yogen | npc contact.2

O...kay.

[ house for the can-dle? made of tape? trusting Subaru can only go so far, but, okay ]

Gaffer, scotch, or masking?

[NOOOO NOT HOW HIS WORDING REALLY MADE IT SOUND LIKE THAT, KEIGO'S GONNA BE DISAPPOINTED WHEN HE JUST SLAPS TOGETHER SOME PAPER AND MAKES AN OPEN BOX actually maybe they'll be relieved it's not a house made of tape... subaru'll let go of One hand so the two of them can work on building a paper box made of paper and tape and not a tape box made of tape for their can-dle. black paper will be best but anything dark is acceptable]

Scotch'll do, we're not gonna need a lot of it! Just enough to hold it all together~.

[ LOOK they're imagining at least some cardboard to make something like... a bird house, or something, but at least there's plenty of construction paper for how little it's used outside of drawing on with white crayon.

Scotch tape. Okay.

Being given one single simple task to focus on is good, it's doable, much less daunting than "go outside and be normal" that's hanging over their head, but it's a task that's too easily done and once the roll of tape is in their hands they look back to Subaru for the next set of instructions. ]

[so true keigo he knows how they feel.

he'll give them some black construction paper... the end goal is a little smile but if they just like looking at it that'll be good enough.

... subaru has something to ask them too, but he's been pussyfooting in it]

Okay, okay, now make a box, but leave a side off!

[ ...

Okay. The tape they use to tape together the sheets of construction paper to start, into one large square roughly four times the size of the candle, and then they're going to go ahead and origami this box, using the tape to reinforce folds that are harder to keep down due to the thickness of the paper...

What size box is Subaru even looking for, because something like this is going to fit snug around the can with the guesstimated measurements they're doing. ]

Edited 2021-09-24 17:09 (UTC)

[oh they are so cool... he loves watching this... the way their hands nimbly fold and tuck the paper, the sound it makes, how it's getting smaller-- oh]

That's a good size! We don't need it any smaller, we've gotta see inside the box too.

[it's a little longer in a way that isn't the best-best fit for it, but that's fine. keigo'll understand after subaru puts the box on its side and carefully slides the tin can-dle (ah its, sort of warmer than he thought it would be, but it shouldn't burn fingers at the base) inside the darkness, the holes of the can pressing trapped light against the side of the paper and

giving it the appearance of some constellations that look familiar from the astronomy book, cancer being one as well as the big dipper and cygnus. the punctured parts of the can act as the stars, and the gently flickering of the candle lets them "twinkle".

subaru'll turn the can, showing off his precise work, and then he'll sit back to see how keigo feels about the shoddy, handmade gift]

It's just a little thing, but I'll bet you're not psyched about going upstairs to see 'em yourself again. [...] Sorry.

Oh!

[ With the light shining on the black paper, they can immediately recognize it for what it's supposed to be, even if they don't know the constellations well enough to truly appreciate them. ]

So you brought the stars down to me...

[ oh...

... ]

Why are you sorry? It's warm, and pretty.

Not about the gift. Just...

[it's sort of an assumption, but why else would they have been up there? crossing through a dark hallway, all on their own, if not to--]

You were gonna look at the stars, right? When you got caught up in that whole mess up there. [as much as he'll put to it. nothing else, and subaru gently joins their hands again.] I know it's not my fault or anything, but I still feel bad. Y'know?

[since he introduced them to the stars just a few flights up.]

Oh. Um...

[ They flush just a little, whether it's of embarrassment, or shame, but they shake their head too, reflexively squeezing Subaru's hands as if to reassure him. To reassure themselves. ]

It's not your fault. I just... I... [ ... ] I won't go without you taking me, so...

[ Don't worry? It won't happen again? Can they assure him of any of these things, they don't know ]

[oh, they

they do still wanna go up though, which registers and then brightens subaru's face up completely, and if he had a tail it'd be going off!!!

but then he seems to remember something and puffs his cheeks, leaning closer with a playfully hurt tone. it's hard to keep the smile from tugging at his lips though.]

You're a meanie, Keigo~. Weren't we gonna go up there 'til our wishes came true? And then you cheated me out of a night. [boohoohoo and etc] You'll have to figure out some way to make up for it or I'll never be happy ever again.

[... but he is happy, he's really happy they still want to see the stars, or are at least open to it. he wants to sing and dance with them up there, to lean against each other and hang out.]

What? No, I...

[ Even if his tone is playful, npckun's expression crumples a little, because the very very last thing they ever want to do is make somebody upset, least of all somebody important to them. Worrying about being in the wrong, not being enough, those are the sorts of insecurities that eat away at a person, and they bite at their bottom lip a little, trying to think hard on what they can do to salvage this.

Maybe they can give him a rock... Bribe Subaru's happiness back with a rock. It could work.

... ]

[subaru waits for a comeback, just like he'd teased them back on the rooftop, but when it doesn't come and the slightly upset expression stays as is he hums softly and plays with their hand, then lets that go for a second to cup keigo's face and pull at their cheeks. like mochi.]

Kei~go. [...] Was that too far? You know I'm just playing around, don't you? I promise, I'm not upset or anything like that.

[because subaru doesn't like hurting people who're important to him either; even when he throws hands (pos) with his friends in trickstar, it's never because he's being mean on purpose or dislikes them, it's because they can handle it and that's just how their relationship is. he'd never do that with hajime, for example.]

I'm actually really, super super happy that you wanted to see the stars again, even without me! No, especially! 'Cause you don't like the dark either, and I know how dark it get up there. You're really brave, Keigo~.

[ Their mochi cheeks...

That makes them look up at Subaru, though, pulled out of their thoughts and made to look at him and take his sincerity for what it is.

... ]

...I wouldn't have gone without you... but I heard footsteps going upstairs, and... you know...

[ Thought maybe it could be Subaru? He has a club; they aren't the only person he shows the stars to. Trying to be brave is what got them in trouble in the first place, so they don't feel as if they are, anymore. ]

[so it's more his fault than he thought, but-- keigo also said it wasn't, so it wasn't. he'll believe that.]

... You thought it was me up there and wanted to meet up, huh? Yeah, you're really brave.

[genuinely. he pinches their cheeks again, rubbing them... this is fun. he might just start doing this out of the blue from now on.]

I would've been soooo surprised to hear you come out, you know! But I bet you were pretty scared coming up on what you did. I know I would've been.

[it sounds like a white lie, but it's true; subaru wouldn't have been any better off, but if he'd had someone to protect -- the way amami did -- it'd be different. but he can't say he wouldn't have been scared.

he's watching the keigo carefully, though, taking note of any discomfort. because he won't push or pry for specifics, but... he's been told well enough that it's important to feel, and he knows keigo was pushing it back down before.]

Yeah...

[ It was scary. The shock of seeing somebody they didn't expect to see, doing something they didn't expect to see, and then when they were noticed...

Subaru can feel the frown in between his palms, can see the way they look down, both trying to remember and also not wanting to. They thought... bad things. Was so sure of it, in the suffocating darkness.

Slowly, they raise their hands to place over Subaru's. Not to remove his hands from their face, but just sort of to hold in place. ]

...You and Tarou-nii and Helena and everybody are always trying to show me fun things to do at night. But I... [ ... ] ...I don't want to be scared.

... So let's not be scared together.

[since he doesn't like it, either. being scared, being in the dark.]

We'll take it a step at a time, and I'll be with you all the way. Me, Ama-chan, Lena -- whoever you wanna include, we'll all help you overcome it. And in return, you've gotta do your best. It's fine if you fall, if you tumble and don't want to do it anymore, but you've gotta promise me to do your best until you can't anymore.

[it's really the first time subaru's imposed a "return" for his offer, a genuine exchange and not something simply given. but it's important this time, because he wants them to do their best to stick through with it 'til the end.]

[ It's not really something Subaru can promise on the behalf of other people, though they know the others would probably agree with what he's saying, because they're kind people who care about them for whatever reason. In return... They always always always do their best, is what they thought of themselves. But there's no "best" in standing still and not being able to do anything.

...

...

... ]

Exposure therapy is supposed to be fast, right...?

[ The concept is terrifying but ??? speedrun to not being scared, maybe it'll be worth it ]

Yup! And I've got plenty of experience with it, too~☆ I helped my best friend Ukki~ get over his fear of balls by hitting runs at him until he got used to them!

[used to dodging them. the twins were better help with their ground balls, but he needs to inspire confidence.]

You wanna go to the janitor's closet? We can use a flashlight or my matches for a quick relief if things get suffocating.

[... if only he brought his quartz...]

[ RIP Ukki, they don't even know him and they cringe a little on his behalf ]

I don't know... If you're there with me, I'll feel safe. But exposure therapy is supposed to make you scream and cry and be terrified out of your mind. That's how it works.

[ or something ]

Well, he did yell a lot, but it wasn't that bad...

[he didn't cry or anything... maybe didn't have ball-related nightmares...]

I've decided I like seeing you scared the least out of all your faces I've seen though, so our exposure stuff's not gonna be like that. Sorta sounds like that'll have the opposite effect of what we want...

[hmmmmmm oh]

I got it! Keigo, you wanna know the best thing you can do when you're in a dark place for this?

[ The best thing to do in a dark place you're scared of is to squeeze your eyes shut and clamp your hands over your ears and wait until it's light again, but somehow they doubt this is what Subaru is getting at. ]

What is it?

[well--]

You close your eyes and then you know it's dark for a good reason!

[so like, half, don't be disappointed]

It'll help your eyes adjust too, like when I took you to see the stars. [...] For me, the scary part is not being able to see anything or anyone when I open my eyes. If I have my eyes closed, then I know I'm not supposed to be able to see anything. That helps it, in a way.

[it makes him feel less alone, if he chooses to know he can't see anything versus being forced to recognize that he can't. it's why blindfolds make him nervous, why he hates that natsume's taking sight away from himself.]

It might be different if why you don't like it is different, though, so we'll try things until you're good with one.

[ It's a reason, but they have to wonder if it's a good enough one to convince themselves. Truthfully, they never really thought about why they don't like the dark... it's just always made them nervous, compared to the sheer comfort they feel when there's a dim nightlight in the room. Something about needing to see... something that reminds them of something else...

...

... ]

If we both have our eyes closed, we're going to run into the walls and trip on the stairs.

So we'll take turns being the oni.

[like kagome, kagome.]

One of us'll have our eyes closed, and the other will lead the way - literally or, uh... conversationally! That way, we'll be so distracted thinking of questions and answers we won't be able to feel nervous about the darkness! We can go longer times without talking, or touching each other, and maybe...

[...]

Maybe that'll help both of us. When we're alone and we don't have anyone around, we'll be too busy thinking of things we wanna ask or talk to each other about, and we won't even notice what's not around us. Eyes opened, eyes closed, it won't matter.

[ It'd be nice, they think, as they let their eyes slide closed for a moment and tries to imagine it. Subaru leading them through the darkness isn't very difficult; he's done that already, patiently leading as they occasionally adjust their grip on his hand to make sure he's still there, letting them take their time feeling the floor under their feet and taking the corners and the stairs slow, talking to them all the while.

The other way around... they can't help but remember back to the other night. It was slow going then too, but because their feet felt like lead and the ground felt like quicksand. Deathgrip in both hands, fists clenched so tight they couldn't feel anything. They weren't alone, then, not really, but if it were Subaru with them instead... they would have felt a lot better.

... ]

We wouldn't even need to talk. Just being with you would be enough.

[ Like the dim nightlight in the corner of their room back home, they don't need something bright and shining to dispel the darkness. Just a warm glow to make it bearable, and Subaru gives them just that. ]

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