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[sportadork]

WHO: Sportacus + You
WHAT: November Catch-All
WHEN: novems
WHERE: varied
WARNINGS: TBA

Comments

[sportadork]

Nope.

[hm...]

If you're the janitor, I am going to have to have a very serious talk with whoever runs this school. Child labor is wrong.

[adsum]

I'm old enough to work.

[ Quickly, before Sportacus gets the wrong idea, or calls the authorities about child labor and gets them fired ]

[sportadork]

Really? And how old is that?

[adsum]

[ ......... ]

18.

[sportadork]

Final answer?

[adsum]

You can't prove otherwise.

[sportadork]

That is true! Unless I could see your teeth, of course; then it would be very easy. [which is absolutely a totally normal thing to know] But, if 18 is the age you'd like to be, then it will be your age!

[adsum]

You can tell by looking at teeth?! Do me, do me!! Aaaaaaa-

[ They going to open up wide for him. No cavities. Wisdom teeth haven't come in yet. ]

[sportadork]

[peers in]

You have very good dental hygiene! [+100 points, definitely getting them out of the hole that stealing put them in.] And...

[leans back against the wall, grinning.]

I know exactly how old you are!

[adsum]

[ They lean back too, snapping their jaw shut. ]

So how old am I? You're not lying, right?

[sportadork]

I've never been very good at lying! [which is honestly the closest thing to a lie he's ever said.

he visibly pretends to be thinking it over, tapping his chin.]

How about a trade? I will tell you, if you tell me who you are first. Deal?

[adsum]

Me neither!

[ Said easily, like a true liar. But trades are trades, and being able to tell people's ages by their teeth is a profitable one— they bet they'd win so many bets ]

Deal, deal! I'm the student store shopkeeper!

[sportadork]

Fifteen.

[reaches out, boops nose]

Or sixteen, but very small.

[adsum]

[ hhhh

They blink hard when he boops their nose, but it's not their head so they don't flinch or pull back ]

Hey! I'm not very small! I'm still growing!

[sportadork]

Of course! And, to help you grow, you must eat right, and get plenty of sleep every night. Your job gives you plenty of time to do that, right? [because, and I cannot stress this enough, he is already going to be having a Very Gentle But Stern Talk with whoever runs this place.]

[adsum]

Yeah! Ten to six, and I drink lots of apple juice!

[ Sometimes just that, if nobody is around to feed them, it has nothing to do with their job that they're not going to tell Sportacus it used to be 24/7 on call shopkeeping ]

[sportadork]

[long pause]

... And you eat...? [he says, like a hypocrite]

[adsum]

[ ... ]

Yes.

[ They eat. ]

[sportadork]

[...]

... You eat foods such as...?

[adsum]

[ ... ]

I think you're milking this trade too much. I'll tell you what I eat if you tell me who you are.

[sportadork]

I'm Sportacus. [said without any of the usual flair because there are more important things such as] Did you eat today?

[adsum]

That's a name. [ ...they think ] But that doesn't tell me who you are. Not in any way I can understand.

[sportadork]

Did you eat yesterday?

[adsum]

You can't keep asking me questions. That's not part of the trade. Who are you?

[sportadork]

That is... a maybe complicated question that I would be much more interested in answering if I wasn't very, very concerned right now.

[he sighs, and jumps up to his feet.]

I saw a kitchen when I came in. If you eat, I will answer any question, and I will ask no more. [pause] You do want to get taller, don't you?