i'm getting a good grade in yogen lore, which is something normal people definitely try to get

[crystallomancy]

Who: Whoever's in the dormitories
When: Friday, October 1st
What: It's time for a little lecture. And a genuine information meeting. But mostly a lecture.
Warnings: N/A please don't make me change this.

( Early in the morning, a curious text gets posted. )

N.Sakasaki

DRM-STDYHLL
1800HRS

( ...In less coded news, the dormitory's study hall will have a note taped to it:

Yogen and You: A Quick Summary
Held by Natsume Sakasaki

For those who need a summary of events, whether because our meetings rarely get anything done in terms of information sharing or because you're freshly awakened. Come around dinner time for food, enlightenment, and the opportunity to share your troubles with those going through the same thing.

The room will be locked all day until about half an hour before six, at which point it will become unlocked... this is primarily for Natsume to set up a table of food, but people can come sit in early if they like. There's an overhead projector that's been wheeled into the study hall all the way from school, and the curtains are drawn over the windows. It isn't dark though, since he still has the lights turned on...

Several tables have been pushed together to make at least three groups, chairs around them like they've been readied for a dinner party, while a few more are pushed a little further back and have absolutely no chairs whatsoever; those are for the food. There's also a chair by the overhead projector.

Your food and drink for tonight: lemon and rosemary roasted shrimp, white rice, rosemary and thyme chicken, a make-your-own-salad area with all kinds of salad-making ingredients, three types of eggrolls (seafood, vegetable, and pork), and various drinks from the vending machine because some of us can afford to spend a bunch of merit points on things like that.

When a sufficient amount of people have come in, or the clock hits 6:05, Natsume shuts the door, turns off the lights, and moves to the overhead projector. To stand on the chair, so he's the tallest person in here, and claps his hands to get people's attention. )

Save all questions and outbursts until the END, ( he says, and then kneels down on the chair and flicks the projector on.

All of the slides are pre-written on some transparent sheets that project onto a wall without windows, which he reads one by one without rushing! But for ease of reading OOCly, you can find the entire thing here. There's also photocopied handouts for people on all of the tables, stapled of course, so people who aren't blind (sorry Helena) can follow along at home!

He lets the last sheet stay up, his face half-illuminated by the overhead projector, then sits down in the chair and leans forward the back of it like some kind of delinquent. )

Alright, you can speak NOW.


( ooc notes: go ahead and treat this like one of our meetings, aka mingle, jump around, actually get a chance to share information that hasn't been talked about yet, etc. thank you plenty to enh and peace too for reviewing and suggesting things for the presentation \o/ )

Comments

[moraloutrage]

[Ishimaru was following along stoically for the most part. Until reaching the very end. That drained the color from his face. All this time, he's been clinging to the hope that all of them would be able to leave this school and return to their lives. That he would be able to leave this school and Hope's Peak behind him to lead the life he wanted, free from any murder and killing games! He was intent on protecting his life that he kept precious!

But now, it's being spread as fact. They're already dead?? It's already all over? He can't be dead. He can't be. He knows he was attacked before coming here, but - that can't have been it. He wanted to believe that he survived that!

Once again, he finds himself reduced to a responsive state while trying to process this. He still listens, attentively. And he raises some questions here and there while he can. He especially listens to Meng Yao's conversation with Komaeda, as he had voiced the question on this mind... how did they know this? And he listens to the answer, his shoulders sinking. His seafood eggroll and rice lie half-eaten and forgotten as he stands in place.]

I... I do not understand. This does not make sense at all... [He weakly mutters, as he tries to make sense of everything, or anything.]

[samuraiwomen]

[ Sara is in a similar state. All that hard work...everything she did...for what? She just died pathetically in some killing game, never to grow up or see anyone she loved ever again? Just a pointless seventeen years, a handful of cruel, unjust actions, and in then she was killed a trivially as all that.

She can't accept it. ]

It doesn't... [ She rubs the back of her hand, staring over at Ishimaru with a tight expression. ] Because if we're dead...whats even the point of any of this...

[ If she can't go home, why should she care? Can't she just jump into the void, and everything will turn out the same way. ]

[moraloutrage]

[Ishimaru knows that he can't accept it. The idea that he never did truly make it out of Hope's Peak Academy... that he died there! It makes no sense! ...Although he does get the faintest flashes in his head, of how both Naegi and Kyouko looked when they saw him in Yogen. Like they were looking at a ghost.

Could they... have already known...?]

N-no, there has to be a point. There must be some misunderstanding! [He looks towards her desperately, placing against his chest.]

I am still breathing, and I can feel my heart beat! That- that should be proof that I am alive. That is indisputable evidence! Wh-whatever they're saying... our lives are not over, Sara-kun!

[crystallomancy]

They're oVER, and the sooner you accept that FACT, the betTER. Open your eyes, Chidouin-san, Ishimaru-kun.

( open your eyes, open your eyes. )

Think about what you've seen and experienced HERE, instead of just accepting that it hapPENED. Why would there be such high stakes for graduating school of all THINGS, if not for the chance of living aGAIN?

( natsume slowly straightens in his seat, head raising. )

It isn't as if the little wolf's ideal of all current third years graduating has zero basis eiTHER, though the last time it occurred was during an influenza epidemic and the class that graduated was much smaller—but every single one of them graduated without a probLEM.

( ... )

Ishimaru-kun. Chidouin-san. You're DEAD, but that doesn't mean what you've done here has been meaningLESS. ( his voice is more gentle now, on the edge of consoling, though he doesn't relax. ) Every thing you do here will leave a mark on your HEART, on your very BEING, and though you may forget it when you graduate or even if you attend this school another YEAR, your soul will remember IT.

( ..............he'll settle back down again, tired. the catnap he had between finishing writing everything up and aggressively cooking dinner to keep his hands busy was not enough, he can't wait until this meeting is over so he can crash in his bed, he just has to hold on for a while longer... )

Don't think so fatalisticalLY, because you'll hurt the feelings of people you care about HERE... Thinking that none of this matters—that the friends you've made and the bonds you've forged mean nothing—just because you learned this whole school's just a waiting room for SOULS.

[closewithnewintown]

[sometimes grief makes you do crazy things. sometimes you say things you say things you wish you didn't mean.]

-- Do you both hate your homes so much that you're gonna throw them away for the words of liars?!

[and sometimes you take a plate of food and smash it onto the ground.]

The both of you [gestures between him and subaru], stop... stop acting like this is okay! This place kills our friends and serves us human meat - and you wanna just believe what they say? Just go along with their "plans" for us? Because if this place was really just all about getting us ready to move on, we wouldn't have been eating priest for weeks!

[she digs her fingers into her hair, as if that can hide how badly they're shaking.]

I'm the littlest kid here, so how am I the only one not believing we're really being sent to a farm upstate? We're all being tricked! Don't help them do it!

[samuraiwomen]

Ishimaru-senpai....

[ His words are kind and full of vigor, but she doesn't have a response for them. She turns to look away from him to stare at Natsume then Stephanie in turn. ]

Ahaha...Natsume-san. I think you misunderstand me... [ She pushes the remains of the plate aside, reaching out a hand to place it on Stephanies shoulder. ] I was thinking more about before all this. So it doesn't really concern you.

Mhm...Yes. I mean, I wasn't a very good person in the first place, so I'm not surprised its something like this. Just toyed with, again and again. [ She has more thoughts, but whats even the point of saying them? If she killed someone as young as Stephanie for a life that had ended only a day later, then it didn't really matter at all. She probably didn't have the right to help like this, but someone should. ]

Stephanie-chan, deep breaths okay? I believe you. This place is evil.

[notsosou]

[Someone smashing a plate on the ground sure got his attention. He unsticks himself from his frozen position.]

She has a point... It wants us to sabotage each other.

[Why else does murder get you 100 merits, even if it's not true death? It feels like a weird sentence, coming out of his mouth. It feels like Sara should be the one saying it.]

High stakes, huh...

[He'd been talking about it with Sidney. The thing you dangle in front of people. The thing you make them chase. Otherwise it wouldn't be interesting. There's definitely something more to it.]

Well, whether we're dead or alive... It's not like it changes the fact we're here and awake, wouldn't you say?

[They can still act, experience. They have options. He's keeping an eye on Sara. He saw how badly she reacted just to seeing her dead body, and Stephanie's not taking it much better either.]

[crystallomancy]

Because I watched someone die in front of ME, Stephanie-chan, and I know for a fact he attends this SCHOOL.

( he doesn't mean to snap at her. but he does, because he already had to make his peace with it, even though he isn't happy, even though it means he's fucked up somewhere along the line in his own life, but it also isn't like he imagined the events he went through in august, either. )

Do you think I want to be DEAD? Do you think I haven't been thinking about this for well over a month NOW, turning it over and over in my HEAD? ( sora must be so upset; senpai must be, too. if leo was here that means he was dead too, and that means nazuna has a room to himself but he must use it even less now. who takes care of his rabbit when he's away? not to mention wataru, and shu, and rei, and kanata... ) If I'm WRONG, then FINE, I'll be the first person to glad accept THAT.

I'd pay for this stuPID, idiotic school to tell me I didn't just leave the most important people in my entire LIFE, the only people who matter to ME, to come here and have to deal with all of YOU!

( ...maybe that's a touch too far. but natsume's gripping his chair, knuckles white, and he's only belatedly realizing sara had said anything, too—

he grits his teeth and lays his head down on his arms, taking a deep breath. )

You can all believe whatever the hell you WANT, ( he says loudly, just so he can be heard. ) I don't CARE. I hate every single one of YOU.

[commences]

Sakasaki-kun doesn't mean that at all.

( who is he lying to, but also being a child who is throwing a temper tantrum. it's not like he's wrong, they do need to accept that they're dead, and there are methods to going back home that not many of them are seeing — they can follow along with what this school has, but they're smart enough to know there's different ways. one can accept that this place is their purgatory, but they don't have to accept what they have to do as the norm. )

...

( going to put his hands on natsume's shoulders, canting his head to the side as he tries to calm him down. probably just pissed him off more, but the comment about seeing someone die hits him since he's experienced that not once, but almost twice with the same person. )

Stephanie, it's best to listen... he is your friend, and he wouldn't lead you astray.

[crystallomancy]

( yeah, that won't calm him down, get your hands off of him— but he doesn't have the energy to actually shrug them off, not when his energy is directed to, yeah, being upset because stephanie is upset, so they get the barest of "fuck you get off" shrugs. )

[closewithnewintown]

We're dead. That's a given. I don't remember how, but I will. And yet, I'm still gonna go home, to my friends, as myself. There's a way to do it, and we can find it if we work together. We won't find it if we listen to you and give up!

[she takes Sara's advice, partially. she takes a deep, deep breath.]

... I don't believe the Natsume who put bombs in the sink and the Natsume telling us to focus on graduating is the same Natsume.

[pause]

And you do have those golden eyes.

cw / light... eye gore mention? i'm sorry?

[crystallomancy]

( ....... )

Every time someone disagrees with something I SAY, they go and imply I'm being poSSESSED. I'm going to gouge my eyes out one of these days so none of you can claim such ridiculous bullshit against me anyMORE, just because people's thoughts can develop over time when presented with new informaTION.

( a long, bedraggled sigh. maybe he'll quit the meeting early and just make subaru take notes for him, the little daikichis in the corner will be so cute and nice when he wakes up. )

I'm not saying we should focus solely on graduation—that's only relevant to third years anyway—but I do want to make it clear we're in this school because we died at some POINT. The how and why matter to some exTENT, but I don't think we're going to find out unless we stumble upon a gorinto or something that explains THAT. ( maybe they're in that fourth floor hallway, or maybe they're nowhere, or maybe they're not dead just comatose and that's why they're different than everyone else here. who knows. ) I'm sure there are other ways of escaping this hellHOLE. It seems ridiculous to think there's only one WAY, though it might be the most surefire one presented to the student body as a WHOLE.

( and, like... if they were just being harvested for food, why bother going through so much trouble? why turn a blind eye to violence? you get delicious chicken by raising them with love and by making sure they remain happy and unstressed. whatever her argument to subaru might be, it doesn't make sense to him for the school to not actively discourage violence and terror if they're just going to be eaten by whatever the hell she thinks they're going to be eaten by. )

[starrypoint]

[subaru'd flinched at steph's inital gesture, but natsume had gotten to it first-- he hunches his shoulders, clenching his knees with his hands.]

I don't hate my home. I left my mom, [just like his dad left them first,] all alone, and Daikichi, too. I failed my friends and every one of my fans and Anzu-- all because something I did made me end up dying.

But just 'cause that's how we get here doesn't mean anything. How long've been here? We had to have known the stakes before we woke up, right? Everyone acts like we're stupid because we don't, because we forgot everything they know -- but we can change things they can't now, because we know something's wrong, because we wanna act on it.

[his voice is a little shaky but it's easier not to be mad when someone else is mad in the same room. at least, not vocally pissed, even if the tension in his body's at an all time high.]

Maybe we don't have to become different people. Maybe when we figure whatever the hell we've gotta do to fix things, or break the cycle, or whatever we'll wake up again and be exactly where we left off, totally unaware of what happened here. Of the people we met, argued with, laughed with, everything. But-- But there's no point in denying something everyone keeps saying, that Natsume says he's got good word on, even if you hate it.

[because natsume wouldn't lie, of all people he would not, and neither would the straightforward, one-track minded first impression he got off of chiaki.]

You're the youngest one here, but we can't protect you from this. It's unfair. I hate it. But we're different than everyone else for a reason, so let's find out what we can do that no one else can and take it a step at a time.

[it's honestly the only way subaru's keeping sane right now, honing in on small things that don't even matter and keeping his focus on that instead-- he, nene, and shuichi have known longer than natsume, but he's admittedly pushed it out of mind until recently because he didn't want to believe it -- he still doesn't, it's hard to swallow, but he wants to help more than anything and the first step of that is accepting an undeniable fact, even if it really, really sucks that he can't protect a child from it]

[closewithnewintown]

Protecting me? You're protecting yourselves!

Who'd he get the word from? Maya-chan? Maya-chan has a contract with the school! Maya-chan made people fight each other to the death! Where's the soul maturing in that? Because nothing this school has done to us makes it seem like it wants us to move on, while everything makes it seem like it's keeping us trapped and feeding off our pain!

[scoffs] Call it "graduating" if you want. I'm gonna call it what I think it really is. The day we're harvested. Like apples off a tree. We're not students, and we're not wayward souls. We're food.

[starrypoint]

[-- admittedly the new information about maya throws him off guard, open surprise on his face before he glances at natsume and then sits up more. he doesn't like her implications in her words to natsume one bit, and it's different when it's a general attack versus one specifically against his best friend.]

Maya has a contract with the school 'cause she has to, every president's had one and she got the better deal out of it! I really appreciate the fact that all I've gotta do is not die and pass some exams to find out what happens when we "graduate", instead of killing any of the people I've met to cut down on the competition!

[and as a third year, he would. he'd have to. he's eternally thankful for the contract she's made, even if he doesn't know the whole of it, if only for the simple fact of he doesn't have to hurt others if he doesn't need to.]

You can choose not to believe in her, not to believe in Natsume or anyone else here, to say we're just gonna be eaten, but I'm gonna believe in them, in Kazuki-san's careful tending, and maybe through that I'll learn what happens before it does. But don't act like accepting one thing as fact means I like it, that I hate my home, that I'm gonna sit and wait with my hands tied until that point.

[filialdeception]

[ Meng Yao places his hands out, fingers together, and does a small bow. ]

Ishimaru-xiong, Stephanie, Sara...

With everything being as it is, I think it is fair to examination closely the idea that we're dead with finality. After all, I believe there's still a chance we can go back to where we left off, so in the end if you look at it that way...has it really all truly come to an end in the first place? What is the point in trusting anyone who told any of us here that? I can understand those questions.

Whatever the case, we're still standing here and breathing, like Ishimaru-xiong has said. That has to mean something. Even if signs and evidence points to us being dead upon arrival, our situation is not so black and white. And are we really truly considered "dead" in this purgatory of some sort when we can still breathe and bleed? I believe we can at least agree it's not over.

[ He's quicker to accept the worst explanation first so he does believe at least they died to come here, but why let it stop them? Even so, not everyone is the same in which they can easily accept those things, and so he's going to do his best to minimize the blow. Maybe it is also the fact one of them is a close friend and another just a child. ]

In the end, it is up to you, but I'm sure what remains true to every single one of us is that we shouldn't give in. Whatever truth we'll find at the end of this, it'll reveal itself to us, and we'll find a way to return home to see what we knew once again.

[moraloutrage]

[As Meng Yao speaks up, Ishimaru seems unresponsive for the most part. But he is clearly listening. Once he finishes, he speaks up. He cannot manage a smile, but he manages to speak gently.]

...Thank you, Meng Yao-kun. I... I appreciate your insights.

[His fists loosen as he thinks.]

It is truly hard to fully accept these... revelations. I want to believe... to have hope in what you mention. That this is not the end... that we truly can return. That despite everything, our... our lives are continuing...

[samuraiwomen]

I'm just...tired of being strung along with false hopes.

[ Stephanie has run off to fight with just about everyone about the evils of the school, but Sara stands back and looks to where Ishimaru and Meng Yao are talking. ]

Hunted for sport, given allies just so we can mourn them...just being toyed with for worthless reasons, for years and years. [ She buries her face in her hands, breathing hard. ]

I...don't want to give up! Or let someone win! B-but, what do we even do?

[filialdeception]

[ It's been a long day for all of them already, and as far as Meng Yao is concerned, the meeting has just started. He hopes fervently that at some point something good presents itself in the meeting as it is but he's not going to hold his breath.

He's just going to do what he can for now. ]

Admittedly, it's been a hard pill for me to swallow as well, but...

There is so much we still don't know. And there are people waiting for us to return home...I figure that it's at least something to think about as well. Or I suppose I'm just pretty stubborn about all of this. We've been struggling so hard and for so long now, after all.

I can't help but want to see all of us break free of this and live our lives again. I do understand if you need time to think about it too.

[commences]

Ishimaru-kun, what is it that you're fretting about?

( it's like a golden opportunity in a way, something that komaeda can't let go because he wonders what it is that makes the other uncomfortable, what truth before his eyes causes him to act such a way. )

I may be insignificant, but I hope there's some way I can be of use to you, and help calm your nerves.

( that's all he's for anyhow, and maybe there's this budding excitement to hear him say something like how are they dead, how is he dead since that happens to be the one factor that most people can't wrap their head around. he may be drawn to the potential reaction of the other, but when komaeda speaks, there is something genuine in his voice as he waits for the other to speak. )

[moraloutrage]

[Ah, Komaeda... someone who makes him feel the opposite of calm. But right now, he doesn't even have the energy to be exasperated with him. He just glances towards him, resigned to this conversation.]

I do not know how useful anyone can be right now. There are... a number of things that trouble me at his time. S-such as... the idea that we are all dead, and awaiting reincarnation... I cannot just accept such unsettling notions so easily.

[commences]

Hm...? Why is that hard for you of all people to understand, Ishimaru-kun?

( color him surprised. komaeda's mouth parts for a moment as he watches the other, and then closes right after as he tries to understand if that's a joke. most people who understand the nature of their death shouldn't be shocked that they're standing with other deceased people, but he lifts a hand to his chest as if he's saddened by the other's grief. )

Is this what denial looks like... it's fine, once people take your lead, they won't care about being dead! You've showed your outstanding hope before, so as long as you can do it again...

[moraloutrage]

Hh...

[He has trouble vocalizing a word for a moment. Komaeda's words don't sit right with him. In a familiarly sickening way. That's right... it brings him back to the way Komaeda spoke to him back when they first met. He said something about him dying... and now here he is, talking about denial. Denial. Death. A searing pain in his head.

Ishimaru takes a breath and closes his eyes.]

Komaeda-kun... What do you know about me? Do you truly know me as someone who- who has died...?

[commences]

I know a lot about you, Ishimaru-kun.

( the words come out softly, gently so that he doesn't break the other at all.

he knows from the black book written up by the future foundation, he knows of the other's father that the kid's hunted down as an adult that they wanted to kill. there's a lot about the other that isn't a mystery to him, but it's all most the important details that makes up his talent, what class he's from, how his own killing game started, the reason he died, who the culprit was... things of that matter. )

To ask me that directly... ( he knows the other wouldn't play about this, he's way too serious for that, but there's nothing about this to be naïve about. ) What do you remember before coming here?

[moraloutrage]

The... the last thing I remember...

[He feels like Komaeda is the last person he wants to have this conversation with, but as it stands, he might be the only person here who knows. And right now, with what they've just learned, he knows he needs to confirm this for sure. He clears his throat and looks down as he speaks.]

The last thing I remember... [He rubs at his head.] I was at one with my brother's soul at the time. And... a lot had happened. I had received a note, which told me of a hidden exit from the school. So I went to check it out promptly!

[He shifts uncomfortably.]

But when I was there... something happened. I am sure it was Yamada-kun who was there. He... attacked me so swiftly. With... something over the head? It... was an incredible pain, like no other. I... I then blacked out, and... that is the last thing I remember be-before coming here.