yogen | npc contact.2

[ They could get by on just apple juice. It's a fruit, and it can be lunch. But they follow along anyways, sticking close but not too anxiously— as long as it's daytime, it's okay, and as long as they're with Amami, it's okay. There are a lot of people around, but as long as they stick close, it's okay.

... ]

What do you want for lunch?

Me? I'm not a picky eater, so whatever we make for you, I'll just have some of that.

( going to so many places, it'd be rude to turn away whatever's offered to you. if this man can eat fried worms, he can eat whatever kamo-kun wants without complaint. let him swing their arms a little — you know, the way that kamo-kun would do for them before. )

[ nooooo don't remind me of the fried worms ]

Then, hot and sour soup. We'll need tofu, bamboo, lily, wood ear, shiitake...

[ everything else is pretty commonly found in the kitchen pantry but it needs to have bamboo shoots and lily or else it's no good. ]

Oh, is that your favourite?

( or just what they're in the mood for right now? he makes a mental note either way. )

We'll check. Between everyone's different grocery lists, we might be able to find them.

( somebody? maybe, could have listed them. it's not impossible considering their mix, so they'll figure it out when they get inside, making a bee-line for the kitchen. )

No. But it's healthy, and easy to make, and sour is good for appetite.

[ They can make a lot at once, too, and nurse the leftovers throughout the next few days. Anyways, once they get to the kitchen npckun lets go of Amami's hand so they can wash theirs at the sink, shaking them dry while looking around for a cute apron, there'd better be a cute aprond around here; they're probably going to end up borrowing Nene's or something. ]

I guess it's as good a choice as any then.

( sometimes the food you're craving isn't necessarily your favourite — that's fair. amami will be getting their favourite out of them though. for now, he takes his turn washing his hands as they hunt down an apron. hope it's extra cute, if it's not, amami will sponsor a cuter one.

with that, amami will start pulling out some dishes and things to cook with, glancing over his shoulder to kamo-kun. )

Do you want to start grabbing the ingredients while I get everything set up?

Okay.

[ Cooking together... will be kind of weird. They've never done that before, and when it was them and Komaeda, they had made Komaeda sit off to the side so he wouldn't be in the way, but maybe it'll be fun.

They choose this apron to tie behind themselves and sets off to gather the ingredients: everything they mentioned before, plus ginger, chili pepper, vinegar, both light and dark soy sauce, cornstarch, egg, scallions, extra extra bamboo because the bamboo is the best part of this dish...

the mushrooms get handed over to Amami. ]

These need to soak.

( me like wow i cook for real like once a month idk what i'm doing saying they should cook actually. it's fine. that just means amami can grab one of those shiny silver bowls and rinse them off, then fill it up with water and that's soaking them i think. amami knows what he's doing, even if i don't. actually, you know what? that's genius. even aside from the adorable apron, it's super endearing watching kamo-kun take the lead anyway, so he'll offer up a smile in their direction. he looks pretty amused. )

You're gonna teach me how to make it, then?

( he'd thought he could teach them something to make, but learning one of theirs — that wouldn't be so bad. something he can mentally tuck away, in case they ever ask for it in the future. )

I can, yeah.

[ It'll be like doing it themselves, except they can keep their hands clean. Amami's going to use hot water to soak the mushrooms so it'll take less time, and then be instructed to slice them as thin as he can while the chicken stock comes to a boil on the stove for the soup base. The tofu and bamboo get sliced, and npckun just sort of eyeballs how much of the vinegar and soy sauce they add and taste tests for the right flavor. Mushroom and bamboo take longer to cook, so they go in first, then the chili to infuse heat into the soup, salt, pepper, a little bit of cornstarch mixed with water to thicken the soup. They make Amami stir the pot and keep everything swirling while they beat two eggs and slowly pours it into the pot so it cooks in silky ribbons like in egg drop soup, and they step back to pull a stool over to the pantry so they can get at the bowls stored way up high. ]

-—just a drop of sesame oil, because you want the fragrance without it cooking. And then after the soup is portioned, you'll add the scallion at the very end— it's for color, so you don't want to stir it in, just sprinkle it on top to finish off the dish!

[ Little by little, as they go through the steps, they do seem to cheer up considerably without realizing. Because cooking is fun, teaching is fun, getting to boss somebody around is fun, and it's very easy to take your mind off things while cooking because there's a certain order and time limit to things and you're constantly moving, there's no time to be sad. ]

( it's... yeah, this is nice.

a little bit of normalcy, compared to the soft-spoken, absent sort of feeling that had been present before — not only with kamo-kun, but himself as well. letting them show off a little, watching them get so absorbed in making sure he's doing it right that they're happy to boss him around without really thinking much more into it, something about it sets his heart at ease some. whether or not they're "better" now... that would be nice, but probably isn't so realistic; seeing them offer up a smile though, even if it'll take them time to share it as much as they had before, it tells him that they can. they will get better, and his expression is soft as he looks at them.

give him a moment though and, he'll follow those last couple instructions, sprinkling the scallion on top and picking up the two bowls to hold out for kamo-kun. )

You're a good teacher, aren't you? If that's the finishing touch, do you wanna bring these to the other room? Maybe by the windows.

( he'd say fireplace, but no. )

I'm just gonna set aside some of these dishes and I'll be right there.

Dad says the best way to learn is to teach somebody else.

[ So they did a lot of teaching. Doesn't have to be to a person, either, you can teach your toys or photos or reflections in the mirrors, they're all good listeners. Amami's a good listener too, and they bet the soup's going to be good; it must be, because they taught him how to make it.

But anyways they take one bowl from Amami's hands and they're going to bring the bowls over one at a time because they don't trust themselves with two, slow steps to the nearest table by the windows and then hurrying back to the kitchen to get the second bowl. ]

( amami grins, and while kamo-kun's working on the bowls, he'll tidy up the kitchen some — mostly just dumping all their dishes in the sink, putting a lid over the leftover soup because they probably made more than two bowls worth, grabbing some napkins and spoons for them to eat with. when kamo-kun's about halfway back to the table they've picked out, amami will fall into step beside them, setting himself down on a little loveseat near it so kamo-kun can sit next to him if they want. (hopefully.)

in the meantime, he'll claim the bowl they already dropped off as his, picking it up off the table so he can take a sip... bite... (subaru vc) do you eat or drink soup? )

[ If it's more than 50% liquid you drink it. But npckun seems to hesitate when they return to the table with the second bowl, because you don't drink spillable things on furniture that looks very hard to clean? This is why we have hardwood floors and uncomfortable wood chairs you can just wipe down and be over with it.

...

But they do want to be near Amami so they set the bowl down next to his and slides in next to him and decides to be very very careful so they don't spill a drop.

... ]

How is it?

( subaru vs. kamo-kun on is this soup food or drink, fight!

later. because for now, amami is busy drinking his soup. he's pretty confident in his fine motor skills now that he's not going through the lovely void-broke wrist pains, and he's not all that careful about it. he must've been hungrier than he'd thought himself, actually; not feeling his best in the morning to make lunch for the afternoon, and so he ended up skipping it by mistake. so even when kamo-kun asks him, he's gonna take a couple extra seconds before setting the bowl down. you know — to show how good it is. "you know it's good food when nobody's talking" and all that.

once he's done with that though, he'll offer a bright smile. )

Of course. I'm not a bad cook myself, but you might just be even better.

[ The couple extra seconds make them a bit nervous, and the relief is both visible and audible as they let out a breath. Good. They passed.

With that off their chest, they settle back against the seat instead of starting on their own soup, stretching their arms out before them to get the stiffness out. ]

I found a good recipe, that's all. Once you have a recipe, all you do is follow the directions and anybody can cook.

[ They did a good job... good. ]

It's good, right? I thought since sometimes... when you don't feel warm in your heart, you can fill your stomach instead, and the warmth will spread to the rest of you. I know it's not the same... but you've been down lately, so I hope it helps.

( he wants to interrupt — getting the instructions right is harder than you'd think for some people, and memorizing them after the fact, but... when they continue, it's kind of hard to have the heart to linger on that, for all the warmth in their words. the soup is one thing, it's something he appreciates before, and the feelings that apparently went into it. it's the words though, that really get him. that melt his heart a little, with the tentative care that seems to go into them. )

It helps...

( his smile is a bit apologetic, and he'll rub at the side of his neck some. )

Sorry, Kamo-kun. It wasn't my intention to worry you, it's just... I've been worried about you.

( and he breathes out, a soft exhale as he glances aside, then meets their eyes again. )

But I'm glad you're okay, in the end.

[ is npckun okay though

It's the same with them, though, not wanting to worry Amami who is worried about them, especially when he says nothing about not being worried anymore, or being less worried, unless they're able to get their shit together and look fine again.

... ]

Yeah, I'm okay! I've gotten a lot of rest, and you and Subaru are always looking after me, so... I'm okay!

( they will be? it's not like i don't have more plans out here.

anyway, amami pinches at one of their soft mochi cheeks. )

You don't have to be okay all at once. I don't think that was the kind of thing you can really expect to sleep off, and it's no good to keep things bottled up.

( he, of all people, would know. softening, he lets go. )

But remember that, okay? Akehoshi-kun and I, and Komaeda-kun too, we'll be here for you.

[ Oh. The smile slides off their face when Amami pulls at their soft mochi cheeks... They have to get better at being more convincing. ]

I know... I already cried a lot, and embarrassed myself in front of everybody. [ Nobody likes crying in front of other people, or letting their fears be made public. ]

I'll be okay. It just takes time.

[ Lots and lots of time. Maybe years, seeing as they're still dealing with a lot of things from the past— their fear of the darkness, of deep water, of being left alone, of being touched on the head, of this and that and so many other things. But at least they're getting better. ]

( too context-clear. it doesn't help that amami is hardly any different himself. even so... )

It's not embarrassing.

( he's making that executive decision. )

If it had happened to any of us, we'd probably be the same. It was probably confusing too, but... ( deep breath. ) I'm going to make sure. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure nothing like that happens again, so that you won't have anything to be afraid of, Kamo-kun. And... I'm sorry, that I didn't make it in time to keep you safe.

( he wants to say it properly, directly, at least once. )

[ Would it be the same, though? They really can't imagine Amami crying, or Komaeda, ...Subaru maybe, but Subaru wouldn't hole up under the blankets for two days straight, he's braver than that and npckun... doesn't feel at all that, even though they had tried so hard that night. ]

It's not... You don't have anything to be sorry for, Tarou-nii. It was nighttime. You should've been in bed, and I... [ ... ] I shouldn't have left my store. I know better now, so it won't happen again.

[ [redacted] can't happen if they refuse to go out after sundown ]

No, I should've been with you.

( he says it with conviction; it's something he really believes. )

If there was somewhere you wanted to go, if you were scared, if you needed me — that's where I should've been, no matter what time it was.

( ... )

I was right behind you, you know. I probably could have reached you first, if I had just been a little faster, but I was never far.

( would things have been different, if he hadn't taken so long? would they have turned out better? would they have been safer? )

No! [ it's blurted out, so many points they want to argue and they turn in their seat to face Amami like this will better make him understand. ]

You couldn't have known any more than I did, and if you were there, I—- I...

[ they what? couldn't have done anything for him, it would have been the both of them, there was no way they could have gotten him out of there on their own, and they wouldn't be able to stand it if another person died because of them. ]

...You can't always be there for me. I didn't ask... [ ... ] You aren't my babysitter... [ ... ] ...I don't want you to resent me...

...

( it hurts. he can't say it doesn't hurt — as keigo faces him, and with every word they say... )

I wouldn't.

( resent them, he means. couldn't even if he wanted to — even if they push him away, like they're doing now.

all of that warmth from the soup feels like it's evaporated, and despite himself, the beginnings of a bitter smile tug at his lips. he pulls his gaze away from them, looking to the side, looking down, settling his eyes on the soup on the table beside them, and he sighs. maybe he got a little too ahead of himself — a little too desperate... but failure is still failure in the end, and if there was anything to confirm that he failed, it would be this. knowing that despite their little play-pretend, he can't be someone keigo feels like they can depend on. they didn't ask for him to be, and it's true... he's not their babysitter, or their brother, or really anything at all to them except some guy they met a couple months back. the words cut deep, but he can't deny they're true. )

Sorry... ( not for what he did, because he'd do it again in a heartbeat, but... ) Guess I got a little ahead of myself, huh?

You would...

[ He wouldn't. But what if he does? What if—

npckun presses their lips tight together, because they're projecting their many many insecurities and they know it, but... The apology makes them lift their head, the distance that their words caused, the way they want to reach out and physically hold Amami to them that contradicts everything that they're saying.

...

They reach for him anyways, because it doesn't matter, when they're full of contradictions in the first place. ]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry... Don't leave. [ Not their babysitter. not their brother. but he's still... ] Please don't hate me.

npc contact.2

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sorry for the full-length novel

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