npc contact.2

[adsum]

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[adsum]

[ There's a slight twist of the lips here, because he sure knows what it's like to believe in somebody else's believe— but not necessarily what they believe in. ]

Why do you think we're here? Or why you keep forgetting?

[crystallomancy]

( Tough questions. There's a lot of touches of Buddhism in Japan, things he believes in without really believing in them, things he doesn't think about. Natsume turns his face, watching the bathroom's mirrors. )

I think we're here to get a second CHANCE, however that might have come aBOUT, and I think we... that I keep forgetting because one's true nature—that which is wholly YOU, unburdened by nurture or the effects of other people—can be divined if one's mind is CLEARED.

( it probably works better with more memories taken, but, well, death isn't perfect. )

Or maybe I'm cursed by an evil witch to forget everyone I come to love each YEAR. ( A vague shrug, back to looking at Akki. ) It may as well hapPEN.

[adsum]

[ Huh... he can't say which is right, one way or another, but hearing somebody else's thoughts is still interesting. A second chance at what? At living? That just isn't how it works... ]

If the latter were true, it'd be a curse on everybody else, not you... I think.

[ Forgetting is distressing, yes. But being forgotten? It's devastating. ]

[crystallomancy]

( actually depending on who's doing the forgetting here, it could be very nice and freeing, which is what natsume is going to find out next month when chiaki doesn't remember him and he gets to survive another week, until i accidentally post to the drop page )

...I'm not Baru-kun, who can remember the face of every fan who's ever come to one of our conCERTS, but to forget anyone still HURTS. I'm sure being forgotten is just as BAD, if not WORSE, but it gives you another chance to change yourSELF. ( Free second chances, and all it cost was all of your memories together. ) Imagine you royally screwed things up the first time with someboDY... If they forgot YOU, you could just start over aGAIN.

But you could do it right, that TIME.

( better. )

[adsum]

[ There's a little twist of the lips again, one that says "been there, done that" but isn't altogether happy about it. He's lit somebody on fire once, and is the one who remembers more of it. ]

Starting over doesn't erase the things that I've done. Even if neither of us remember, the marks are still there.

[ On the soul. On the... wrist that he idly rubs with his other hand. In unconscious thought and gut feelings, it's there. ]

I guess I'd just feel guilty about it. Things will carry over to new game plus.

[crystallomancy]

( Being fair, the guy probably deserved it. )

You have a kind and pure SOUL.

( natsume can't feel bad for the things he doesn't remember doing--unless he knows why, he can't. thinking about if the tallies he doesn't remember are because he died, or if they were in self-defense, or if he just snapped and killed to kill... he can't imagine that last one, but who knows.

it was only two. if he started with more, he might feel more sick about them. like the fifteen he'll start next year with if he lasts that long, left wrist going behind his back even though it's covered. )

But neither of you will rememBER. ( ... ) Does anyone in this school remember everything that happens each YEAR?

[adsum]

[ Akki hmms a little at that statement, whether it's because it's something he hears a lot or whether he's in disagreement of it, it's neither here nor there. ]

Some more than others... Third years more than first or second years. The faculty, probably, more than us. But not everything, from what I've heard. Just... bits and pieces... thoughts and feelings.

[ A sense of nostalgia walking down a hallway you've never been in before. The ease of a knife slicing through flesh when it's the first time you've handled a blade outside of the kitchen. Dreams that feel real, that you have night after night. ]

Anybody who tries to remember everything, though, that would probably drive them insane.

[crystallomancy]

( Natsume hums softly, mulling it over. Yeah, it just might--especially if it's over years and years.

...Even he wouldn't want to remember everything. )

I wonder where those memories go when we lose THEM. Everything else intangible finds a place HERE. ( souls to a tree, feelings to toys ) Well... That's not imporTANT, I supPOSE.

( or it is, but... there are places he can't reach yet. bridging the gap between memories might be one of them. )

How many tallies do you HAVE, Senpai?

[adsum]

[ He opens his mouth to say something about memories, but then Natsume asks that question and he snaps his mouth closed again and nervously tugs the sleeve over his wrist. ]

S-sorry... That's private. If you go around asking people that, they aren't going to believe it comes from a place with good intentions.

[crystallomancy]

Of course they AREN'T. You only get tallies one of two ways: by dying or by kilLING.

( Are you a danger if you have too many, or are you easy prey? What does it say about people with less? He wishes he had less again, but we're all here to live with our mistakes. )

Are you more likely to trust someone with more tallies or less, and WHY?

[adsum]

Less.

[ It's an immediate response, one he says as if it's obvious. ]

...That's it, isn't it? Being around somebody who has a lot is a liability, one way or another... [ Either they're going to kill you, or you'll be drawn into situations where you're killed ]

Those without... they're new here. That, or they've managed survive this place without giving in or giving up.

[ It's still a gamble, but it's a less dangerous one. ]

[crystallomancy]

How judgmenTAL. What if those tallies are from defending themselVES? You don't know the stories behind a person's scars—no one but they DO.

( sometimes, after all, it's "kill the person trying to murder you". )

But I understand your POINT. ( He purses his lips, then looks off to the side like he's not sure he wants to really say, but he's just playing it up; he isn't part of a theater group for nothing. ) I only have TWO, and I don't remember how I got either of THEM. I was just asking you about yours because I wanted to know if you remembered how you got YOURS... Or how many you remembered, anyWAY.

( Some of that is a lie, but it's not as if everyone knows his crimes. It's fine. )

If there's a connection between... how they were gained and if you remember THEM.

( ...is he going to remember the one where he pushed a girl down the stairs, for example? It would be fitting, but distressing. )

[adsum]

[ Defending themselves a dozen times, though? One or two is reasonable, but there's a line somewhere where innocence becomes tough to sell. ]

...I remember most of mine. I wouldn't be able to tell you why, though. Maybe it's because I'd feel guilty about forgetting. I don't know.

[ Maybe the memories stick because he wants them to, as opposed to others who would rather forget, who would rather start a clean slate. ]

Rokuro remembers his too, but he's the only person I've really talked about this stuff with.

[crystallomancy]

So you two must be CLOSE. Highschool sweetHEARTS?




( i'm sorry? )

[adsum]

STOP! NO. You're wrong.

[ SHUT UPPPPPPPPP ]

[crystallomancy]

( HAHA? )

Ah, so it's a love unreTURNED... My condolenCES, Senpai ♪ But you KNOW... I'm a magiCIAN. If you'd like to change your lovelorn FATE, you need only ask me to mix you a love poTION.

[adsum]

[ STOP ]

No! I don't—

[ His hands fly up, almost settling on Natsume's shoulders so Akki can give him a rough shake to let him know just how serious he is, but his hands draw back before they touch him. ]

I do not want to be involved with him any more than necessary. I don't need anything like that.

[crystallomancy]

( —yes, thank you, don't touch him, he's bristling with the motion and... he's stepped back a little more, looking defensive, a hand drifting near his pocket before it drops away. )

...My apologies for teasing YOU. ( verily. ) If you don't want to be involved with him more than you ARE, why get involved with him at ALL?

[adsum]

[ There's a glance down at that pocket, and the distinct feeling he narrowly avoided being knifed in the gut. Okay... going to take his own step back too, for insurance. ]

Because... I hope he's right about something. And if he is, he's going to need me.

[crystallomancy]

( he wouldn't have stabbed akki............ maybe. he's trying to learn magic so he doesn't immediately go for killing!! ...maybe. )

And if he isn't RIGHT?

[adsum]

[ Looks at all our burnt corpses... He'd rather be stabbed. ]

Then... There's always next year, isn't there?

[crystallomancy]

( A stab a day keeps the magic away. )

Even for those who've lost this YEAR?

[adsum]

...They'll be back too, eventually. Most of them, anyways.

[ Dying as a third year doesn't mean you're shit out of luck, at least from how Akki understands it. ]

[crystallomancy]

...What happens to the ones who don't come BACK? Did they give up and decide it wasn't worth trying aGAIN, or—

( Natsume stops himself, shaking his head. )

There's not an answer for that I supPOSE.

( people who don't come back don't tell you why or what. )

[adsum]

I don't know. Those who graduate are never seen again, but that's the only constant that I'm aware of.

[ But that's not dying, that's graduating, and he needs to keep those two things separate in his mind. ]

The ones who don't come back... I don't think it was their choice. At least, if I knew them as well as I thought they did.