yogen | npc contact.2

[ look... sometimes you're sitting at your desk and look to your side at the window and it's dark outside and bright inside and you can see your reflection and you go "yes, this is the word I'm looking for" and don't think any more about it

He looks down at the pda, squints a little, almost like he's considering which option to go for, but ends up getting up and sitting back down next to Komaeda, because turning the pda around every time is going to get annoying and this is easier. ]

Good news

[ This is how his interactions with Komaeda have gone lately, he thinks. It starts off okay, and then he gets upset for one reason or another, and if they don't start with the good news then he'll never hear it. ]

( you know what valid, why would i ever question it, but this means we need a window in one of the bathrooms... think of how easy the killing will be?

he doesn't expect rokkun to sit next to him, but here he is, making himself comfortable as he turns the pda for both of them to see. it's easier this way, actually, but he wonders if the other being on the opposite side would have worked in his favor, he can't really tell what he'll do by his side, because his eyes will focus on the screen below. as he chooses, komaeda finds himself grooming through his memories for what counts as good news. )

you came.

( he doesn't say much when he talks through text, does he? maybe its' easier to get straight to the point this way, but he adds on with what was written. )

we can talk about us as the good news.

( HE AIN'T GOT NO GOOD NEWS FR. I'M CRYINGGGGGG. )

[ WHY GIVE HIM THE CHOICE IN THE FIRST PLACE how is this good news, it just feels like the news is the discovery that Komaeda can get him out of bed at two in the morning to go back to school

...takes the pda back ]

What's the bad news?

( STOP I ACTUALLY HAD A GOOD NEWS, BUT I DIDN'T EXPECT HIM TO CHOOSE IT, SO I FORGOT IT AND WAS LIKE KOMAEDA DOESN'T HAVE GOOD NEWS. stop, damn what is good news.

...i remembered the good news. applies this to komaeda's dementia. )

i remembered now, the good news was that... amami-kun solved a murder with his hope!
or rather... he allowed us to take part... an ultimate's hope is a glorious thing.

( solved a murder, is the murderer... fun. )

[ STOP he was just humoring them with the whole mystery gang thing, he doesn't actually care, this is like Komaeda coming up to him and saying Amami got a good grade on one of his tests, like good for him but so what?

He doesn't even bother taking the pda to type because all he would have written is "Okay" and then turn to stare at Komaeda and he can bypass one step and just stare. ]

( the silence makes this look sooo bad, what the fuck? he's not even talking to him, maybe he shouldn't have brought him out to begin with. he wanted to talk about the void and the shadows, along with knowing that rokkun isn't sick, and how his headache actually happened.

why is he staring, so komaeda will type on the pda again. )

are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?

[ It's that bad, yeah. It's 3AM and Komaeda's asking if he's sane or not and the last time he asked something like that Rokkun did snap, maybe this is why he wanted to talk in the middle of the night, so Rokkun will at least be quiet when he loses his shit.

...

Alright, grabby hands for the PDA ]

What did you do?

( what did you do almost reads like komaeda is always doing something bad in his life, and he looks up at the other for a brief moment before looking down at the pda. he frowns now as he reaches towards it, appearing a little defeated as he taps slow, and hesitant before he stops. he removes his hand so the other can see. )

i wasn't there to protect someone important to you.

( he knows he's not supposed to mope when things don't go his way, so he instead forces a fitting smile like he's over it already. )

[ ...He doesn't reach for the pda, not yet, when he doesn't quite understand who or what Komaeda means. The people important to him— his first thought is Komaeda himself, sitting here looking relatively fine— and then maybe... maybe just two other people, important in very different ways.

There would be no reason to tell him in such a roundabout matter, if it were either of him. The delicacy is strange, and he leans forward to rest his arms on his knees and look over at Komaeda, once again offering nothing but silence and a expectant stare. ]

???

( he must not want to know, the way he doesn't even answer komaeda, and he's just staring at him in the dark... odd, so he lifts his hand to cover rokkun's eyes so he can stop that. maybe he should have spoke with rokkun earlier in the day so he could talk, because he has the silence to his advantage, but luckily for the ultimate it doesn't make him uncomfortable. no, he's lived in the silence for quite some time now, and he's used to this. )

...

( with a sigh, he'll look at his own pda where he wrote his statement, and there's many names he could slot in here. he's thinking about it as he reaches out with his other hand to delete what he wrote, and when he removes his palm from the male's eyes, he can see a blank screen on the pda.

maybe komaeda changed his mind? )

[ Komaeda is very bad at telepathic communication, apparently. There's a little frown on Rokkun's face when his eyes are covered, drawing back away from Komaeda's hand and forgetting he's sitting against the vending machine and ends up bumping the back of his head against it.

His hand is already half raised by the time Komaeda removes his, and that hand of his finds Komaeda's wrist so he can ...not do that. The other relieves Komaeda of the pda so he can hold it and tap at the keys with his thumb ]

What happened?

( he just decides what he wants to do, leave him alone... he wants his arm back if rokkun is willing to let go. which he'll tug just a little bit as he reads the pda, and his lips purse into a straight line. how should he answer that? he reaches out with his other hand, tapping at the letters that follow after rokkun's question: )

...
your log...

( is that honest? no, but sometimes you have to go slowly into explaining what happened to your sibling out of the blue... how does one follow into that topic? that's right, use the log as an excuse first, and see if rokkun manages to connect the dots of why it went to amami > failed to protect someone important > then the log. )

[ How... is anybody supposed to follow that? There's the moment where Rokkun just stares at Komaeda, before reminding himself that he has to write something or else Komaeda's just going to keep running away. ]

Did you set it on fire?

[ Better not have given it away. Better not have been to Amami. ]

( is he not supposed to run away? some days you can't be emotionally crippled, so leaving the conversation saves embarrassment. though, he's doing well in not laughing at this little made up scenario... rokkun really likes that log, huh? )

you know... i've always been honest to you?

( komaeda's honest to a fault anyway, only lies when he believes that he needs to, and if it'll help something down the line. doing this prolongs what's important to rokkun, and part of him feels like he shouldn't even place this hurdle before him. he's looking down at the pda as he thinks about the recent fire, from what amami told them, among other things.

...

he glances up to meet rokkun's eyes for a brief moment. )

[ You can't just call somebody at two in the morning and make them run to school and then refuse to talk? There's something of exasperation in Rokkun's eyes when Komaeda looks up to meet them, little flashes of irritation as he looks down at the pda like he's rereading the words on the screen and having to turn them over in his head because yeah, maybe Komaeda is always honest with him. But there's also so much he doesn't say, or he leads Rokkun around talking about everything but whatever it is he's trying to say. Trying to guide him to some sort of conclusion he doesn't typically have the patience for.

...At least he's trying. ]

I know
But I wish you were more upfront with me

[ return the favor, he'd say, if he were at all honest or upfront about anything ]

( then he came like an hour later, hitting 3am in the morning — maybe he can play around since the other took so long, but can't be helped because of his physical condition. it's true, komaeda's never been upfront, he speaks everything in riddles, he leads people around to find the answer to his confusing question, and he's well aware that he does it to rokkun as well. it's almost like he trusts him to understand, to not make komaeda go above and beyond to be normal, and yet, he could see in his eyes that he's tired.

it is 3am, so he can't fault rokkun at all. )

i am, always have been.
i wonder... is it my place to explain it to you, what right do i have to compromise your happiness?

( is it clear now? or still shrouded in confusion, either way, he mirrors rokkun's expression before digging in his own pocket for something. )

[ what happiness

Maybe that important person Komaeda failed to protect really is himself, but it still doesn't make sense. The tylenol isn't doing anything for his head. The caffeine isn't doing anything for his wanting to go back to sleep.

taking the pda back to give Komaeda a chance to grab whatever it is he's looking for ]

You don't do things without a reason

[ if he's going to destroy whatever happiness that doesn't exist, he'd have a reason— like when he approached Rokkun about that memory, made him jump through a dozen hoops to get to Komaeda's point, and thoroughly pissed him off. It's still better he heard from Komaeda than anybody else, though. He would have made Hinata cry even harder. ]

( the one he's going to have on my birthday ?

digging in his pocket means he'll check and see if... he has it on him, he'll pull out his hope fragments that's missing one — it glows just a little in the darkness, and then he puts it away back in his pocket. he'll start to pull off his own jacket, his t-shirt fully visible, and because it's short sleeved — his mechanical arm exposed where the cut off is a little under his elbow. the tallies on his other arm there, nothing to write home about, but he shifts to get on his hands and knees, and reaches towards rokkun to tug at his jacket. he wants this one instead, they can trade for tonight onwards to tomorrow.

his other hand reaches out, not really looking at the pda to type... just going off muscle memory. )

is that so...
you're more aware than most here...
would you like to hear it from me or amami-kun?

( is that a threat on hinata's life? he's insane, oh my god. gunna have to make komaeda stop talking to this man just to see a fight break out. )

he could tell you a play by play, but i can speak from hearsay.

( he was one of the people involved in solving the murder, but it is unfair to him that rokkun couldn't be there for someone he wants to go back home to, how that could have been his sibling's first and last chance at life... and he'd never know. it's that reason why komaeda's willing to talk to him late at night... )

[ How are we supposed to have birthday happiness when Rokkun is imagining Amami setting fire to the log he'd given Komaeda. All Amami does is commit crimes against his person, he doesn't want to talk to him.

Doesn't want to give up his jacket, either, but after a little bit of tugging and realizing what Komaeda wants, he'll take his off, and if Komaeda doesn't give him his jacket in return he's just going to sit here cold and with a headache. ]

If Rantarou cared to tell me, he would have
I'll listen to you, since you're the one who bothered

( thinking how enh was like if komaeda talked to rokkun he was going to see red when he talks amami, and i can't stop laughing.

he will give his jacket in return, and he'll point to the pocket that has the hope fragments as if that's supposed to help him in some way. hope you can hold, hope that can be touched... sometimes it's all komaeda has on his more weary and tiring days, but when he's back to normal... the hope around him is more than enough. he'll even slip rokkun's hand inside so he can find it with ease as he holds onto the other's jacket.

he'll dig in the newly acquired jacket's pockets first because he's nosy, and then he'll glance at the pda.

... )

at the start... i told him i would speak with you.
so in a way... you can say he did care, but i was unsure of what would happen...
if someone walked in your life, insisting to talk about your private life.

( and his eyes are a little sharper, matching the male's gaze as if there's a point to this. amami would have just jumped in with reckless abandon, asking about rokkun's sibling, and why he wasn't there... he can't read the room, and komaeda knows that. it probably would have went bad... )

[ Sometimes you hold a grudge against somebody who literally did nothing wrong...

Rokkun only slides his hands into the pockets when Komaeda does, taking it as permission to be nosy back even though his hands are more tentative than curious, finding the hope fragment and rubbing the pad of his thumb against a sharp edge, as if trying to figure out by touch alone what sort of rock this is— because it's a rock, isn't it? why does Komaeda keep rocks in his pocket

His own, incidentally, contains a rock. Just a normal boring rock you'd find on the side of the road. There's also a crumpled up old receipt dating back around four months (sports drinks, paper towels, toothpaste, five gallons of bleach that was apparently on sale, and a roll of tin foil), some spare change, a plastic straw wrapper. Little snapshots of a life he wouldn't have minded anybody see, but his expression hardens a little at the mention of his private life— at his private death, as far as Rokkun is able to tell is what Komaeda's talking about, because he did just that. Steamrolled right through where he has no business being. ]

Why does he know?

[ Why did you tell him, is unasked but implied, because that memory was stumbled upon by only four other people, and if Komaeda and Amami were gossiping behind his back, he wants to know what Komaeda has to say for himself. ]

( the items that rokkun will stumble upon in komaeda's pockets are the hope fragments, sharp enough at the ends to cut his finger if he's not careful. those fingers may also smooth over a certain rock — nephrite — nice to the touch, and then there's a bag with a few cat treats left behind. isn't it amazing how he uses these to have an upper hand? probably not, and then he'll come across a wrinkled pocket tissue that hasn't seen any use, it's not as... neat as it was before, yet he hasn't gotten rid of it — if rokkun has good memory, probably not, it's the same one that he tried to wipe his hand with a long time ago early in the school year when he cut his hand to make a blood oath with komaeda. )

he doesn't, no one knows what i know, aside from those who accompanied me.

( wrong set of information, but komaeda understands the implication without asking what, and he doesn't know if it hurts for the other to lack that much faith in him. he's a sensitive subject, someone that komaeda didn't think he'd find himself in this position of even speaking with on terms like this. it's unfair, he guesses, but he doesn't complain, and instead he watches the other with a flat expression — )

is that it? you believe i'd tell anyone about that?
...to think you'd see me in such a negative light.

( can he be petty? he sure can, making sure that nothing slips out the male's pocket as he removes his mechanical hand, and he crosses his arms as he looks away. annoying is what komaeda is, a little out of it at times, but he stares at the treats within the vending machine to place his attention on. maybe he's too kind to rokkun, he has kept the information about him a secret, to himself, and maybe that's why he's giving him a hard time for thinking so low of him! )

[ The sting on the tips of his finger does tell him he cut it on something, but in his rooting around Komaeda's pockets he finds something soft inside and just goes ahead and uses that pocket tissue to stem the blood, holding the fabric against the cut inside the pocket, nobody has to know about this. ]

I don't
But you and Rantarou are close
If he asked you, wouldn't you tell him?

[ maybe he would give it away freely, like he did his jacket ]

( really? the last thing he has of saihara's, and rokkun taints it with his blood... it's better that komaeda doesn't know now, but it won't be good when he finds out later. when komaeda looks at him though, it's not out of stress or loss from the pocket tissue because he doesn't know, but rather he's staring at the pda now —

...it's true, if amami asked for anything, komaeda would sing like a canary, he has no choice? he's meant to be used properly by ultimates, do as they say because they're more than him, the embodiment of everything that he loves. though, there are times he doesn't abide by his ultimates, doing whatever he wants because the pendulum of what he does, and what he doesn't do swings back and forth. )

trash like me... close to an ultimate?
you misunderstand me... i'd never sully his radiance with my disgusting presence.
what has gotten into you?
i wouldn't tell him.

( because he hasn't asked.

also... it was just a jacket ? for a rock ? )

[ Isn't Komaeda stealing his hat or something, this could have been anybody's blood. Could be Amami's when Rokkun finds him later, because as much as he should be used to it, Komaeda hero worshipping Amami would never not make him /: ]

If you say so
Why were you talking about me with him, then?

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