yogen | npc contact.2

Hm.

[ Like they're not too sure. ]

Is she nice?

[ Because when they think about who they do like, it's people who are nice. Who indulge their unreasonable requests. A bit of a pushover, really. ]

She never saw eye to eye with me.

( that was the nature of their relationship, but he smiles nonetheless as he thinks back. )

She's an Ultimate, very great at her skill.

( he slows down, wrapping his arms around npckun so he can slow down their pace. )

Hmm...

[ Another hum, a little more thoughtful than doubtful, because what would an Ultimate Teacher even be like? Komaeda is smart, so they think she must have done something right, but a teacher's job isn't to make people smart, not really.

But she's somebody Komaeda admires, even if their ideals don't agree. That, if nothing else, gives npckun confidence in her. Dad was like that too. ]

Did you like school? I never went... and the students here are very bad at math.

[ They've seen the math tests and wasn't impressed. ]

...I loved the place I went to, it's where hope was perfectly cultivated. I've always wanted to join, and when I was offered a chance... I rejected it... only because it felt like a waste someone as ordinary as me was able to enter through... poor means.

( at the thought of it, he crosses his arms as he recalls how everything went — he won by a raffle, a simple lottery ticket sent to his home saying he was chosen as the ultimate lucky student — and they choose one yearly. it's because of that slip of paper that stated he had talent, that he was something, but even he knew... it meant nothing for him, it's the weakest hope imaginable, and the perfect excuse as to why he does anything, even now. )

You said your father tutored you once a week, because he was busy? ...Why didn't he enroll you, unless, he taught at a high school... then you were just too young.

[ "poor means" makes them think Komaeda was a scholarship student at some fancy private school ]

It wasn't a high school. It was just... a school. They took students of all ages, whoever wanted to learn. I... [ ... ] I don't know why he didn't take me with him.

All ages? ...Hm, did your siblings attend?

( because komaeda recalls the age he was when he dies, and if any age could go there... would he have been part of it? )

No... Anego didn't live with us and Aniki... He had to take care of me. So he didn't get to go anywhere or do anything.

[ which is something that makes them glum, because it sucks knowing you were nothing but a burden on somebody else's life ]

Why do you say "had to," I think it was more of a want... I never had close family members, but... I'm sure he would have continued if...

( he brings a hand to his chin, tapping lightly as he thinks about it. he notices the way they're a little upset, so he has to do what he has to do. )

That's right... I remember that your sister left with your mother, hm...

( truly a broken home. )

Because he was ten. No ten year old wants to be a babysitter 24/7. I'm no good with living things, so I definitely wouldn't want to.

[ But maybe this is just the viewpoint of the youngest sibling, who never had anybody to take care of because they were doted on themselves. Rokuro had the responsibility of being the eldest, and their sister honestly got the best deal. ]

At what age did he pass?

( as if komaeda's trying to calculate something here, but no, he's actually just curious. he doesn't think of rokkun as the type to be burdened by them, he likes the concept of siblings way too much, but not as much as amami. it's what makes komaeda sure in his thoughts on the matter. )

Maybe he's better with living things... and dead things. Also... you say that a lot, you know...

Thirteen... Dad said he'd just turned thirteen.

[ And they were three, ten years apart, and sometimes aniki felt more like a father than a brother, having to fill both roles. They're not so sure about dead things, but living things? They'd believe he's good with them. ]

I say what a lot?

( huh? was it july during then? )

...Around June?

( npckun your brother is why komaeda's a father, he's why! damn you rokkun for being a young dad. aside from that, rokkun really had his hands full, but it seems like him... hardworking, busy for those he care for. )

That you're not good with living things...

[ It was snowing when he died, that's all I have to go off of, don't ask me an exact date ]

November. And, I guess... [ Do they say it a lot? They think they might have expressed the sentiment once or twice, mostly as an excuse to get out of taking care of another living thing. ]

I read a lot about them, but living things... die. So I'm bad at dealing with them.

( komaeda gasps a little, like, he's shocked, but then he laughs right after... he sees, this lying son of a — )

November, huh... that's next month, do you want to celebrate it?

( he pauses, looking at the other. )

It's because you want to be taken care of, and you hate to lose. You've always been like that... suffering loss, not wanting to see people die... When they die, they're gone, so the attachment of a living being... a living thing is sensitive to you.

[ look, he saw a rock and couldn't help himself ]

Oh, um... [ Celebrate their dead brother's birthday? They're not so sure how fun that would be.

... ]

Shouldn't that be the case for everyone...?

[ Wariness about living things because they could die at any time. Humans especially are very fragile. ]

( a thief. )

Oh, do you not want to? I only asked, I'll find someone else, then.

( the source, maybe. )

...Is it? Personally, everyone dies, and I'm going to die, and that's that, but everyone hates when I talk that way... but for you, it's a constant theme. Some people adore love, some people are greed, but... I like reading into you, because I love you.

( nailed it. )

[ It's not stealing if it was handed to him

But... he really does hit the nail on the head, no matter how obviously npckun craves that sort of affection, it's still one of the very few times somebody's told them that they love them, without having it be demanded in the first place. ]

If you love me... If I die before you do... will you cry for me?

( he literally took it as a birthday present, a thief?

he likes to analyze those near him, or those that'll allow themselves to be read — he uses it to his advantage, and then things tend to work out in his favor. understanding people is important to judge their hope, and if he didn't do that... he'd only assist in crumbling what he longs to see. )

...Will I cry?

( will he cry... even when rokkun almost died, he didn't cry. the second time around, he didn't cry then. he has cried before though, for hope, drowning during despair... there were other moments, but... )

...Will you watch me, if I do? They say angels can watch over you. ( and he laughs after. ) You won't die before me.

[ It was meant for him anyways? Early birthday present. ]

...if I could, I want to. But I'm not going to become an angel, or a butterfly, or anything.

[ They're not going to be anything. And in a place where you die and can open your eyes again, they'll be leaving first. ]

( he took advantage of two first years kindness. )

Why did you...

( why out of all things npckun could say, they chose to end their life like that. there's a reason for everything and why people respond the way they do. )

You want me to be mad for you, you want me to cry for you... ( he stops, looking towards them as he finally let's their body go. )

Where are you going when you die?

[ yes

It feels cold without somebody holding them. Small, and alone. But they let it happen, staring down at nothing. ]

...nowhere. I just... [ ... ] When I'm gone, there's no knowing anymore, no awareness, nothing. So wanting that sort of thing, even if I won't be able to know whether of not it happens... still makes me feel better. Like somebody cared enough to feel for me.

[ It's a selfish reason, why they ask for these things that don't matter. Like any old death, really. ]

( almost wrote growls at him, but i didn't want you reading this like why did komaeda growl at npckun. )

Everyone returns to the tree once they die... or so the story goes.

( he looks at how the other stares at the ground, and komaeda wonders why they seem so forlorn. he takes a step, leaning forward so he can look up at their face. )

I won't cry... because I won't let you die hopelessly...

( as for komaeda, how does he feel? what will he do? he smiles, his attempt to ground them, make them feel safe. the only warm thing about him that hinata's ever commented on that made him feel something. )

And if you're worried, you'll tell me a way to ensure your soul goes somewhere... that's a sort of hope that they can't imagine losing.

[ They might have been comforted, somewhat, if they didn't already know that their death isn't meant to be a hopeless one. It's supposed to be one of achievement, of pride, of acceptance at the finish line— is what they had thought, when they signed themselves away. And they are going to make it to the very end, no matter how lost they feel right now. ]

I don't know... If it were bound to something, maybe. But I can't let that happen until I do what I need to do. I'm not ready to give my soul up yet.

You're hiding something, aren't you?

( komaeda walks back over to npckun, wrapping his arms around them as they take a step forward. out of all the things to talk about — why not cry when they're successful, or why not cry when they get married... those sorts of things that mean there's a future. )

Whatever it may be... it's cruel of you, you shouldn't say yet... don't give up your soul, because it'll stay with me... I'll make sure of it...

( he sighs, pressing his cheek against their head. )

Aside from that... what is it that you need to do?

( but bound... bound... interesting concept. skull keychain? )

[ ...

Everybody is hiding something. Just because theirs is what it is doesn't mean they're inclined to share, even with arms around them, cheek atop of their head, that feeling of safety where they could spill their heart out to Komaeda and he'll spin some hope bullshit to make it all better.

... ]

Make as much money as I can before graduation.

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