yogen | like a bitter stranger

Seriously? You're going with that again?

[sorry komaeda but as much as he (unfortunately) likes you... he is rolling his eyes. he is sighing loudly. he's calling amami on his shit for making noah and sara upset.]

He acted on his own and distracted everyone for multiple months with his stupid antics... Rantarou Amami was the only one acting selfishly. He prioritized his personal goals and comfort above all else, the facts speak for themselves.

Not that I particularly care... if he wants to be selfish, fine, he got what he wanted in the end. But don't try to spin it like he was doing everyone some grand favour.

( add... not how he wants to battle with komaeda, but to anyone else, it would look like that. )

Did you know him, Add-kun?

( does he know him like he knows sara, like he knows noah, just like he knows komaeda, did he know anything about him? )

He can't even think about himself, but everything does look selfish from your point of view, doesn't it? It's not a grand favor for everyone, but there are some that can appreciate it, and others— ( he looks at add, smiling softly. ) who can't. That's why this is so difficult for you.

[no but amami put fish in his room and he'll never forgive

but also... he understands his position. even without knowing him, he knows he'd have done the same.]

Sacrificing one life for another, many lives for another, stepping on a mountain of corpses just to save one precious person... kukuku, only a moron would call that a selfless act. Who is it really for? Amami's selfishness, or Keigo's? Either way, the answer is the same.

Pinning your own agenda onto someone else's actions... it's distasteful. Pathetic. Accept his choice for what it was or shut up.

Are you trying to protect the type of agenda that it is, then? Are my views too horrible for you to understand?

( he doesn't understand it — being selfish — komaeda has always lived selfless, he's done everything for others, and not for himself. the way amami lived his life, he never thought about himself, because he had no identity, and he found one through a certain person. )

You'd do the same thing, I know, but you're selfish, you'd do it for yourself and them. Amami-kun would do it for them, and not care the outcome that happens for him. You two are different, but you can't speak for him when you didn't know him.

Oh, is that how it is? Only Amami-kun is the one who's selfless?

[he was trying to stay composed before, but now there's venom in his words. so you're saying he's better than me, is that it?]

It's wrong for people to be selfish, so it must have been another reason, is that right? It's impossible for someone you like to have done anything wrong, but everyone else can be the villains? Is that what you're trying to say to me?

( he could bite his tongue, but that's not true. he's not the only one, but that's the narration he gave in his rebuttal. )

At this moment, due to what happened. I am, he's the only one that's selfless because of his actions.

( as for those who are selfish, those that only work for them, those that don't give anything to anyone else. he's never thought ill of add, even now, if he this was his fault, then komaeda would protect him too. )

Listen to yourself, I never said your selfishness was deplorable. I never said it'd make you a villain, but you'll parrot what's been said to you before, won't you, Add-kun?

( calling yourself a villain, when has komaeda ever said that or even made that claim? ) Selflessness exists.

Who decided to make you the sole judge of everyone's character? What do you even know about me?!

If you want to glorify Amami's selflessness, why don't you go ahead and die like him, too?! Go be a martyr for your stupid hope!

I understand hope better than anyone else. You can't understand the meaning behind it when you won't even open your damn eyes!

( the structure behind hope only makes sense for those who want to see it, but how many times has add pushed it away? the idea feels nothing meaningless when he talks about it, like it doesn't exist, and that he can't he part of it.

what did amami do wrong? why do they have to hate him for this? )

And what if I won't? Are you going to call me selfish because I won't die hopelessly. If you want me dead so bad then kill me yourself, find unspeakable pleasure off my corpse if you want to feel right.

( if he wants to use komaeda like his own stepping stone, then he can. validate himself, show that selfishness of his that he wants everyone to know about because that's all it is. a painful selfishness that gives nothing, and komaeda sees no hope in it. )

You didn't do anything to stop this ( the meeting, his friends from being sad ) from happening, so you at least have a shot this time.

( but he doesn't sound worried about it, rather, he doesn't care and that's noticeable in his voice. )

[Add's expression twists with anger, a literal tension falling over the room as the pressure of gravity seems to build... you didn't do anything to stop this, like he had a choice, like anyone would've known if he had

he stands up, and the pressure lifts with it. spits out his final words before turning to march out of the room.]

Meeting you was a mistake. I should've shoved you into the void.

[fuck komaeda, fuck amami, he's done here]

( everyone has a choice, just like how add is taking his choice to leave.

though, that doesn't mean those words don't hurt any less. komaeda may be numb, he may watch people die, but for them to willingly walk with those words off the tip of their tongue...

... )

If it wasn't "I this," and "I that," if you'd stop thinking about just yourself.... and thought about giving a little piece of yourself to everyone. If you'd just stop being so selective and afraid.

( had he got the chance to know amami, to know keigo, and whoever else. )

Then maybe you wouldn't be alone.

[he could've just stayed quiet. he could've let Add leave. but no, Komaeda always has to be right. he always has to push and push and push

he pushes, and something finally decides to snap

Add whips around, hand outstretched, and... it looks like a wave of cracks that spread through the air, a pane of glass that's being messily shorn through. Has Komaeda ever wondered what it's like to have a portal opened inside your own body? Well, now he won't have to, because those cracks are headed straight for his chest. It feels kind of like being stabbed with a giant serrated hole punch, and someone else is trying to push that hole back together but the jagged pieces won't line up.

at least there's no blood.]

Wait, hold on-!

[ When Add whips around, an expression on his face that Sara can only catch out of the corner of her eye, there isn't much time. Both of them are too far, the situation too fast for Sara to think of anything she can say, anything she can shout to make them to stop.

...

Add is closer. When he raises his hand, the stange crackling glass energy of it boiling over towards Komeada - Sara's hand is there first, trying to shove the...the spell(?) away and down at the floor before it can go off. Her eyes don't even meet Add's so focused on trying to slam her entire weight into him and away from Komeada. For a second, it almost works, she got it down and away enough she's sure it won't hit Komeada or anyone else, and then the portal detonates.

The initial force pushes her back with a gasp, there's a sharp audible snap of white hot pain as her arm is forced back at the wrong angle by gleaming shards of energy. It hurts elsewhere too, the cracks spreading out through her chest and shoulder as she's paralyzed by strands of force. She can't move, and the suddenness of it makes it hard to think. She can't even regret it when its hard process what's happening. Sara tries to stumble back away from it, but the energy (magic?) that isn't real is as solid as iron for that one, terrible moment. ]

( he should have stayed quiet, but there's something to be said about selfishness, and selflessness, and other dynamics that twist and turn add's character. there's a lack of understanding and wanting to, and there's with everything else drowned out by the cracks and snaps that echo from the magic. if only it could remain that way until he hears a voice that stands out— it's neither his because he wouldn't prevent it, and knowing add, he's way past the point of stopping, and so to see sara rush between them two— a disgusting crack, and water snap of her arm.

splash damage, missed considering how successful sara is, but maybe that's due to how lucky komaeda can be; he decides he has it, that his luck is always ruining things. amami's dead, so no one else should be able to, he thinks that no one else should be willing, but it's a spectacle before his eyes as he watches the ability react, as his eyes widen.

immediately, )

C— Chidouin-san...!

( it was better when she was trying to kill him, why don't people ever team up to kill him, it would be better than watching how her arm turns to an angle that doesn't seen possible; or to notice the pained expression on her face. )

Add, get it off of her!? ( seconds feel like minutes, and the feeling that drops into his stomach makes him feel almost sick. ) You're supposed to attack me!

( damn, not my seven, so his dumble bumble ass is going to to walk over to pull sara with his prosthetic arm... but that sounds dangerous. ) Why can't you even do that right!

[by the time Sara jumps in the way, it's too late to stop

Add freezes, eyes wide, and at least the crack doesn't get to spread further. It still stings and bites like a cut filled up with glass, fragments grinding together as the wound tries its hardest to close, everything slowly rotating back the way it was, the way it's supposed to be... and Add can't do anything to speed it up, to make it stop, because he only ever taught himself how to break things, never how to put them back together.

like always, he can only make things worse. the correct choice is not to interfere.

his attention is on Sara, not Komaeda, his anger dissipated and replaced by guilt and dread... but his words still strike true, still squirm uncomfortably in Add's mind, why can't you even do that right?

he takes a step back, the shock passing, and...

scowls, turns sharply on his heel, and walks straight into a portal that tears open in front of him, sealing shut before anyone can try to follow.

also, the door slams shut... does the common room even have a door, if it doesn't he'll slam the next nearest one, gravity powers are cool like that. he just wants to slam something.]

[ Oh. She gets 3-spheres and manifolds now.

Her arm is...not where it should be. She's not sure how, she can feel it in five separate places. Like, part of her is here and another ten feet away behind her, and some places she can't see. It hurts. As the seconds crawl on she opens her mouth in a little gasping intake of breath, sweat beading on her brow.

She see's the shock on Add's face as he see's what's happened. She wants to say something, but as the fractal pattern of her arm rotates back the pain finally catches up with her brain and she lets out a choked little scream. Komeada's cold metal hand on her shoulder only makes Sara panic more, as he tries to pull her arm back and away from the force holding it away from where it should be.. ]

Hh...ah! S-stop! [ That was the point of doing this. She pulls back and back, struggling enough that even when everything dissipates and Add turns away, she's left her arm a mess, a mangled bruise of bone broken, her last two fingers still twisted in the wrong places. It hurts terribly, still buzzing with forign energy. At least there's no blood. ]

Add...wait just- [ She bends over with a groan, trying to hold herself upright. ]

[It's happening again. Why does this always happen?]

Sara...!?

[He's rushing over, grabbing at the blue scarf on the way, tugging at it, unwinding it... the markings on it flare bright cyan and it comes to life as he half skids to a halt next to her. That looked utterly horrific... but there's no blood?]

Just... hold still, okay?

[He gingerly holds her arm while the soft fabric painstakingly winds itself around it, anchoring itself at her shoulder, pulling her fingers back into alignment within a blue blob. He's doing his best to keep all the fragments where they reassembled so they don't move further, multitasking the careful movement of an extra limb and remembering how to bandage, but he was taught on a bullet wound and a stab wound not... this. At least nothing's broken through the skin. The scarf itself is adamant; once set in it's rough cast it does not move, the markings quietly pulsing. Shin's feeling the pull on his small magic reserves already, keeping his hand on her shoulder to not break contact with it.]

The nurse should...

[The nurse is on holiday. Oh no. Shin's head lifts, scanning the crowd for Clamor... or really anyone he knows who can heal. Is Senku here?]

( there's no point in her hurting herself anymore, telling him to stop when her life is being threatened. there's always something wrong— sara was at the wrong place at the wrong time, this wasn't supposed to happen. truly, this wasn't an outcome him or add had seen, but when sara pulls away despite everything. )

...Chidouin-san, you're going to hurt yourself even worse. Please, stop moving.

( anything else, she can do anything else, but even komaeda knows there's nothing he can do as he draws his hands back, and let them down by his side. touching her will only make things worse, and with add gone, that's probably the only person on her mind at the moment than thinking of herself.

he doesn't want to touch her anymore, he doesn't want to cause her pain and suffering either.

as shin rushes over, which won't be enough, but it's something. )

Someone's here... it'll be fine.

( even if he doesn't believe those words himself. )

E-easy for you both to say..!

[ It's not easy to stay still or quiet when someone is pulling your fingers back into place. Auuugh...who even taught Sou how to do this? ]

Oww..ow ow ow...I'm fine. I'm not...urgh...dying! [ She just broke her arm, in the worst way possible. The pain has gone back from superhumanly awful to just the normal agony of a broken bone. She's never going to forget how it looked as long as she lived... Which...she's getting kind of light headed... Sara pats Sou's shoulder with her free hand. Let her um...let her sit down for a moment. ]

Someone needs to go after Add...

[Nobody taught him how to do this in exactitude, I should have made him roll for it but we can give him a freebie high roll for once. He does wince a little when it gets to the fingers.]

Could have fooled me... I wouldn't call that fine...

[It's a tiny mutter as he sits down with her, one arm on each other's shoulders. He knew Add was powerful, but he's never seen this before and quite honestly never wants to again.]

Kinda need to be this thing's battery right now... Unless you want to do it, Komaeda?

[Shin stop sending him to the pool.]

She's here with you, that's what matters.

( it's fine, it's better than what he's seen. she's still breathing, she's still conscious, and that means there's still a chance that shin can help her.

he argues with himself, thinking of what he should do until shin speaks for him. komaeda doesn't do well with someone handing him orders, he's does the exact opposite. this time, he doesn't even what to do yet, instead he finds that they don't need him.

add doesn't either, he said it himself that komaeda should be dead, and that he should have left him to drop into the void.

he doesn't mind if shin just told him to leave, but that was already a thought in his mind. )

Mhm! Yeah, of course.

( he starts, but that's a lie, that's nothing more than a fib dropping off the tip of his tongue. he doesn't really do that, but there's nothing else that can be done considering sending him only means this will happen again. then who would be next after sara?

he looks down at the two, a slightly bit of worry in his eyes before he closes them, and turns around to leave the meeting. maybe this will turn out better once...

...

ah, that's for later. )

[ What could possibly go wrong in sending a person to chase after a man who just tried to attack them? It's not subtle at all, and there's something unforgivable about it, just as unforgivable as the scene that just transpired. But he's stopped being surprised.

He keeps his distance away from Sara and Shin, instead following after Komaeda. He'll try to catch him once he's out of earshot of the group, clustered together as they are, reaching out to wrap a hand around the wrist of his prosthetic arm. He doesn't take his hand, afraid that he might pull away too.

What does he say here? What can he say? It's a disaster, they're always a disaster, and Ranger thinks his help should be unnecessary next time. Exact time of death? Pharmaceutical and medical knowledge? Midori can handle that for the living and the dead. Any knowledge Ranger has passed on by now wouldn't evfen come close to matching the laser precision of someone in the field.

He doesn't really care about that right now though. ]

... You leaving? I'll come with you then.

[ He keeps his voice low, and there's a note of concern to it. He doesn't so much as pay a glance back. ]

The atmosphere here is unpleasant.

[ ASUNARO never had an unpleasant toxic air about it. ]

Edited 2022-03-07 00:51 (UTC)

( truthfully, finding add would only cause more problems, and as he closes his eyes while walking out of the common room; he does hope sara can forgive him for something so small. someone else can do it, besides he knows that he's the last person add wants to see. thoughts circulate through his head on how to parse shin's words, maybe that was telling him to die too— he's smart enough to know what it means to send komaeda on a wild goose chase after him right? he knows that he isn't stupid, and that phrase there was nothing more than a double entendre; komaeda has always flirted with the idea of dying, so why wouldn't it?

it's words to unpack, things to do, wondering if sara will be fine after this, or will it change the trajectory of everything; now he wonders if she'd hit him. it'd be good if that's where her feelings were, it means he wouldn't be breaking the promise of using what she gave him, because all he needs is a few extra pieces. they're obtainable, he thinks, but the best part of all is that she won't be mad at him. it's not like she has to know.

his beliefs are better than anyone else's beliefs, it's always been like that when komaeda's very self-righteous, but he doesn't have to be selfish about this. give them what they want, a part of him thinks, but it never works out properly because of his luck, but if he's desperate enough; oh if he thinks it's something good for them then— he doesn't feel it when someone touches him, but he can tell he's being held back from the tug, and he's quick to look behind him with his eyes widening before relaxing normally. he sees ranger, but he doesn't see him, he's putting together the formulas of why, where did he come from, and did he call him as soon as he was leaving?

it calms his mind down, shifting away from nasty thoughts to look down at his arm to see what's being held, and it's his wrist.

...

he hears him at least, but it's difficult to give an answer to the first question when yes, he's right, but he's supposed to be looking for add. a painful lie, but he doesn't pull away. he stands there, thinking over what happened, and then he looks up at the ceiling; there's nothing there. komaeda wants it to rain tonight so he doesn't have to hear his own thoughts, but that's rare in itself; and he looks back to ranger. )

I'm sorry... ( he starts, instantly he knows even when the other looks back. ) Aha... that's because of me.

( unpleasant, or maybe it was at the start, but komaeda blames himself regardless. why it went as sour, why he can't stand what he did. )

I'm pretty unlucky today, so... ( he searches, his mind comes up empty with what words he wants to say, so that poetic speech of his falls flat. ) I'm really unlucky, and you might be next.

( he'll end up hurting him too.

emotional response? or just simply stating facts? his luck hasn't been on his side. )

[ When he doesn't pull away, Ranger lets his hand slip down to lace his fingers with Komaeda's. He can't feel it, and he might have taken his organic hand so he could have that warmth if he weren't acutely aware of the fact that it would only cause more pain. ]

... Me too.

[ It's a response to both statements. He only has to look at the expression on his partner's face to imagine what thoughts are running through his head. He's human too. He bleeds if cut, feels pain when bones snap, thinks too much and cares too much and is hurt by those same feelings. Ranger isn't surrpised to be thrown away now, not when he had already been tossed aside by people who had never seen him as anything more than a means to an end, but acting in such a manner to someone who's done nothing but offer his assistance is different.

No one in ASUNARO was ever so kind, no one there was ever this vile. But that's what happens when people refuse to be honest, and it's what happens when they stop taking responsibility for their own actions. It's so much easier to vent their feelings on another person.

He moves closer, standing next to him and tilting his head slightly to look up. If he leaves now, who else is going to notice he knife in his chest?

Ranger doesn't want to return to the dorm room that they'd taken over. It's not a reminder he wants now, so he doesn't bother suggesting that. Really, he doesn't want to be anywhere near this disgusting place, not until they've opened all the windows and let all the poison in the air clear out.

Maybe the bad luck will be that nothing happens to either of them. The thought has a bitter taste to it. ]

Do you wanna go to the library? It should be quieter there. And...

[ There's the obstructors in there now, but he's not worried about those. As long as you're not shouting or setting off alarm clocks or something stupid, it's still a nice enough place to hold a conversation. He doubts anyone will be in there today. He'll lift their intertwined hands now, bringing them close to his chest and resting them over where a heart should be. ]

We should at least have each other.

[ They'll both just be alone otherwise. ]

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evil again

THINKIN BOUT YALLS EVIL ERA

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