i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

[crystallomancy]

Who: Whoever's in the dormitories
When: Friday, October 1st
What: It's time for a little lecture. And a genuine information meeting. But mostly a lecture.
Warnings: N/A please don't make me change this.

( Early in the morning, a curious text gets posted. )

N.Sakasaki

DRM-STDYHLL
1800HRS

( ...In less coded news, the dormitory's study hall will have a note taped to it:

Yogen and You: A Quick Summary
Held by Natsume Sakasaki

For those who need a summary of events, whether because our meetings rarely get anything done in terms of information sharing or because you're freshly awakened. Come around dinner time for food, enlightenment, and the opportunity to share your troubles with those going through the same thing.

The room will be locked all day until about half an hour before six, at which point it will become unlocked... this is primarily for Natsume to set up a table of food, but people can come sit in early if they like. There's an overhead projector that's been wheeled into the study hall all the way from school, and the curtains are drawn over the windows. It isn't dark though, since he still has the lights turned on...

Several tables have been pushed together to make at least three groups, chairs around them like they've been readied for a dinner party, while a few more are pushed a little further back and have absolutely no chairs whatsoever; those are for the food. There's also a chair by the overhead projector.

Your food and drink for tonight: lemon and rosemary roasted shrimp, white rice, rosemary and thyme chicken, a make-your-own-salad area with all kinds of salad-making ingredients, three types of eggrolls (seafood, vegetable, and pork), and various drinks from the vending machine because some of us can afford to spend a bunch of merit points on things like that.

When a sufficient amount of people have come in, or the clock hits 6:05, Natsume shuts the door, turns off the lights, and moves to the overhead projector. To stand on the chair, so he's the tallest person in here, and claps his hands to get people's attention. )

Save all questions and outbursts until the END, ( he says, and then kneels down on the chair and flicks the projector on.

All of the slides are pre-written on some transparent sheets that project onto a wall without windows, which he reads one by one without rushing! But for ease of reading OOCly, you can find the entire thing here. There's also photocopied handouts for people on all of the tables, stapled of course, so people who aren't blind (sorry Helena) can follow along at home!

He lets the last sheet stay up, his face half-illuminated by the overhead projector, then sits down in the chair and leans forward the back of it like some kind of delinquent. )

Alright, you can speak NOW.


( ooc notes: go ahead and treat this like one of our meetings, aka mingle, jump around, actually get a chance to share information that hasn't been talked about yet, etc. thank you plenty to enh and peace too for reviewing and suggesting things for the presentation \o/ )

Comments

[decrypter]

[quietly, Helena listens. to Natsume's words, which finally give her the answers she was ready to tear something down to get. to the questions and outbursts of other people, which rise and fall like tides of emotions. and she takes it in, and wishes sincerely that someone would hug her tight, and let her catch her breath that way.

of course, no one will. how could they, when they don't know that she needs it? when it would be foolish to ask for it? self control, self control.

the tallies under her long sleeves itch.]

a. [when a proper lull comes where her quiet voice might speak, she does.]

...In regards to our souls, do you suppose there's a choice in the matter of where we reincarnate, if we do?

b. [otherwise, she's here observing, taking very small sips of a drink and hands busy with taking notes via slate, because it's the one thing she can do. encoded information, and her lips move silently as she punches dots after dots, setting to it with a will.]

(aka wildcard option for more questions.)

b

[notsosou]

[As someone who both remembers dying and has already had the 'am I dead' freakouts and gotten them out of the way, the revelation has more of an 'I knew it' flavour to it; terrible, but he does like being right even if it's about terrible things. It feels like more known ground, darkly funny.

It's clear other people are taking it about as well as he did, initially. He's noticed Helena sitting there and makes his way over, scuffing his feet a bit so she knows he's there. He's got his own drink, because the vending machine is a distant dream right now, held between his hands as he looks down at it, thinking.]

Quite a lot of information, isn't it...?

[To encode, but also to take in. How are you doing, Helena, he can't tell.]

[decrypter]

[the little gesture is appreciated, because otherwise she might have been so startled she poked her hand with the stylus. those footsteps, that voice, it's Sou, and so she lifts her head with a smile on, to be perfectly normal. it's okay, despite the tension in her shoulders - just breathe.]

Yes, quite. I had no idea so much had happened before I woke up...but it's good to know, isn't it? This is the information I was looking for.

[that if she hadn't gotten, she would have started demanding.]

[notsosou]

[He's not a fan of being startled himself, so it's an easy thing to remember even with silent footfalls as habit.]

...it is, isn't it?

[He's not the sort to pry except as a weapon or warning either, digging at sore spots and testing boundaries with fearful malice. So he can keep the conversation going as it is, sitting down next to her with a puff of exhaled air.]

Makes me wonder what else we don't know yet...

[He can smell it, almost. This is just part of an iceberg.]

[decrypter]

More than enough. But I'm beginning to believe that answers are not always to be found in the literal interpretation of events.

[she shrugs. this conversation is easier than thinking about other things.]

The world isn't set here, we know this. Things change, develop, grow and appear. Exactly when we need them.

[notsosou]

[He can't help but think of the horrific fairytale they were trapped in, at that. He's a programmer by trade, he's used to thinking in logical lines, but more deeply than that, he does think in symbols. You don't take on someone's name and identity like a protective charm if you don't. It both hooks into something primal in him and feels like unsafe, unfamiliar ground.]

Ahaha, I've had the thought, sometimes... if this is all a simulation.

[He knows they exist, and it would make a lot of things make sense, but it's also the kind of 3am thought he tries to keep to himself because well, what can you do about that, if it's true? Find a way out into the wild internet yonder, somehow? Brick the thing and go where-ever good .ddl files go? It's not very helpful, and there hasn't really been anything that could confirm it either way. He never learnt the detail that in his universe, you can't have an AI that remembers it's own death.]

Like the dorms... [It's murmured. He's been thinking about that as well, how they appeared so shortly after the fundraiser.] Can't help but wonder who's responsible.

[He's definitely the sort to see agency in things. Even if toying with someone is pointless, meaningless, worthless, there's still intent to it. If it's to their needs, then something's noticing what those needs are.]

[decrypter]

A simulation, a dream, a proving grounds...what's the difference? In so many myths, heroes have to go through a test to show themselves worthy of whatever the end goal is. This just seems like a modern take on it. The divine gives, and takes away, and we never see exactly why.

[so many stories, that offer themselves up to her, and then don't quite fit. dismissed, but their traces remain. inexact attempts at reasoning this whole situation out.]

Death isn't so terribly frightening, though - all the horror happens in life, or as close to life as we can get.

[notsosou]

That's if we're actually in one of those nice neat ones...

[He's been burned on this before. Seeing himself as the protagonist, then running face first into the world just... not going the way he expected. Sometimes it's all a farce, or tragedy. Sometimes you really are doomed, and the only thing you get at the end is the thin silver crescent on the edge of it, the long bright curve of knowing now there's nothing more you could conceivably do about it. That your last moments are now yours alone to do something with.]

...

[This topic got... very awkward very fast when it came to Sidney, so he's not going to outright ask, even rhetorically. He picks at the pull tab of the can, small plinks. Even remembering what it was like to die... Death? True death? Cessation of existence? That's still very frightening to him. She's right about life being where pain and fear are held, he doesn't want those at all either, but to be completely gone, having achieved nothing at all...]

Ahaha... maybe. Don't think there's many here who'd like a repeat performance, though.

[Of dying. Including him. LITTLE DOES HE KNOW.]

[decrypter]

No, of course not. Being here, knowing the fact, it's enough to disquiet even the bravest soul. I was wondering what might have happened, and no answer isn't...unpleasant.

[not the least of reasons for that which is the sheer variety of deaths that she knows.]

Maybe we can just try our best to avoid any kind of "performance" like that.

a & b(c) it's komaeda

[commences]

( he waves first with his mechanical hand, the sound whirring to give helena sign that he's here before his voice. )

Adams-san, it's great to see you here, what did you think of the presentation?

( he's just coming from his conversation with stephanie, where amami has taken over for him — it's not like he needs to stay, an ultimate can handle themselves. )

Also... I heard you ask where do we go, and maybe I can answer that for you as well.

[decrypter]

Perhaps that's not something that needs to be answered, judging by how high the emotions in this room are running.

[her eyes closed, she looks up to him with a smile, to give the best impression of being as collected as one can.]

But as far as the presentation went, I'm glad for its existence. It's told me what I wanted to know - what I've wanted to know ever since we came out of the river.

[commences]

Now you're all equally up to date with the same information, it's pretty amazing.

( but the reactions, everyone has their own time accepting, and so it's best to be patience until everyone can find the answers that they're looking for. )

...When he died there originally, he came here, just like the rest of us.

[decrypter]

Yes. That much, I've figured out. And I've also determined that perhaps it wasn't a memory we touched at all, but more like a dream. Something where what we see and what we are happen to be quite mutable.

[shaking her head a little, she taps her stylus on the paper.]

I'm a writer and a poet, Komaeda. Such a world is where one pulls inspiration from.

[commences]

It was both.

( he shrugs, looking off to the side. ) Both a memory, and a dream that haunts him, but I believe he told me... during that time, he...

( he chuckles, shaking his head with a smile despite helena not being able to see it. )

I'm glad you've got quite the insight! Learning from what was shown to us, I find it pretty grateful we can use his hopes to apply to ours... I'd say thank him, but he wanted me to tell you that he remembers what happened to him, and that he's fine.

[decrypter]

Strange, isn't it. That I would not know him even if he walked right beside me, but he knows enough probably to fear me.

[slowly, she takes the slate out of her notebook, flipping the page to check her last sentence.]

Just because he says he's fine doesn't mean he is. If he doesn't fear you, then please, keep an eye on him. I think he's gone through enough.

[commences]

...I could have lied to him, but he knows every person that's taken part.

( his eyes looks at the notebook, blinking as if he's trying to see what's written, but if it's all in braille, he fails this. )

He's always thought negative things, been on the bad side of luck... but as long as he has something to chase after, a goal set before him that's in his reach... He doesn't have time to fear you, ahaha.

( he pauses, thinking on helena's words on rokkun not fearing him, and he hums in thought. )

I'm not the best person, Adams-san, but I'd never leave his hope unwatched...

[decrypter]

[unfortunately for him, it's all Braille.]

Then you're doing all you can, and I thank you for it.

[sighing slightly, her hand with the stylus comes up to touch her temple.]

It's so loud here, and with everyone's voices echoing off the walls...

[she has a headache, though it's more from clenching her jaw and her body so tightly to make them not move, not speak.]

a

[sisters]

( welcome to the dead people club, helena. amami's been here a while, so he's a lot calmer about information he's had months to (not really) process. it's her he's more concerned about when he glances over at the words. )

Something got you worried, Helena?

( not that reincarnation is the ideal outcome regardless, but this seems a little more specific than that. )

[decrypter]

Not really. I just think if we're going to be brought back for another chance, we might hopefully get a bit of a choice in the particulars, since we'll already have gone through so much. Not that life itself isn't reward enough.

[her words are careful, precisely chosen. it's a lie, and she feels it burn on her tongue, but she doesn't need pity if she says that where she came from is a place she wouldn't send a single soul here, no matter her opinion of them.]

[sisters]

I think the choice in particulars we'd get in that case would be the choices we'd make in that new life. Just like we can choose where we go from here.

( leaning back, he gives a bit of a sigh. helena may be ever-so-grateful in the way she expresses it, but as for amami... )

Reincarnation though, huh? Kind of disappointing, if you ask me.

[decrypter]

Why would it disappoint you? You'd get to be alive, truly alive again.

[it's a thread to take and grab onto. a part of conversation that doesn't talk about her side of things - she wants it, desperately.]

[sisters]

I guess that's one way to look at it, but that's not how I see it.

( he'll let her take it, left dangling as an out — but still something that can help him gauge more about her. )

I mean... if it's just a matter of being alive or dead, there's no difference between being here or there, don't you think? But you have to admit, at least while I'm here, I'm still me.

[decrypter]

Do you think that you wouldn't be yourself? Or, let me rephrase - that you wouldn't be allowed to choose who you would be?

[it was the same soul, from all she understood about reincarnation. it would still be Amami in the end.]

[sisters]

...

( it takes him a moment to think of what to say to a question like that, gathering the words more so than the feelings behind them, which are steady and unwavering. )

No matter what choices I make, I still wouldn't remember — the things that are important to me, the things that I needed to do. If I don't have those, do you think that it would be me?

( his tone seems to suggest that he doesn't. )

[decrypter]

Yes. Because if I subscribe to your belief, then if somehow I closed my eyes again, I would cease to be me. And I would only be me when I opened them again.

[memory is a mutable thing here in certain circumstances. basing her entire self on that then has a glaring absence of sufficient supports.]

I believe I'm me whether this is my body or not, whether I remember or not. The center - the heart - that is "me". And yes, that changes, even over one lifetime, but that's its nature, isn't it? As much as trees shed leaves in autumn and regrow them in spring. How it was before and how it is now.

There is me in the future that I haven't reached yet and wouldn't remember, and there is me in the distant past that I can't remember. They are also me, as much as the current me can be. Should I discount them just because I don't know them as well as I might?