of humanity just as much as there are bright ones, but that's just how people are, especially in the microcosm of a school. ]

( ori i assure you if this was a middle school? there would have been even more deaths by now. we got off easy thank you for this mercy.

but kazuki's been up front with her on... a lot of things, answering in depth and gently. so if that's all he's willing to say on the matter for now...

nene sighs, finally rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hands. )

... Can... Can I stay here for a little bit?

( the 'with you' is unspoken- she's not ready to face the others yet. she told shin that he was just as alive as she was- told lucifer and inaba and noah and everyone else they would get out alive, get home, find new homes, find places to be and live and love. how is she supposed to look at them now? )

[ Stares into the sky about middle school... oh yeah, there would've been bloodshed day one. ]

You may stay as long as you want; you need not ask me permision. But it would be best if you turned in for the night, when it gets too late, or too cold. I would not be able to do much for you, then.

(no subject)

mermaidcursed - 2021-09-25 06:03 (UTC) - Expand

npc contact.2

full navigation

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)