yogen | npc contact.2

[ If Subaru could hear them they might have blown out his eardrums with how badly they startle, mouth open in a scream that reaches nobody's ears and them twisting around to— not shove their attacker away or to pull away from them, but to elbow him, to kick him, to make him hurt and

it's exactly how they reacted when they'd woken up from the sleep hex, panicked and thrashing in Amami's arms and it's that same terror that's alight in their eyes, blinding them to who's in front of them. ]

[immediately subaru lets go, voiceless words trying to reassure keigo and it's just the stupid white noise that's buzzing instead and he can't even comfort them this time, he's the reason for it--

god he's stupid he won't try and hold them the way amami did, he'll let them get away a bit if they need and just. follow if they run too far. there's just no point to holding someone you can't reassure immediately with a familiar voice, in subaru's mind]

[ The Chiaki voice in their mind says "If somebody dares try to hurt you, make them pay."

and unlike night terrors, there is somebody in front of them and instead of running away they close the gap to whack Subaru as hard as they can, no heavy book in their hands this time and their punches are messy, easy to block and clearly unpracticed, barely able to see for the tears that well up in their eyes and spill down their cheeks and the entire time they have not stopped yelling. ]

[so violence is always the answer.

at least like this subaru can decide to try and grab at their wrists to stop them from hitting him, because ow? their mochi muscles hurt in a pinch, which is good, but subaru's kinder than any would-be killer and just wants them to stop, to see who it is so they can be properly mad and not--

and not this, because it hurts in more than one way and the mouthed apologies are not getting through, obviously, his heart pounding in pressure without a sound in his ears]

[ According to Chiaki, yes, and her word is law

She never told them what to do when the person you're attacking catches you by the wrists, though, and they're taken back enough that they freeze on the spot, knees locked and having no choice but to see the person in front of them, Subaru physically holding them there like they always do to others.

...The tears continue to roll down they face as they stare, panic calming down to confusion, then to hurt, and then guilt and fear and they look away from him, wrists lax and heavy in Subaru's grip, like they're afraid to know what he thinks of them now. ]

[so valid queen we do stan!!!!

once they're not throwing hands, once the emotions slide across their face like a horror show and they won't show him anything else, subaru gently pulls them into his arms and hugs them tight, one arm around their back and the other hand gently stroking the back of their head -- they way they did for him, how they say komaeda's done for them.

he wants to say sorry, but he can't, so he's trying to let everything else speak for him instead. the firmness of his embrace, the warmth of his body, how he won't let go no matter what--

words might not have been enough anyway.]

[ The confusion is back on their face, but they figure this is what you do for somebody who is crying— you soothe them first, then reason out who's right or wrong later.

But a hug is a hug, and the hand on the back of their head feels safe and warm and painfully nostalgic. They take comfort in it regardless of the reason, and the rest of them begins to thaw, hands finding the back of Subaru's shirt and clutching lower than they usually do in returning an embrace, but they rest their face against his shoulder and uses that to dry their tears, waiting for their heart to stop pounding and breath to stop hitching and for the sun to hurry up and rise already. ]

[well, it's not like anyone else is up and butt o'clock in the morning, so it's fine if they stand here a while... and though it can't be heard, at least keigo can feel the vibrations of a hummed song from subaru's chest, faint as it naturally is.

once they do settle more, heart calmed and breath their own... if they're willing, subaru'll tilt his head towards the main corridor and make a motion with his hand for eating: breakfast? a point towards himself, and then a motion to keigo: his treat. or bathroom, whatever they prefer to do first, subaru's not picky about order of operations in the morning and they've got time before the sun breaks the mostly-silent spell across the campus.]

[ npckun has never played charades in their life, but they can surmise Subaru is asking for a choice of some sort...

...

They point to him. ]

[...............

okay. he will make the choice he guesses. he isn't gonna hold their hand this time when he leads them, but that's because he's one-arm holding them around their middle i think is where it would go with their height diff as he turns the corner for the bathroom to get That out the way.

... they need to wash their face after all, tears feel bad when they're dried on skin. Then they can go to the kitchen and subaru can make them a little breakfast silently]

[ Good thing they didn't get That out of the way in the middle of the hallway. But instead of the sink to wash their face and brush their teeth, they ease Subaru's arm off from around them and slip into the showers instead, so they can turn on the hot water and sit on the tiled ground and let the heat beat down on their head and shoulders until they can hear it again.

Or until the water runs cold and they can come out and throw their slippers at whoever would dare. ]

[oh... if subaru hadn't already wronged them once he would do it now, because it's hilarious, but he has so he'll have to cold shower them sometime else. once he's finished washing his face and stuff he'll sit on the floor too, watching the showers and then the ceiling, waiting until the sudden loudness of noise cuts jarringly through the buzzing white noise that filled his hear a moment ago--]

Sorry.

[though he doesn't know if it's loud enough above the outpour of the shower, unease prickling at the back of his neck. are they in deep enough in terms of involvement that this wouldn't be but a few raindrops between friends? or is this, like the embarrassment he feels when he talks about them sometimes, a danger nonetheless...]

[ It's something... it's a lot of thoughts they have in their mind and at the forefront is the easy way out of letting the shower wash it all away, stepping out with a smile on their face and telling Subaru to forget about it, pretend it never happened. But they touch the scar on their chest and pull themselves up and turn off the water, their hair a tousled mess after changing and toweling their hair dry as much as they can. The blanket goes back over their shoulders, hood pulled over their head. ...pulled off their head, because if they leave it on, their hair's going to dry flat.

...

...

They're quiet when they step out, sort of glancing at Subaru, looking away... but they do approach him, tentatively taking his wrists and looking at his arms and his face like how much damage did they do, they should be the one apologizing... ]

[mostly body, arms and hidden beneath his shirt, his legs probably got it too... face i'll give the side of it, something that won't last too long but a nice stinging feel. subaru watches them look over him with some curiosity, some unease since there's not a vocal acknowledgement (he wouldn't even need to be forgiven, but he'd selfishly want to be anyway), so he'll let them do as they please.

physical touch is nice, after all. even if it's like this. maybe this is their way of saying that it's okay...?

...]

Keigo?

[ ): at Subaru's face, which maybe isn't bruised but still a little red and npckun reaches out and cups that cheek, hand still hot and damp from the shower.

...

Then they drop their hand and pokes Subaru in the ribs. ]

Sorry... I didn't break anything, did I?

[ As if their punches could. ]

[subaru's cheek tingles from where they touched it, breath stopping a moment, he leans in briefly to it just before they drop their hand to poke at his ribs--

which he would normally pretend is a whole ordeal, totally broken, oh he is just so hurt but he remembers the last time he teased them when they weren't in a good mood, and also he still feels bad after his prank before. subaru's gonna pinch their bicep instead, mochi... as if these baby fists could hurt him.]

I'll survive! I've been in worse fights than this~.

[like he's... some kind of delinquent that picks them... actually he was so. he's reformedish.]

I didn't think you'd react that badly, though... [...] Is there someone that needs a good punch in the gut? I'll go after ghosts too, Keigo, just lemme know.

[ Their brows knit together in concern over the thought of Subaru getting into fights, because this isn't a high school punching and kicking is the extent of it, it would be guns and knives and magic even their strongest keychain charms can't fully protect a person from.

... ]

...you did it on purpose?

[well... maybe some of komaeda's better luck can rub off on him, and he'll survive it, so...

subaru glances away, then back to keigo with an sheepish, apologetic smile.]

Yeah. I wanted to surprise you, it just totally backfired on me~.

[surprises......... are not always good ☆]

So don't feel bad, 'kay? It's just karma~.

[ Don't feel bad? He did it on purpose? How can he smile like that...

...their bottom lip trembles, like they're about to cry, but then they draw back with gritted teeth and hands that reach for Subaru's wrists, holding him there so he can't turn away. ]

Why?! Why did you do that!? What "karma"— WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU!?!

[-- oh, whoa.

subaru looks taken aback at the raised voice, this isn't a keigo he's seen before, and -- he knew he messed up when it happened, but this is--]

Nothing, Keigo! I was just-- Look, I know it was my bad, okay? You hitting me was karma, so don't feel bad about hurting me! That's what I meant, okay? You didn't do anything!

[subaru won't turn away, for the record, he really has had worse in every sense, it just majorly sucks to be the cause of this]

If I did nothing, then why!? You scared me first!

[ They didn't do anything— hitting Subaru was his karma, he had it coming for him, the anger and humiliation and hurt they feel is justified, as is their taking a step forward and forcing Subaru to take a step back until his back hits the wall. ]

It's not funny! Never do that again or I'll hate you and I don't want to!!

[ I'm very sorry for everybody in the dorms having to hear them throw a temper tantrum at 6 in the morning, this is the price of communal living ]

[oh my god he's being bullied by someone like six inches shorter than him.

they're absolutely justified, subaru would never argue that, his back hits the wall and his hands lift only to surrender -- he gets it, he gets it]

Okay, okay! I promise, I won't! Seriously, I'm sorry Keigo, I really didn't mean to startle you so much, okay...? If I knew, I wouldn't have done it.

[... a beat, and he'll drop his hands down again, looking uncertain on this otherwise fine morning.]

I'm used to doing it to my friends back at Yumenosaki, and they get mad at me too, but-- [... there's something more important to ask, and he seems frustrated for a moment before it switches back to the uncertainty before.] Are you okay?

[ This is righteous fury, not bullying, ]

NO!

[ -—but whatever else they were going to say gets caught in their throat, because that wasn't the answer they were supposed to give, they were supposed to say they're fine and stomp off in a huff and maybe Subaru will come up to them later to apologize and everything will be fine again

but it's not fine, and it's not okay, and their eyes sting with tears even as they step away from Subaru, letting out a shaky breath.

...

The next words are quiet, almost a whisper, words for Subaru alone. ]

...the fourth floor... I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe... that's all I could think about...

[ Collapsed on the floor, thrashing and screaming but not being able to do either. The absolute terror of dying, when they haven't accomplished what they had set out to do. ]

[...

subaru steps forward, cupping their cheeks in his hands to wipe at the tears that fall from the action. he wishes he was shorter, or that keigo was taller, but

it's fine. he can't imagine what it was like, and to make those memories resurface... mm. he's already thinking of all the ways to make it up to them, whether it works out or not, because the last thing subaru ever wants to do his hurt those important to him.]

Keigo... [it's quiet too, and-- to be honest, he doesn't know exactly how to handle this, he's okay with general things but he's not sure if he's supposed to push or let go.

they're willing to open up, not to just pretend they're fine (a trick subaru knows so well himself), and so he considers what his friends would do.

...] There's not a lot of people who're up right now, but... do you wanna go someplace a little more private anyway?

[so they can still pretend to be fine for other people]

[ When their head lifts, so do their eyes, filled with shame and embarrassment more than anything, not even a smolder of the anger that sharpened their stare like knives just moments before.

Do they want to go somewhere else? They don't know. They have to open the shop, they're late, nobody is ever around there until closer to 8 anyways. They think about the space behind the counter, something thick and solid that can shield and hide them from the outside world. Retreating there would be as private a place as there could be.

... ]

Let's go to the library.

[ Sort of private. It's a place you have to keep quiet, even if the librarian isn't there yet to yell at you otherwise, and it's close enough to the shop to feel safe but isn't the shop— somehow, going back there, right now, feels like giving up. ]

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