yogen | npc contact.2

( balancing himself is easier than expected, and he motions himself back to where rokkun's legs dangle, and he parts his legs on the side of them so that he can look down at him, he's already up on his elbows. the wind blows at his locks of hair, the tip of the one bang tickles against his nose, making it twitch for a moment — his eyes close, trying to get over the sensation. )

Are you tossing me away that fast?

( he wakes up, there's nothing there for him after the fact — what does that make komaeda? though, with their silent understanding of not being wanted by the world, maybe he's pushing it. )

Anyway... ( don't answer it. ) I've prodded you for so many questions, let me know if there's anything you're interested in... ( to be fair, you know. ) Rokuro Arata.

( he speaks, allowing the name to fall off his tongue, and it's funny... because a few weeks into this school, he didn't even know his name. now it's been a few months, and he could be accused of knowing too much. )

[ Who tossed who away first? Anyways... He scoots backwards away from the edge of the rooftop, and reaches for Komaeda's wrist so Rokkun can give him a little tug to sit and stop tightrope walking, it'll be exhausting trying to follow him back and forth. ]

Your experience sounds different from mine. Tell me what happened after. How did you wake up?

( is this how he treats people with dementia? why is rokkun so mean, but he can have komaeda's wrist, and he'll walk forward, and then sit down on his knees in front of the other. )

...You were upset because I made you remember, I can keep going, but... how will you react?

( what if he was always awake? if that was some truth they had to accept, but he looks off to the side at how vacant the area is. )

[ He was upset about a lot of things, but he can't say that after he threw a tantrum, so. Just going to ignore that question in case he needs to throw another one. ]

I remembered everything I threw away. What's left?

( he's a big baby, and komaeda's going to do the puppy dog eyes like it's meant to be his final line of defense. )

Did you throw away things about us, too.

( work for what's left. )

Neither of us would know if I did.

[ Because he wouldn't have his memories, and Komaeda has dementia ]

You're pretty cruel when you say that... let's see... You told them what they already knew: a memory is a memory, and the past is the past. Then encouraged them to wake up, thanked them, appreciated their efforts, and... you were happy that someone would care, and help... Well, that Arata-kun was.

( but he's going to press his index finger against rokkun's lips, because he remembers last time his displeasure towards the name. )

Since... you're different from the one we met.

[ He makes a face like who the hell is this other Arata that thanks people and expresses appreciation and is happy about people caring ]

Mhm, Arata-kun was very grateful about having someone there for him, or maybe... it was for... ah, what do I know.

( not rokkun sick of his fake self, noooooooo, i can't stand it. i hate him, actually. )

Do you want to know more about him? He bled heavily through my jacket, and said things like...

( trying to deepen his voice so that he mimics rokkun, but he fails as you know. ) No one was supposed to find this memory!

[ Rokkun thinking to himself what happened between middle school and now that made him like this, holy shit, what else did he throw away. Not only the concept of failure, but like... the concept of basic human decency. ]

...weird. Who did you even meet?

( yeah, what happened to him, he's like insane, and has this weird urge to kill everything in his path. well, not like komaeda thinks any different of him, but he does watch his expression to gauge how fond he is of this discussion. he places his hands into the seat of his lap, his fingers tugging at one nails he has left on his right hand. )

I want to talk about your marks, and how everything in that dream are why you have so many.

( "who did you meet?" don't want to talk about it. )

[ Sometimes... things happen... Sometimes you die a middle schooler and you've been here "a while" and it takes that long to become a high school senior, tell me you wouldn't also harbor a murderous rage if you had to spend that long in high school. ]

What happened in that dream was only my first. Do you want to know how many times I've died since then?

( is this in a komaeda pov or a nms pov, because if it's my pov... i think being stuck in this school for god knows how long would wear on me that i'd drop out, actually. no wonder he's so knowledgeable. )

Following your death and arrival here... would that count to your total, or did they only start once you adjusted to this lifestyle?

( aiko okane's tallies were forced into her skin, and if it takes the first death to find themselves in this purgatory, and she had none when komaeda met her... does that mean it all starts once they enter here?

is rokkun still holding his wrist, because komaeda's going to move his hand so that he can hold the other's own, fingers entwined. )

I've told you before... I've wanted to know the meaning behind each and every one, so tell me... how many times have you gave your last breath.

[ He's quiet at that question he's just going to take as a rhetorical question, staring down at their hands, because does it really matter for somebody like him, who bears so many marks they blur into one another? Too many to count, to many to recount, as to be tedious if he were to explain each and every one.

If it's just deaths, though... He looks back up and locks eyes with Komaeda.

Okay, so I had done some sort of math back in July that was numbers scribbled on the margins with no explanation, so we're both just going to have to trust July Ori on this: ]

3,689.

...

( part of me was literally going to make komaeda spit blood on this man, like literally just spit, but then i was like... i started laughing. )

...

( let komaeda look down at the ground, and rub his forehead with his mechanical one, fingers now going through his hair... is he stressed or thinking? )

...

( now he's looking at his own arm. )

That's unfair... I want 3,689...

( he wants the death. )

[ He could still do it ]

You really don't.

[ Held hands get lifted, just something to distract from death wishes, and he presses the back of his hand to Komaeda's cheek. ]

What's wrong? You're fidgety.

( make him nauseous and i will. )

Your memory, or your dream... was just a taste of death, but it's something more... I understand. A long time ago...

( touching komaeda's cheek is just admitting the usual, his face is cold, and it doesn't take much for him to finally lift his eyes to look at rokkun's own, or attempt to smack his hand away. )

You said I was there with you in a few of those tallies... was I the cause of your death then, too?

( how does he die so much and is here? what the hell sort of dreams he be having? what in the boulevard of broken dreams... )

[ yeah, what the hell, right? ]

Were you worried about that? You weren't the cause of my deaths, you were just there. It's not like being there is why I died.

[ He can make his own bad decisions, thank you ]

Bold of you to believe I'm worried about that, I want to die.

( he sighs, now smacking away rokkun's hand, it's so unfair he can die like 3k times, and komaeda hasn't had any dreams where he dies and gains lots of tallies! )

To die once, and appear here, and then gain these tallies for what... to suffer knowing that absolute death is beyond our grasp? And then the hope here... it's lacking, I have so much work to do... ( deep breath. ) How many years has it been, Rokkun, to die that many times, to die roughly around the age of fifteen? Then to look around... the age of what... eighteen? You've been here for a long time, haven't you?

( he's always said "awhile," this and "awhile," that. )

[ Maybe if Komaeda-Arata got more sleep, he'd dream more about dying and tallies ]

Yeah... It's been a while. I'm still seventeen, though.

[ how I had to check my own plurk to learn that I chose 11/6 as his birthday, it's in my yogen notes now ]

( maybe if rokkun would give komaeda-arata nightmares. )

...You're what? ( stop, it's been so long, thought he was eighteen... wait. )

Huh? Your birthday passed, how are you still seventeen... in this timeline.

( he's going to reach out and pinch rokkun's cheek to make sure he's right there. ) Is this all a dream?

It's not—- stop-

[ He scrunches his nose at the cheek pinching and pulls away, but wait, oh, his birthday needs to be in June or he'll have to give his geode back, he can't do that, he came here without his rock collection so he has to gather them all over again ]

Maybe I'm just getting old, losing track of ages.

[ He's eighteen. Yes. ]

Are you sure this isn't a dream? I don't have as many tallies as you, but... if I sleep, will I wake up to more of them one day?

( you know, he's been here for a long time, even longer if he lets rokkun tell their story, but it's weird... how can he go into the family meeting like ya'll... we get tallies from dying in our sleep, like inception. )

...Maybe I'm not really 23, hm.

[ There's a shrug, because maybe somebody stabs you in your sleep and the next time you open your eyes you have another tally, it's possible. ]

As long as I have to be here, this is living, and this is my life.

You're living for your family, to be correct.

( he isn't really living for this place, or from what komaeda-arata can tell when he talks to rokkun, the way he wants to leave and graduate, but... )

...Which can be regarded as your hope. Talking about that... ( he looks up at the other, before crossing his arms. ) You believe me when I say that I met your family, now? Considering you have your memories back.

( ... )

Shall I tell Sakasaki-kun, Adams-san, and Hinata-kun that you don't remember anything, they'll come to question you next... maybe.

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i forgot i had other threads w you and i have to suffer too

STOPPPPP IM TEARING UP THIS IS AN ATTACK ON ME

PLEASE YOU HAVE TO WIN TIC TAC TOE

STOP IM THE TIC TAC TOE KING DONT WORK *feels like imma fail it*

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STOP IM THE TIC TAC TOE KING DONT WORK feels like imma fail it