yogen | npc contact.2

Well, he did yell a lot, but it wasn't that bad...

[he didn't cry or anything... maybe didn't have ball-related nightmares...]

I've decided I like seeing you scared the least out of all your faces I've seen though, so our exposure stuff's not gonna be like that. Sorta sounds like that'll have the opposite effect of what we want...

[hmmmmmm oh]

I got it! Keigo, you wanna know the best thing you can do when you're in a dark place for this?

[ The best thing to do in a dark place you're scared of is to squeeze your eyes shut and clamp your hands over your ears and wait until it's light again, but somehow they doubt this is what Subaru is getting at. ]

What is it?

[well--]

You close your eyes and then you know it's dark for a good reason!

[so like, half, don't be disappointed]

It'll help your eyes adjust too, like when I took you to see the stars. [...] For me, the scary part is not being able to see anything or anyone when I open my eyes. If I have my eyes closed, then I know I'm not supposed to be able to see anything. That helps it, in a way.

[it makes him feel less alone, if he chooses to know he can't see anything versus being forced to recognize that he can't. it's why blindfolds make him nervous, why he hates that natsume's taking sight away from himself.]

It might be different if why you don't like it is different, though, so we'll try things until you're good with one.

[ It's a reason, but they have to wonder if it's a good enough one to convince themselves. Truthfully, they never really thought about why they don't like the dark... it's just always made them nervous, compared to the sheer comfort they feel when there's a dim nightlight in the room. Something about needing to see... something that reminds them of something else...

...

... ]

If we both have our eyes closed, we're going to run into the walls and trip on the stairs.

So we'll take turns being the oni.

[like kagome, kagome.]

One of us'll have our eyes closed, and the other will lead the way - literally or, uh... conversationally! That way, we'll be so distracted thinking of questions and answers we won't be able to feel nervous about the darkness! We can go longer times without talking, or touching each other, and maybe...

[...]

Maybe that'll help both of us. When we're alone and we don't have anyone around, we'll be too busy thinking of things we wanna ask or talk to each other about, and we won't even notice what's not around us. Eyes opened, eyes closed, it won't matter.

[ It'd be nice, they think, as they let their eyes slide closed for a moment and tries to imagine it. Subaru leading them through the darkness isn't very difficult; he's done that already, patiently leading as they occasionally adjust their grip on his hand to make sure he's still there, letting them take their time feeling the floor under their feet and taking the corners and the stairs slow, talking to them all the while.

The other way around... they can't help but remember back to the other night. It was slow going then too, but because their feet felt like lead and the ground felt like quicksand. Deathgrip in both hands, fists clenched so tight they couldn't feel anything. They weren't alone, then, not really, but if it were Subaru with them instead... they would have felt a lot better.

... ]

We wouldn't even need to talk. Just being with you would be enough.

[ Like the dim nightlight in the corner of their room back home, they don't need something bright and shining to dispel the darkness. Just a warm glow to make it bearable, and Subaru gives them just that. ]

[the same way they wouldn't want to look at the sky the whole time if they were with subaru, how they don't know what they'd want to do but just hanging out together, being close and there, would be enough. he closes his eyes too, resting his head against theirs with a giddy smile.

... subaru likes it when there's noise, on the other hand, it's what he chatters and sings and so much more -- he has to be doing something for his ears and mind to latch onto versus wandering as it does, even if it's just the occasional squeak of sneakers on polished dance floor of the practice room, of the gym.

well. differences are what make people unique.]

'Kay~. You're a pretty simple person, huh? I gotta warn you though, [not that it's a surprise,] I'm probably gonna end up talking or singing anyway. I can't even be quiet with my best friends!

[so it's not because keigo's silence in particular makes him nervous or anything, or that he dislikes it, he simply has too much... everything to contain it for very long before it needs to vent out somehow. the rhythmic tapping of his fingers against a desk, snatches of songs new and old sung beneath his breath, always a ward against the way darkness mutes the world and squeezes his heart so hard it could burst.]

[ Simple... They can't find fault in that, though, because they are. It's the little things that make them happy— a touch here, a smile there, they don't need words to tell them they're being thought of, and that's all they really need.

... ]

What's the longest you've been quiet for?

[ Less then 24 hours. ]

[... hmmmm.]

Eight hours, I guess? Maybe nine? But only 'cause I was sleeping. Not counting that...

[... ... ...]

An hour, maybe?

[he talks between times he can't. he is not a quiet person whatsoever. not in the least. if you need complete silence for anything, around subaru akehoshi is not it.]

[ ...

It makes them smile, just a little bit, because it doesn't surprise them at all that Subaru is like that. That hour is probably class time when he's not allowed to talk, they think, and even then it must be tough. ]

Mm... It'd be nice if I were that sort of person too. I'd be able to lead you better, and I wouldn't have to rely on everybody around me.

I love you the way you are though, Keigo! You talk enough for me, and I still rely on plenty of people around me! Being talkative just means I get on everyone's nerves twice as fast~.

[but there's no shame or guilt in that]

Besides, [with a squeeze of their cheeks,] it just means you and me fit pretty well together. Don'tcha think? ♪

[someone who likes talking, someone can stand silence... subaru could probably try for half an hour more of quiet time if he had something to focus his hands or mind, like a certain shopkeeper]

[ Their soft mochi cheeks... Hard not to smile when he does that, and tells them he loves them, and that they're good enough how they are. It's warm.

... ]

Yeah. I think we're good together too.

[after the days of no smiles, of disinterest and disassociating when the world darkens, seeing keigo now makes it feel so special. a real star in the pitch of night, sparkling and shining, a glittering memory subaru'll hold close like all the others. it's a relief, a joy, and his ears warm as much as his heart squeezes in delight.]

Wanna know something cool that just happened, Keigo?

Hm? What happened?

[ Honestly, their first thought is the tin can-dle that they throw a glance at to see if something changed with it, before looking back at Subaru. ]

[nothing has changed, except they definitely need to put something better under it because that tin can-dle is really gonna be its name with how the wax is no doubt gonna pool and seal the bottom to the paper.]

My wish came true.

Can you say what it is? Since it came true.

[ Like how you're not supposed to say birthday wishes out loud or else they won't come true, but after the fact it's fair game. ]

Yup! You're gonna think it's not worth wasting a wish on though~.

[as said by someone who's probably been told that before, that he shouldn't place such mundane and normal occurrences in the hands of the stars. they're better suited for goals to keep in mind, things you wanna keep looking forward to in the future, wishes that might fade with time and replaced with something else.]

Whenever I go up there, I always wish to see my friends smile! And really recently, I've been wishing to see you smile. [because he loves it, because he loves keigo.] So you made my wish come true!

[yeah. that's all]

[ Wishes are for grand, impossible dreams, ones so far away you can't help but ask the stars to lend you a little help. Seeing one's friends smile is too simple a wish... but their own smile really did feel like a grand, impossible dream when they wake up frazzled and go through the day miserable and do their best to appear simply mopey around the people who care. ]

...It wasn't me, or the stars that made the wish come true. That was all you, Subaru.

Mmm~.

[maybe. but how's he put it... he'll drop his hands from those soft, squishy cheeks and take keigo's with them, content. swaying from side to side a little, but content.]

You're the one who smiled. It doesn't matter what caused it, even though I'm happy it's me, but I wanted to see you smile and I did. So you fulfilled that wish. If that makes sense?

[if his wish to see everyone's sparkling, happy smiles, then it doesn't matter what causes it; if he can see them, then it's enough.]

No.

[ Because even if they physically smiled, they can do that bright cheerful practiced shopkeep smile and it still wouldn't be a smile like one Subaru can draw out of them. A real smile has emotion behind it, and that takes another person to make them feel like smiling. ]

Give yourself more credit.

[so it's like that. subaru can accept that, even if he was trying to make them feel good too, and he'll hug them, sinking against them with all his weight... like a dog deciding now's the time to try and be a lap dog, except they very are much not fit to be a lap dog.]

'Kay~. I like being the one that makes you smile anyway! I'm not gonna shy away from taking credit, especially over something like this. ☆

[he's spoiled at heart, he found something he liked after being nothing but an outcast for years and then wanted more of it like a fire consuming dry tinder. smiles can be worth a dime a dozen to some, but... knowing he's the cause of them, that his music and presence and anything else is what makes them shine so bright, that's special]

It's definitely not worth upsetting you either. I'd rather see you mad over something like... how many fingers we have.

[ wait—- ]

How many fingers do you have?!

[ WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ]

[oh good this favorite thing, stupid question time!!!!]

Eight!

[he'll hold up a hand, with everything but his thumb raised.]

Four on this hand, and four on the other! Thumbs don't count as fingers, but everything on your hand is a digit! Right? Or would you say that you've got five on each hand, with ten in total counting your thumbs as fingers?

Ten total...

[ what... this is going to be one of those Cool Science Facts they'll squirrel away for the next time they see Amami and then they'll tell him proudly as if they hadn't just learned this two hours ago ]

["oh no" i say, knowing this is the small-time chaos subaru lives for. then amami will accept it as fact, because keigo said so, and then it'll begin to spread around the school...!!!!!]

Yup! Totally blew your mind, didn't I? I kinda wanted to see if you'd argue with me about it, though~.

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