yogen | npc contact.2

Most of it, but not all... Rokkun— Rokuro— knew me before I knew him, and he's the one who brought me up to date.

[ Which feels like forever ago, like setting the guy on fire felt like forever ago. But Akki turns his eyes to Natsume, a little apologetic, like he's trying to find a kind way to say that it's okay Natsume doesn't remember shit, it happens. Sometimes, but not always, dying does that to you. ]

I've just been around longer than you have. I'm a third year.

( Is it really okay, when it feels like a failing? Especially because he's supposed to know so many basic things, according to Maya.

The apologetic look is met with thin lips, and he looks off for a moment before he looks back up. )

How are years--class years--measured HERE? What makes third years different compared to first and seCOND?

Time... I guess?

[ This is the face of somebody who does not know and can only guess. ]

Though some people remember enrolling in the elevator system at the beginning of middle school, and some remember transferring during middle school or high school. Overall, I don't think we're all that different, though...

( And some people have other people they transferred in during middle school. )

So, presuming I do well this YEAR, I'll become a third YEAR. ( ... ) Someone I spoke with seemed to imply differentLY, but they're someone like ME.

( someone who, you know, doesn't remember things from before at all. )

I'm just making sure I have my facts STRAIGHT. That's ALL.

What did that someone imply?

[ give him facts too... or at least let him corroborate things ]

You're smart, Sakasaki-san, so you'll be okay this year. I'll probably be okay too, but I struggled in the past, in the years where grades didn't matter.

That first and second years didn't have a CHANCE, but putting death aSIDE, Yogen isn't too different from other schools I've been TO.

( it's kind of like, hmmm, grades are important and cutting down the competition is crucial. is the any different than balancing schoolwork with day-to-day idol activities and the entertainment industry? he has more blood on his hands here than he ever did there, to be fair.

but hmm-mmmm... does that mean grades matter this year. )

...Are you going to graduate this YEAR, Senpai?

Graduation is typically a third year thing...

[ It might be different in university where students choose their own class schedules and may make it out sooner, but not this high school. ]

And... I don't know. I hope I can, but there's no point in thinking about it right now. There's plenty of hurdles to get through before then, right?

Are you that bad at taking TESTS?

( faking being smart by wearing glasses... )

It's... been a very stressful year...

[ LOOK he might have been okay in a normal high school, he's trying his hardest ]

( akira is shaming me rn how dare he be a megane like this )

...I was a third year at my previous SCHOOL, so if you're really struggLING, I'll tutor YOU. It'd just be pathetic if we ended up in the same year or something like THAT.

Oh, it's not the material.

[ Sometimes you're a repeat student, and it turns out that repetition does help things stick. ]

It's the test taking.

[ Struggles under pressure, you know ]

Did you think tutoring was just about the materiAL, Senpai? ( ♡ ) My offer still STANDS.

( ...................... )

But we've gotten off TRACK. ( little enstars things. ) I appreciate your honesTY, though I'm sure you're not telling me everyTHING. None of you students DO.

[ alarm bells are going off in his head at the thought of more bullying from Natsume under the guise of getting him used to being pressured ]

S-sorry... It's not like everybody else knows everything, though. If they did, they wouldn't be here.

( pop quizzes around every corner, ori. )

...Why are any of us HERE, rather than some other version of purgatoRY?

...I don't know.

[ Purgatory fits most neatly, but he'd get why Natsume would want there to be another option— any other option. ]

I have a feeling that... there's something I need to do. I don't know what, and it's just a feeling, but... I'm almost certain we're here because of who we are.

[ It's just his thoughts, about himself, but it's a strong feeling. That the souls here weren't just grabbed by random, that each of them was hand picked for a specific reason, and he doesn't know whether that's a good thing or bad. ]

( ...that makes some sense. He doesn't think they were plucked at random either; their group almost has nothing in common, but it doesn't feel like randomness played a part in that. There's a reason why the people who've survived this long are those certain people, too.

Maybe. Or maybe he's thinking too much of it. )

Miss Student Council President's purpose is to better herself every TIME, so I don't think you're completely crazy to think there might be someTHING. At LEAST, that's what she told me she tries to do; I don't doubt that's her belief in the slightest THOUGH.

[ There's a slight twist of the lips here, because he sure knows what it's like to believe in somebody else's believe— but not necessarily what they believe in. ]

Why do you think we're here? Or why you keep forgetting?

( Tough questions. There's a lot of touches of Buddhism in Japan, things he believes in without really believing in them, things he doesn't think about. Natsume turns his face, watching the bathroom's mirrors. )

I think we're here to get a second CHANCE, however that might have come aBOUT, and I think we... that I keep forgetting because one's true nature—that which is wholly YOU, unburdened by nurture or the effects of other people—can be divined if one's mind is CLEARED.

( it probably works better with more memories taken, but, well, death isn't perfect. )

Or maybe I'm cursed by an evil witch to forget everyone I come to love each YEAR. ( A vague shrug, back to looking at Akki. ) It may as well hapPEN.

[ Huh... he can't say which is right, one way or another, but hearing somebody else's thoughts is still interesting. A second chance at what? At living? That just isn't how it works... ]

If the latter were true, it'd be a curse on everybody else, not you... I think.

[ Forgetting is distressing, yes. But being forgotten? It's devastating. ]

( actually depending on who's doing the forgetting here, it could be very nice and freeing, which is what natsume is going to find out next month when chiaki doesn't remember him and he gets to survive another week, until i accidentally post to the drop page )

...I'm not Baru-kun, who can remember the face of every fan who's ever come to one of our conCERTS, but to forget anyone still HURTS. I'm sure being forgotten is just as BAD, if not WORSE, but it gives you another chance to change yourSELF. ( Free second chances, and all it cost was all of your memories together. ) Imagine you royally screwed things up the first time with someboDY... If they forgot YOU, you could just start over aGAIN.

But you could do it right, that TIME.

( better. )

[ There's a little twist of the lips again, one that says "been there, done that" but isn't altogether happy about it. He's lit somebody on fire once, and is the one who remembers more of it. ]

Starting over doesn't erase the things that I've done. Even if neither of us remember, the marks are still there.

[ On the soul. On the... wrist that he idly rubs with his other hand. In unconscious thought and gut feelings, it's there. ]

I guess I'd just feel guilty about it. Things will carry over to new game plus.

( Being fair, the guy probably deserved it. )

You have a kind and pure SOUL.

( natsume can't feel bad for the things he doesn't remember doing--unless he knows why, he can't. thinking about if the tallies he doesn't remember are because he died, or if they were in self-defense, or if he just snapped and killed to kill... he can't imagine that last one, but who knows.

it was only two. if he started with more, he might feel more sick about them. like the fifteen he'll start next year with if he lasts that long, left wrist going behind his back even though it's covered. )

But neither of you will rememBER. ( ... ) Does anyone in this school remember everything that happens each YEAR?

[ Akki hmms a little at that statement, whether it's because it's something he hears a lot or whether he's in disagreement of it, it's neither here nor there. ]

Some more than others... Third years more than first or second years. The faculty, probably, more than us. But not everything, from what I've heard. Just... bits and pieces... thoughts and feelings.

[ A sense of nostalgia walking down a hallway you've never been in before. The ease of a knife slicing through flesh when it's the first time you've handled a blade outside of the kitchen. Dreams that feel real, that you have night after night. ]

Anybody who tries to remember everything, though, that would probably drive them insane.

( Natsume hums softly, mulling it over. Yeah, it just might--especially if it's over years and years.

...Even he wouldn't want to remember everything. )

I wonder where those memories go when we lose THEM. Everything else intangible finds a place HERE. ( souls to a tree, feelings to toys ) Well... That's not imporTANT, I supPOSE.

( or it is, but... there are places he can't reach yet. bridging the gap between memories might be one of them. )

How many tallies do you HAVE, Senpai?

[ He opens his mouth to say something about memories, but then Natsume asks that question and he snaps his mouth closed again and nervously tugs the sleeve over his wrist. ]

S-sorry... That's private. If you go around asking people that, they aren't going to believe it comes from a place with good intentions.

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